Your Weekend o’ Plenty – Early Lesser Footy and JV NFL Fun Times

Are you ready to watch a shit ton of FITBAW?  Think of it as kegel exercises, warming up for RedZone Week 2.

You may not WANT to wake up for Wolves and Bees (NBCSN, 7:30), but if you think about it, tis a pretty interesting animal battle.  Is a Wolf dog-ish enough to try to stupidly eat the Bee?  The only dog my family ever owned (before I left home, and could no longer stop my Dad and sister’s mutual idiocy, selecting the stupidest, smelliest, and home-destroying beasts they could find) would do that.  Natural consequences followed.  I will watch detachedly, as is befitting of my Crazy Cat Person status.

Only four matches in the 10:00 window, which is better than it has been (damning with faint praise).  Blue Mancs will murder-kill Saints on USA, so I will enjoy the Handsome Mikel Shitshow, taking on Team White Lives Matter (NBCSN).  There may be a soccer point, but then again, there may not.

*smoke bomb occurs and Wakezilla emerges from the smoke*|

Welcome to our weekly(ish) edition of laughing at Manchester City. I’m your host, Wakezilla. Follow me every week(ish) as I point out all the cracks that Blood Oil City has as they crash and burn this season.


First up, Benjamin Mendy has been charged with four counts of rape.
He will be joining Adam Johnson and Robinho on Man City’s sex offenders penal team. I don’t know how much he’ll get, but I will say, a few days before he was charged with rape, Mendy had leaked picks of him cranking his chain. Based on those pictures alone, the judge should add an extra 10 years just to be safe. In short, City went in the summer transfer window with hopes of signing Messi, Kane and Ronaldo and they ended up with Floppy disk Jack Grealish and a rape charge.Speaking of Jack Grealish, here’s a  video of Leicester’s mascot diving behind Grealish.There are 19 teams that Jack could have signed with and he would still be beloved by English footy fans; and he wouldn’t get ridiculed or clowned. Drunk Jack had to pick the one team that would make everyone collectively hate him. Well done, Jack.As for this week’s main event, here’s an absolutely burned out–and absolutely not at all being forced to manage a team he doesn’t want– Pep Guardiola pleading with Man Shitty fans to attend a home lesser footy match:

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Unsurprisingly, that plea didn’t sit well with the Man City fans. Earlier Friday, Pep held a press conference and was forced to apologize to all 6 Man Shitty fans.

Until next time, DFOers, Up the fookin’ Reds!  Wakezila throws down another smoke bomb and disappears
——————————————————————————————————————————————

Hard hitting analysis is why they pay me so handsomely.

Also, you can stream Trashbirds and Moose Hornets (I hate myself enough to do this), or you can hate-watch Palace and the Shite (I don’t quite hate myself enough to subject my addled mind to that).

Spotlight Dance?  Everton and Villa (NBC, 12:30).  I predict this is when the wheels finally fall off the unfortunate Benitez bandwagon.  The early fixture list has been remarkably accomodating, and that fat cunt will have the wagon in tatters before Kwanzaa.  YOU MARK HIPPO’S WORDS!!

Men Untied get Fronk’s Hammer’s on Sunday Funday (9:00, NBCSN), along with two boring streaming options.  That’s ok, Heroic RedZone Muzak awaits!

Nebraska (+22.5) at Oklahoma (Noon, Fox)

This is notable only FOAR Gus Johnson, who will call this fixture, then head to the desert to call Qards/Vikes with…Hippo FavoUrite Aqib “Two of the Good Ones” Talib!  And Gus has already deadpanned that he will leave any gold chains at home, to avoid a snatching.  Also, Jeebus Tapdancing Christ, I get that Steerfuckers North plays down to the competition, but if they are even moderately motivated, they will cover this spread a few minutes into Q2.

Cincinnati (-3.5) at Indiana (Noon, ESPN)

On the one hand, this is the Trappiest Trap Game EVAR Trapped (JV WKRP gets Notre Dame next).  On the other, God very specifically and vehemently hates Brocky, and Her will be done.

Virginia Tech (+2.5) at West By God Virginia (Noon, FS1)

The Castrated Turkeys may be 15th in the polls, but Vegas ain’t having it.  We can at least be a good WCS support group for a bit.

Purdue (+7) at Notre Dame (2:30, NBC)

Purdue will have this game in hand, and manage to cock it up at the end.  Again, yew mark Hippo’s word salad.

Alabama (-14.5) at Florida (3:30, CBS)

Theoretically, a test.  But that GAMBLOR line has been racing in Roll Damn Tide’s favoUr.  And I ain’t buying what the folk of Gainesville have to sell.  But still, good for scouting next year’s NFL Draft.

Southern Cal (-7.5) at Washington State (3:30, Fox)

Pour one out (and rub one out, given Song Girl pic) for poor, over his head Clay Helton.  At least he is spared the trip to Pullman.  Though the Wazzu fans know doubt would have liked to serenade him with You’re Getting Sacked in the Morning.  OK, I would have enjoyed it.  Que lastima.  ML the Cougs.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Did I mention that I put 3 lbs of tri tip into the sous vide this morning and it will be ready by dinnertime? I’m also cooking gold potatoes to go with it, and I will probably drink liquor and then wine.

yeah right

Use the juices from the sous vide bag, add a little red wine, maybe some shallots, garlic and fresh herbs and reduce it down to spoon over the finished beef.

Pan sauce!

Gumbygirl

Yes! Knob of butter at the end, perfecto!

TheRevanchist

Because I hate Florida so much, I find myself wanting Alabama to throttle these mother fuckers. Football changes you, man.

TheRevanchist

Not just the college. The entire state.

Gumbygirl

Yes.

Gumbygirl

Trust me, Governor Meemaw is no prize, but compared to DeSatan she is le tits.

Redshirt

Uh, nice catch Tulsa receiver but maybe not start trash talking when you’re down 14 points and 15 yards into Ohio State’s bench and surrounded by Ohio State players.

Brick Meathook

I just landed a jumbo chicken burrito delivered from Bennie’s Tacos while watching the USC game, which I’m not really paying attention to. I’m living large right now.

Redshirt

Good. He’s alive and moving. Now review the play. He clearly dropped the ball when he went unconscious.

yeah right

Kids?

Oh kids.

I just ordered Thai from our local place here in Pedro and lemme tell yez.

Had some larb with pork, lovely honey duck, pad see ew with chicken and crispy wings.

People.

Lord Sonny Jesus never ate so good because Jesus never ate Thai.

God. DAMN that was delicious.

Gumbygirl

I have some veggies that are on the edge, so I will roast them and do some trout fillets for dinner. I bought a ginormous ham hock, so it’s split pea soup tomorrow. I love fall/winter comfort food.

yeah right

Awesome. Ham hocks can work famously with split peas and I’m a huge fan of the big ass white lima beans too.

It’s why I always keep the ham bone.

You make some cornbread and fried taters and I’m on my way.

Gumbygirl

Since we are all in a confessional mode, I have to admit that I fucking love Jiffy mix corn bread. The real thing just doesn’t do it for me.

yeah right

Have you cooked the real thing in cast iron? The only difference I see with Jiffy is a little extra sugar.

Gumbygirl

I have. It’s the extra sugar, and not having to measure stuff that I like.

Gumbygirl

They still do “two bits, four bits, six bits, a dollar” at Florida. Twenty-three skidoo, flatfoot floozie with a floyfloy! Jeepers creepers, where is my raccoon coat?

herodotus450

Backwards cultural ideals and the south, name me five things that are a better fit, you cant.

yeah right

If it means anything I got every bit of that.

Redshirt

I’m watching the credits to Star Trek Generations, I’m noticing some things.

The showed the Main Cast + the Bad Guy + Kirk + the two cheapest ones from TOS they could get as CAST. Then they showed the rest as STARFLEET PERSONNEL, including three journalists and “girl with teddy bear”. And then they showed the rest as ALIENS. I guess Specism is a problem in the 24th Century. They even lopped in refugees from a nearly extinct race with the blood thirsty Klingons. I guess there is no hope for the future.

I could go into flaws with the actual movie itself, but I’ll need an entire post for that. Its not the worst Star Trek movie, but its definitely an Odd Numbered Star Trek movie.

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
Fronkenshteen

Awright goddammit!!!! I’ve been internet friends with you folks for awhile now, and I feel I need to be honest with you, and come out.

[bows head]

[breathes deeply]

I’m a Notre Dame football fan. Fuckin’ diehard.
My brother (Sean Fronkenshteen ‘92) was a freshman when Reggie Ho beat Michigan at the buzzer 19-16 on opening night 1988, and then went on to win the national championship. He was even dorm mates with Rocket Ismail (who he said loved nothing more than hiding in people’s rooms and scaring the shit out of them). It took. And it stuck. I hope I retain my commenting privileges here. But GO IRISH!! BEAT PURDUE!!!

Last edited 3 years ago by Fronkenshteen
WCS

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Gumbygirl

We still love you, son. We’re just very disappointed.

Redshirt

If I haven’t been doxed, tared and feathered, drawn and quartered, a date with Emma Stone, and a 1 week ban the instant I outed myself as a Republican, I think you’ll do fine.

herodotus450

The hate for ND/Pats/etc. is almost as annoying as their fans. Not yet, but someday.

yeah right

If we’re getting real?

/ takes off tie
// removes pants

I’m a lifelong USC fan. Shit man! I watched OJ and Marcus and Sam “Bam” Cunningham run. John Mckay. Student body fucking right.

You’re a good soul Fronk but fuck Notre Dame directly in the dumper.

/ ignores USC this year
// watches UCLA

That was cathartic!

Horatio Cornblower

I rooted for Notre Dame, (because I’m Irish and it’s in my genetic code, along with self-loathing and a penchant for a drink or two), until they hired Brian Kelly. Fuck that guy, hard.

Also, Brian Kelly killed a kid.

yeah right

Never forget.

Gumbygirl

I’m so Irish I got sun poisoning in March. In Seattle. My aunt got her master’s at Notre Dame, and eventually was on their board of regent’s. I liked them when I was a kid, but I never liked them getting their own tv deal, and not joining a conference.

yeah right

Me great grandmudder was a Kennedy from County Cork [pronounced Kark] and I’ve got the Irish flag tattooed on me left shoulder.

But still fuck Notre Dame.

Redshirt

I may have to root for Notre Dame to hold on. I want them going into the UC game overconfident, not in Full Revenge Mode.

Redshirt

What is catch?!

Redshirt

Buckeyes fans are doing an impression of Genie from Aladdin regarding CJ Stroud:

“Show him. The. BENCH!!!!”

Aladdin “Tell Her The Truth” – YouTube

herodotus450

Damn I’ve been out of the soda game for a while but 1 can has 140 calories and like 40 grams of sugar? Has it always been that bad? No wonder I’m still so fat.

JustStopDude

Good to see Alabama showing the due respect that one should have for early season rankings.

Fronkenshteen

Not sure anyone saw the ridiculous Brian Kemp ad, but this is the funniest shit I’ve seen in a while.
https://twitter.com/blueatlgeorgia/status/1439255397114728449?s=21

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If reverse racism were actually a thing, this would be the pinnacle of it.

Gumbygirl

Awesome! Vroom, boomboom clickclack!

Don T

bravo

herodotus450

Maybe I’m an idiot but I thought Tulsa was a city in Oklahoma. If so, why the hell do they have hurricane imagery as their logo/nickname/mascot?

Gatoraids

Visionaries for 2150

Mr. Ayo

The only time a Hurricane ever hits Tulsa is when the Tulsa Golden Hurricane plays in a sports event.

Redshirt

Maybe they’re making a point from the forced relocation of Native Americans from the Atlantic Coast?

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
Gumbygirl

They don’t know the difference between hurricanes and tornadoes. No science in the Jeebus madrassas!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Did anyone outside of SoCal just get a Golden Road Mango Cart ad?

herodotus450

Emory “Board” Jones is a little rough around the edges but I think he’s got the grit to round things over.

Brick Meathook

I thank all of you for your kind thoughts and words after last nights Southern California meatquake.

I survived.

I’ve finally extracted myself from under the bed and I look forward to posting many more dumb and irrelevant submarine posts.

God bless you all.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The announcers on CBS are shockingly uninterested in this game. They are making a Joe Buck broadcast look like a Gus Johnson one.

Gatoraids

Danielson in particular needs to be put to pasture. Though don’t blame them bama is such a boring machine

Gumbygirl

I have to look up who “not Verne” is every time. Turns out, his name is Brad something.

Redshirt

UC wins! This is a nice start for Saturday.

(switches to Tulsa/Ohio St. game)

Oh, shit.

WCS

Black Diamond Trophy, bitches

Gumbygirl

Jeeesus.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think the Biden administration can learn a valuable lesson from the Gabby Petito media frenzy: anytime you need to disrupt the narrative on Fox News, just make a young, blond, white girl disappear.

Redshirt

“We have indisputable proof that Biden not only knew about the September 11th attacks, he even bought the plane tickets for….excuse me, we have BREAKING NEWS, a young, blonde, white girl has disappeared!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

See?

Redshirt

Brocky welfare check?

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
Gumbygirl

That Gator chomp makes me want to punch someone right in their spray tan. FuckFloridaForever! Although I did see the Stones at that stadium.

herodotus450

Mich State is back?

herodotus450

But then that means the U isn’t back either…

Redshirt

LA Dodgers and Reds are tied at the end of 4th, but the umps are down a Zebra.

Redshirt

Brocky, what did you do to get God to go Old Testament on you?

Gumbygirl

I think Brocky has run away to join the circus.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Baja” means “lower”. Duolingo taught me that it meant “short” but it doesn’t, really. I learned the proper meaning from a beer commercial, which is how the world should be.

Last edited 3 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
yeah right

In Portuguese it’s “Sul” and “Nor” is North
Today, I was learning gender assignments to countries. I think if a country ends in the letter A it’s feminine and any other letter is masculine. “Eu su da Ustados Unidos.”

“Eu su do Canada.”

Make sense?

ballsofsteelandfury

It does mean short. It also means lower. It means lots of things.

Horatio Cornblower

Well, UConn at least managed to find the end zone multiple times today, granted against the military’s second and third string. Let’s see what I can watch to lift my spirts.
/turns on Yankees game
10-0 Cleveland
//turns on Fortnite

Horatio Cornblower

Just hoping the parade doesn’t block my trip to the dump later today.

That’s not a euphemism, I really do have to make a run to the town landfill.

Gumbygirl

Are you paying in cash or pillz?

Horatio Cornblower

UConn’s kick-off defense is pretty good, especially considering they haven’t had to deploy it until today.

Redshirt

IU/UC is starting to get a bit chippy.

2Pack
yeah right

Bon Scott is the only AC/DC singer you’ll ever need.

Horatio Cornblower

Army with the late hit on the QB or, as it’s more commonly known, “The Afghan Evac Play”

Redshirt

JV FC Cincy’s kicker hates the left upright.

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
Brocky

God: hey, wanna see me fuck with brocky again?

Redshirt
Gumbygirl

Bananacakes in Indiana!

Don T

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I love that DrawPlayDave has gone viral.

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t want to get too carried away here, folks, but UConn is really fighting to cover the spread here.

Redshirt
Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
Redshirt
Redshirt

So “Lesbian escorts” are called “car buying” in the UK? Huh.