Your “We Can Have Shootouts, Please?” Monday Night Football Open Thread

Feels like the beginning of the season for some reason. Thank The Covid for that. As we move forward and things get less and less predictable, I want Wednesday night games. I want Friday morning games. I want Saturday midnight games. BLOW IT ALL UP, NFL! Maybe listen to someone in marketing that is under 45 years-old, for once.

Fallout:

-Listing injuries to stars is something I fear will not be a thing that goes away at any time this year. This is Agatha Christie’s “And Then There Were None” (original title was “Ten Little Washington Teams”) played out on the field. Anyhoo, Ekeler, Chubb, Drake and Darnold will likely miss (insert number here) weeks. It’s cool perusing one’s fantasy teams, reacquainting oneself with the “IR”, “D”, “O” and “Q” parts of the alphabet.

-The Colts D is a thing? With the exception of the Bears last drive (when Indy was likely in ‘prevent’) the Colts gave up only 170 yards. I’d heard before the season began that Ya-Sin and Blackmon were impressing and that cb Rhodes had regained his form. With this on top of above-average play from Buckner and Leonard, is the team modeling itself after last Year’s Pats? What with the lockdown secondary and the aged qb dinking and dunking to his heart’s delight?

-Feasting on wonky O-lines tends to inflate superior defensive players numbers-Myles Garrett and Aaron Donald share the league lead in pressures with 27.

-Shoutout to the many rookies that are flashing right now. The smartest of the smartest NFL jaw-waggers insisted that this would a very tough year for them. Apparently Herbert, Burrows, Lamb, Jefferson, Higgins and more than a few others didn’t bother listening.

TO THE GAMES!

Pats/Chiefs:

He’s so frickin’ entertaining! Patty sees the field so well, can make any type of throw, responds to texts in a timely fashion and can fold a fitted sheet! The latest rumor is that he’s going to carry the baby for his partner because he doesn’t want to burden her too much. So many of us thought that this 2-4 year window of Chiefs play would be them outscoring everybody and giving up mega points. The game vs. the Ravens and halftime adjustments last year on the run to the Super Bowl have put that notion to the side. Belchick will take one of Kelce, Tyreek or CEH out of the game and it won’t matter because Hoyer is bringing his talents to the starting spot.

Falcons/Packers:

What with Rodgers flinging the ball like his 27 year-old self again and Matty Ice in the late prime of his career, I don’t think that’s a big ask. Brian Hill acquitted himself well last week which automatically pings back to questions as to whether Hurdy Gurley is on a snap count. If Quinn loses another high scoring game and goes 0-4 he’s got to throw Raheem Morris to the sidewalk, right? Both Jones and Ridley were assessed as questionable but are ready to go.

Tell me something I don’t know, below.

5 5 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
610 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
montythisseemsstrangetome

The Matron Saint still got it. Looks like Boomer has aged enough for the both of them.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Bring it!

Brocky

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

Nice suit for moon-bathing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Senor Weaselo

It’s a marvelous night for a moondance.

Gumbygirl

‘neath the cover of October skies.
Van is an idiot, but I love him.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I always liked that line, harvest moon reference and all.

Brocky

holy shit romeo is still coaching? I legit thought he retired.

guy was 60 like 20 years ago

Viva La Tabula Raza

He went down to the crossroads…comment image

Brocky

I feel like contact tracing coronavirus would be a lot easier if they just tracked tampa bay 12 Jerseys

Brocky

clemson could beat this Falcons team.

I’m not being even remotely sarcastic

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It always makes me laugh when someone says shit like this.

Last edited 4 years ago by Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Buttchinski is canned… Dan Quinn is next, right? What’s the betting line, Hippo?

Mr. Ayo

Him or Gase.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Gase somehow deserves it most

litre_cola

Has to be Patricia.

Gratliff

More like Foldcons

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Sharkbait

GO FOR IT!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Dunstan

Well, I could watch the Falcons try to beat the Packers, or I could watch another episode of a reality show about modern families trying to survive as 1890s Welsh quarrymen/tenant farmers. There’s actually a lot of similarities.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Two of my staff engineers are KC fans, I told them tonight what JJFozz said, KC is getting all of Tom Brady’s calls now, and added that they should be ready to take the crown of most-hated NFL team from NE if their success lasts for more than a few seasons. They were cool with that (and I said it was worth the slings and arrows to bring home 6 Lombardis). But I had to remind them that Andy Reid isn’t going to last for 17 years like Belichick. Not with his Trump-like diet. Put the fork down and don’t do that third run through the buffet line, Andy!

Last edited 4 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Last edited 4 years ago by Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Recovery Whiskey

I had that comic book

Viva La Tabula Raza

I have that DVD.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m a Diamond member.

Viva La Tabula Raza

The Carpenter triumvirate of Escape from New York, The Thing, and They Live was certainly the cinematic hat trick of the 1980s. Even better if you count Big Trouble in Little China.

Viva La Tabula Raza

My comment belongs elsewhere, since someone (ahem) swapped out images.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Close enough.

Sharkbait

Seriously. Send some mail to these addresses and see what comes back

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

In the old days that was the deal, at least then you’d get something that cost 5 cents.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I always liked these. They said you could bend metal with just your mind. I’d like to hire a couple of those guys for a welding job. “Come back in 15 years or so.”comment image

Last edited 4 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Charles Bukowski mowing the fucking lawn just to show you the Zen of meaningless.

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

Looks like it’s 10:00 am and he’s probably at least 6 beers in.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So only six times as smart as his neighbors.

Recovery Whiskey

Suburban Dream

Viva La Tabula Raza

Threatened by Biden’s socialist antifa people of color moving in, led by Cory Booker.

litre_cola

AT least Atlanta will lose by halftime.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Recovery Whiskey

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DubafeFeJ7Y

If I could, I’d sell you a data plan

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Recovery Whiskey

Bo F’in Diddley

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

If there was something to go back in time and make yourself feel a little better, I’m thinking this concert would help.

Sharkbait

Nailed it!

–Blair Walsh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Recovery Whiskey

white panties = warm heart

Horatio Cornblower

Can’t lose.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Elvis Presley concurs.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Recovery Whiskey

Puttin’ that Genius Visa to work eh Malaria

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They had to show her which end of the shovel digs.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Einstein visa FTW,

Recovery Whiskey

been the shittier half of 1920’s remaining teams, probably.

Recovery Whiskey

IDK, this Hawks fan has been pretty entertained so far.

Horatio Cornblower

All the Cowboys games have been wildly entertaining, if not exactly good football.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I think a lot of games have been pretty wild and worth watching, even if a lot of sloppiness. My favorite teams (P*ts and 500s) are sucking, but I will still watch everything the networks see fit to shovel my way. I’ll decide who’s bandwagon to jump on by mid-season.

Last edited 4 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Agreed.

Bogdanski

Was that liberty ad a ‘Punchout’ reference?

ballsofsteelandfury

Ravens Chiefs was pretty good.

litre_cola

Redzone makes everything better. The no commercials gives the whole day better flow IMO.

Recovery Whiskey

Is that Scott Hansen in that bikini bottom? Alrighty then.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s too sexy for this thread.

rockingdog

last funny:

dog: *wagging tail* what does this do?

god: makes people happy

dog: *tilts head* and this?

god: oh they love that

dog: do i do anything that makes people sad?

god:

dog:

god: i-i’ll tell you when you get back

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Recovery Whiskey

Some guys would call that an angelic ass

ballsofsteelandfury

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

The Pele of anal.

Recovery Whiskey

Shut up Sterling

Recovery Whiskey

I’m surprised Cyrll tapped that much ass.

litre_cola

HE IS A SEX ADDICT! It’s not his fault.

Horatio Cornblower

The girls go wild for a sweater vest.

litre_cola

Don’t you put some in your “traps”? Tomsula says it’s chicken of the rails.

WCS

Just cancel the Falcons. Good Lord.

Recovery Whiskey

Blank. Arthur Blank.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I went surfing today at a break that is known as “Gillis”. I’m out of shape and out of practice but I caught a sick left that went on for so long I had to walk along the beach to get back to the break.

Horatio Cornblower

I may have asked you this already, but I’m old and forget things, but have you read ‘Barbarian Days’ by William Finnegan? Great book about growing up and devoting your life to surfing, and I say that never having surfed.

Horatio Cornblower

Well played, sir, well played indeed.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I hate to say it, but banner.

ballsofsteelandfury

I have it and it’s indeed great. I bought it on your recommendation. I’m about halfway through.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Don Winslow has written a few decent surfing-related books.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok, what is that from?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I can’t go back in time….. we’ll have to IMDB it!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I found it. Apparently a movie called No Stranger Than Love. Online reviews hint that you’ve captured the highlights.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Both of them.

Recovery Whiskey

MPDG material

Sharkbait

Go for it ATL!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Storm’s a-brewin’

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

Go for ATL!

-Grant to Sherman, 1864

Sharkbait
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

Stidham seems to have the pocket presence of a young Chris Everett.
/Jim Everett materializes out of thin air and flips over my desk

Gratliff

Since Atlanta couldn’t be assed to get a 14 point head start, I assume they’ll lose by 50 this week

Sharkbait

Their penchant is snatching defeat from the jaws of victory

Sharkbait

Always and forever.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Switching to GB-ATL. Who the fuck gave Newton the Rona? Fuckers.

Last edited 4 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
Doktor Zymm

Clearly sabotage. Also, a good reason not to visit the WH if you win a championship

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m not bitter. 33 years of fail (my fandom from age 9 thru 42) followed by 17 years of relatively good success, I will take it, along with all the hatred.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

3 combined Pats INTs counts as my pregame prediction of 3 Hoyer INTs, right?

Horatio Cornblower

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Gatoraids

If only musbeger could call that drive for the spread again

Horatio Cornblower

“See what happens when Stidham throws it” I said. But did anyone listen? Noooooooooooooooooooooo.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Viva La Tabula Raza

Running it up the gut seems a sure solution to overcoming a 16 point deficit.

Horatio Cornblower

The alternative is “See what happens when Stidham throws it”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Mr. Ayo

Prescient.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Moosestradamus.

Sharkbait

Did they hire Bill O’Brien?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Don T

All I need is for A A Ron to go full Michael Vick on MNF

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t see that happening: Aaron seems to genuinely like dogs.

Don T

comment image

Recovery Whiskey

Life’s best years are slipping away / but we keep on drinking night and day

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlDhBvYItyg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

Looks like the stunt double wasn’t quite expecting the force of that side-kick.

Don T

Ooof. Right in the vine

litre_cola

We have way more vocal P*ts fans in the clubhouse the last few years.

Dunstan

My motion to install shock collars was voted down.

Horatio Cornblower

As a vocal Cowboys fan I was concerned about setting a precedent.

Gumbygirl

We all have our shameful baggage, says the Steelers fan.

jjfozz

The Chiefs are now at the top of my most hated NFL teams.

Cunts.

Dunstan

I just had the thought “well, the Pats don’t have Brady. This lead is probably safe, I should switch to the other game.”

OH NO — THAT’S HOW THEY GET YOU! I am not fooled.

The Maestro

Fuck the Chiefs, man. I know they’re the better team and this is all karmic justice for all the ridiculous calls that went the Pats’ way in the Brady years, but… Fuck. So frustrating.

Sharkbait

Sigh. Accurate

Viva La Tabula Raza

I knew this was going to happen, I spent the last 10 years warning my nephews that the Pats used to suck and would do so again, but that doesn’t make it any easier to swallow.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Pepperidge Farms remembers.

WCS

I’m sorry, did someone get addicted to getting every call and break for 20 years?comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This is funny as shit!

The Maestro

Goddamn. I have been viciously owned. Well done.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He DID use lube.

blaxabbath

Permabanner

jjfozz

Dear God, thank you for that. I know this is payback for Edelman’s ancestors crucifying your son.

Game Time Decision

Edle-choke. Hahaha

Viva La Tabula Raza

That ought to do it.

jjfozz

Tracy “Dumbo” Wolfson. My christ, her ears are huge.

Horatio Cornblower

OK, who gave Tracy Wolfson water after midnight?

Dunstan

JAREDCEPTION!

jjfozz

“I was misquoted I said I would play for Green Bay, not that I was gay for pay.”

-Aaron Rodgers

Sharkbait

Multiple Shepherdowns pls

Last edited 4 years ago by Sharkbait