Editor’s Note: Balls did not write this. King Hippo did, but there was a scheduling error and this is our half-ass way of fixing it. Sue us in Federal Court, if you want.
Yes, you can safely call him President-Elect Biden now. Sen. Kamala Harris will be the first woman (and first person of coloUr) to serve as Vice President. Better late than fucking never.
As the November sun breaks through the clouds, here is your Lesser Footy/JV NFL viewer’s guide.
Wake up bright y early for United’s visit to Goodison Park (7:30, NBCSN). Which side is more in freefall? Everton will lack the talismanic service of Richarlison one last match. So don’t expect much scoring from the royal blues. All one has to do is concentrate defensive resources on Dominic Calvert-Lewin. Not that United have been much good at that, recently.
Leeds go to Palace (10:00, NBCSN) is the epitome of a contrast in styles. Uncle Woy wants to bore you to sleep, Marcelo Bielsa wants to piss in your face for 90 minutes. Contrasts are part of what make the Premiership so much fucking fun.
Team Knifey are away to Chelski and Tory Cunt Frank Lampard (12:30, NBC). For a spotlight dance, this sure smells like a hiding. I recommend JV NFL. As is the case with the horrid stream-only late show (3:00, Peacock). It is a Fronk/Litre Derby, though. SEND BOOZE/WEED.
Michigan (-3.5) at Indiana (Noon, FS1)
Know why the Wolverines are favoUred? Name brand is really the only justification. Lesser Harbs would be facing the sack, but they might just hilariously run down his contract, even at the cost of a null set recruiting class.
West By God Virginia (+6) at Texas (Noon, ABC)
Steerfuckers Sout\h are overrated, every single year. Fuckers du Cousins? They just show up and hit you in the mouth. Or they slip on their own shit/piss/vomit. Big Twaaalve always entertains.
Florida (+3) v. Georgia (3:30, CBS)
World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party! Man, that would be hard to socially distance. Fortunately, Gov. DeSantis ain’t believe in no fake news, libtard, Moooooooslim virus like #NuAIDS. Be a REAL SHAME if he contracted it.
Vanderbilt (+19) at Mississippi State (3:30, SECN)
I like matches like this, because I am sick/mean. Not sure that Cowbells could score 20+ against an empty field. Unless away to LSU, obviously. Dread Pirate Leach will eventually get that thing turned around, though.
Oklahoma State (-12.5) at Kansas State (4:00, Fox)
Yeah, I get it. BDSM State will be pissed off at losing their undefeated season. But hasn’t anyone considered…they’s just not very good? I mean, like every fucking season? As always, LOVE the Unded Bill Snyders as a huge dog, especially at home.
UCLA (-6) at Colorado (7:00, ESPN2)
Apparently, the Buffs are starting a converted safety at QB. And I still bet they beat Balls’ lot. Chip Kelly can eat shit, now and forever.
Clemson (-5.5) at Notre Dame (7:30, NBC)
Look, I get it. We all hate both these monkeycunt squadrons. But assuming you want only ONE of them in the playoffs (with Roll Damn Tide and tOSU pretty much written in the stone), you better root for the Tiggers. Hey, at least they has a Black QB now!
Stanford (+8.5) at Oregon (7:30, ABC)
Lookit all this West Coast action! Contrasting styles, JV NFL edition. Let’s see if the Trees can bounce back from a horrid 2019.
Washington State (+3) at Oregon State (10:30, FS1)
Not only do we welcome back the Tweaker Fixture ™, but we get some Niiiiiiiice Beaver! And they’re even favoUred! Enjoy.
Balls Note: If everyone is not tuned in to FS1 for the Cougars trying to lick the Beavers, we might as well shut this site down.
Fla/Ga: If not for shitty qb play and multiple drops by wr’s this game would be tied at 42. Secondary for both teams are non-existent.
I don’t give a shit about either school, but lean Gator because of their lower ranking and also because Tom Petty was from Gainesville.
Upside to all this 2020 entropy – Paedo State is catching, not pitching.
I just rage threw a bbq of my buddies deck. Not filmed because we arent assholes.
Were there steaks and fire-y coals still inside?
I now understand peoples freak outs. I legit saw the penalty missed and reacted brainlessly.
just went and got the bbq. No damage, bless Weber.
I did not have a good feeling when I saw Mola with the ball.
/but in no way, shape, or form did I expect to see “onside panenka” like that
I thought you were against Trump.
Holy shit! What the hell was that? Is Litre ok?
Oh noes, Mola!!
/srsly, why is Cairney not on pennos?
These SEC defenses though!
Bonus Head Targeting!
Florida: gets in giant brawl last week
Also Florida: Headhunting this week what could go wrong?
As Hippo mentioned, K State at home is a dangerous manimal.
Fulham looking the more dangerous side. I think Litre’s Whites are walking away with 3 points here. We need Antonio back; this Haller guy fucking stinks.
— B. Walsh
WTF was that? I was all ready to hoist myself by my petards.
U leave poor Sam Darnold alone smgdh
Indiana Football! Whoda Thunk!
LOL
incomplete it bounced
USC got the win
SC ROCKING!!!
Right, thanks for the fun conversation and ESPECIALLY for Dunstan’s insight on how the inauguration process works, but now I think I’m gonna go outside for a looooooong cigar (Romeo y Julietta Churchillto be precise) and some light fun reading:
I wonder if I’m gonna go with
or
Our most knowledgeable Americans about the legal system are Canadians!
As long as they’re not Quebecois, I don’t see a problem. (Not that I have a problem with French-Canadians either mind you, it’s just that Anglophone Canada does feel like US 2.0, with a multilingual pack and a proper AV solution in place) 😀
They still like The Queen, for some reason…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IloIoGj5Mj0
While women appear to be the only group in America who votes against seeing themselves reflected in the White House. That’s probably a good thing, considering how fucking stupid many white women are.
Kedon Slovis is
a) the name of a highway in Belarus
b) a super model
c) an operating system
d) A Nobel Prize-nominated chemist
e) USC’s starting qb
E
You probably already knew the answer. smh…
F) A series of positions from the expanded new version of the Kama Sutra?
how bout these USC troy boyz
holy shit this game is rockin
@DonT:
https://twitter.com/schmidtsam7/status/1325148092228804614?s=19
Holy Shit USC!
Late (1pm) games are not good for my health. Drunk and high yelling at the teevee.
/must get points
Either cousins or steers, one group is getting fucked tonite!
NOT FUCKING COOL… Empire’s the best movie, so why someone would taint it with bloody Trump. Biden fits Jedi, tho, ’cause it’s a good movie, but basically a retread of a far superior predecessor 😀
And we’ll get fucking Ewoks…
Eric is JarJar
Nah, Jar Jar and the prequels in general at least had redeeming qualities.. I think he’s more like that constipated inbred fuck from the Sequel Trilogy… General Hax or someshit like that
Parker Lewis handling the onside kick? SC can’t lose!
and HOLY CATS THEY GOT IT
I can neither confirm nor deny that Former Jeopardy! Shempion Son Of Spam will be appointed the next Senator from California.
LMFAO, Flamers
Involuntarily Non-Gendered Poultry iced their own blocked FG touchdown.
/and two plays later, they have lost
Can’t stay due to ASSLOADS of house work, and to be honest, I’ve been having a HELL of a time getting the old site to work properly on my ancient and honourable tablet. But wanted to wish Litre a successful derby, and say congratulations to all youze for successfully navigating Our National Orange Nightmare. Play the music that makes you happiest, get shitfaced, and dance the night away, baby!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQ9pYwCKopE
appreciated. I am pacing like a lunatic.
Woodrow Wilson getting dragged on MSNBC as he deserves
He was indeed a fuckstain.
Afternoon lizard people. Our long national nightmare is (almost) over.
Give Clay Helton some credit – it weren’t until 7 November before Troi Boiz got exposed as clown frauds this year.
By the way, ’cause I’m too lazy to google it (and I have fairly hazy memories of a book with a plot like that), what’s the procedure if the president elect gets incapacitated before he gets sworn in? VP gets bumped up or … ?
It’s complicated. Congress gets involved.
https://www.latimes.com/opinion/story/2020-10-29/trump-biden-coronavirus-health-age-election-integrity-voting
I said incapacitated – if the president elect dies, the VP takes over (20th ammendment, I memory serves). I was curious what happens if it’s a temporary event 😉
Oh, well there’s no 25th to invoke if he hasn’t taken office yet. My guess is they swear him in and immediately invoke the 25th.
Also, none of this is happening.
That’s the thing, if he’s incapacitated, he can’t be sworn in. Frankly, the reason why I asked is ’cause I was re-reading a book about US nuclear policy and I was astounded by the tonne of gaps in planning in those – ie an order’s only criteria (for it to be valid and executed) is that an authorized person gave it, with fuck all in terms of safeguards if the person giving it is actually sane.
Basically, that if the president decides to nuke France, ’cause he’s still pissed off that Thierry Henry handled the ball TWICE against Ireland awhile back, the order is valid (and the state of mind of who gave it is irrelevant) and.. .byebye France
The oath of office is “required” in the sense that the president is supposed to do it, but doesn’t change who the president is.
This was a minor issue when Roberts flubbed the oath in swearing in Obama. They re-did it later in the day, and to be careful they re-issued any executive orders Obama had signed in the meantime just to avoid legal challenges, but as I recall the consensus was that it really didn’t matter.
Like, when JFK died, LBJ was immediately president. There wasn’t a vacancy until they found a federal judge and a bible. (Neither of which is required for the oath, anyway.)
The problem is that with LBJ, there was already precedent, both in simple succession, but also in terms of Continuity Of Government (because the assassination could’ve easily been a prelude to something … WORSE).
At any rate, the TL;DR version for the scenario I painted appears to be “Probably the VP takes over as expected, but there are enough ambiguities to cause a political shitstorm” 🙁
To be fair, Thierry Henry was a HORRIBLE manager at Monaco.
Copy that – “If that happens, go into bunker, don’t come out for at least 12 months”.
Asking FOAR a friend obvs – Vladimir P., Moscow, RU
Actually, asking for myself, because I’ll believe ya did the right thing only after Biden lifts his hand from the Bible in January, mmmmkay? Basically it’s “Arsenal fan survival”, but for US politics – you only let yerself believe AFTER the final whistle has long come and gone 😀
It depends on the timing of the death. After the Electoral College has voted, then under the Constitution, the VP-Elect gets sworn in.
Before the EC votes, then it’s up to the EC to vote for someone. That would presumably be Harris, but it’s not constitutionally compelled.
Oh sorry, you said “incapacitated.” That’s a different kettle of fish. Constitution doesn’t address that. Presumably the EC votes for the incapacitated President-elect, and then as of Inauguration Day the VP-Elect is sworn in as VP, and immediately invokes the 25th Amendment.
That’s why I asked, lol, because “death” is covered, semi-ded is not. I’m not sure if you can actually inaugurate the VP before the President, plus then invoking the 25th will be odd as well, given that the President’s not actually… the president.
Basically it’s the same tier of “I hope I never live to see a scenario like that” as the last 2 semi-passable Tom Clancy books I read, where someone’s voted in as the VP (to replace one that’s already been fired) , but hasn’t taken the oath yet when a JAL 747 hits the Capitol
“Just before the President-elect takes the oath of office on Inauguration Day, the Vice President-elect will step forward on the Inaugural platform and repeat the oath of office. “
https://www.inaugural.senate.gov/vice-presidents-swearing-in-ceremony/
Odd, I assumed that it was first the president and then the VP. You learn something new every day ! Thanks for the link 😀
You can definitely come up with presidential succession problems.
After finishing The High Window, I hereby proclaim Raymond Chandler, “The King of the Red Herrings”!
Heh, try latter-day David Webber… 1000 pages of nothing, followed by a cock-tease/deus-ex machina moment in the last chapter of the book 😀
Steve Kornacki has finally gone to sleep. He may hibernate until… oh wait, got the Georgia Senate races in a month!
SillyCuse down by only 3. This passes for good news.
Can’t wait to say “but the market is up” anytime anyone criticizes this Democratic administration for spending money or drone striking innocents or whatever.
Republicans just flipped the toggle switch from “deficits don’t matter” to “the sky is falling if we don’t cut the deficit RIGHT NOW!!!!”
(Ok, actually many of them flipped it a few weeks ago in preparation for January.)
Remember the Debt Ceiling? A thing no one knew about or cared about until a black guy was in office? Cause we’re bringing it back baby!
Sometimes ya have to play the classics… Speaking of which, I think in honour of you guys not screwing this up … I’m gonna whip out my autographed copy of America (The Book) for a chuckle or ten 😀
The biggest failure of the media is treating the GOP as good faith actors when they have laid bare that they couldn’t be more bad faith.
I actually do think that the deficit matters, but the rank hypocrisy of this position makes me want to run it up to levels that Robert Mugabe would find obscene.
The rest of the world is saying “Good job, America!” in the tone of voice you use for congratulating a toddler on using the potty correctly.
This Just In: “America has successfully peed through the Cheerio and will be getting a treat!”
Eh, from both the BBC and a news station in Dublin (small sample size, I know), it’s more of a “the borderline senile friendly git barely beat the senile compulsively lying tosser… let’s see if shit will actually change” type of coverage….And as I was typing this, one of the analysts (emphasis mine) basically said that he expects Harris to take over for Biden in a couple of years 🙁
He’s not alone on the Harris thing. I doubt Biden finishes his first term, and it wouldn’t surprise me if he stepped down due to “health reasons” after the mid-terms, in order to give Harris to go into 2024 as the incumbent.
Yeah, if the Democrats try to backdoor (no pun intended) Harris, it’d be post-midterms, ’cause if it’s before, the GOP can scream bloody murder about bait’n’switching the American people (clutcheable pearls are optional). Honestly, I think that they meant this less as a “nefarious plot” sort of thing and more of a comment on how hard the presidency ages a person that’s way closer to the prime of his life, let alone someone pushing 80.
Somewhere in Chatsworth, someone just scribbled “Backdoor Harris” into a notebook…
Well, in all fairness, “Backdoor Harris” would be a fine sequel to “Who’s Nailin’ Palin” 😀
That should be a banner
Ah, finally. (Puts away gallon-sized Whiskey Tumbler of Shame)
(Pulls out 2 gallon-sized Vodka Tumbler of Triumph) Now we’re drinkin!
I used a chainsaw for the first time today and I have to say, that is fucking CATHARTIC!
Glides thru a femur like a hot knife thru a trachea.
?
Nazis getting blown the fuck up.
https://twitter.com/ZODIAC_MF/status/1324557959859474432
By the way, lads, you may want to pump the brakes on the gloating, ’cause you’ll run outta steam way before January XD (Well, that and my pointless Political Science degree tells me that the Democratic position in Congress is weak enough that McConnel and the rest of his “We lost? THEN FUCK ALL OF YUS” brigade can wreck any chance of meaningful changes at least to the midterms )
It’s a feeling of immense relief disguised as ‘gloating’. Get it right.
If I may be my cynical self, I’d say that “it’s a false sense of hope” that shit will substatially change (overnight I mean). Remember the lofty ideals and plans Obama had … and how they quickly met cold hard (political) reality… And he actually had a better position in Congress than Biden.
I HOPE TO HELL AND BACK that I’m proven wrong, but I’m nowhere near as elated as you lot.
Also, just in theory.. and I’m asking completely hypothethically… can a presidential pardon get countermanded by the next guy in the White House.. #JustAskin’
That’s a good question. I think it can, but tradition says it doesn’t.
Nope, pardons are forever. But a presidential pardon only covers federal crimes.
What Dunstan said. Trump’s real concern is with the state investigations.
And, you know, going personally bankrupt because no one is going to be willing to extend him credit anymore.
Eh, I think his pressing concern is that the only embassies willing to offer him Assange-like assylum are the Phillipines, North Korea and the Saudis, ‘coz everyone else was fucked over repeatedly by MAGA-man and the Flunky bunch
All I’m saying is that McConnell is who he is and always has been. He’ll block everything he can just like he always has. It’s an extremely obvious take on things.
THIS
No longer having children in cages is a meaningful change.
Having an EPA that actually protects the environment is a meaningful change.
Having an Attorney General who isn’t the president’s personal legal enforcer is a meaningful change.
Having an administration that takes COVID seriously is a meaningful change.
Nobody gets everything. The GOP won a trifecta in 2016, and they didn’t get their dream of killing Obamacare. They didn’t get lots of things they wanted (or said they wanted). Doesn’t mean that 2016 didn’t matter.
Will be a nice change. Remember when we had a “global pandemic response team/task force” but then trump eliminated it a year before a global pandemic?
Honestly, Dunstan’s list is full of frankly sad examples on how much shit got wrecked in 4 short years.
As an outsider, my wishlist is a president that’s not assfucking allies and opposition alike with senseless trade wars and one that doesn’t start the next goddamn war just ’cause he’s got a shitty approval rating or because he has a naive and flawed understanding on how the world works.
It will honestly be enough for me that the administration is seriously focused on dealing with Covid and isn’t filled with 3rd-rate con-men, outright thieves, and neo-Nazis. Let me enjoy that until about June 2021 and then I’ll start worrying about getting actual progressive legislation passed.
Hey, you can still have Neo Nazis working for the State… I am pretty sure that using Stephen Miller and the rest as single-shot landmine and IED detectors is fine in my book 😀
Rocky Lombardi is
a) an awesome name for a football player
b) a drink created in a Green Bay bar
c) a tough Shamus in a ’50’s pulp novel
d) the name of a hiking trail in The Apennines
e) an MSU qb having a really shitty day today
Dear Diamond Joe – you have ample Demmycratic talent to choose for your administration. Under no circumstances should you even consider sitting members of Congress.
Except for the politics of that
He IS certainly welcome to make Sen. Collins ambassador to her favoUrite island destination!
Europa is a kind of island.
French Southern and Antarctic Lands it is.
Or he can avail himself of her considerable “diplomatic skills” and send her out to do some good… I hear Somalia’s great this time of year?
Susan Collins is very concerned about your plans for her.
… how did she find out that I was planning to air-drop her and “accidentally” forget to factor in the prevailing winds that would carry her out to rather shark-infested seas?
At least they have pretty stamps.
Skull Island
But what about the Republicans he appoints? He could cull Congress of some of those cretins.
I don’t have access to very much junk food for delivery (pizza, wings, Chinese-that’s it) but if I did, I couldn’t imagine ordering nachos for delivery. I’m thinking it would be garbage by the time it got to your door, especially if it was late. Thoughts?
If they packaged the chips and toppings separately for delivery, it could work. But otherwise yeah.
I can’t imagine being the first asshole who ordered McDonald’s.
They’re so easy to make at home I’m not sure why anyone would. Place a layer of tortilla chips in a dish and cover with a layer of cheese. Bake in a 375 degree oven for 7 minutes. Add another layer of chips and cheese and bake for 6 minutes more. Remove from oven and top with jalapenos and toppings of your choice.
If you’re using meaty items add them along with the cheese in steps one and two. If you search the blog for “Nachos” I also have a kick ass recipe for making your own pickled jalapenos.
Or I could just say I’m eating deconstructed nachos while shoving handfuls of chips, cheese, and salsa down my gullet
I like my beer cold, and my Liberty University’ers Fuh-laming
I watched the Liberty University game from the corner of the room.
Time to break out Michelle Obama’s Celebration Weed!