Supporters across the Premiership anxiously wait, as deadline day (1 Sept) approaches. For some, it’s wondering if Santa will arrive and/or how much cool new shit they get. For others (cough, cough, Everton) it’s praying The Grinch doesn’t take away everything. Including the will to live.
But first, we got fixtures to play, starting with Gooners/Cityzens (7:30, Peacock). How dumb am I? I bet on Arsenal to WIN. Maybe there will be a hangover related to findng out one’s rotational left back is a rapist? I guess that was my ‘thinking.’
Five concurrently at 10:00, with Everton/Brighton on NBCSN, Villa/Bees on CNBC. If you expect nothing, can you still be disappointed? SPOILER ALERT – yes. Yes you can. Yes you will.
Spotlight Dance is Redshite/Chelski (12:30, NBC), and there’s nothing to root for here except the heat death of the universe.
Wolves/Man U is the highlight of Sunday (11:30, NBCSN), so don’t stay passed out too late.
But lo! You don’t HAVE to watch Spotlight Dance, given that we have…
Nebraska (-7) at Illinois (1:00, Fox)
This was supposed to be in Dooblin, but virology said nae. Instead, they will play an afternoon game in 90 degree weather. Ppl could die, how could you NOT watch! I bet $50 on Illinois to win outright, as (i) I have a fellow #BFIB supporter buddy who is a big fan; (ii) Bret Bielema will have his charges at least at “annoying as fuck to play against” level; and (iii) fuck the obsession with Nebraska always being hyped up. It’s not 1975 anymore, goddamnit.
Enjoy the action, and whatever else “life” may have in store for y’all.
I’ve been running errands and doing chores since 9am EST and would ordinarily now be settling in for an afternoon of drinking. But I stopped almost a month ago. Peggy Lee, take it away from here!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sWTnsemkIs&ab_channel=JimmyTzi
Well, I’m off to the liquor store to pick up your slack.
Please, if you would, give the cashier a peck on the cheek from me. I’ll post your bail, I promise.
Well, ok, but his stubble looks awfully scratchy.
Stopped running errands and doing chores a month ago? Good call.
Have you considered a pill habit? Can you get those in your hinterlands??
There are some pain killers left over from my son’s wisdom tooth experience. Hmmm…
So you just drink in the morning? Smart!
Welcome back to football, fans in the stands! Bring all your Covid, leave your masks at home!
(Ha ha kidding, I know you don’t own any masks.)
Annoyed enough that I want to ML bet Hawaii now.
At minimum, they should take away 1 if you miss the extra point.
— B. Walsh
First “eye discipline” of the season. Brock Huard only speaks in cliche, surely he will be Troy Aikman’s successor.
RIP his collarbone. Illinois season is over!
GULP says the dumbass with the ML bet.
SAFETY DANCE!
Football is back!
Leave it to Nebraska and Illinois to start the season with a 2-0 scoreline.
First I have ever seen – punt returner intentional grounding from the end zone safety.
Wait, how is that possible? Forward passes aren’t even legal on a punt return, so how can you have an incomplete pass that would qualify as intentional grounding?
it has to be seen to be believed.
his knee was down BEFORE the grounding, but they didn’t rule forward progress OR the ball across the plane, so they kept the safety
I’m not listening, but if his knee is down with the ball behind the plane, isn’t that a touchback? How in the hell is any play allowed to continue after a player possessing the ball has a knee down?
I guess they are saying he went backwards deliberately? Maybe they just felt bad ruining our Safety Dance.
Yeah, at that point isn’t it just a plain old fumble?
The call was technically “illegal forward pass”
Illinois seems to have a much better punter than the Cornfuckers. Pretty impressive to get taeks this HAWT for free amirite???
I know you have action on the Fightin Illini but what else ya got?
That’s it, yo. I live bet Forest’s comeback, made a little profit since they at least got level.
Holy fuck, red card! Suck it Chelski!!!!
I would assume Rocking Dog would say that is not rocking.
It’s completely unacceptable, but livable if it stays even. Not watching, obvs.
AND IF THE SHITE TAKE ALL THREE YOU CAN EXPECT A FULL LOVE POEM TO BRENTFORD AFTER THE INTERNATIONAL BREAK.
SUDDEN CHANGE!
AS I WAS SAYING
I can’t help but think that my cat was only interested in soccer this morning because there was a player named “Bird” on the screen
“I can relate….[insert 72,000 rambling words involving, for no good reason, references to the Karate Kid]….” — Bill Simmons
Yay for yella fellas!
He’s nuts but we love our (not-so-) little Foxglove.
I can’t help but think that my cat was only interested in soccer this morning because there was a player named “Bird” on the screen
Dammit, picture didn’t attach.
Lukaku does not want to pass Havertz the ball AT ALL.
Jesus Tittyfucking Christ, Bret Bielema somehow got even fatter since he last waddled the JV sidelines.
He must belong to A. Reid’s coaching
tree, uh, all-you-can-eat buffet.Andy’s a veritable swimsuit model by comparison
Remember last year when there were Prem games in the afternoon window? That was great. Now, we get West Brom against a PeterboroUgh.
Pepperidge Farm Remembers!
Also, how shit are the Brummeies? They lost to Arsenal 6-nil mid-week
Well if they win by 4 they are tied atop the table with Mighty Whitey (nawt raycess)
Wow, Rumham/Palace and Barcodes/Aints had a couple of good games. I thought only Geordie women could blow that much.
Gooners are a straight up snuff film.
https://twitter.com/FootyFooIigans/status/1431637157811261444?s=20
Grumble Grumble… Manchester United finished second last year and yet this is their 2nd game on a Sunday. Play Satan’s team on Saturday evening (Britain’s time) Dammit!
To keep you posted on Wrexham. Their games are much more difficult to see until you watch the highlights afterwards on YouTube. So, as I am a nice guy, my dog thinks so, here is the final score this morning.
When you said “wrexham” I thought you were talking what Andy Reid did at Christmas dinner.
He’s certainly flummoxed by the concept of Oldham
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKKONgfNONU
“A reverse ball for Grey” sounds like something Ben Rothlisberger would be in to.
Hippo if you haven’t nodded off, care to comment on Richarlison?
The pills are a harsh mistress
Is he really that good? I always thought he was OK, but Neymar wants him bad.
Is that the reason? It makes sense then.
He’s one strange fucker. In Footy Manager, I ended up fucking him off to China, and he never came back. Be thrilled with the reported 100m from PSG, as long as its not in Kroner or some shit.
So Eric Clapton has a new song out about not wearing a mask. While I’m not going to listen to it, @DFO offered to jump out a window rather than listen to more of it, but this was the best response I saw:
https://twitter.com/NashvilleDeeDee/status/1431496026872033283
Maybe I’m biased, but I thought the official DFO response was better:
<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>I'd jump out a window to avoid having to listen to even ten more seconds of this dreck.</p>— [DoorFliesOpen] (@doorfliesopen) <a href=”https://twitter.com/doorfliesopen/status/1431358207478300672?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw”>August 27, 2021</a></blockquote> <script async src=”https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js” charset=”utf-8″></script>
Oh I gave credit
“@DFO offered to jump out a window rather than listen to more of it,”
How did I miss that? Did I start drinking already today?
No, not that I remember.
Villa bringing on someone Marvelous from Zimbabwe. Never heard of it.
Meanwhile, Padre Weaselo has found out about The Conjuring.
Holy shit, Everton is going to have an intrateam brawl about who’s taking the PK!
THIS IS SO MUCH FUNNNNNN. GETTT INNNNNN.
See above.
COME
ON
YOU
WHITES
I’d love to root for Everton, (especially since it seems I’m not going to have a Premier League team to root for much past this season) (#Kroenkeout), but Richarlison is one unlikeable motherfucker.
He is rumoUred to be going to PSG to replace Mbop, and trust me the Championship is awesome when you keep you squad!
He might be going to Sunderland by Tuesday if he keeps this up.
In other news, it looks like those Trashbirds have set themselves down in a puddle of hot Toffee and they can’t get out. Rafa the Blue continues to work miracles!
Cheeky effort by the Brentford striker there! Love the celebration afterwards.
Sir, you are now on the list.
Make no mistake — I am most certainly in favour of the mighty Whites (I believe my record as Prime Minister of the Cape Colony speaks for itself!). I am simply in favour of the odd bit of footballing trickery, especially when an Argentine is on the losing end!
Wow, 50+ comments already, and I thought I was up early on a Saturday.
The Philadelphia Eagles have acquired Gardner Minshew! No Watson for us you haters !(Rev, Hippo, everyone)
Tis just a placeholder/matter of time.
I can’t believe Nick Chris Mullins didn’t work out.
So Flacco is nae gunna be the back up apparently. I dig that too!
Will Joe Flacco be a Elite gameday inactive now??
My predictions for Deshaun Watson and the Texans in 2021/22:
1) He stays on the Texans payroll.
2) He doesn’t play a down for the Texans this season.
3) The cases are settled out of court for an undisclosed sum.
4) He’s traded to (insert team here) for high draft picks, cash, and possibly players.
5) The Texans fuck up the ’22 draft by picking someone who absolutely should not go #1.
6) Watson receives an undeserved redemption arc on the way to just falling short of winning a Super Bowl.
I just punched a random wall for no reason.
Always do that on walls that you want to renovate.
Are we up for that MEAC on SWAC action that popped up as a thing on my ESPN app?
It’s football, so yes?
are the Bees for realsies??
UPDATE – maybe not
Shut your whore mouth.
Never underestimate the Bees.
Can you get five for a quarter?
Only if you have an onion on your belt!
GOOOOOALLLLLLLL in the 4th minute!!!!!!!!!!! I love this shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your heater is primarily based on my GAMBLOR forebearance.
Good morning! I have caught a head cold and feel like absolutely like trash. A mighty Whitey victory would make me feel better. That and I fucking hate Stoke very much.
maybe it’s #NuAIDS??
booking a test right away.
My word, another dreadful performance from the King’s African Water Pistols. If they don’t find their way soon, they may become a new fixture on my personal game reserve.
King’s African Water Pistols is the best thing I’ve read all week.
Handsome Mikel speaks after the commercial break on NBCSN!
Week 0 JV football! Hooray!
We all know the NFL is the superior product; that much is obvious.
But there’s no match for the not-Alabama/Clemson/Ohio State/Oklahoma chaos and craziness that college football provides. I love it.
I do kind of hate how the current power structure has made me an Alabama/Nick Saban apologist. But yeah, I’ll be watching.
We get to see the sweat pouring off Chip Kelly’s ample bosom this afternoon, too!
Woke up early to enjoy my coffee alone. Instead the kid got up 15 mins later and the wife, who’s “on that time”, let him out of his room to start the day want I guess.
Now everyone is sitting here like I’m suppose to be coming up with something? I just wanted an hour to my fucking self this week — I’m not happy about this situation either.
I’ve found that “Dad’s getting donuts!” is always a hit and gives you a little time by yourself to go get the food.
ppl will also give you space if you start smoking crack. Or so I hear tell.
Or you could just, y’know… “go out for a pack of cigarettes”
When you cam back I called you Dad, you denied it, but I still have my questions…
Look, I knew a LOT of ladies during my time in the wilderness.
That’s a lie. I’m married and live a boring life. But you can imagine what it would’ve been like if I had, huh? Huh?
“You don’t need space, you need <i>company</i>.” – Todd Marinovich, pulling up a chair
If it’s any consolation Rod and Todd had to get up early this morning too, and all they get to do now is play the waiting game.
<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>Family Confirms Caleb Wallace Has Hours Left to Live <a href=”https://t.co/3tQYGPshbp”>https://t.co/3tQYGPshbp</a></p>— Josh Marshall (@joshtpm) <a href=”https://twitter.com/joshtpm/status/1431614619861331971?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw”>August 28, 2021</a></blockquote> <script async src=”https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js” charset=”utf-8″></script>
The waiting game sucks. Let’s play Hungry Hungry Hippos!
Sorry to hear about the hours.
Is it too early for popcorn?
I’m sure his life will be reinstated on JFK Jr’s bday.
This week in “Canadian! Really? Wow…” – Oscar Peterson
https://youtube.com/watch?v=ecZ1hugYXLs
Ederson could have knocked out most of Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist during this game.
HUZZAH, Forest are level. HAIL GAMBLOR
My thought when City subbed in Sterling when up 4-0.
Is there too much residual RESPEK for Handsome Mikel for the Etihad to be breaking out a chorus of You’re Getting Sacked in the Morning?
For 5-0 he’s lucky he didn’t get the Robot Wars standby, “You’re going home in a bin bag.”
RODRI!
North Cakalacky in the house!
roughly in line with our population, but still WOO!!!
Pretty sure football talent is the only way Louisiana is even producing 59 high school graduates.
Man, the difference between the top 4 and the rest is… stark.
Having been through the Texas high school football meat grinder myself, I can attest to every meme and joke about Texas being “God, family, and football, but not necessarily in that order” as absolutely dead-on balls accurate.
What position did ya play?
I was a tight end (HEYOOOOO).
Perfect combination of getting to catch the ball a few times a game while also knocking the shit out of people on the regular.
Louisiana has dropped significantly. I remember in the early aughts they were #1
It is too fucking early right now.
What the hell is going on with Arsenal? How has Handsome Mike lost them so completely 3 matches into the season? Oh well. At least I can go back to bed till the 10:00 slate. Nothin’ to see here…
yeah, in the wise words of Sam Malone – why do bad things have to happen to good looking people?
Hippo is old as fuck. Hippo was negative 19 years old when Arsenal last lost its first three League fixtures of the season.
Rebecc-ur and Robbie Earle are back today, huzzah!