Your Monday Night Football Open Thread

Another football week (the bulk of it, anyway) has come and gone. Swears were voiced, opinions advanced and many fantasy teams didn’t. So let’s wrap it all up in a nice oblong ball tonight. But first-

Fallout:

-CE-H apparently has a high ankle sprain and xrays show nothing else. He’ll likely have a nice little break to get healthy and rejoin the Chiefs as they march towards the AFC Championship Game-can’t see ’em losing before then.

-BUT STRANGER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED. Like yesterday’s unlikely final that now puts the Jags in the catbird’s seat with respect to getting Mr. Lawrence. The mathifiers say they’ve got 75% dibs on The Wavy-Haired Wunderkind.

-Somebody won a power struggle. Matt Rhule has been angling to be in charge of most things football in the Panther universe and he got his wish. The scuttlebutt during talks with the Giants was that in addition to the monster salary he wanted control over the draft, trades, the whole shebang. A certain GM Gettleman naturally pushed back hard.

-Congrats to the Fins (and Tua) for their win over the Pats. The times are a changing in AFC East Land and now Miami, by virtue of that W, owns their own destiny as far as the playoffs are concerned.

TO THE GAME!

Steelers/Bengalis:

-All Signs Point To No: One can likely forget about that upset magic happening again here tonight. Pitt has won 11 in a row and Finley has been asked to take them down.

Finley has a 52.6% completion rate and a 0-2 TD/INT number. I can see a ton of dumpoffs to the rb’s in his near future if he doesn’t want to get crushed by the blitz-forward Steelers D. If things go completely south there’s something called Kevin Hogan waiting on the sideline.

-The Cracks Are Showing: Big Ben is getting a bit of flack for the way Pitt is playing but his rb’s and wr’s are playing oopsy with the ball. They’ve had 14(!) dropped passes in just 3 weeks.

-Part Two: That running game. Guh. They’re averaging 89 yards per tilt, the line can’t run block and Conner is always hurt. If it takes 45 passes from Ben to win this game, just pencil them in for a second-round loss.

-Hell, as of this afternoon Draft Kings didn’t have a rushing prop for either Connors or Snell. That’s brutal.

Enjoy what’s on offer this evening.

5 4 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
496 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Mr. Ayo

And everyone is dead.

Game Time Decision

Shoulder owie. Yuck

Horatio Cornblower

I’m guessing his shoulder is not where it’s supposed to be.

Unsurprised

Yay!

Mother Puncher

Looks like the Bengals didn’t game plan for the Steelers scoring more than one time

Horatio Cornblower

Mike Brown pays them by the half.

Senor Weaselo

Billy Blanks in a commercial? Is it the late ‘90s?

TheRevanchist

Tae Bow (boe? Bo? How do you spell that shit?) always seemed like it might be fun if you bought the punching bag.

WCS

This is true:

My mom was seriously into Tae Bo in the late ’90s. Some creep tried to advance on her when her and my aunt were in a bar. My mom put the guy in the hospital with a broken nose and bruised ribs.

Horatio Cornblower

It still hurts when I take a deep brea…

I mean, wait, what?

Senor Weaselo

That was prime commentator curse there. Alas…

JustStopDude

How the fuck are the Steelers losing?

Viva La Tabula Raza

They won’t be for much longer.

Redshirt

Steelers were toying with their food.

Senor Weaselo

THIS STEELERS-BENGALS GAME, I CALL IT A RON PAUL GIF BECAUSE IT’S HAPPENING

Redshirt

Tomlin to Roethlisberger: “If you don’t turn this around, I’ll release the bar bathroom video to the public.”

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
Game Time Decision

Which one?
Ben

Horatio Cornblower
WCS

SAMSQUANCHES!
comment image

Last edited 3 years ago by WCS
Game Time Decision

Mom?

Horatio Cornblower

Finley isn’t that good, is he?

Mother Puncher

I’ll say this about the Watt brothers: they’re almost definitely less racist than the Bosas

Doktor Zymm

Seems like a low bar

Horatio Cornblower

She works the register and just waves her friends through, charging them toilet paper prices for high-end electronics.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I guess Tomlin gave his team the old “Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?” speech at halftime.

WCS

More like, “You shitheads keep this up, I’ll have your families disappeared.”

Horatio Cornblower

Aaron Rodgers immediately asks to be traded to Pittsburgh.

Horatio Cornblower

“You just know Ben Rothlisberger is never gonna give up…”

Yes, I have heard he has that reputation.

Redshirt

Well, it was nice while it lasted.

Brocky

why do i feel like Ive seen this movie before?

Mr. Ayo

And just like that, the Bungles are back!

Horatio Cornblower

Ebron’s out?

Who’s gonna drop 4 yard outs for Pittsburgh now?

Doktor Zymm

I’m guessing you get a discount if you let a medical student do your implants

Game Time Decision

THEY’RE HARD AS ROCKS AND YOU’LL LIKE IT
-Karen above

Game Time Decision

Shes gives you anal or you give her anal?

Brocky

thank goodness babies don’t have teeth because they’d get knocked out

Redshirt

Alright, let see if this dream gets the Sexually Curious Cheerleading Bus ending or the naked in high school on a cold day ending.

JustStopDude

comment image

Brocky

comment image

Game Time Decision

Socks match shirt. Nice

JustStopDude

Wait…I drink 12 beers, a fifth of scot, grind a hand full of oxycotins into my lip, and snort four lines of coke.

Its 17-0 Bengals?!?

Why do I not do this every night?!?!?!?!?

WCS

You and Hippo could throw one hell of a party.

Sharkbait

That sounds like a good time

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Do I need to watch this game or can I keep working?

Horatio Cornblower

How much do you hate the Steelers?

Game Time Decision

Thought we hate every team

herodotus450

Are girls who go by “Billie” still officially named “William”?

Horatio Cornblower

I find her annoying as hell.

Horatio Cornblower

Speaking of wood chippers, when I was in law school I worked in the criminal law clinic. We got to do fun things like take field trips to the maximum security prisons to meet with our clients. During one trip I saw Richard Crafts standing in line outside of the cafeteria.

He did not look happy about his circumstances.

Mother Puncher

Just saw a longer commercial for the Kall Kme Kat show. Looks like she does Borcshtbelt asides throughout the whole show. Imagine if Lena Dunham was annoying.

Horatio Cornblower

They are advertising the hell out of show that they’ll be denying ever existed within 6 weeks.

Mother Puncher

Just realized the KKK joke doesn’t gel well with the mild anti semetism

Senor Weaselo

The show’s filmed at the Apollo Theater!
comment image/revision/latest?cb=20130126135851

clint greasewood

Her stand-up is awful and I have know idea why the gave her a show. Nobody wants to see a single late 40 year old women pretending she’s a single 30-something. We already seen Sex in the City.

WCS

comment image

Brocky

Just once when i hear brian griese announcing i wanna hear a distinct punching sound then have the camera cut to Terrell Davis walking out of the booth

clint greasewood

Kay Adams is on Lily status from AT&T of sainthood for me.

jjfozz

Oh no, there’s something about her…

Brocky

two things, actually

comment image

litre_cola

Who is this Bengals team? Pretty intense tonight IMO.

Brocky

I wish we could track cte damage over specific times because I’d bet 8000 dollars that burfciet hit is the exact moment AB lost touch with reality.

WCS

His brain definitely went asplody.

Horatio Cornblower

That montage of Bengals and Steelers cheapshotting each other through the years is incomplete without Kimo Van Offen crippling Carson Palmer.

clint greasewood

What cuisine is Pittsburg known for? it can’t be worse that skyline chili.

Doktor Zymm

Primanti’s I guess?

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve never had one, but apparently their big thing is putting the french fries in the sandwich. Seems like a lot of unnecessary work to me.

jjfozz

You can’t expect Steelers fans to be able to handle two things at once, that’s why they put the fries inside the sandwich.

The Maestro

French fries in sammiches.

Sharkbait

All I know is french fries in a sandwich, but theyre just copying the Greeks with that.

The Maestro

Also, the bootleg Burger King in Oakland.

WCS

Primanti’s, and it is worse than Skyline.

Our pierogi game is strong, though.

jjfozz

Whatever you eat after fucking your cousin is Pittsburgher’s go to for cuisine.

Horatio Cornblower

Remorse?

The Maestro

But they’ve never experienced that.

Gumbygirl

Lots of Eastern Europeans, lots of Germans, lots of Italians. Pierogies, halupki, halushki, sausage, kraut, rigatoni, pizza.

Last edited 3 years ago by Gumbygirl
Fronkenshteen

Ah, the DFS siren song of James Washington. Tossed him a bomb on the first play from scrimmage. Not much since.

Horatio Cornblower

Turns out Mike McCarthy is contagious.

Horatio Cornblower
TheRevanchist

The best part is yet to come when after the game we get to hear pissed-off Tomlin, which is different than angry Tomlin and mad Tomlin.

Gumbygirl

That bridge sure is pretty. Too bad it leads to Kentucky.

Mr. Ayo

It also leads away from Kentucky.

Gumbygirl

The glass IS half full! Except that way leads to Ohio.

litre_cola

Pro: Bourbon.
Con: McConnell

Sharkbait

Just like the GWB. It’s nice, but goes to Jersey

Senor Weaselo

Worse, the Outerbridge Crossing. Cool little bridge, but between Staten Island and Jersey.

Sharkbait

Just nuke that bridge from orbit

Fronkenshteen

Recently discovered that bridge was named after a man named Outerbridge. Always thought it meant “outside” the Goethals Bridge.

Mr. Ayo

It’s Christmas week. Bring in Rudolph!

Gumbygirl

With his nose so bright. Why the fuck not!

Senor Weaselo

So what does a non power conference team need to do to make the playoff? Other than blowing the committee, that one’s obvious.

King Hippo

Duh. Just BE NOTRE DAME obvs

Senor Weaselo

They’re a gnat’s pube from being an ACC team. THERE I SAID IT.

clint greasewood

Browns-Steelers week 17 looking like the AFC North championship game.

Mother Puncher

huh.

Sharkbait

So with the FAHKIN GREATRIOTS missing the playoffs, which bandwagon should I hop on?

Sharkbait

I’m leaning Bills or the Tits.

Fronkenshteen

1988 Los Angeles Lakers?

Viva La Tabula Raza

For AFC, I’m pulling for anyone that isn’t KC or PIT. Or IND. Or BAL.

Brocky

IND,

aka secretly one of the most hateable teams in the league

Sharkbait

But they give out championship participation banners!

TheRevanchist

Gio Bernard fantasy owners are partying tonight!

Fronkenshteen

.

E20FDBD9-C900-42C5-B403-21AAB9F454A3.gif
Redshirt

Bengals Fans right now:
comment image?resize=320%2C180&ssl=1