Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t.  

Hope y’all enjoyed the long weekend, unless you’re not in North America, then happy Tuesday.  Two more days until some real fitball.  Wooohooo.  Feels like it was years ago since the Superb Owl.  And ages ago since Sunday’s were consumed by watching games and yelling at the TV.

If interested, there’s a suicide NFL pool that we’re doing.  Join here if you want in on the (no so) hot futball action.  I’ve been told that there a gently used fleshlight or watch dildo available for the winner.  They are always a great conversation starter when placed on the mantel, as they should be.

And as the NFL season is starting, this means the end of Sunday Gravy.  I’m gonna miss them.  I do love reading the recipes Sunday morning whilst eating my oatmeal.  The difference in flavhoUr between in what I’m eating verses reading is just crazy.  Most days I want to go get whatever ingredients i’m missing and make it.  And have a buncha times.  And just doing this copy and paste post takes me forever, the amount of time spent prepping and documenting that goes into each Sunday Gravy post, makes me appreciate them more.  So, grab a seat yeah right and get some rest, you’ve earned it.

As a reminder, this post will cover comments made up to and through the Saturday Night Open Thread. Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post. Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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In the vein of sharing quality kontent:

Best current starting QB options for the Bears:

1. Justin Fields

2. Jim McMahon

3. Mike Tomczak

4. Jim McMahon’s sweatshirt with Mike Tomczak on it

5. Andy Dalton pic.twitter.com/p4D8sCqFcN

— Super 70s Sports (@Super70sSports) August 31, 2021

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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WebEx interview seemed to go well. There are a couple of other people they’re interviewing who may or may not be more qualified, but they talked a lot about the team dynamic and I seemed to get along well with the team, so that’s good!
Fingers crossed, y’all. I’ve done what I can do.
Anthony In TX

We’ll be MoistandWaiting, ArmedandHammered!
Viva La Tabula Raza

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My schedule for when I get back from vacation is already crazy, how difficult do you think it would be to just stay in Ukraine and work my way up to oligarch status?
Doktor Zymm

…how difficult do you think it would be to just stay in Ukraine…

Uhhh, I thought the DFO onboarding procedures ensured no Russians could get in.
herodotus450

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Litre, it might make you feel good to know that the Lions starting wr’s are Tyrell Williams, Amon-Ra St. Brown and Khalif Raymond. That’s a fuckton of not-talent.
scotchnaut

Just like Pope Genuvius XXI used to say, all together now, “Amon-Ra is just a poor man’s Equinimeous”
herodotus450

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With the way Newton dresses, I can see him being a sideline reporter, like a Craig Sager type, but dying of COVID instead of cancer.
TheRevanchist

Can I get a parka for this comment? ‘Cause it’s cold.
scotchnaut

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https://twitter.com/blainecapatch/status/1433057893570400258

SonOfSpam

We need Bugs Bunny to saw Texas off next.
Sharkbait

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Joe Rogan with the ‘RONA

and eating horse paste to try to fix it.

hahahahaha
Game Time Decision

I really, really, really hope I get to call Rod and Todd into service for this one.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Ha, some idiot tried to get into Hawaii with a fake vax card, but spelled it “Maderna”
Doktor Zymm

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And that, ladies and gentlemen, is another evening of silly people in tiny outfits pretending to kill each other. [wassling open thread]

Talkin boat the Miss America pageant?
SonOfSpam

The Bachelorette?
Senor Weaselo

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Rikki, I see one flaw in your twitter joe Rogan covid theory:

You think he hasn’t already given his wife gonorrhea?
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Well we know he has told her that his herpes is just razor burn.

— Litre_Cola (@litre_cola_) September 2, 2021

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Today is Gumby’s birthday. Pour one out for my man! I made him a pot roast with roasted potatoes, and we have a carrot cake. And my Blazers on tv. A good day!
Gumbygirl

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My area of Connecticut is supposed to get 6″-8″ of rain tonight, which has led to a lot of flood preparations as well as a lot of unfortunate remarks about how CT’s night is going to be a lot like my wife’s wedding night.
Horatio Cornblower

The weather service is on it.

Sharkbait

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Found a funny;

MARTIN: you boys want some of my horse dewormer?

FRASIER (rolling eyes): theyre pronounced “hors d’oeuvres”
rockingdog

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This is a quality depiction of California and the RAMMIT. Bravo!

Although I should point out that property taxes are actually stupidly low for most residents because of the idiotic Prop 13.
Doktor Zymm

Right, California is the home of liberals who put those “In this house we believe in science, that Black Lives Matter…[laundry list of liberal causes]” signs on their lawn right beside one that opposes a proposal to build a four-plex apartment building in their neighborhood, because affordable housing is nice for other neighborhoods but DO NOT FUCK WITH OUR PARKING AND PROPERTY VALUES.
Dunstan

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So I spend the last two days thinking that I needed a new laptop, because it was grinding to a near halt. Then I noticed that it actually works fine on startup, and it turns out that it was Microsoft Edge that was fucking everything up, even after it’s closed. So I installed Chrome and everything seems to be ok.

The lesson is, as always, that Microsoft sucks.
Dunstan

Clearly Dunstan hasn’t gotten the Bill Gates brand of vaxx.
litre_cola

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After five sets, Jack Sock is probably soaked.
Dunstan

Gonna be stiff as a board tomorrow.
SonOfSpam

Who cums here for this type of joke?
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Also ppl are writing scripts in python and other code that spams the abortion snitch website in texas with fake snitch reports

which is ROCKING!!!
rockingdog

I saw a tweet somewhere that said that the roads and highways in Texas were helping facilitate the implementation of abortions, so a lawsuit against TX Dept of Hwys and TX Dept of Transportation should be brought immediately.
Viva La Tabula Raza

Texas Power Company: “Don’t blame us, we tried to kill everyone last winter and prevent all these abortions.”
herodotus450

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I’m going to go read, here’s my sexy Friday picture

Gumbygirl

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The Boob Jays tied it up at 8 with the help of a Grand Slam (not a breakfast) and then promptly gave up two more runs.

Vlad Jr. is a fat fuck. There, I said it.
scotchnaut

He needs a pinch runner just to get to the batting circle.
Gumbygirl

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Here’s another submarine story. I hope these don’t bore you.

This is the “noisemakers” story

One time we were being tracked by a Soviet destroyer (there was still a USSR during my tour) but that’s okay, that’s expected. That’s how it goes. We were locked on to them with our 48s (those are Mark 48 torpedoes with 1000 lb warheads), and they were locked on to us. That’s how the game went; nobody is shooting, nobody got hurt. We weren’t braver than them, we just had better equipment.

We tracked each other, but we always kept a healthy professional distance from each other so that nothing stupid happened.

But this one Soviet destroyer got a little too cute and was tracking us a little too close.

They were violating the unwritten rules of engagement.

Well we had a few tricks of our own.

So we fired off three “noise makers.” These were really primitive devices, just clockwork mechanisms that made noise. They might have been powered by rubber bands, I’m not sure. No guidance system, we just pointed them. There was absolutely no explosive charge in these devices, they were non-lethal, they were like big New Years Eve party favor handouts, but they were mini torpedoes.

But the noise they made coming out of the deep would scare the shit out of the sonar operators on the surface ships, and that Soviet turned around got the hell out of there.
Brick Meathook

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mf’s are all “give me the same medical treatment as horses” until they break a leg.

— Royotathon 🚘 (@Royotathon) September 4, 2021

litre_cola

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THIS WISCONSIN DEFENSE, I CALL THEM LUCY RICARDO BECAUSE THEIR BULLSHIT SCHEMES ARE ABOUT TO PUT MERTZ IN AN UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION AT HOME
Fronkenshteen

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My rise to power will begin with my platform that teevee commercials must proactively mute themselves, and can only be heard if the viewer explicitly unmutes them. The best part is, after it takes effect, no one will be able to hear the attack ads by my opponents complaining about “corruption” and “taxpayer funded Tijuana donkey shows.”
herodotus450

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Georgia is up by 10 in the fourth quarter and I had five near-Jackpot misses at the casino today that could’ve payed off my car.

Yup, this is tWBS’s doing.
Redshirt

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Evening all, I hope everyone is having a decent weekend so far (the world is such shit that decent is all I can hope to expect). I am having a good long weekend/wedding anniversary weekend, the kidney stones have passed (may I get a hallelujah), and there are still two days to this weekend with a large stockpile of edibles on hand.
ArmedandHammered

Hallelujah on the stones.
Seriously, why there so many ED medicine commercials but none for those god awful things. They run in my family, I had 3 before age 30, and I don’t even touch energy drinks!
Brocky

[pushes glasses up nose]
I’d like to point out that kidney stones don’t run in your family, they block.
scotchnaut

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Here’s another submarine story. I hope these don’t bore you.

This is the “hooch” story

Before we did a 40 day patrol, the engineering department which I was in would be repairing pumps and repacking valves.

At the same time, our cooks were planning our menus for the whole patrol. As I’ve said before, these guys were highly trained geniuses who were not only good cooks but excellent managers.

The submarine service gets fed the best in the military, by far. We got generous rations, which in our case is really an accounting term; our food budget was higher than all other services. We were custom fed, and we could get snacks anytime we wanted.

But before the patrol we had to do “the load out.” Cranes on our tender would put pallets of stores on our deck. The entire crew (most anyway) would form a “bucket brigade” to load the stores into the boat.

These pallets were not accidental. They were coming down in a very specific order, based on the menus our cooks had devised, so all the stores were loaded in reverse order, under the supervision of our cooks. We were the dumb labor, but our cooks supervised where everything went: dry stores, reefers, freezers.

But during the load out certain items would mysteriously disappear, and it would big cans of fruit juice and bakers yeast, even raisins. Each department would pour these into high quality poly jugs that they got from us engineers, and they would hide it and it would ferment.

Alcohol is forbidden on U.S. Navy ships, but believe you me it’s there, and everywhere.

20 days later when we had our “halfway night” celebration, we would be fed lobster and tenderloin, and each department would surreptitiously break out the hooch.

In six patrols I only one sip of that shit. It was so horrible. We had guys who couldn’t wake up the next morning. We thought they were dead.
Brick Meathook

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BC Dick has arrived. estimated time? 2:30, actual time 2130
litre_cola

So just off by one, then.
Dunstan

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I hated The Wonder Years the first go, but I’m still all in favoUr of an all-Black Gilligan’s Island re-make.
King Hippo

This Black Gilligan’s Island idea has wheels. We should get the Sleazy DFO Producers on this.

Preliminary casting:

Gilligan – Kevin Hart
The Skipper – Cedric The Entertainer
Mrs. Howell – Anna Marie Hosford
Mr. Howell – Don DC Curry
The Professor – Wayne Brady
Maryann – Zendaya
The Movie Star – Meagan Good
ballsofsteelandfury

Instead of movie star maybe she should be a rapper. The professor should be Neil DeGrasse Tyson just for the lols.
ArmedandHammered

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

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