Perhaps the most delightful aspect of the 2021-22 season (so far, anyway) is the return of a favoUrite meme. And our beloved Moose Hornets tango with the Trashbirds, on national teevee (12:30, NBC). That is, no doubt, today’s must see.
Don’t wake up to watch the braying Redshite fuckwits, as their side beat the tar shit out of Team White Lives Matter (7:30, Peacock). Christ in heaven, talk about a match only a mother(fucker) could love.
Wakezilla: One reason you might want to tune into this game is because last week, when some Burnley fans booed the players taking the knee, the away Brighton fans sang: “Marcus Rashford is feeding your kids.” Will the Bin Dipper faithful do the same? It would be nice if they did!
The 10:00 window features two horrid TV options. Villa/Barcodes (NBCSN) and Man City/Norwich (aka Alternate Trashbirds, USA). One dire watch, one angry thrashing. NBC really wants your Peacock moneys, y’all.
Wakezilla: It’s time to laugh at Blood Oil City, again. City haven’t sold out a single block of seats a day before the Norwich game.
One of the section has just under 150 seats available. “Da BiGgEsT FoOtBaLl ClUb In Da WoRld” indeed!
Last week was Drunk Jack Grealish’s debut for Man Shitty. Here’s a look at his heat map:
Even Drunk Jack’s heat map has him passing out.
Assuming you have Peacock, you can watch Leeds runs Everton to death. Or Palce/Brentford, as the latter crash back to earth.
Wakezilla: You know who plays on Sunday and had a bad week? The Hot Sperms. It started off with them playing in the new, third tier European league against FC Pacos de Ferreira:
This must have intimidated the shit out of the Spurs because they lost, which prompted FC Pacos to post this response on Tik Tok, which has now been deleted.
Sunday is pretty massive, with Clubhouse FavoUrite Gooners hosting the Trespassers of Chelski (11:30, NBCSN) as the feature. I know it’s only Week Two, and nobody but Man City and PSG has any money. But if Arsenal look as bad as they did Week One – at home, against a bitter rival – Handsome Mikel’s job could be under immediate threat. With Blues in the away section singing the old standard You’re Getting Sacked in the Morning.
Speaking of songs and bitter rivals, here is a goodie:
See you in the comments.
is the late thread up? SURE IS, Other Hippo!
I think the Jets may not have screwed the pooch by drafting Wilson. Nice release and mobility and he can find his not-primary reads.
I’m in full on experimentation mode in the Sunday Gravy test kitchen and I pretty much pepper sprayed myself. I was steeping some arbol chilies and garlic in my blender with the lid on. I removed the lid and gave it a whiff.
Holy fuck!
It was pretty hilarious actually.
Hope you can post a pic of this event or at least the aftermath in your writeup tomorrow.
It’s for next week but it’ll be mentioned most certainly.
“yeah right gave himself a facial” is my takeaway here.
I feel positively emoliated.
Are any of these NFL pre-seaon games Rocking?
Should I try to watch?
also bummer that Pulisic cant play for Chelsea tomorrow vs Assenal cause he tested positive for Covid
oh well.
Jest/Packers at least has competent, professional announcers?
and it’s just too bad Pulisic doesn’t live and/or work in a country with easy access to a safe and effective vaccine
Watching The World’s End. It’s so much fun and Rosamund Pike is fucking hot.
WhooHoo! Enjoy it!
Okay boys and girls, this is a real story.
My father died in 1969 when I was seven years old. My mother who was now a widow had to take over. She never remarried. But she was a very good financial manager, and we’ve owned the same house in Arlington Virginia for 60 years. She has a heart of gold but every word out of her mouth is criticism.
For years my older sister was the target of her criticism, and I avoided it. but my sister has cancer so I guess she’s off limits now. Recently it seems I’ve become the new target.
I can survive this (and even emerge victorious) but this is real Hitchcock shit.
Gotta say, this is less funny than the “electrocute a guy while pissing” one. But in all serious, hang in there, my imaginary friend.
The Weather Channel is all over the CT and RI coast. Jim Cantore, of course, gets Naraganssett, or however many consonants are in there, and poor, adorable Jen Carfagno must have pissed someone off, because she’s at the “beach” in Bridgeport.
Just training on the level of blow required of her.
Fields having his way with the Bills #2’s and #3’s defenders. Bears fans react sensibly.
I am completely entertained that my strategy of picking the least popular option in the DFO footy pickem somehow has me in 8th place, and I’m at .500 for the week so far.
It’s a nice touch that the Need Help? link at the top returns a message that you’re not allowed to access this page.
Be better if it went to a page with just ALCOHOL on it.
Everyone noes menfolk ain’t NEVAR allowed to ask FOAR help!!
The solution to all our problems lies at the bottom of a bottle.
Beer, spirit, pill, any bottle will do.
it bears repeating:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6ozHscfyfY
Bleach.
Ah yes, I do need to do a load of whites.
/not buddy
Buddy don’t see coloUr!
/just length and girth
Bills D-line is strong and deep. Or the Bears O-line is shite.
<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>I understand there’s frustration saying media coverage of Afghanistan withdrawal might make another POTUS loathe to end a war.<br><br>But consider: Might also compel a future POTUS to rethink launching a war without cleer goals and minimally disruptive exit strategy.</p>— Alex Ward (@alexbward) <a href=”https://twitter.com/alexbward/status/1429115918135828488?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw”>August 21, 2021</a></blockquote> <script async src=”https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js” charset=”utf-8″></script>
<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>Also it would be cool if there were dragons and I could get a scholarship to dragonrider school and then become captain of the dragonpolo team.</p>— [DoorFliesOpen] (@doorfliesopen) <a href=”https://twitter.com/doorfliesopen/status/1429148056994271237?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw”>August 21, 2021</a></blockquote> <script async src=”https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js” charset=”utf-8″></script>
I kind of want to write up the rules of dragonpolo as an actual sport.
I would totally play
Watford may be a bit shit today, but still pretty righteoUs that they are coached by a Serbian gangster.
Maybe the players heeded the warning about Serbs from Layer Cake.
“But he got unlucky because this lot is wanted for war crimes. Mass murder. Ethnic cleansing. They’re lunatics. They’re wanted by the United fucking Nations. Think about that. Word on the street is they’ve unleashed their top boy. His party piece, right, is lopping people’s heads off and fetching them back to his boss.”
Layer Cake is a wonderful fucking movie.
There is a that it was based on that is even better. I think I’ve read it three or four times. The author also wrote screenplay and so it’s pretty true to the novel, there are several extra sub-plots that didn’t make it to the screenplay. Around ten bucks on the Amazon.
There is also a sequel to the novel, Viva la Madness. Not quite as good as the original, but worth the investment, same price range on Amazon.
If your Grandma threw them at Baron von Randski (sp?), yes continue the tradition.
“Hey, who’s this Bills’ QB? He seems pretty good. We could use somebody with that level of talent!”
–Chicago fans
My word, who knew that seagulls could prove so frustrating to this sorry band of moose-hornets? I shall have to remember the potency of these otherwise useless birds the next time I try to lead an expedition into Portuguese Mozambique!
What’s the big deal, yew ain’t supposed to use your arms/shoulders in Lesser Footy no how!!
I try to avoid paying much attention to off-season trades and signings. That way, when things get started up, it’s like watching the balls pop out of a pachinko machine. Oooh, Trubisky to Buffalo! Dalton to Chicago! Who else!
Watson to the DA’s office!
Carl Nassib moved to the Castro district!
whew, I thought that lesbian comedienne was gonna make it 3-2 there
In honor of the departed Tom T Hall, a song we can all relate to:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUmVjjMG-BE
“That’s my favorite song!”
B. Kavanaugh, Washington DC
There was a bar Gumby and I used to frequent in our misspent youth called Larry’s Lair, owned by a guy everyone called Uncle Larry. This song was in heavy rotation on the jukebox. Underage bar drinking was the best drinking!
I pity people who didn’t misspend at least a portion of their youth
One of my first jobs out of high school was in radio. I was half DJ and half babysitter for an automated station. Day after St. Patrick’s Day I’m driving into work listening to our station and the jock who I’m relieving forgot to pot down turn table #2 while he was queuing up the next record. I’m listening live and I hear “I like beer”, [record scratch] “I like beer” [record scratch] about five times before dumb ass finally realizes he’s on air.
Stupid radio stories entertain stupid radio people.
I think it’s a good story!
My college girlfriend worked at her school’s radio station and had excellent taste. My general rule was if she recommended an album, I would buy the CD without hesitation.
It killed me because it was a country station and I’m a metal head. I carried that guilt around for years afterwards.
OK, time to prep the outside for Hurricane Henri.
Step 1: locate pants
The wind took them
My decision to hang my clothes on a line to take advantage of the wind and dry them quicker has bitten me in the (bare) ass
but Mrs. Horatio is enjoying teh view amirite??
Didn’t think I’d have to type “It is looking very ugly.” twice in the same thread, but here we are.
Horatio, artist’s depiction:
Yeah. You guys are getting it good
PHRASING.
It is looking very ugly.
Be safe!
Step 2: Charge all devices, leave timed FUCK YOU texts to the electric company in all platforms.
Should we send you some paper towels?
#BonusPill for that cracker by Demarai Gray?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6ozHscfyfY
The Dr. Mrs. hitting me with a nice dose of perspective as I lament our broken fridge by pointing out what’s happening in Haiti.
Every day is a broken refrigerator day in Haiti, innit?
At best.
Our power company is telling us to be prepared to be without power for 10 days due to the looming storm.
I am prepared to be without power for 10 minutes before I start whining like a 2-year-old. This is Connecticut, not Puerto Rico.
/machete boomerang takes off Horatio’s ear.
//Don T sheaths machete
Acela corridor is to hurricanes like The South is to a dusting of snow.
Hell, a decent tropical storm puts us off our game for a good week.
Tropical storm is our version of I heard tell it might snow best buy all the terlet paper
And as the South is to hurricanes, too.
Don’t be a pussy. Here, have some Brawny
Not even Bounty. Fucking Fed skinflints1!1!
If Trump had won his re-election, we’d be being forced to drink Brawn-do by the end of 2024. It’s got electrolytes.
It took a hell week at work and being distracted by hurricane prep last night, but I completely forgot about Footy tips until about 5 minutes ago.
At best I can go 5-5 this week, and in an effort to do that I made sure to bet against Arsenal.
Smart man
Two nil at the half! C’ship is so fun.
HOW
‘BOUT
THEM
COTTAGERS
Danny Ings with the goal of the season.
Stating the obvious, but the Raphinha (sp?) equalizer is coming.
/or some other dude
That pass to Bamford. Holy shit.
Michael Keane is so, so bad. But he’s a “mudder” so dipshit Benitez loves him.
Got to admit, I love watching Leeds under Bielsa. It’s like ten dogs running around at the beach.
It would amuse me if he got annoyed and sent the keeper into the outfield buildup
My VERY untrained, amateur eye tells me Ayling is really fucking good. What say you?
he’s a handful, just needs consistency
GOoooooooooooooooooooooooooolllllllllllllll Portuguese the kid!
Up the Albion!
*Yes I also support the trash birds.
Well, you’re a Pats fan, so supporting something that could be scrambled to spell ‘albino’ is only natural.
The funny thing is I’ve been to Brighton. Tawmmy would not feel comfortable there. Too much like Provincetown for him.
lol
New Netflix show idea: The Most Dangerous Game, but the contestants are a dozen anti-vaxxers and the hunter has a tranquilizer rifle loaded with J&J doses. Anyone who remains unvaxed after 24 hours gets $1mm.
So the reverse Hunger Games
Mitroooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
Hello from the Great Canadian Shield! They have had the hottest, driest summer on record. Today wind, cold rain. Why of course!
Anyone else get redirected to color swatches?
Reading the Babylon Berlin series, now I want to bet Hertha Berlin because it’s Charly’s side and I want to impress her.
Fun fact: Hertha BSC was a favorite team of the Nazis during the Third Reich!
Not really their fault; in true Nazi fashion, Hitler installed a loyalist as President of the club.
There was a bit in the book where she talked about being upset that Hertha didn’t win the League, but you don’t see me calling Bayern a Jew team.
is also weird because Berlin was the most Nazi-unfriendly part of Germany, and Munchen was talismanic (the beer hall putsch)
The Fuhrer might be alarmed as to the racial composition of the current squad.
King, have you seen Look Who’s Back? It’s a funny Hitler movie.
the Leeds support is pretty fantastic today, expecting us to shit our kits
Update on Josh Mandel trying to single-handedly take down a small business in northern Ohio:
The brew pub has stated they sent the sick employee home as soon as they found out she was sick and requested Mandel take down his tweet lauding a sick person coming to work to serve food and drinks.
Mandel is doubling down, attacking the joint for bowing to the “woke” mob and standing by his support of sick people serving food and drinks.
Christ, what an asshole.
Many of the Cultists will back him if he can just get his lies and complaints on Fox News. Those people are too fucking stupid to understand the simplicity of this story so will just call in line with what they’re told.
It’s just such a weird hill to die on.
“I was trying to applaud a solid work ethic and made a mistake; I hope she feels better” is so much easier than “GAH FUCK YOU LIBS YOU RUIN EVERYTHING MAGA MAGA BLEARGH”
But of course, Mandel refers to Trump as “the gold standard” of President and right-wing political discourse in 2021 is “Let’s see who can be the biggest piece of shit,” so it’s par for the course.
I’m going to Summer Slam tonight. Don’t know anyone in the Federation anymore but I still expect a good time.
“Don’t wake up to watch the braying Redshite fuckwits, as their side beat the tar shit out of Team White Lives Matter (7:30, Peacock). Christ in heaven, talk about a match only a mother(fucker) could love.”
I’m gonna say this to my wife with absolutely no context and see what her reaction is.
Hippo heartily approves of this fine idea!
She’ll probably just roll her eyes and say, “Is that from that one football dick joke website?”
She’s smart.
Mrs. Cola calls this place my sports nerdery.
Burnley are legit wasting space in the Prem. They’re a Championship club who should be relegated and stick to lower division.
Them and their racist fans can go screw.
My GAMBLOR abstention? Lasted FOUR whole days fuck you, YOU have a problem!