Good morning, in lieu of Snaxx I will be doing my part for the content monster and my second love futbol. I would 100% be going this year if it were not for the Rona but we will get into that in a couple episodes.
We’re on the verge of the greatest international sports summer ever! We have:
- Copa América
- Euro 2020
- Concacaf Gold Cup
- Tokyo Olympic Games
And it all starts on June 11, 2021 with the European Soccer (Football) championships aka Euro 2020!
Yes, it is 2021 but they decided to keep the name, ok?
From now until the tourney starts, we’ll be giving you previews for every country in Euro 2020, DFO-style, of course. We will also provide previews of all the Copa América countries as the Copa América starts on June 13, 2021 right after Euro 2020 starts.
Euro 2020 will be broadcast in English on ESPN in the United States and on TSN in Canada. Univisión has the Spanish language rights in the US and TVA has the French language rights in Canada. I don’t have the handy schedule imbedded because I have no idea how to do it nor interest in figuring it out.
Today’s team is:
Denmark
Country Fun Facts
Denmark is very flat, has a lot of islands, four hundred and forty-three with 70 of them inhabited. I
t’s a hell of a lot rainier than you think it is, it averages 171 days of the wet stuff a year both liquid and solid. There are basically no hills and due to the flatness it’s a supreme place for cycling like the Netherlands.
There are 12, 000 kms of cycle tracks total in the country and I think that’s amazing. I’ve just taken up cycling again and cars are far more scary nowadays than they were when I was younger.
People in Copenhagen cycle 1.13 million kms a day which is 35 times around the world, or from one end to the other dependent on you flat earth views.
Lego is from Denmark.
For years the best restaurant in the world was located in Copenhagen. It’s closed now but it was run by Rene Redzepi who is one of the most interesting non douchebag chefs in the game. There has been documentaries done on him and his sustainable ways combined with traditional Nordic cooking. We own his “The Noma Guide to Fermentation” which is an amazing book if you are into that kind of thing.
Team Schedule
Denmark is in Group B with Finland, Belgium, and Russia. All time Pacific:
Saturday, June 12, 2021 – Noon – Finland v Denmark – Copenhagen
Thursday June 17 2021 – 9AM – Belgium v Denmark – Copenhagen
Monday June 21 2021 – Noon – Russia v Denmark – Copenhagen
Team Preview / Top Players
I had to put this in. Andersen played for Mighty Whitey this season on loan from Lyon and he was amazing. Due to KHAAAAANNNNNNN!!! he will be leaving as there is no chance he will play in the C’ship.
He will be in the back line with Christensen (Chelski). Vestergaard (SOTON). As long as two of the three of these guys are anchoring the back they will be just fine. The two guys in the midfield to watch are Eriksen (Inter), and Hojberg (Spurs). They’re the straws that stir the Danish drink (Akavit), and as well as they do this club does. Teh Hippo tells me Eriksen has tailed off a bit in recent times but Inter seemed to do just fine this season and at least in the group matches he can dominate. Up front they have Yussuf Poulson (RB Leipzig), Kasper Dolberg (Nice), and Martin Brathwaite (Barca). Not exactly a murderers row for strikers which could lead to their downfall. They aren’t going to score a lot of goals, however with that back line and Kasper Schmeichel in goal they aren’t going to give up very many either.
Best result when you Google Image Search “Hot [Country] food”
Litre, Have you ever been to this country?
I have not. In 2000 I was in Paris and had a ticket to Copenhagen via bus (so long)and at the last minute I changed my mind and went to Berlin (also long bus ride). I don’t regret that decision as Mrs. Cola has Danish ancestry and we hope to go there in a couple years for her 40th birthday. When there I’d like to go to Christiania which was an autonomous commune in Copenhagen but since the 2010s Danish law is now enforced there. Weed used to be legal among other things and as a 20 something backpacker that would have been right up my alley.
Why you should root for this country
- You like cycling
- You enjoy eating raw fish and Akavit
- You are tall, blonde, healthy and probably good looking
Why you should NOT root for this country
- You are a Russian bot
- You prefer your Scandinavian country with a blue and white flag
- You are Flemish
Prognosticering
It definitely benefits these lads that all of their games are at home. They should beat Finland but will have trouble with the pesky Russians. As always on paper the Belgians are strong but no one knows which Belgian side will show up!
They will make the knockout round and then be dispatched as I don’t think that they can score enough.
Do they have any players from their colonies, like Greenland or the Faeroe Islands?
No, Faroes are their own entity in UEFA, Greenlanders don’t play.
Kai Havertz is MUCH BETTER than this on Footy Manager
Good lord, Chelsea. Just give them the rook!
Man, I don’t need y’all making Very Disappointing Everton sweat over 8th position like this.
I liked the Danes at the Russia 2018 WC. They had an aggro edge, starting with Schmeichel getting in the face of opponents. Really hoping the RUS – DEN match plays out like a Colombia v. Argentina slobberknocker.
With the exception of Peter Schmeichel, who is nothing but an innocent angel in all of this, Denmark’s lesser footy team can go screw.
People constantly talk about the ’92 Denmark team as the ultimate underdog, and how thrilling the 92 Euros were. You know what? That Euros (as well as the ’90 World Cup) damn near killed the sport because it was unwatchable! There were games where the goalies would have possession of the ball for 8+ minutes! FIFA changed the rules after the ’92 Euros.
Look at this shit!
https://youtu.be/SX2HcvMkOiA
This was the change where the keeper can’t use his hands if the ball was kicked to him by a teammate?
I know there are rules about timewasting in the sense of not putting the ball in play quickly enough on a free kick or throw-in, but is there any rule about flow of play? Or can teams indefinitely pass the ball around in the backfield without any real effort to advance?
You’ve clearly never seen a Barça game…
I almost certainly haven’t.
My lesser footy viewing tends to consist of: (1) the usual non-fan thing of watching the World Cup every four years; and (2) occasionally turning on one of the Premier League games on the weekend and having it as background, looking up only when something interesting might be happening.
Honestly, the more Prem games you watch, the more you realize international lesser footy isn’t what it’s cracked up to be, and most of the excitement is when the camera pans over to attractive women wearing skimpy outfits, cheering for their side; as well as good old nationalism.
I like it when they throw road flares at each other.
Sadly, there are no rules for flow of play. Based on what you described, that would only happen if both teams have nothing to play for. Otherwise one team would press. Barcelona is sort of the exception, but their players are so fast, skilled and better, that the ball is always moving.
The new way for shithousery is what a team like Peru does: They essentially play 10 at the back, and kick the ball 50 yards down the field for a throw in. Players fake injuries when needed. As long as they’re discipline, they can easily draw a team, and possibly steal a goal and win the game with a mistake. It’s painful to watch.
I think I took Peru in the Copa previews, but perhaps I should yield to Wake? He seems to have…opinions.
Wakey really needs to be Diamond Joe’s Secretary of Rage
/too bad he is from the Canadia
Team Unspeakable Vice won a European Euros that way, IIRC.
I remember being in Europe when the Danes won. All the neutrals were happy because narrative but the hardcore fans didn’t like it.
I just remember drinking a lot of beer.
I was a tyke during the 92 Euros, but I remember feeling conflicted when they won. It wasn’t until years later that I understood why I was conflicted.
Never been to Denmark, but I have tried Copenhagen. Just a pinch between my cheek and gum. Made me dizzy. Probably won’t ever go to Denmark.
If you ever visit Covenhagen, check out Christiania. Cool communal place. The open air hash / ganja market is also kinda nice…
Oh! Are Flemish people known as “Flems”? If so, can our nickname for Belgium’s squad be the “Productive Coughs”?
The Loogies?
I like it!
I’m just going to go with “Miserable Fat Belgian Bastards.”
https://vimeo.com/99663693
I thought the Belgians were called the Waffles?
Sometimes they are, sometimes they’re not.
They’re called “The Sprouts”
Only the ones up north in Ned-land. The ones down south (from Wallonia) are Walloons.
Gumby doesn’t like calling people from Belgium “Belgians.” He calls them “The Belsh.” I can’t remember why, but he had a reason for it.
“French With a Bath”
The Google image search results for “sexy lego cosplay” were a huge disappointment.
hard to get your blocks off to those pics huh?
Rule 34 says there must be some “fan fiction” about Wyldstyle from the Lego Movies
I dunno, he’s kinda hot
Wearing too much polyester will make you very hot, for sure.
Hey Emmett, is that a Pølser in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Aw, I miss my sexy Danish neighbors. They were such an attractive pair of people.
What is that monstrosity covered in bacon?? I googled Pølsen and only came up with hot dogs. This must be a special hot dog indeed.
She’s allegedly Danish
This is definitely Danish
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ukrCvhxP2g
So, what’s that lovely lady’s name?
It comes up as “Sexy Danish Girl”, but it’s probably Sven.
It was on a page of must try foods and I wanted to eat that.
I would eat that plus what is in the pictures that Horatio posted.
I too enjoy a good pastry.
Did it mention the sandwiches? Love their open faced sandwiches (the one I remember the best was smoked mackerel with butter, onion, cracked pepper and a fresh egg yolk on thick rye bread). YUM!
I thought we’d established that there’s no such thing as an “open faced sandwich”. Any such item is classified as a taco.
Really? Musta missed that discussion. Speaking of food misnomers, this is interesant: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2021/04/19/the-unlikely-rise-of-the-french-tacos
I thought the French Taco was the nom de guerre of the courtisan working the Rue de Longchamp très près de l’embassie du Mexique.
“it averages 171 days of the wet stuff a year both liquid and solid.”
Sounds like Rikki after eating kale.