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Saturday Smorgasboard Lesser Footy (and one JV Offering!) Open Thread

King Hippo

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Supporters across the Premiership anxiously wait, as deadline day (1 Sept) approaches.  For some, it’s wondering if Santa will arrive and/or how much cool new shit they get.  For others (cough, cough, Everton) it’s praying The Grinch doesn’t take away everything.  Including the will to live.

But first, we got fixtures to play, starting with Gooners/Cityzens (7:30, Peacock).  How dumb am I?  I bet on Arsenal to WIN.  Maybe there will be a hangover related to findng out one’s rotational left back is a rapist?  I guess that was my ‘thinking.’

Five concurrently at 10:00, with Everton/Brighton on NBCSN, Villa/Bees on CNBC.  If you expect nothing, can you still be disappointed?  SPOILER ALERT – yes.  Yes you can.  Yes you will.

Spotlight Dance is Redshite/Chelski (12:30, NBC), and there’s nothing to root for here except the heat death of the universe.

Wolves/Man U is the highlight of Sunday (11:30, NBCSN), so don’t stay passed out too late.

But lo!  You don’t HAVE to watch Spotlight Dance, given that we have…

Nebraska (-7) at Illinois (1:00, Fox)

This was supposed to be in Dooblin, but virology said nae.  Instead, they will play an afternoon game in 90 degree weather.  Ppl could die, how could you NOT watch!  I bet $50 on Illinois to win outright, as (i) I have a fellow #BFIB supporter buddy who is a big fan; (ii) Bret Bielema will have his charges at least at “annoying as fuck to play against” level; and (iii) fuck the obsession with Nebraska always being hyped up.  It’s not 1975 anymore, goddamnit.

Enjoy the action, and whatever else “life” may have in store for y’all.

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ballsofsteelandfury

New Thread! The water’s fine!

1
King Hippo

New thread is up, y’all

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scotchnaut

The Illini’s Luke Ford is the kind of tight end you can set your harvest to.

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Redshirt

In a sad year where the country is as divided as ever (save the American antebellum era, maybe), idiocy and idolatry are allowing a deadly pandemic to run amuck, and things are starting to look like the beginning parts of the Book of Revelations, and then the Universe allows the first score of the College Football season to be a safety due to an Illegal Forward Pass on a Punt Return as a sign that things will work itself out in the end.

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montythisseemsstrangetome

It’s good to observe levels of derp that result only in a lost football game and not, you know, disenfranchisement and death.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Been waitin’ all day for this one.

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King Hippo

I think his widow should be shunned, obvs she didn’t PRAY hard enough!!

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

She’s a witch

Or is it a heretic?

1
King Hippo

porque no los dos??

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I wonder that someone hasn’t set up a website keeping inventory of Covid deniers as they shuffle of this mortal coil.

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Redshirt

I would donate money for a Memorial Wall somewhere so it could be forever documented.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I have a resource that I use. Like steps 6 through 21 of the Boys 2 Menorah bar mitzvah tips, however, it’s a secret.

1
yeah right

I think I’ll crack a beer.

“He was called home!”

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King Hippo

It is with much sadness, Horatio, that I note this might not quite be UConn’s year.

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Horatio Cornblower

That’s OK, it can just get in line with all of the other years.

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scotchnaut

I can’t begin to imagine how bad the Huskers backup qb must be if Martinez isn’t pulled at the half.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

One thing I have encountered a bunch in my dive into antivaxxer-death-land is the notion of “prayer warriors”. Like if you get enough people together and they yell loudly enough at Jesus, he’ll buckle and give you what you want.

1
yeah right

Shit man, he already gave them 3 vaccines what do they want?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[chanting]

“WE WANT HORSE PASTE! WE WANT HORSE PASTE!”

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litre_cola

They are doing here in Albertabama.

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montythisseemsstrangetome

The danger is that prayer warriors think they have done something to help whatever situation they’re praying about, so they don’t take any actual practical steps to help.

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yeah right

It’s an unwinnable situation. Jesus will save us, then when some of them die they got “Called home.”

Religion is the worst thing that ever happened to this planet.

Last edited 4 years ago by yeah right
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montythisseemsstrangetome

But hasn’t abstaining from meat on Fridays in Lent made me a better person, somehow?

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yeah right

I suppose your cholesterol is slightly better because of it.

By the way it’s good to see you again, Monty.

4
Viva La Tabula Raza

Somewhat appropriate, even 25 years on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8Y6XtOTT6A

Last edited 4 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Didn’t the, like the real, pope say to get the vaccine?

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King Hippo

He’s Catholic we are talking about Real Christians here smgdh

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Lol excellent point

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King Hippo

Yes, in North Cakalaky, you do hear “Are you Catholic or are you Christian?” as an un-ironic question.

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Horatio Cornblower

It is 120 degrees on the field in Fresno.

That seems unpleasant.

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yeah right

Just the Fresno part is unpleasant.

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Horatio Cornblower

How dare you, Sir?
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yeah right

My nephew lives outside of Fresno. Trust me on this one.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Plus, the central valley is as red as fucking Alabama or Missouri.

0
yeah right

Damn right.

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Mr. Ayo

Bananacakes?

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scotchnaut

Corncakes?

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Mr. Ayo

Dammit, yes. That’s much better.

1
yeah right

Just stay away from the Johnnie Cakes.

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scotchnaut

Fat ref literally can’t stand the heat in this game.

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montythisseemsstrangetome

I can’t either and I’m watching in my air-conditioned living room.

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scotchnaut

A month from now I can guarantee that I’ll not bother to watch a 9-9 tie between two middling Big Whatever teams but here we are.

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King Hippo

Just goes to show how truly dreadful a month August be

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montythisseemsstrangetome

So dreadful that Scotchy’s not even drinking.

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scotchnaut

T. S. Eliot was on the nose when he called it the 2nd-most cruelest month.

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

After February?

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ballsofsteelandfury

I’m thinking July because it’s a

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9ml3nyww80

1
King Hippo

Balls, we have a Very Special 3:30 EST Thread, just FOAR Westwood Klavern!

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ballsofsteelandfury

WOOOOOOO!!!

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scotchnaut

“And here we see the rarest of all creatures in the wilds of Illinois-the Jewish running back. Surely he must be the last of his kind.”

-Sir David Attenborough

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King Hippo

yeah, even we use a Black guy – Yeshiva University FITBAW office

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Mr. Ayo

Just put flags on the QB already.

Personal foul for not properly tackling them is BS.

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King Hippo

if you’re going to get 15 regardless, might as well decapitate the motherfucker

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Mr. Ayo

The one tackle that put a QB out of the game didn’t draw a flag.

It’s almost like these guys don’t know what safety means.

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scotchnaut

Cornhuskers with roughing the passer and taunting on the same play-they’re their own worst Illini.

3
King Hippo

Shocking that a FITBAW powerhouse like Illinois ain’t got two good quartered backs on the roster.

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Horatio Cornblower

Hot UConn football action vs the Bulldogs of Fresno State on CBS Sports Network, or whatever they call it. Fresno is favored by 28, but it’s scoreless midway through the 1st quarter, so I’m counting this as a victory.

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King Hippo

I almost bet y’all. Because I am a compulsive lunatic, you see…

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Horatio Cornblower

Oh no, never, ever do that. I cannot stress enough how likely we are to fuck this up.

And as I write this the QB gets hit, fumbles, and Fresno State runs it back for 6.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Eh, might come back as an incomplete pass.

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