We’re on the verge of the greatest international sports summer ever! We have:
Copa América
Euro 2020
CONCACAF Gold Cup
Tokyo Olympic Games
And it all starts on June 11, 2021 with the European Soccer (Football) championships aka Euro 2020!
Yes, it is 2021 but they decided to keep the name, ok?
From now until the tourney starts, we’ll be giving you previews for every country in Euro 2020, DFO-style, of course. We will also provide previews of all the Copa América countries as the Copa América starts on June 13, 2021 right after Euro 2020 starts.
Euro 2020 will be broadcast in English on ESPN in the United States and on TSN in Canada. Univisión has the Spanish language rights in the US and TVA has the French language rights in Canada. I don’t have the handy schedule imbedded because I have no idea how to do it nor interest in figuring it out.
Today’s team is:
Hungary
Huh.
Really went all out on the flag design.
Country Fun Facts
Hungary was first unified as its own country in 895. Where did they get their cool-ass country name? Good question! The original founders (Árpád and his brother-in-law Kurt, who didn’t really do shit, but Árpád’s wife was a giant pain and insisted that her worthless brother be given a cushy job and Árpád was like, well do I wanna deal with Kurt the idiot or do I piss off the wife, and you know how that goes) were big fans ot Attila, who pillaged the everloving fuck out of Central and Eastern Europe several centuries before, but “Attilaland” sounded stupid, so Kurt finally says, hey what if we name this place after Attila’s nephew? And Árpád was all, who are you even talking about? And Kurt was like, that chill dude who sold weed? (Back then, weed was called “laughy mint” and was regularly traded for virgin sheep.) So Árpád goes, oh yeah, he was okay. Fine, we’ll name this land after the Hun, Gary.
About 20 years later Hun,Gary changed its name to Hungary because other countries made fun of the comma.
Sometime later (Middle Ages? Renaissance? I dunno, sometime), Hun,Gary Hungary was attacked by Ottomans
and lost badly, which was embarrassing because who loses to furniture? As a result of getting footstool-slapped, Hungary became Austria-Hungary. It stayed that way for many years, with Austria clinging to Hungary like the most stubborn of dingleberries. Finally, thanks to Franz Ferdinand getting shot by Lee Harvey Oswald, Hungary got to be its own country again. Of course, we’ve already established how weak this country is, so it was only a matter of time before they became someone else’s bitch.
.
Finally, after Pope John Paul II ended The Soviet Union (well Reagan sure as fuck didn’t), Hungary got to be its own thing again, and there was much rejoicing. When I was a kid, I collected stamps (philatelists are total panty-droppers), and the Hungarian stamps always said “Magyar” on them. Whoever this Magyar is, they’re probably gonna own Hungary next.
The capital of Hungary is Budapest, and you won’t believe how stupid this is. Originally there were two towns called Buda and Pest. Then, they became one town. So obviously, with that kind of gripping origin story, that HAS to be the capital.
Team Schedule
Hungary is in Group F with Germany, France, and Portugal. The “F” in Group F is short for “Fuck, Hungary is gonna get killed.” The schedule for our feckless losers:
Tuesday, June 15, 2021 – 9 AM Pacific – Hungary vs Portugal – Buda+Pest=Budapest
Saturday June 19 2021 – 6 AM Pacific – Hungary vs France – Buda+Pest=Budapest
Wednesday June 23 2021 – Noon Pacific – Germany vs Hungary – Munich
Team Preview / Top Players
Hungary finished 4th in Euro 1972. That’s pretty good! Then they didn’t qualify until 2016. That sucks! However, they have now made it to two straight Euros (you are not going to find two straight Euros in Ibiza) so maybe things are looking up. Probably not.
Hungary plays an unusual style, relying on five overweight defensemen to get in the way of their opponents. Very few teams have been able to solve the back line of the Hungary Hungary hippos.
Their best player doesn’t matter because all the other teams in the group have much better players.
Best result when you Google Image Search “Hot Hungary Girls”
Sorry, was just looking to quickly throw up a picture.
Best result when you Google Image Search “Hot Hungarian Food”
This is Hungarian Goulash, Beef, potatoes, paprika (which is just the Hungarian word for “pepper”). I would eat that I guess.
SonOfSpam, have you ever been to this country?
Nah. Seems pointless. “Oh look, an old church. Hey, there’s a crumbling castle. Over there is some kind of bridge.”
Seems like Romania without the vampires.
Why you should root for this country
You like Attila’s nephew Gary.
You desire food.
You have a soft spot for stupid places that lose wars to furniture.
Why you should NOT root for this country
You like good teams.
You like fun places.
You’re not gonna pay a lot for that muffler.
You never experienced Lisztomania.
Jóslás
Hungary is the third-to-last choice in the betting markets, with odds of about 400-1 to win Euro 2021/2020/this year.
Their best chance for a point is probably the opening game against Portugal. Let’s be generous and say Hungary will manage 1 point over the 3 games, then go home to find they’ve been taken over by Slovenia.
In conclusion, Hungary is a land of contrasts.
[…] on message here’s SonOfSpam’s awesome team preview – sort of – for […]
This was so good. Now I don’t think I can finish mine because it will pale in comparison.
I actually had a really, really nice time in Hungary. I met some girl on the train from Slovenia who introduced me to her friend, a film student, who invited me over to his Soviet Bloc apartment for goulash with him and his sister. That sounds like the setup for organ harvesting but it absolutely wasn’t!
” like Romania without the vampires”
Is the most apt description of Hungary ever.
Also, Hungarian women are absolutely stunning.
Good stuff!
Went through and read the Open Thread from last night, wished I had been online to be a part of that one. Not sure how much I will be able to participate for a bit due to RL and am going to vent here a bit.
My son is moving back in with us, having quit his job at the brewery in VA. Thanks to the heavy handedness of the Richmond police he is having insomnia with anxiety and panic attacks, plus he no longer trusts the friends he was living with. It seems having the police knock down your door at 5:30 a.m. and wake up with flashlights and guns sticking in your face can cause mental and emotional issues. They said they knocked on the door and no one answered, hence breaking the door down. I believe it because the boy sleeps like he is in suspended animation with me having to sometimes pour water on him to get him up for school.
The police were serving a search warrant stating that child pron had been downloaded at their address. My son was the only person left at the house as everyone else had just moved out and he was scheduled to move out in 2 days. They seized everything electronic, except his kindle and as he only remembered one phone number (mine) he was in a melt down about how to reach anyone. They left, with the door destroyed, and my son tried to sleep there for two days with no front door as he would not get a hotel room due to being scared someone would steal his stuff.
He gave them the passwords to the electronics but it still took them 2 weeks to give his phone back, they have no idea when they will give him back his computers.
My wife is not happy about him moving back but is very understanding about the situation and we hope to get him some help and maybe try and get him moving forward in his life.
Pissed at the cops, the “friends” who moved out and have disappeared with the cops still looking for one and did not show up to help get the house ready for the full move out as they were supposed to do all together.
The only good thing is having a really good friend who dropped everything and went up to Richmond to help my son move as I was dealing with the day after the 2nd Covid vaccine shot and was about as useful as unstable nitro on the ISS.
At least my son is white, otherwise who knows if he would have survived.
That sucks about the “friends”. I hope things get better for him.
Crikey. That really sucks. Hope your son is able to recover soon or at least get to where he isn’t having panic attacks. (although it ended shitily, at least he is out of there and away from such great roomies)
The panic attacks have been bad, he calls me when they happen and I talk him down, get him to feeling better. I’ve always wanted to talk more with him, but never like this.
That is damn shitty, and I’m sorry he had to go through that.
Similar story, my wife’s BIL, her sister’s husband, is one of a few men in the family that all have the same first and last names, with different middle names. More than once has their house been surrounded by cops with guns because his one brother is a complete fuckup, and them on the bullhorn calling for them to come out peacefully or they will come in. Mind you, wife, two kids, both still under the age of 10. One time, I think it was the FBI.
It’s a fiasco every time. He’s white, so they cleared it up at the scene, and he didn’t have to stay in jail, or get shot, or choked to death, same as your son.
Once when I was in college I was on my way to work, and my roommate was in the car with me, since he worked in the same area. I got pulled over for an expired emissions sticker, (back when those were a thing), no big deal.
Cop takes my ID and registration, says to sit tight, likely just a warning and we’ll call it a morning.
Why yes, I am white, why do you ask?
Anyhoo, five minutes later there are 5 (probably 3, but it seemed like 5) state trooper cars behind me, lights are flashing, and two troopers are coming up to the passenger side, asking (rather politely given the apparent circumstances), if my roommate is Tim Cornblower. Satisfied that he is not they sent us on are way with nothing more than a admonishment for me to get my emissions sticker and to stop causing global warming.
I’d never heard of Tim Cornblower, before or since, but there were clearly several State Troopers who really wanted to talk to him.
Frankly, your son should have known better than to sub-let a room from Matt Gaetz.
/Seriously, that’s some shit luck right there. Hope things turn around with a quickness.
He has known them for quite awhile. Just found out one of them that disappeared, was around and did talk with the police, surrendered his electronics, because he was trying to convince his girlfriend who he just moved in with when he moved out of the house, that he was not who they were looking for and working on saving his relationship.
Damn. Good luck.
Can Litre inject Scotland into the Hun,Gary post? You bet your Prussian lederhosen he can.
/actually the only Scotland game I saw was against Hun,Gary in Glasgow.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ijk4j-r7qPA
Best (only) book I’ve read that’s set in Hungary:
Ballad of the Whiskey Robber: A True Story of Bank Heists, Ice Hockey, Transylvanian Pelt Smuggling, Moonlighting Detectives, and Broken Hearts: Rubinstein, Julian: 9780316010733: Amazon.com: Books
For the record, I did find a hot Hun,Garian girl, described as “an athlete who trained in China but loves Taiwan.” This makes as much sense as SoS’s grasp of 18th century European history. Still, here we are:
I think we’re all going to spell it Hun,Gary from now on.
She’s nice.
I am entranced by her shoulder…
So glad I got the France preview in when I did, because I would have just given up after reading this. Just outstanding. The Ibiza line, /gay chefs kiss
Absolutely superb line.
Start to finish brilliant. Not much for the footy, but my team is now Hun,Gary.
Fantastic preview. Karen Carpenter jokes never get old.
They never die.
– tWBS
He should know; he’s ducking her phone calls as we speak.
They’ve only just begun…
I’m still hungry for them
That back line joke is (chef’s kiss). The whole post, really, but that one cracked me the fuck up.
For some reason, like Romania without the vampires got me