Kicking Off the Strangest FA Cup and Wild Card 1 of 6 Bitches! Combo Thread

Good day, imaginary peoples.  It’s REALLY here.  The day we gets a TRIPLEHEADER of Wild Card, Bitches! action.  And it happens again tomorrow!  We just needed a world-wide pandemic to make it real.  [slaps #NuAIDS on the ass, HARD!]

But first, we have a wacky Lesser Morning, with pretty much every match on ESPN+.  I mean, nobody really gives a fuck about anything but Everton hosting Rotherham (7:00, fuck a duck, this gon’ be a long day), but still.  Clubhouse favoUrites like Mighty Whitey (away to QPR, 10:00) and Arsenal (home to Barcodes at 12:30 – tough draw, that) get they swerve on.

With nobody in the stands, anywhere.  That “2,000 maximum” phase was short-lived, indeed.  Really sucks for some of these minnows, for whom this would have made their entire budget (like Marine hosting Spurs tomorrow – would have been the biggest day in club history).  But alas.  At least we have something on TV at all, to keep people sane, and not, I dunno, trying the most lame-assed palace coup in history.

Eat shit, Traitors.  Hippo hopes you all hang.  You included, Sen. Hawley.  Chickenshit motherfucker.

Indianapolis (+6.5) at Buffalo (1:05, CBS)

That sound you hear in the distance?  Tis Rev. Mayhem’s anxious colon.  What a day for the table smashers of WNY, led by Brokeback QB.  Yes, the strapping young Wyoming product who simultaneously found both accuracy (even deep ball varietal – PHRASING) and the ability to read defenses.  Hey, we are all near impossible to surprise by now.  Just go with it, and enjoy the ride.  Stefon Diggs taking the primary role has allowed Bleeding Kansas to run free behind rebel enemy lines, and even Cole Beasley has a productive role.  They still don’t give Devin Singletary enough touches, but makes very little sense for a dumb ass like me to nitpick a 13-3 squadron’s strategery.

Now, before you bet the inheritance on BUF, mind that the Humps have a pretty good pass defense.  Some of the smarter analytical folk have wondered whether same can really hold up against ELITE opposition.  And as strange as it may seem, that is indeed the state of the Bills’ passing attack.  Not much from the TE position, though.  Will that allow the Indy secondary to properly bend without breaking?  I doubt it, but that’s their chance.

On the other side, you have Indy’s not-so-secret-weapon, in perhaps the League’s bestest offensive line.  People talk about defenses winning championships, but that’s just ’cause it’s harder for the layman to fully appreciate dominant OL play.  Yes, it was against the Jags, but in Week 17, Jonathan Taylor busted out for 250+.  He won’t get that much today, but I’d still look for him to get 30+ touches, and if he creeps over the 150 mark?  We just might can has game.

Time of possession will also be critical, or that Humps pass D will fade in the second half.  And you really, really don’t want Old Man Rivers trying to go all Air Raid out there.  Outdoors.  In Buffalo, NY.  In fucking January conditions.  The Laserface rosary beads will be all about a Game Management Scenario, buhlee DAT!

Opium-tinged Predicion – Buffalo 35, Indianapolis 20

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Sharkbait

comment image

scotchnaut

+ several cracked ribs and concussions

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

DOINK DOESN’T SLEEP IN ON SATURDAYS!

scotchnaut

Shanklor has reared his ugly head.

bk109

2-0 … NEVER ANY DOUBT
comment image

… how did that sneak in here

clint greasewood

How many delay of games do they get.

Gumbygirl

Rivers can go ahead and throw a pick here, I won’t be mad!

ArmedandHammered

He is saving it for towards the end of the 4th quarter when it will be the most back breaking. Like ususal.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I’ve consistently told him he’s welcome to put it where it doesn’t belong, but he won’t listen.” – Tiffany Rivers

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Reminder: AWS helps generate NextGen stats. They also provide hosting services to Parler.

bk109

Reminder – most of the US economy (past and present) has been based on rather … iffy and flexible morals (also, what’s parler/ the new tik-tok or wut?)

bk109

Ah, that’s why I heard it somewhere on the news, I just assumed it’s just the latest annoying fad app that RTD was railing against. My point still stands, though with not nearly as much conviction as before

TheRevanchist

Jack Doyle is still playing?

scotchnaut

His “Jack Doyle, PI” pilot wasn’t picked up by CBS, so yeah.

scotchnaut

“You’re still in your 30’s, why the hell are you pitching this to us?”

-CBS Execs

bk109

“Because I saw you’re still funding STD and Lower Decks on All Ass, so I know ya don’t have class or standards!”

Sharkbait

Did Coors Light just throw some shade at the Football Hall of Fame?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

More like “fired it out of a cannon”, but yes.

Cecil Rhodes

Good day, gentlemen and others. I am greatly enjoying this tight contest. The takeover of the South African Republic will have to be put off for another day.

litre_cola

Sir, there is a school in my hometown named after you. comment image

Cecil Rhodes

My word! That institution must be attended by some of the brightest Anglo-Saxon students in the land. I should hope to visit it one day.

litre_cola

It’s in the hood, in Winnipeg, so you are a bit off the mark there sir.

bk109

Oh god… there are Irish in that school, OHNOES

Cecil Rhodes

Drat. And here I thought Canada was a civilized land.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Cecil would you prefer an image of Cecil Rhodes or Sideshow Cecil as your avatar?

Cecil Rhodes

While I do admire the demeanoUr of Sideshow Cecil, my image will suffice for an avatar.

scotchnaut

Look for a trick play involving Bills GoGo Gadget wr MacKenzie in the 2nd half. Hopefully it won’t be an end-around.

TheRevanchist

I hope Indy drafts a QB in the first round, just to know that someone will be throwing a tantrum.

scotchnaut

It looks as though the Colts are trying to take Diggs/Beasley out of the passing game and are relatively successful. “If you’re going to beat us you’re going to have to do it with Gabe Davis and Dallas Knox.*

*”Don’t mind if we do!”

-Gabe and Dallas

Fronkenshteen

YOU GET A THUMB IN YOUR ASS!! AND YOU GET A THUMB IN YOUR ASS!!…

scotchnaut

Just a brilliant sequence for the Bills. Wow.

hippofant

I really liked the draw there. Been throwing it all drive, but in good field position with 2 TOs, and caught the Colts off-guard.

scotchnaut

Seemed like an ‘all or nothing’ play but Daboll knows what he’s doing-playing against expectations.

Gumbygirl

So nice, they did it twice!

scotchnaut

Couldn’t agree more.

scotchnaut

And they gave the Colts the ball to start the game, had the last possession of the 1st half and have the ball to start the second. SMRT!

Sharkbait

Throw it!

scotchnaut

Fuck, that’s a ballsy call!

Gumbygirl

Good jerb, zebras!

Gumbygirl

That didn’t look like a catch to me.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Not a catch

litre_cola

comment image

Recovery Whiskey

Transaction mode engaged

Sharkbait

Incomplete.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

/Broncos guy cries into his barrel

scotchnaut

Coaches playin’ chess out there.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

BREAKING: That’s My Raiders! have just sued the Indianapolis Colts for copyright infringement.

Last edited 3 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Sharkbait

C’mon Diggsdown!

hippofant

Gabriel Davis is single-handedly going to prolong this game by an hour.

Sharkbait

Again, he’s in

scotchnaut

Beasley directing the other wr’s as to where to line up during the hurry up…

Last edited 3 years ago by scotchnaut
Sharkbait

That toe looks like he’s barely in.

Gumbygirl

I could see green.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“No, it was grey”
–Witness testimony against Ben R.

scotchnaut

Roxy Roller always sees green, amirite?

Fronkenshteen

[cums]

-Rex Ryan

BrettFavresColonoscopy

In or out, still impressive.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Also how I felt about losing my virginity

Horatio Cornblower

“Oh, now he can’t put it on target!”

Rivers, T.

scotchnaut

I think I just saw Rivers overthrow a wr.

Gumbygirl

Hahahaha!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Going for it was the right call. Now Buffalo has to go the full length of the field.

Gumbygirl

Nice stop there.

Horatio Cornblower

Queen Latifah in ‘The Equalizer, But With Boobs’

Spur

comment image

Sharkbait

Jinkes!

litre_cola

Yes, please.

Spur

Fat Humps sitting on the Mafia’s head

Fronkenshteen

D. Leonard slapping some ass! HARD!

scotchnaut

Bills can’t see TheForest for the trees.

Horatio Cornblower

“The Pro Bowl may look a little different this year”

I promise you I will not notice the difference.

Senor Weaselo

There’s going to be a Pro Bowl?

Fronkenshteen

.

0EE5F4E2-0BFA-4D3A-B201-97FC8A014E97.png
litre_cola

That’s a big lock.

scotchnaut

-Rapunzel’s suitor

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Go Bills, i think

Spur

Rivers gonna penetrate this Bills secondary

Fronkenshteen

This just in: J. Taylor? Bad motherfucker.

Don T

And slippery

Fronkenshteen

And (not Tractorcito strong, but) strong!

scotchnaut

Taylor has at least one trait of a great back in that he always falls forward.