Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t.  

Looked at the calendar and it’s like 3 weeks until LaboUr day.  Where the hell does the time go?
Which means football in it’s methadone form is back.  It’s good to see that we are so ready for some football.  We’ve forgotten all the reasons we said we weren’t going to watch this year and have tuned and commented in droves.  Tis good to see\read.  Which reminds me I gotta start prepping for the FF drafts and such.  God damn, footballs back.  It’s the most wonderful time of the year…..

As a reminder, this post will cover comments made up to and through the Saturday Night Open Thread. Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post. Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

---

I want the rapist to fall apart on the field, without any putting back together bullshit. Full Humpty Dumpty, I say! And then I want Haskins to be a grown ass man and lead them to the Superb Owl, whilst stomping the Brownies into smithereens along the way. And I want a pony.
Gumbygirl

Well, you might get the pony…

BeefReeferLives

---

This was too good, and a roller-coaster 10-7 seems right indeed. HARF!

Canada was at NC State a few years, apparently he has a REALLY shitty personality, but is competent.

And if NEW PUNTER don’t get you hard enough to cut glass, I just can’t smgdh any harder.
King Hippo

Sharkbait

---

     Juju Smith-Schuster, Chase Claypool, and Dionte Johnson….

Mason Rudolph looking at this receivers room

blaxabbath

---

17 games is not sitting in my head right yet. I really want more ties so we can see 500 records.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

---

Doktor Zymm

---

I am angered by how difficult it is to buy women’s pants that
a) Have usable pockets
b) Fit people who are not tube shaped and have hips that are larger than their waist
and
c) Don’t have a drawstring, especially one inexplicably made out of a stretchy material that renders it useless
Doktor Zymm

I hate buying pants. My problem is that I’m pretty much a bowling ball with legs, so everything that fits in the waist is huge everywhere else, and anything with a stretchy waist immediately rolls to my hips.
Gumbygirl

I have the opposite problem. I think we should chop all our pants in half and swap the waists and hips/legs and then we’ll both have pants that fit, with no thanks to BIG PANT!
Doktor Zymm

Or we should just boycott pants entirely!
Gumbygirl

---

Shoutout to Yeahright and Sunday Gravy –
Yesterday I cooked up a bunch of bacon for a BLT, and then made a sort of pan sauce with the rendered grease that was based off the sauce from last week. Quick sautee of some green beans I needed to use in the sauce and those are now some tasty green beans!
Doktor Zymm

---

I am in negotiation to rescue another pug as Decilitre loved Mexsci Pug visiting this past weekend. What am I thinking…
litre_cola

---

August 9, 2021 7:55 pm
Who has two thumbs and is attempting to learn javascript to write a dumb discord robot that posts a Mike Dean yellow card gif?

This guy!
Sharkbait

javascript is possibly the worst programming language in the world.
Doktor Zymm

---

So far today:

Andrew Cuomo realized that just because he had no ill intent makes it okay.
The Senate passed a bipartisan infrastructure bill with 19 Republicans going against the overflowing pile of orange crap who was President.
That slightly full pile of bull crap who represents Georgia in the House got banned from Twitter for a whole week.

If this is a dream, I don’t want to wake up.
Redshirt

Seems like the tide might be considering thinking about forming a committee to discuss the possibility of turning.
Anthony In TX

---

Wasn’t that pic of Brocky with Chevy Chase?
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I think I got the name wrong, will update the post.
Thank you for mentioning it
Game Time Decision

“Don’t feel badly, I replaced Chevy Chase with Bill Murray, too.” — Lorne Michaels
Dunstan

---

She should take a knee on this one. It is going to get ugly.

TheRevanchist

---

I think the funniest COVID forfeit possibility is that some crapsack team (oh, let’s say the Bengals) comes into the final week 1-15, needing just to lose their final game to wrap up the #1 pick, only to have a COVID forfeit. Apparently it doesn’t count for purposes of draft or waiver position, so they could end up falling to the #2 spot behind another team that goes 1-16.

Imagine not even being able to lose the right way….
Dunstan

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

---

I just spent almost an hour writing up something for internal facebook comparing the Chernobyl and Fukushima disasters to our software development culture. I am inordinately proud of myself right now
Doktor Zymm

---

Here’s another submarine story. I hope these don’t bore you.

This is the electrocution story.

My boat was built in 1964 so it was predominantly stainless steel back aft in engineering. We had a very small “head” (which is a bathroom) back aft in Auxiliary Machine Room Number 2 (we called “Machinery 2”).

The electricians had a testing device called a “megger” that was hand-held and hand-cracked and would generate enough current to test a major switchboard circuit breaker.

Now, the conditions for this gag had to be perfectly correct for it to work. A guy had to go into the small head to urinate. The two leads of the “megger” would be attached thusly to the stainless steel handrail inside the “head” and the other lead to the plumbing drain. The head was in upper level, but these leads could be rigged unseen from lower level.

If he was holding the handrail and also urinating, the “megger” would be cranked, which would send an electrical shock into the guy’s penis, through his urine stream.

We could hear the yell throughout the engineering spaces, despite the engine noises.
Brick Meathook

---

Truth

Gumbygirl

---

Former Kansas City Chiefs quarterback Alex Smith joining ESPN as NFL analyst, report says https://t.co/AnyhofuP2l

— FOX4 News Kansas City (@fox4kc) August 11, 2021

TheRevanchist

Were they already shorthanded?
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I mean, no one really hates him, even fans of other teams. So, he’s a pretty neutral pick.
TheRevanchist

I was making a small hands joke
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yeah, but it really didn’t have a leg to stand on.
Horatio Cornblower

---

I just saw a character on a tv show misuse “infer” (he should have said “imply”) and I’m shaking with rage. You mean to tell me that NOBODY involved with the production understood that it was the wrong word? COME ON.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We can’t ALL be sleazy Hollywood producers….
blaxabbath

---

Who could have seen this coming??

https://twitter.com/TinkerSec/status/1425619110747152385

Sharkbait

It’s a shame when key data is born out of wedlock
Doktor Zymm

---

So Arnold said something about vaccines that conservatives didn’t like, so now they’re trying to cancel him. Which, along with the news that Robin (of Batman) is gay, or bi, or whatever, is just music to my ears. I’m sure there are tons of conservatives who adore Arnold – both as an action hero and a politician. And now the cult demands that they declare him an enemy. Which they must do, or become an unperson too.

They are being told that they must hate everything that they ever loved. ANTIFA or Critical Race Theory or Immigrants or whatever the current boogeyman is is stealing that from them. Imagine how miserable that must be. Everything you loved, slipping away.

It’s beautiful, man. Beautiful.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Arnold was never a cult Republican. People joke about him, but he was actually a pretty decent governor.
ballsofsteelandfury

---

There’s no Zymm around to correct me on this sooooo……

I think it’s funny that we treat teams by linear W/L trends instead of as a weighted average. This franchise is looking down the barrel of two decades with only two seasons above 7-wins and both of those are absolute double-digit anomalies. Is Baker Mayfield Johnny Manziel? No but I wish. Point is, the Haslem factor is good for four losses right out the gate. So can Cleveland improve on their eleven win season? Sure — by two games (in a 17 game schedule).

Chubb’s had a nice little career though. Wasted away in Cleveland but most guys don’t get a shot at the playoffs each year so I’m not going to shed a tear for this multi-millionaire.
blaxabbath

Cleveland’s problem is they were put in an expansion team in a division with four great teams (Jaguars, Titans, Steelers, Ravens), with the expectation to go back to what they were in the early 90s (a team a few steps away). The first game against the Steelers was the perfect example. Everyone wanted a good old fashioned AFC Central fight, but the Browns weren’t nowhere near ready.

That’s been the problem with the Browns: unrealistic expectations.
Redshirt

I don’t know-I always expect them to lose, and they usually do! Seems like those expectations are the very definition of “realistic”
Gumbygirl

---

Would rather it be Bumblebee Man, but this works too.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

---

Oh, come on. They have an outfield fence in the Field of Dreams game?! Come on, they should’ve had no fence like the movie and have a ball hit into the corn in play.
Redshirt

The Field of Dream game should be limited to 1920’s medical treatment, too. Rash from sliding? Leeches. Strained hamstring? Leeches. Concussion from a hit by pitch? Hoo boy, that’s a leeching.
Horatio Cornblower

---

Pleased to announce that we have reached the “eating cold breakfast sausage while drinking beer” portion of the evening.

Also the dog hasn’t noticed that I have the sausage out, so he’s clearly dying.
Horatio Cornblower

---

Evenin, was on dad duty and a buddy stopped over. Got into the gin after the wine. I have dad duty all day tomorrow as Mrs. Cola is out and will be hungover. That will make the score Litre 356363 Mrs Cola about 12
litre_cola

Here’s a fun similar story. My best friend’s mother passed away about two decades ago, and her service was on St. Patrick’s Day. She was a lady who would have wanted St. Patrick to be recognized, funeral or no, and her wishes were acknowledged. The night ended with several of us at a biker bar, and my wife dancing on said bar with several of the employees.

I had to be up at 5:30 to get another friend to the airport by 7. I got 2-3 hours of sleep and managed to get him to the airport on time. I got home at 8:30 and just wanted to get some sleep. My wife had been up since 6 with a 3-year-old and a 6-month-old, neither of whom was in a mood to be reasonable. I was handed both children and told to wake her up at noon.

The 6-month old was put in a vibrating rocking chair, the 3-year old in front of the TV with Nickelodoen locked in, and I passed out on the couch. Miraculously, neither managed to find their way out of the house.

Later I learned that my friend threw up on his flight back to Chicago, so Cornblower House 1-American Airlines Flight 772 0.
Horatio Cornblower

---

Doktor Zymm

---

So I have discovered Kalsarikännit. Apparently it is the Finnish practise of getting drunk alone at home in your underwear with no intention of going out.

DFO, we have found our best sport.
litre_cola

---

Found a Rocking funny!

Gumbygirl

---

A sausage gravy fountain with biscuits. I am simultaneously queasy and hungry (qungry?)

Gumbygirl

The sheer hydraulics of that intrigues me. The pump needed to move that 90 weight fluid has just got to be industrial strenght.
2Pack

---

NYT OPINION EDITOR KATHLEEN KINGSBURY: Wow, what a week in New York! Maureen, can I get a few hundred words from you about Governor Cuomo’s resignation and the ascencion of New York’s first female governor Kathy Hochul?

MAUREEN DOWD: Huh? Nah, I’d rather write about this birthday party in Martha’s Vineyard that I didn’t get invited to.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

---

Found a funny;

imagine it’s your day in court for a horrible crime you didn’t commit. your lawyer is late, you haven’t even met them yet. then the doors swing open, and it’s a fucking golden retriever in a suit. your heart sinks. you realize you are in air bud 14: attorney at paw. you weep
rockingdog

---

Greetings, empire builders! Apologies for the lack of posts over the past month — you see, we have had a resurgence of the bubonic plague here at the estate, and I have had to bring aboard an entire group of new manservants (the previous ones were dedicated until the very end — other African nations should follow their example!). It pleases me that our great game has returned — that said, it is truly pathetic that the King’s African Rifles were not able to overcome a swarm of bees yesterday. If they are going to play like this all season, I will be forced to request that they be relegated to the Kenyan Super League.
Cecil Rhodes

---

My BIL who is a Broncos fan sent this to me.

TheRevanchist

---

Another fun Texans name fact: the Texans placekicker Kai’mi Fairbairn’s actual real given name is John Christian Ka’iminoeauloameka’ikeokekumupa’a Fairbairn.

That’s way cooler than “Lovie.”
Anthony In TX

---

Oof! The Giants are currently at Austrian rb Sandro Platzgummer levels of futility.
scotchnaut

(Heh, Sandro Platzgummer, that’s a pretty funny name ol Scotchy came up with)
[Clicks +1]
[Checks Yahoo! Sprots]
(That’s a real name for a real guy, Scotchy didn’t come up with anything!)
[Clicks +1 again]
herodotus450

---

Tebow as the blocking TE does a Brady-esc block. …lol
Game Time Decision

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fun fact: Lovie Smith’s real, actual, given first name is “Lovie.”
Anthony In TX

His younger brother’s name? Sorta Likey Smith.
scotchnaut

---

Well, it looks like the Jaguras are already in mid-season form.
LemonJello

They’re 2-6 already? Urban’s really ahead of his time.
Anthony In TX

I think they’re playing by CFL rules.
LemonJello

GTD if this isn’t in your GTD reflections you are un Canadian, this is damn funny.
litre_cola

---

Amazon has really gone downhill, they don’t even sell the good sex furniture anymore
Doktor Zymm

Bad sex furniture is better than no sex furniture though.
Mr. Ayo

---

The Texans are playing tonight! Wheeeee!

(My joy is tempered by the fact that the team I have loved since day one is a complete and total dumpster fire owned by an incompetent failson and helmed by a snake-oil feel-good prosperity gospel preacher and coached by a walking inspirational poster and has an alleged sexual assaulter QB who was supposed to be the savior of the franchise and has treated us fans with utter and complete contempt since the racist owner died a couple of years ago. But otherwise I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine)

Anyway, go Cardinals, I guess, since they have all the best parts of the Texans anyway.
Anthony In TX

Hey everybody! We found one!
yeah right

There are tens of us!
Anthony In TX

---

DFO: Come for the Korean stew recipes, stay for the foreign policy analysis and dick jokes.
Dunstan

---

Oh hey, I just remembered why I knew there was something about the devil and horseshoes — it involves St. Dunstan:

A Saint, the Devil, and Why Horseshoes are Lucky – Drawing Covert (wordpress.com)

Dunstan is said to have been working at his forge when the Devil appeared disguised as a traveler. The devil asks to have a horseshoe replaced on his horse. Dunstan sees through the Devil’s disguise and manages to trick him and nail the horseshoe tightly to the Devil’s hoof rather than the horse’s. This causes the Devil great pain. Dunstan forces the Devil to agree not to enter any building with a horseshoe mounted above the door in exchange for the removal of the horseshoe from his foot.

The details of this story vary widely, as it’s been told and retold for 1000 years. Sometimes the Devil appears as a woman to tempt Dunstan but he sees her cloven hooves. Sometimes the horseshoe is hot and burns the Devil’s foot until he agrees to Dunstan’s terms. There is a popular related tale in which Dunstan grabs the Devil by the nose with hot tongs.
Dunstan

---

THIS AFGHAN GOVERNMENT, I CALL IT THE ATLANTA FALCONS, BECAUSE THEY JUST HAD A MASSIVE COLLAPSE IN A SHORT TIME AND LOST TO SOMEBODY HATED BY ALL GOOD AND DECENT PEOPLE
Dunstan

---

Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

NOTE banner image from here