Another football week (the bulk of it, anyway) has come and gone. Swears were voiced, opinions advanced and many fantasy teams didn’t. So let’s wrap it all up in a nice oblong ball tonight. But first-
Fallout:
-CE-H apparently has a high ankle sprain and xrays show nothing else. He’ll likely have a nice little break to get healthy and rejoin the Chiefs as they march towards the AFC Championship Game-can’t see ’em losing before then.
-BUT STRANGER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED. Like yesterday’s unlikely final that now puts the Jags in the catbird’s seat with respect to getting Mr. Lawrence. The mathifiers say they’ve got 75% dibs on The Wavy-Haired Wunderkind.
-Somebody won a power struggle. Matt Rhule has been angling to be in charge of most things football in the Panther universe and he got his wish. The scuttlebutt during talks with the Giants was that in addition to the monster salary he wanted control over the draft, trades, the whole shebang. A certain GM Gettleman naturally pushed back hard.
-Congrats to the Fins (and Tua) for their win over the Pats. The times are a changing in AFC East Land and now Miami, by virtue of that W, owns their own destiny as far as the playoffs are concerned.
TO THE GAME!
Steelers/Bengalis:
-All Signs Point To No: One can likely forget about that upset magic happening again here tonight. Pitt has won 11 in a row and Finley has been asked to take them down.
Finley has a 52.6% completion rate and a 0-2 TD/INT number. I can see a ton of dumpoffs to the rb’s in his near future if he doesn’t want to get crushed by the blitz-forward Steelers D. If things go completely south there’s something called Kevin Hogan waiting on the sideline.
-The Cracks Are Showing: Big Ben is getting a bit of flack for the way Pitt is playing but his rb’s and wr’s are playing oopsy with the ball. They’ve had 14(!) dropped passes in just 3 weeks.
-Part Two: That running game. Guh. They’re averaging 89 yards per tilt, the line can’t run block and Conner is always hurt. If it takes 45 passes from Ben to win this game, just pencil them in for a second-round loss.
-Hell, as of this afternoon Draft Kings didn’t have a rushing prop for either Connors or Snell. That’s brutal.
Enjoy what’s on offer this evening.
And everyone is dead.
Shoulder owie. Yuck
I’m guessing his shoulder is not where it’s supposed to be.
Yay!
Looks like the Bengals didn’t game plan for the Steelers scoring more than one time
Mike Brown pays them by the half.
Billy Blanks in a commercial? Is it the late ‘90s?
Tae Bow (boe? Bo? How do you spell that shit?) always seemed like it might be fun if you bought the punching bag.
This is true:
My mom was seriously into Tae Bo in the late ’90s. Some creep tried to advance on her when her and my aunt were in a bar. My mom put the guy in the hospital with a broken nose and bruised ribs.
It still hurts when I take a deep brea…
I mean, wait, what?
That was prime commentator curse there. Alas…
How the fuck are the Steelers losing?
They won’t be for much longer.
Steelers were toying with their food.
THIS STEELERS-BENGALS GAME, I CALL IT A RON PAUL GIF BECAUSE IT’S HAPPENING
Tomlin to Roethlisberger: “If you don’t turn this around, I’ll release the bar bathroom video to the public.”
Which one?
Ben
Change of pace drink
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Epz3ZaHXUAUw4kL?format=jpg&name=900×900
SAMSQUANCHES!
Mom?
Finley isn’t that good, is he?
I’ll say this about the Watt brothers: they’re almost definitely less racist than the Bosas
Seems like a low bar
She looks like she’s the type to either shoplift a bunch of stuff at a Walmart or just work her regular 10-hour shift at the cash register.
She works the register and just waves her friends through, charging them toilet paper prices for high-end electronics.
I guess Tomlin gave his team the old “Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?” speech at halftime.
More like, “You shitheads keep this up, I’ll have your families disappeared.”
Aaron Rodgers immediately asks to be traded to Pittsburgh.
“You just know Ben Rothlisberger is never gonna give up…”
Yes, I have heard he has that reputation.
Well, it was nice while it lasted.
why do i feel like Ive seen this movie before?
And just like that, the Bungles are back!
Ebron’s out?
Who’s gonna drop 4 yard outs for Pittsburgh now?
I’m guessing you get a discount if you let a medical student do your implants
THEY’RE HARD AS ROCKS AND YOU’LL LIKE IT
-Karen above
Shes gives you anal or you give her anal?
thank goodness babies don’t have teeth because they’d get knocked out
Alright, let see if this dream gets the Sexually Curious Cheerleading Bus ending or the naked in high school on a cold day ending.
Socks match shirt. Nice
Wait…I drink 12 beers, a fifth of scot, grind a hand full of oxycotins into my lip, and snort four lines of coke.
Its 17-0 Bengals?!?
Why do I not do this every night?!?!?!?!?
You and Hippo could throw one hell of a party.
That sounds like a good time
Do I need to watch this game or can I keep working?
How much do you hate the Steelers?
Thought we hate every team
Are girls who go by “Billie” still officially named “William”?
/watch me apply the “Kiss Of Death” here
“Welp, Cincy has this one in the bag, time for a snooze.”
Berman has perfected the “Fake Combover Over The Skullcap” look.
I find her annoying as hell.
Speaking of wood chippers, when I was in law school I worked in the criminal law clinic. We got to do fun things like take field trips to the maximum security prisons to meet with our clients. During one trip I saw Richard Crafts standing in line outside of the cafeteria.
He did not look happy about his circumstances.
Just saw a longer commercial for the Kall Kme Kat show. Looks like she does Borcshtbelt asides throughout the whole show. Imagine if Lena Dunham was annoying.
They are advertising the hell out of show that they’ll be denying ever existed within 6 weeks.
Just realized the KKK joke doesn’t gel well with the mild anti semetism
The show’s filmed at the Apollo Theater!
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Her stand-up is awful and I have know idea why the gave her a show. Nobody wants to see a single late 40 year old women pretending she’s a single 30-something. We already seen Sex in the City.
Just once when i hear brian griese announcing i wanna hear a distinct punching sound then have the camera cut to Terrell Davis walking out of the booth
Kay Adams is on Lily status from AT&T of sainthood for me.
Oh no, there’s something about her…
two things, actually
Who is this Bengals team? Pretty intense tonight IMO.
I wish we could track cte damage over specific times because I’d bet 8000 dollars that burfciet hit is the exact moment AB lost touch with reality.
His brain definitely went asplody.
That montage of Bengals and Steelers cheapshotting each other through the years is incomplete without Kimo Van Offen crippling Carson Palmer.
What cuisine is Pittsburg known for? it can’t be worse that skyline chili.
Primanti’s I guess?
I’ve never had one, but apparently their big thing is putting the french fries in the sandwich. Seems like a lot of unnecessary work to me.
You can’t expect Steelers fans to be able to handle two things at once, that’s why they put the fries inside the sandwich.
French fries in sammiches.
All I know is french fries in a sandwich, but theyre just copying the Greeks with that.
Also, the bootleg Burger King in Oakland.
Primanti’s, and it is worse than Skyline.
Our pierogi game is strong, though.
Whatever you eat after fucking your cousin is Pittsburgher’s go to for cuisine.
Remorse?
But they’ve never experienced that.
Lots of Eastern Europeans, lots of Germans, lots of Italians. Pierogies, halupki, halushki, sausage, kraut, rigatoni, pizza.
Ah, the DFS siren song of James Washington. Tossed him a bomb on the first play from scrimmage. Not much since.
Steelers working on their running game down by 3 scores.
Turns out Mike McCarthy is contagious.
Fozz right now, hitting on Mrs. Fozz:
https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_banners/743437368/1463368194/1500×500
The best part is yet to come when after the game we get to hear pissed-off Tomlin, which is different than angry Tomlin and mad Tomlin.
That bridge sure is pretty. Too bad it leads to Kentucky.
It also leads away from Kentucky.
The glass IS half full! Except that way leads to Ohio.
I believe it’s been re-named “Schrodinger’s Bridge”.
Pro: Bourbon.
Con: McConnell
Just like the GWB. It’s nice, but goes to Jersey
Worse, the Outerbridge Crossing. Cool little bridge, but between Staten Island and Jersey.
Just nuke that bridge from orbit
Recently discovered that bridge was named after a man named Outerbridge. Always thought it meant “outside” the Goethals Bridge.
It’s Christmas week. Bring in Rudolph!
With his nose so bright. Why the fuck not!
So what does a non power conference team need to do to make the playoff? Other than blowing the committee, that one’s obvious.
Duh. Just BE NOTRE DAME obvs
They’re a gnat’s pube from being an ACC team. THERE I SAID IT.
what does a non power conference team need to do to make the playoff?
Start Jalen Hurts the rest of the way?
Browns-Steelers week 17 looking like the AFC North championship game.
huh.
So with the FAHKIN GREATRIOTS missing the playoffs, which bandwagon should I hop on?
Bills-the team that left them in the fackin’ dust.
I’m leaning Bills or the Tits.
1988 Los Angeles Lakers?
For AFC, I’m pulling for anyone that isn’t KC or PIT. Or IND. Or BAL.
IND,
aka secretly one of the most hateable teams in the league
But they give out championship participation banners!
Gio Bernard fantasy owners are partying tonight!
.
Bengals Fans right now:
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