Your “My Eyes, My Freakin’ Eyes!” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

I quote from a synopsis of Oedipus Rex, “His self-punishment (blinding himself) reveals that he believes his suffering is deserved”. That sounds about right, doesn’t it? Perhaps that’s a bit dark and melodramatic but on the other hand I might be preaching to the choir. (snorts) Well, this is where we are. This is lining up as a derpy, sloppy, turnover-heavy slopfest that folks should only tune in to if they are 1.) fans of the respective teams or, 2.) have fantasy guys involved or 3.) are Gambloring on said tilt. If you’d like to learn about the extent of the suckitude of each of these teams you should follow me…

TO THE GAME!

Broncs/Jerts:

-There’s a massive amount of mouth-movers saying that Gase gets the axe if N.Y. is 0-4 after this game. The silver lining here is that puts them in the driver’s seat in the Trevor Lawrence Sweepstakes. In related news, way-too-early mock drafts have Denver picking up Patrick Surtain II.

-Brett Rypien, the third qb to give it a go this year for the Mile High horsies, is the nephew of Mark, a Boise State product and the possessor of a Chad Pennington-like noodly appendage. If that’s the case maybe look for wr Jeudy to have himself a game out of the slot because Jets DC Gregg Williams loves to blitz. At 6’2″ 202(!), Rypien might get injured if someone nearby is breathing heavily.

-Both these squadoos have filled out multiple stat sheets in not-good ways. The Jets are last in the league in (takes deep breath) total yards, scoring, passing yards, first downs and red zone efficiency. The Broncs o-line has allowed 13 sacks the last two games-their special teams are worst in the league with respect to DVOA and they have the most number of injured players out by a good margin.

Let’s mock this sure-to-be ugly, “only-a-mother-could-love” game together, down below.

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Horatio Cornblower

Rick Sutcliffe is a godawful announcer and for the life of me I cannot understand how he keeps getting work.

Recovery Whiskey

16-1 in 1984.

Horatio Cornblower

Sounds much better there than tonight

Senor Weaselo

Hippo’s night is getting worse and worse with the Myers homer.

Doktor Zymm

I’ve always said I want a clear Trump loss to show that as a country we reject his method of rule. HOWEVER, since he’s started setting the stage for a post-election coup I’ve started seeing the benefits of him drowning in his own fluids with Covid. And while we’re at it, let’s get some international observers up in here.

Recovery Whiskey

What good would some Canadians cowering from Proud Boys at polling places serve?

rockingdog

YES YSE YSESSS!

WILL MEYERS HR! baabababyy!
PADRES!!!! GO!
yay baesball!

Last edited 4 years ago by rockingdog
Sharkbait

This Rypien guy kinda sucks huh?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BETTER THAN DOUG WILLIAMS

–Drunk [REDACTEDS] Fan

Mr. Ayo

Donks, WOO!!!

Gratliff

Full boncos

Recovery Whiskey

DERP

Horatio Cornblower

Apparently the Mississippi death rate from Covid is now one out of every thousand residents, and I think it’s high time we asked ourselves, what can we do to help Covid?

Col. Duke LaCross

Right in the dick!

Recovery Whiskey

That had to be a nut shot

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Trevor Simien reference, finish your drink!

Horatio Cornblower

I am not drinking semen, thank you very much.

Senor Weaselo

Hope the kid’s okay (referring to Trevor Semen)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m sure he’s just upstairs masturbating

rockingdog

LOL
comment image

Doktor Zymm

The fuck? meh

Viva La Tabula Raza

I was about to ask that question; it’s been 45 years since I tried to speak German, but “fick” stays in my head for adolescent reasons.

Last edited 4 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Jets’ helmet color reminds me of these horseflies.comment image

Sharkbait

More like these assholes:
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Horatio Cornblower

Great play call on that 2 pt. attempt. “Let’s have our QB with the dinged up shoulder run as far as he can away from the end zone, then see what happens from there? Hey, who wants onion rings?”

WCS

comment image

(Applies to both plays)

Gratliff

Weird. When I turned it on, all they said was how good he was playing, now he’s a bumbling fool

Senor Weaselo

Look what you did!

Sharkbait

The Fortress of Derpitude

Doktor Zymm

Neat

Viva La Tabula Raza

SUDDEN CHANGE!!!

King Hippo

oh, Donks.

Horatio Cornblower

I question the St. Louis Cardinal strategy of sending up a 12-year old boy for that at bat.

That’s more something I would expect from the Catholic Cardinals.

Doktor Zymm

I’m assuming Darnold is doped up with the good stuff, so not only is falling on his ass excusable, he won’t remember it tomorrow

King Hippo

I can attest, everything is better this way

Senor Weaselo

Favre approved!

Horatio Cornblower

“Darnold falls down!!”

He hasn’t heard that since he lost that 100 yard dash competing for USC in the Special Olympics.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

DERP

litre_cola

Self sack!

Mr. Ayo

Touch of downs self sack!

Doktor Zymm

So what’s the deal with dudes and facial hair? Based off of observation of players cross-referenced with guys I’ve dated it seems to be a pretty strong identity thing.

Unrelated: Jamison Crowder WOO! (I no longer root for DC, instead I want all ex-Redacteds to do well)

Doktor Zymm

You shouldn’t have your whole career ruined just because the first job you got is shitty, so when DC manages to draft talent I really hope they do okay

Horatio Cornblower

I got too lazy to shave and my wife decided she liked it.

Sharkbait

Same scenario here.

Senor Weaselo

Violinist means the opposite! Well, for me at least. It’s all about the contact point.

Doktor Zymm

Like bass players and no fingernails!

Recovery Whiskey

I have no idea why a whole generation decided it was time to LARP as 1890s baseball players.

Doktor Zymm

This is the best description I’ve heard

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’ve had the beard for continuously for about 40 years with a couple of gaps where I had to be facially shorn for work. I think I keep it because I’m shy.

TheRevanchist

Some urge to show pubes, but don’t want to get arrested?

Senor Weaselo

Down by two scores, but I bet the Adam Gase offense can make it three scores fairly soon!

clint greasewood

Trump just tweeted he is awaiting test results and is going into quarantine. Please let this happen.

Sharkbait

He’s gonna lose his shit if he can’t make the second debate

Viva La Tabula Raza

Or breathe a sigh of relief.

Horatio Cornblower

His advisers will. Trump thinks he did great and can’t wait to do it again.

Col. Duke LaCross

This is the most convenient excuse he could hope for.

Mr. Ayo

I’m trying to imagine the scenario where he forces himself into the debate, then both he and Biden get it, and then both die.

CHAOS!

Horatio Cornblower

Harris v. Pence? I’ll take those odds.
/so will Hippo and Litre.

Doktor Zymm

What the hell does he consider to be ‘quarantine’?

King Hippo

my tinfoil brain says this is all a fake-out/ploy

ballsofsteelandfury

mcmANUS!

rockingdog

bleh
padres error makin me sick

Horatio Cornblower

Goddammit Tatis.

Horatio Cornblower

Speaking of catchers who shouldn’t be in the Hall of Fame, remember Tony Pena?
comment image

Love Pena. Supposedly he once walked out to the mound, stuffed the ball in Clemens’s chest and said something like “You keep throwing like a girl and we’ll lose”, then walked back and got in his stance. May not be true, but I choose to believe it is.

ballsofsteelandfury

These Jets are going 0 for however many games are played until COVID cancels the season.

Doktor Zymm

Was the last time the Jests were good with Favrere?

Col. Duke LaCross

Sanchez?

Unsurprised

¡OLE!

ballsofsteelandfury

Wasn’t Favre after Sanchez?

I don’t feel bad because the Jetss are utterly forgettable.

litre_cola

They went to the playoffs with noodle armed Pennington no?

Game Time Decision

Never good. Slightly above average for a year or 2

Recovery Whiskey

Testaverde probably

Viva La Tabula Raza

When Belichick took over for Parcells.

rockingdog

TATIS YES YES YES

ballsofsteelandfury

TITIS YES YES YES!

Game Time Decision

tardis?

litre_cola

comment image

ballsofsteelandfury

Do you have those up there?

litre_cola

Oh yeah, en fuego!

ballsofsteelandfury

What about Zombie?

Recovery Whiskey

Were they traveling in a fried out Kombi?

Recovery Whiskey

Tackled by the punter. He’s never living that down

Horatio Cornblower

I remember Ray Guy leveling a few guys back in the old days. No shame in Ray knocking you down.

Doktor Zymm

Sav Rocca would take people out too. There are badass punters, although they are a rare breed

Game Time Decision

punter saving tackle. What a Man

Mr. Ayo

Slam Diego woke up just in time.

Recovery Whiskey

It broke many hearts besides yours

Horatio Cornblower

I prefer the quiet competence of Gary SancHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-turns blue and dies

litre_cola

the three words every New Yorker loves to hear. It’s Darnold time.

Horatio Cornblower

Well, I think I can safely write ‘Game Over’ in my FF TE points notebook.

Mr. Ayo

Fant down in the wrong way

Sharkbait

Ded.

Recovery Whiskey

As a Cascadia viewer how was Rypien not the starter already? Boise St. is a QB ranch.

WCS

…and Moose and Hippo just came

ballsofsteelandfury

Together

King Hippo

no eye contact so no homo obvs

ballsofsteelandfury

Someone needs to tell the audio guy that you don’t need to increase the crowd noise up to 11 after EVERY play.

I mean, sometimes a nice five yard run is just a nice five yard run.

Doktor Zymm

They have the wrong controls. Instead of volume they should have ‘Drunkness of crowd’, ‘quality of play’, and ‘is the home team winning?’