Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t.
Who knew that we were so into random sports and would watch the Olympics?
Ignores all the posts on AFL, Marble LeagUe, Fightin’ Robots and wasslin.
Right, so it looks like this will be what we watch until the Futbawl is back.
Last week I mentioned that my area is just starting to open up and not having much to do as I didn’t want to be inside with a bunch mouth-breathers. So, I’m gonna go golfing for the first time in, I have no idea, long tomorrow. Should be a brutal score, but good to get out with some friends for the first time in almost a year. I’ve even getting up early for this as the course is an hour away and we have an early tee time. There’s at least one of y’all that’s a golf-pro, so any tips that can help me bring my score down, other than go practice? Ya, didn’t think so.
As a reminder, this post will cover comments made up to and through the Saturday Night Open Thread. Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post. Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
Don T
HARF HARF NO THAT IS PENIS FUN EVEN IF SHE SAYS NO WHATEVER THAT MEANS
SonOfSpam
I just want to say that I hate the constantly changing and inconsistent EU entry requirements, my job, and the most recent version of google maps where they put lots of useless crap that you can’t minimize on the screen so you can’t actually see where you are going on the map
Doktor Zymm
Also a special shoutout to the UK and Brexit, I am super happy y’all lost the Euros final in the most painful way possible since you’ve managed to make any travel that touches the UK as convoluted and painful as possible. It was a rare victory for global karma.
Doktor Zymm
I typed “kinkedin.com” into Chrome one time and it still shows up as the first suggestion when I type in the letter K even though it was probably over a year ago.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
“I’ll have the word salad.”
-Cole Beasley, ordering his first course at a restaurant
scotchnaut
AP being signed will be sure to whip that team’s fan base into a real frenzy
Anthony In TX
Especially if they want to switch things up at the position.
Beerguyrob
It’ll really help them whoop the competition.
Anthony In TX
You guys are really beating this joke into the ground. It’s getting abusive.
Dunstan
Well, off to go put some poop in the mail. There’s a sentence I never thought I’d type.
Dunstan
I took my poop in a box to the UPS store. The clerk had to rip it out of my arms, because I’m Anal Retentive.
Gumbygirl
Sharkbait
Holy crap, they’re actually keeping him in custody like some kind of commoner?
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
“Mr. President, Barrack has been arrested.”
“FINALLY! I’ve been saying he should be locked up. Are they getting Hillary, too?”
“Uh, Mr. President, this would be Tom Barrack, not Barack Obama.”
Dunstan
This just in: washed-up Hercules cosplayer got his fee-fees hurt when someone told him to wear a mask, then went on Twitter to cry about it
Anthony In TX
He got owned pretty bad by Xena back in january
Brocky
It makes me happier to believe that Brady considered Trump to be a personal friend (because Mango is and has always been an unrepentant starfucker and would have spared no expense to get on Tom’s good side) and showed “support” for him with the cap thinking it was all just some kind of game. But Brady didn’t go to the White House during the previous administration.
Maybe Brady just doesn’t like to associate with losers, and hanging out with people who won on a technicality reminds him too much of the Tuck Rule game, which he’d have lost if not for the NFL’s equivalent of the 2000 Supreme Court roster.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
What is up with Indiana?
Doktor Zymm
Just ordered a couch off the internet. I’m going to make a fort out of the giant box its gonna arrive in
Doktor Zymm
found a funny:
rockingdog
I’ve been putting off working out all afternoon because it was too hot, and am now approaching the point where I will put it off until tomorrow because it has gotten too late.
It’s a good system.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Admin
July 22, 2021 10:16 pm
WTF?? I was asked to add 2 + 2 in order to log in.
I WAS TOLD THERE WOULD BE NO MATH!!!
ballsofsteelandfury
The answer is potato.
— T. Green
Mr. Ayo
So, the tart is more of a pie.
The recipe called for 5 “small” leeks. I don’t think leeks come in “small”
Sharkbait
The good thing is you’re representing England, so the expectations for the food are already really low.
ballsofsteelandfury
But it smells so good.
I want to arrive at my sister’s house tomorrow blasting “Rule Britannia” on a speaker and inform her I own their house now. Like a true Englishman.
Sharkbait
Ok, flight delayed and offboarded, so….drinks in terminal 7?
BrettFavresColonoscopy
“First round’s on me!” – Pilot
Redshirt
THIS IS YOUR OWN FAULT FOR MOVING AWAY!
[runs off to room, crying]
[slams door]
[starts blasting The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus]
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
First you got me to vote Democratic, now you got me watching the Olympics. I hate you all, you magnificent sons and daughters of bitches.
Redshirt
“Ancient 15,000-year old viruses identified in melting Tibetan glaciers”
https://www.sciencealert.com/15-000-year-old-viruses-from-melting-tibetan-glaciers-hold-insights-into-earth-s-past
NOT NOW, SATAN
Anthony In TX
I feel like MTG is realizing she’s not the MOST hated Republican and has now made it her life’s mission to get the top spot.
Jesus, she’s such a fucking ghoul.
Anthony In TX
Its only Thursday. I have to work tomorrow. Why are you driving me to drink heavily?
Redshirt
You have to get in shape for the football season.
Mr. Ayo
The thing is Japan actually can’t cancel, they’re locked into their contract with the IOC. They’re essentially a nation being held hostage, that won’t even be able to recoup any of their financial investment since spectators are disallowed. I’m upgrading the IOC to NCAA level evil.
Doktor Zymm
“Oof! [wipes sweat from brow] Thought she was gonna mention us!”
-FIFA
scotchnaut
Hellooooo DFO time zone! Also, hi autocorrect wanting to change DFO to deformed!
Doktor Zymm
If the shoe fits…
TheRevanchist
NHL prospect: Please don’t anyone draft me this year.
Montreal Canadiens: Screw you, you’re ours.
Dunstan
Prospect: But I committed a sex crime and want to wait a year to prove my maturity.
Montreal GM Marc Bergevin: Ha ha, sharing your secret sex photos is no big deal. Why, when I was in Chicago, we had a coach who molested players and we all laughed about it and gave him a nice reference for his next job at a high school!
Dunstan
My single favorite moment of the parade of nations is the refugee team. Fuck my stupid former country I’m here to compete.
Fucking love it.
yeah right
A BLT is never a bad idea.
Spur
This is my go-to brunch item at my Chicago neighborhood bar
Doktor Zymm
Beer, Lemon Drop, Tequila?
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Last funny:
[taking date back to my place]
me: this is my treehouse
her: this is just a regular tree
me: struggling to climb up yeah but i live in it
rockingdog
We have leftovers to eat up, so, of course, I get the phone call to pick up dinner. Never fails.
TheRevanchist
LOL
upside down Oriole looks like Conan O’Brien
rockingdog
Don T
“You people who don’t play the game don’t understand what it’s like to be part of a team. The guys in that locker room, we would run through a brick wall for each other.”
“Would you get a safe vaccine to avoid derailing your team’s season, and to protect the health of each other and your families?”
“Ha ha, no, not that of course.”
Dunstan
Hey folks. Weird feeling tonight because I found out that an old law school professor of mine died. I hadn’t kept in touch, but he was from the same hometown as me and was a good guy. Also, he let me write my third year paper about Anna Kournikova. So pour one tonight for a good mofo who that asshole disease Alzheimer’s fucked with.
Dunstan
I’m feeling kind of grumpy. Gonna go read.
Gumbygirl
On a scale of 1 to 10, how hard do you think Tucker Carlson roots against American swimmers if they’re black? I’m thinking 12, 12.5.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
I hope he ends up painfully dying of poor loseriness when Simone Biles wins everything
Doktor Zymm
“I hope he ends up painfully dying”
Stop drilling, you’ve struck oil.
Horatio Cornblower
Gold Cup Bananacakes alert!
Mr. Ayo
If Qatar wins does we have to become QONQAQAF?
SonOfSpam
Pretty sure that is a splinter group at the Trump rally tonight.
litre_cola
The cat waited until I turned my back and then stole a shrimp right out of my shrimp scampi, and didn’t even have the common decency to even pretend to feel bad about it.
Clearly a sign to get the dog walked and then proceed to start cracking open beers. Unless that little feline shit has stolen all of them, too.
Horatio Cornblower
That little scamp!
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
*scampi
litre_cola
I’m tired just watching the Triathlon. Fuck me!
ballsofsteelandfury
Maybe you should tri harder?
scotchnaut
Sweet! A couple weeks ago i put an order in to Shef to get some meals delivered today (Korean food coincidentally!). It just got here and I completely forgot that I had ordered a Yuzu Mojito! Surprise mojitos are excellent, thank you past me!
Doktor Zymm
I think you know what you need to do-go to the nearest mirror, look yourself straight in the eye and say, ‘Past Me, you’re a good egg!”. I’m sure the message will get there somehow and your Past Me probably needs more pats on the back. I know mine does.
scotchnaut
I used to send postcards to future me when I was on vacation. “Haha, you’re back at the grind and I’m at the beach!”
Viva La Tabula Raza
So the third person I talked to at FedEx finally admitted they have no idea where my sofa is, and opened an investigation to locate it. Apparently they were sending it to Niles from Chicago so they could deliver it to Chicago and that’s where they lost track of it two days ago. I’m gonna go grocery shopping now that I know it isn’t going to show up anytime soon. I will probably end up having to extend my stay in Chicago or book a separate last minute trip when I finally get a real delivery date
Doktor Zymm
You would have it by now if you had gone to the warehouse and dragged it home yourself!
Gumbygirl
You should definitely take sofa advice from the woman who got herself knocked up on one, as a lady does.
Horatio Cornblower
Gumby’s parents made us take the sofa with us after we got married. We all called it the fertility couch. They didn’t want to take any chances with his sister!
Gumbygirl
Trump: “This Olympics is a disaster for our GREAT Country! The woke Basketball team losing for the first time ever! The girl Soccer and their Gay Nasty Woman, So NASTY, losing to. Most people say this is because of the POOR LEADERSHIP of Sleepy Joe. SAD!”
McDonalds Drive Thru Speaker: “For the last time, Mr. President. If you want to vent you need to go inside. My manager is upset about you inflating our Drive Thru Order Times!”
Redshirt
Looking forward to Sleepy Joe having ALL our athletes over to the White House, serving them delicious, wholesome, gourmet food and remarking how he’s glad that everyone feels welcome there again.
and then sniffing Megan Rapinoe’s purple hair…
BeefReeferLives
If you set an Olympic Record or World Record but there’s no one in the stands to witness it, does it really count?
Redshirt
THIS US MENS NATIONAL BASKETBALL TEAM I CALL THEM ASHLI BABBIT BECAUSE THEY CLEARLY AREN’T THE BEST AMERICA HAS TO OFFER AND, AFTER THEY GOT CUT DOWN BY EXCELLENT SHOOTING, THEY’VE GOT NO ONE TO BLAME BUT THEMSELVES SO FUCK EM.
blaxabbath
Simone Biles doesn’t seem to be having a lot of fun. Her talent is undeniable but it looks more like an obligation.
yeah right
litre_cola
Please. Get vacCinated.
Read my column in today’s @ArkansasOnline on why I decided to get the Trump vaccine. https://t.co/CmDd1Onqhu
— Sarah Huckabee Sanders (@SarahHuckabee) July 25, 2021
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
“You lost me at ‘read’”.
-Republicans
scotchnaut
This.
Gumbygirl
“First there was one fish. Then there was two fish. Next thing ya know there was a red fish. And then I saw me a blue fish. Them’s too many fishes! Gov’ment handouts have gone too far!”
scotchnaut
Well I guess it’s time for the customary DFO severance package, (winds up to slap ass, hard) but… we’ve had to cut back in the current challenging times, so a half-hearted shrug is all we can offer at this time. [BGR going for cigs post]
herodotus450
The finger in the ass is always free.
ballsofsteelandfury
Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
The surfing competition was phenomenal this year. The typhoon coming in was perfect timing. The changing conditions and the difference in size and shape made this competition a true test for all the competitors. And it was nice to see some fresh faces pull some upsets.
If you get a chance to see the Igarashi-Medina semifinal, please do. That was one of the best head to head heats I’ve ever seen.
The Swiss are good at mountain biking. Go figure.
Do the bikes blow up if they get attacked?
Cuz that would be AWESOME.
I haven’t seen points this hollow since the one that went straight through that traitor’s neck.
I’ve seen the video of the shooting.
She’s trying to break through a locked door while he’s got his gun drawn, giving clear, loud instructions for them all to move away.
The “just comply with the police and you won’t have trouble” crowd seems to have missed that one.
Brutal, but amazing.
?itemid=4996803
(I should point out my comment has nothing to do with Josh’s actual points; they were just the setup for making a joke about that traitor taking a bullet right through her treasonous throat).
Strange how the “Back the Blue” & “Blue Lives Matter” crowd isn’t so pro-cop when the cops aren’t killing black people…
The Dr. Mrs. is mad at me right now because I won’t agree that what Simone Biles did was “heroic”.
In her own best interest? Absolutely. ( and I mean that in the most positive way)
Heroic? I’ll side with RTD.
I have no animosity whatsoever toward Simone Biles, but heroic doesn’t seem like the right adjective. I support her decision and hope she feels better soon.
I think that “heroic,” and “brave” and “stunning” etc. are being used to death.
Edited to add: I mean in general, not with Biles specifically.
To the point where they’ve lost any tangible meaning.
Right. I’m especially baffled when I see self-help books or web sites that declare “YOU are an amazing, beautiful, stunning, heroic person!”
Uh, how do you know? You don’t know me, you’re not directing that at me, so the implication is that you think that everyone is those things. But if everyone is special, then no one is.
To be clear, I get why people <i>write</i> that shit; some people eat that up, so it makes them money. What I don’t get is <i>why</i> people eat that up. I’m trying to imagine how someone is sufficiently lacking in self-esteem that they need to hear that from a total stranger, yet also has enough self-esteem to be willing to think it means something.
She did what was right for her. But she isn’t a hero in these Olympics, not like Kurt Angle who not only won gold in the Olympics, but came into the WWE and made a real name for himself.
https://youtu.be/03_I_F8XMQI
Ooooo. I can see your point, (took guts, but I don’t really see that as “heroic”)
but sometimes explaining your logic is, uh, not the best course.
My vote for top comment of the week goes to that Anthony In TX guy. He seems like a real stand-up dude and I hear he’s handsome too .
Don’t forget modest
Oh, he’s the MOST modest. Way more modest than anyone else around here!
He lives in Texas. Just saying!
OR DOES HE
(he does)
> I hope he ends up painfully dying of poor loseriness when Simone Biles wins everything
Oof. This didn’t age well. I could not imagine better ammunition for the cult to use in pretending the 1/6 commission didn’t kick off today. It’s basically weapons grade plutonium for racist boomers.
(sorry to be a bit coy there, but I don’t want to spoil things for people who aren’t current)
What with (redacted), (redacted), and (redacted), it was tough being a US sports fan this morning.
Here’s how you improve your golf score:
Winter Rules
I have my every 4 year rant ready. When the Olympics are many time zones away, see Tokyo, Beijing, Seoul e.t.c, and the events are tape delayed, every single sports show steps all over their dicks to give out the live results. Shit, our local news broadcast did it today and they never talk about sports unless it’s the Lakers or Dodgers. Sports Center is ridiculous. One 5 minute segment can ruin an entire day of Olympics viewing.
Assholes.
That’s why 2028 will be awesome, unless you do something silly like move to Portugal.
Should be alright there. I plan on retiring that October. It can be my send-off hootenanny.
The Olympics are making the women play beach volleyball during a tropical rainstorm.
Probably because it’s the only way those old fucks on the Olympic Committee can get a woman wet.
“Impossible.”
–B.Shapiro
And you think he’d be more attuned to that sort of thing, since he’s only as tall as an average crotch.
Did you see his mask rant today? It’s his stereotypical disingenuous petulant bullshit involving intentionally misinterpreting a thing and getting mad about it.
“Why won’t liberals debate our super genius hero Ben?”
Ben: “Debate me!”
Anyone else: “Okay, where and when?”
Ben: “Not like that!”
If there is a Mrs. Shapiro, and I would hope there isn’t, she has a get out of jail free card for when she murders him with that bullshit!
There is, and he will assure you that she says a “WAP” is a medical condition and definitely not related to the sexual pleasure she’s missing out on by hitching her wagon to his star.
There is, and they have kids and everything. Which is definitive proof that Ben Shapiro has had sex with someone. Or at least that his wife did.
“Or at least that his wife did.”
Daaaaaaaammmmmmmnnnnnnnn
Because, it’s Tuesday, and we could all use a happy tune.
https://youtu.be/w1FgmqTU92I
Update: The tart/pie was delicious.
Did you win?
I think so. There was no real contest, so I’m declaring victory. Just like England declared other countries as their own
That really looked great. If I had an oven, I’d be making something like that. The oven guy claims he’s coming August 4th. We shall see.
I bet. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Stilton…
(ever melt a bit of stilton on top of a steak? Oh, baby)