HEBER! HARLOW! Who Ya Got? The actual great debate going down tonight is as a football fan, should I dare cast my eyes on the fetid refuse that is an interdivisional NFC East contest? No, you didn’t deserve this. As for the other one tonight-I would pop in if this were an exchange of ideas but we all know that’s a sham of an artifice foisted on dumbsters by a corporate media claiming to be “doing their part” to help the democratic process along. Yeah, that worked in the 1800’s (debatable) but we’re long past that now. Best to watch large and speedy fuckers knock heads, right?
TO THE GAME!
Giants/Eagles:
-Miles Sanders is out but Sterling Shepard (predicting he would miss time early in the season is the easiest money ever made) and Desean are in.
-Just a reminder that NFC East teams are ‘led’ by these guys-Danny Mistimed Throw, Kyle Allen, Andy Dalton and Carson Wentz. The latter is ranked highest by PFF at 17th and that’s a reason right there to question their metrics. (I find a lot of their stuff quite interesting btw, I just wanted to do a joke thingy)
-The Jizziants have thrown downfield to te Engram exactly once so far this year-at the combine he ran a 4.42 40. Of course the best te’s like Kittle and Kelce have great numbers in comparison so I’ll just mention a doofus like Logan Ryan-he’s been targeted 14 times already.
-The Eagles have owned the Giants for some time now, their last loss occuring back in December of ’16. Of the last 24 times they’ve tussled the Battery Bearers sport a 20-4 mark.
-Detroit Lion castoff Travis Fulgham is on fire with 16 catches the last 2 weeks. Imagine how bad Philly would be at the wr spot had he not come out nowhere.
-The league average for getting a TD when in the red zone this year is at 63.7% and the Giants are pulling up the rear at 25%. FIELD GOALS AHOY, CAPTAIN!
Please join me and Gratliff as we pity-watch the hell out of this mofo.
Awfully sporting of Jones to fall down and only get the 4th longest run in Giants franchise history
Guessing the longest was Rooney Mara avoiding Wellington after an all night bender
I mean, I just started trying to jump rope again this week, and I can just barely do 30 seconds without losing my rhythm and missing the rope, but it’s pretty hard to trip yourself up just sprinting. Although it would be super cute if a 3 year old did it
In all seriousness. Use Queens of the Stone Age tracks depending upon what speed you want. You keep time to that, I tried it and worked. Little sister works very well.
I’ll try it out. I know I speed up early on and that both tires me out faster and throws off my rhythm, so music is a solid suggestion, and good to know where to look for a good beat!
Yeah they seem to be in time for me, whether slow or fast. I guess Josh Homme CAN HAVE NO LESS.
Took Jones over 27.5 rushing yards WOOOOO
Atta boy, had to figure he would be on the run due to the middle of the Eagles line. Only strong part.
Not to be confused with the famous Wayne Gallman Sr.
What’s worse the butt fumble or Jones trip?
Butt fumble. Also more hilarious.
Buttfumble forever.
This is just great theatre.
“Absurd? Nailed it!”
-Samuel Beckett
Speaking of nails…
—Jesus
Please end with a missed field goal.
Teammates ain’t even mad.
Even when he had no one in front of him…
Fuck, this is a shit game
The new buttfumble!
Get out of my head
Lololol, good one Jones.
LOL QB FALL DOWN
I love that shot of his teammates laughing at him
Oh Danny Boy…
I started to say out loud, he’s going to trip isn’t he and then SHO NUFF!
He could
Go
All
The
Way
-voice over guy: nope
Daniel Jones running to the point of exhaustion and falling face first into the ground is just fantastic. Just absolutely the best.
Metaphor for…um…everything
holy shit
Lolololol
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
The NFC East!
What a show!
Hahahahahaha
She looks like a knockoff JLo
She looks like an undercover cop trying to persuade some To Catch A Predator pedo to take just two more steps into the house.
hey redshirt, you a baragon fan?
https://v.redd.it/662s4g2m8j751
The NFC East divisional games: Stoppable forces vs. movable objects.
Why the hell is Troy talking about pillow fights?
because they sure the hell wouldn’t be happening during a Biden/Harris administration.
This is just bad football.
/we would have taken it in April.
Daniel Jones was taken a mere 36 spots ahead of the sort-of-competent Drew Lock.
Rumor has it that Ben McAdoo (who had no choice in the matter) lobbied hard for Pat Mahomes.
Mahomes was drafted 10th in 2017 though; the Giants would have had a hell of a time trading up to get him.
And they would have missed out on the offensive force that is Evan Engram.
Jones kinda has an Eli Manning-style semi-panicked baby face, I think he’s a good fit for the Giants
His alabaster skin and pot makes it work too.
He’s a dancin fool
All it takes is one long strike to Slayton.
Come on, you know you’re winning this game on a defensive score or not at all.
Hoping for 2 safeties for an 11-10 NY win
I wish Aikman and Buck were calling the presidential debate. Hilarity would ensue.
How great would it be if there was a team with players named Dennis Moore, Lupin, Rich Poor, and Concord
They’d win the Python Division
You know that (likely fake) ben franklin quote that beer is proof God loves us and wants us to be happy? This game is proof the devil is in control and that we’re all suckers
So is the current timeline through which we are living.
There’s WAY more proof than this
That quote is false. He probably said women or a word for vaginas is the proof.
over to the debate: I haven’t seen anything that would make me switch my vote. (TOO LATE I ALREADY VOTED). The facial expressions are priceless though.
They should do some bad lip reading for them, but I’d pity the people that need to watch it 1000 times. Entertain me damn it
Oh hey, you can click on the “New Rosters” and “New Teams” bits on the Marbula One reveal page!
https://jellesmarbleruns.com/teams/
lol. Dammit!
I don’t know what’s worse, the NFC East or that my team would lose to all the teams in the NFC East.
Knowing my team, we’ll probably tie to all the teams in the NFC East.
That would be awesome
What weird country is this from? Those stray tiles on the upper wall, that strange brand-name detergent and underwear . . .
I’m gonna guess somewhere in eastern Europe?
Polly Poland?
Paic may be from France. Which makes sense, because you can very much see this woman’s underpants.
https://soapbubble.fandom.com/wiki/Detergent#Outside_the_USA
her IG says she’s French
How the bleeding fuck is it only halftime?
2020 is weird, man.
“Just wait until 2021. I’ve got a few things under my utility belt…”
-Weirdman
BATTLE FOR 1ST PLACE BABY!
This game has been a struggle. A struggle to watch and enjoy
Okay, paperwork scanned and/or printed. What’d I miss? I’d say “competent football,” but I’m asking what I missed, not this entire evening.
What’s the shortest field goal miss you’ve ever seen?
It was a missed XP, but the River City Relay?
Not quite that bad, but under 30 yds
The NFC DecEast
*The NFC DeFeatist
The NFC milliEast
Thats the NFC East in a nutshell.
The Better Choice Play of the Half should be someone changing the channel to anything but the debate.
“Mr…. Shanklor is it? Your table is ready”
PRAISE SHANKH’LOR!
Jesus Christ, that was a chip shot.
Perfect Eagle response with the missed gimmee. Luv ya, kicker!