Hello fellow DFO’er. Happy May the forth/force day. Hope your well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some make it and others don’t.
As most of you know, the NFL draft was last week and our new site got a real workout for three days. With over 700 comments the first night alone and no issues that I’m aware of, it looks like Internet dad knocked the server upgrade and site move outta da park. Well done DTZM. Also with the site, I’ve been doing the editing differently the last few weeks to see which way was the easiest for me to manage and edit\format. So apologies that the formatting has been different, but I think today’s version is the easiest for me to do and I do like the look of it on screen. If you all have anything you’d like done differently formatting wise please let me know. And no, I won’t just feature your comments but that would be an interesting idea to tuck away for the future.
As a reminder, this post will cover comments made up to and through the Saturday Night Open Thread. Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post. Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
Things I’m constantly saying to both my grandparents and the DFO login screen
(opens envelope)
“Remember me!”
herodotus450
Austin Ekeler said on @LeBatardShow today that the first time he saw Phillip Rivers with all his kids, he thought Rivers was hosting a meet and greet.
— Ben Axelrod (@BenAxelrod) April 26, 2021
TheRevanchist
For my conservative buds
Don T
Presume all of you very online people have already seen this, but
[twitter link to guy getting out of his car that’s broken that I can’t get to]
BrettFavresColonoscopy
urmom provides a lot more room.
Mr. Ayo
“Eh, 6 cm is all I need” — Brett Favre
Dunstan
So I’m waiting for the mrs to get home with my GD prescription. All I’ve had since the surgery is a couple Advil and a Tylenol (wife’s special blend) and icing pretty consistently. Feel optimistic I’ll be back to work tomorrow (I need to get in). Or is this one of these “the next day is the worst” deals?
I don’t recall what pills are coming my way but one is a controlled substance so that should be a blast.
blaxabbath
GD? Gametime Decision prescription? He sendin you them sweet Canadian Deux, deux, deux’s?
litre_cola
We’re at the point where “the election was a fraud” is simply the rally call of white trash.
blaxabbath
This line, /chef’s kiss
Hard to carry the rock when your hands are covered in pie.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
I don’t understand, what’s wrong with Memphis spaghetti?
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Andy Reid peers over the top of his menu, awaiting the answer.
LemonJello
“JS: Of course. Can’t just drink that Bud Light swill all the time. I don’t give a shit if they are a sponsor.”
Oh, you sneaky bastard, you…
BeefReeferLives
A week away from my first vacation with the ladyfriend. A whole week at one of those resorts near Cancun that lists “All you can drink” ahead of “All you can eat.”
This kinda feels like a big step in the relationship.
Col. Duke LaCross
Watching Chopped, and one of the contestants is a cop.
CONTESTANT: [accidentally drops biscuit dough on the floor]
RIKKI: She dropped that dough like it was a knife and she was standing next to a suspect she just shot.
DR. MRS. DEADLY, ESQ.: [does not laugh]
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
“Why did you beat the brown gravy for five minutes?”
“I was in fear for my life”
SonOfSpam
“Well you see I meant to season the meat with my pepper spray, but deployed my sidearm by accident…”
herodotus450
“Ok, that’s enough, Joe.”
GOOD GOD, THAT’S KAMALA HARRIS’S MUSIC!
“What up bitches??”
(Veep starts steppin to Chic)
SonOfSpam
Unfortunately, I didn’t get the Super Soldier Serum in my 2nd dose of Moderna. I did get a 99°-100° degree fever, a little bit of lethargy and a runny nose. I don’t really have body aches that go with a fever so I’m still able to function. Its a bit weird. I didn’t even know I had a fever until I was getting ready for bed and noticed my arms and legs were warmer than normal. I took my temperature and saw I had a 100° fever for the first time since I got Walking Pneumonia when I was 8. Its still hovering around 99°, but I’m getting my energy back.
Other than that I don’t notice any other side effects, except for a little bit of Tourette’s Trump ist der einzig wahre Gott! Alle falschen Propheten werden ausgestoßen und vernichtet! syndrome.
Redshirt
Let’s take a moment to recognize the true King of the Scammers, the NFL, who have people lined up in the rain, in Cleveland, to watch teams select college players that the fans no nothing about.
That’s great hustle.
/slaps NFL on the ass, hard.
//also steals NFL’s wallet while doing so
Horatio Cornblower
Over 700 comments, well done!
Doktor Zymm
Server proved its worth.
litre_cola
It’s a tribute to Internet Dad. Yay pops!
Beerguyrob
Washington Team Needs: Nickname
SonOfSpam
I think Gruden likes to reach in the draft because he can’t do it in real life, his arms look pretty short and stubby for his height
Doktor Zymm
What developmentally-challenged, one-legged war veteran with a kitten on his lap will Goodell wheel to the center stage in order to reduce the volume of catcalls and boo’s?
scotchnaut
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-inhales-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-inhales-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Horatio Cornblower
Can we just start at the second pick? Laurence going at one is as much a certainty as Chadwick Boseman getting the Best Actor Oscar.
/wait a sec…
scotchnaut
So are we going to start doing mock drafts for our Monday drafts?
“I’m hearing a lot of rumors that Hippo is going to take ‘Vicodin’ with his first pick in this draft of ‘Breakfast Foods.’ But it’s possible that Dunstan will trade up to make sure he gets Pancakes.”
Dunstan
Just heard about Najee Harris having his draft party at the homeless shelter that helped his family out when he was a kid.
I suppose I could make some smart assed comment about this, but I gotta say that’s pretty damn cool..
BeefReeferLives
25 hours in since 2nd Pfizer jab. Sore arm and maybe a little achy overall, but I’m gonna pretend it hit me hard and take the day off. Edibles time!
Viva La Tabula Raza
Puzzle Hint #1
It has to do with the titles of the songs.
ballsofsteelandfury
They’re all sandwiches
Doktor Zymm
Carolina just drafted TE Tommy Tremble.
Seems shaky.
SonOfSpam
Michael J Fox nods in approval.
I think.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
155 pounds?? Oh, he gon’ die.
King Hippo
lol
Mr. Ayo
So I went over to a Giants fan site and floated out the idea that because no o-lineman were drafted (which everyone was crying for) that maybe the front office wasn’t fully invested in Saquon Barkley. Holy Fuckballs… Just, wow.
scotchnaut
I’ve updated my Fear of Commitment Scale:
“Yeah, OK” – Meet the other’s kid(s)
“Uh… OK?” – Meet potential in-laws
“Is that wise? I dunno” – moving together
“I’m not opposed in principle. But—look, a pigeon!” – marriage
“NOPE. Have a good life” – matching tattoos
Don T
Don T
Don T
Hippo and I have been texting back and forth for a while now AND HE FUCKING CALLED QB IAN BOOK BEING DRAFTED BY PAYTON/SAINTS A HALF HOUR BEFORE IT HAPPENED!
/that is quality predictifying
//I is stunned
scotchnaut
The Kentucky Derby has two gray horses! WTF!!! How am I supposed to pick? I always pick a gray horse. They NEVAR win, but they are purty!
Gumbygirl
I’ve been told that old gray mares aren’t what they used to be. Maybe it’s time to move on…
scotchnaut
I’m such a shitty fan. I put on the draft as background while I was working out. It never even occurred to me to put on the Celtics game, in which they came back from 32 points down and Jayson Tatum scored 60.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
I’m not sure you’re that shitty a fan, but you do oscillate back and forth though.
scotchnaut
This Cat gets it
Gumbygirl
Courtesy of my best friend: “Jets signed undrafted free agent kicker Chris Naggar to compete with incumbent Sam Ficken, which will lead to the heated Ficken-Naggar competition in training camp, as well as the firing of several well-meaning sportscasters”
Senor Weaselo
Don T
I don’t know who’s going to win, but I have always been a fan of Midnight Bourbon.
Or Breakfast Gin. Or Brunch Tequila.
Dunstan
Don T
There was a Waffle House up the street from us in Birmingham that was so filthy and nasty they knocked it down and built another one instead of trying to clean it.
Gumbygirl
San Pedro, early this morning
This is a Ford Model 48 with a flathead V-8 but the body contours have been extensively modified so it’s hard to tell what year it is (probably 1935 base)
Brick Meathook
Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
I like these summaries because I always see some funny shit that I missed the first time around.
Same here. Just really good work.
This is so incredibly fucked up. It’s just wrong.
All part of Bill DeBlasio’s “War on Childhood”. Cucker Tarleson told me all about it.
I dunno. I’d prefer that to having to extend the school year to make up for snow days.
As an adult that makes sense. As a kid, that’s destroying one of the most magical parts of childhood. Although I’m not sure it’s the same these days. My kids would get a text at about 5:00 am telling them no school. I got up at 7:00 am and put on WTIC and waited for Bob Steele to work his way through the towns “Meriden, all public and parochial schools, (dramatic pause, c”mon, say it Bob, you goddamn prima donna!)…closed!”
/chaos ensues.
Now that you mention it, that part was always cool, especially since you got the day off when they called your district. I guess it’s down the memory hole for me, because I haven’t lived anywhere that regularly got any snow to speak of since 1969, and that was in the DC area, where it sure as hell ain’t like NE when it comes to that.
You’re never too old for a snow day — I was still thrilled when I got one during law school. I had been playing poker (and drinking) until like 4 am as the snow came down, and at least one other player said “maybe classes will be cancelled tomorrow.” And sure enough, I got to sleep it off the next day without missing class. I forget if I actually heard about classes being cancelled and went back to sleep, or just planned on skipping.
With NYC, should the kids even be allowed to touch the snow, regardless of snow or not? That’s the real question here. It’s not like the snow up in Yosemite or the Sequoias, or someplace even more desolate like North Dakota.
I just kind of lost my shit with a customer service rep.
RIKKI: [after having been transferred to a customer retention specialist] I’m calling to cancel my service.
OPERATOR: Okay, before we do that I just need to ask you some questions about…
RIKKI: I’m just calling to cancel my service, I’m not going to answer any questions. I’ve already told you as much as I’m going to.
OPERATOR: I understand that, but I have to ask…
RIKKI: I AM UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO EXPLAIN WHY I AM CANCELLING MY ACCOUNT.
Oooo. Then what’d they say to that?
That crap irritates the hell out of me. I have simply answered “Being asked perfunctory customer retention questions” when asked why I was leaving in the past. I don’t think the rep caught on, or was being willfully oblivious to my point.
The “we miss you” emails are the best to reply to.
She eventually let it go. Though now they are telling me I’m in the middle of a cycle and they’ll be charging me for May, so I’m demanding documentation of that. If I don’t receive it, I was planning to stop payment on the credit card. Is that a bad idea?
It depends on how you feel about having many conversations will bill collectors. When I stopped paying for the Courant they kept sending it to me for months, and I kept not paying them. Eventually they sent it to collections over about $50. I was in the right, because I had not renewed, and therefore had done what I needed to do. But was it worth $500 of my time to tell the Courant to fuck off over $50? Nope. But I did keep it going for a couple of months just to yell at bill collectors for a bit.
PIsses me off worse when they try to say things like “Howza bout we reduce your monthly fee?” Fuckers, I have to quit to get a discount? That makes me even more pissed.
Yeah, it sure seems like folks get punished for being loyal nowadays.
Now if you’ll pardon me, I have a cloud to go yell at.