Are you ready to watch a shit ton of FITBAW? Think of it as kegel exercises, warming up for RedZone Week 2.
You may not WANT to wake up for Wolves and Bees (NBCSN, 7:30), but if you think about it, tis a pretty interesting animal battle. Is a Wolf dog-ish enough to try to stupidly eat the Bee? The only dog my family ever owned (before I left home, and could no longer stop my Dad and sister’s mutual idiocy, selecting the stupidest, smelliest, and home-destroying beasts they could find) would do that. Natural consequences followed. I will watch detachedly, as is befitting of my Crazy Cat Person status.
Only four matches in the 10:00 window, which is better than it has been (damning with faint praise). Blue Mancs will murder-kill Saints on USA, so I will enjoy the Handsome Mikel Shitshow, taking on Team White Lives Matter (NBCSN). There may be a soccer point, but then again, there may not.
*smoke bomb occurs and Wakezilla emerges from the smoke*|
Welcome to our weekly(ish) edition of laughing at Manchester City. I’m your host, Wakezilla. Follow me every week(ish) as I point out all the cracks that Blood Oil City has as they crash and burn this season.
First up, Benjamin Mendy has been charged with four counts of rape. He will be joining Adam Johnson and Robinho on Man City’s sex offenders penal team. I don’t know how much he’ll get, but I will say, a few days before he was charged with rape, Mendy had leaked picks of him cranking his chain. Based on those pictures alone, the judge should add an extra 10 years just to be safe. In short, City went in the summer transfer window with hopes of signing Messi, Kane and Ronaldo and they ended up with Floppy disk Jack Grealish and a rape charge.Speaking of Jack Grealish, here’s a video of Leicester’s mascot diving behind Grealish.There are 19 teams that Jack could have signed with and he would still be beloved by English footy fans; and he wouldn’t get ridiculed or clowned. Drunk Jack had to pick the one team that would make everyone collectively hate him. Well done, Jack.As for this week’s main event, here’s an absolutely burned out–and absolutely not at all being forced to manage a team he doesn’t want– Pep Guardiola pleading with Man Shitty fans to attend a home lesser footy match:
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Unsurprisingly, that plea didn’t sit well with the Man City fans. Earlier Friday, Pep held a press conference and was forced to apologize to all 6 Man Shitty fans.
Until next time, DFOers, Up the fookin’ Reds! Wakezila throws down another smoke bomb and disappears
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Also, you can stream Trashbirds and Moose Hornets (I hate myself enough to do this), or you can hate-watch Palace and the Shite (I don’t quite hate myself enough to subject my addled mind to that).
Spotlight Dance? Everton and Villa (NBC, 12:30). I predict this is when the wheels finally fall off the unfortunate Benitez bandwagon. The early fixture list has been remarkably accomodating, and that fat cunt will have the wagon in tatters before Kwanzaa. YOU MARK HIPPO’S WORDS!!
Men Untied get Fronk’s Hammer’s on Sunday Funday (9:00, NBCSN), along with two boring streaming options. That’s ok, Heroic RedZone Muzak awaits!
Nebraska (+22.5) at Oklahoma (Noon, Fox)
This is notable only FOAR Gus Johnson, who will call this fixture, then head to the desert to call Qards/Vikes with…Hippo FavoUrite Aqib “Two of the Good Ones” Talib! And Gus has already deadpanned that he will leave any gold chains at home, to avoid a snatching. Also, Jeebus Tapdancing Christ, I get that Steerfuckers North plays down to the competition, but if they are even moderately motivated, they will cover this spread a few minutes into Q2.
Cincinnati (-3.5) at Indiana (Noon, ESPN)
On the one hand, this is the Trappiest Trap Game EVAR Trapped (JV WKRP gets Notre Dame next). On the other, God very specifically and vehemently hates Brocky, and Her will be done.
Virginia Tech (+2.5) at West By God Virginia (Noon, FS1)
The Castrated Turkeys may be 15th in the polls, but Vegas ain’t having it. We can at least be a good WCS support group for a bit.
Purdue (+7) at Notre Dame (2:30, NBC)
Purdue will have this game in hand, and manage to cock it up at the end. Again, yew mark Hippo’s word salad.
Alabama (-14.5) at Florida (3:30, CBS)
Theoretically, a test. But that GAMBLOR line has been racing in Roll Damn Tide’s favoUr. And I ain’t buying what the folk of Gainesville have to sell. But still, good for scouting next year’s NFL Draft.
Southern Cal (-7.5) at Washington State (3:30, Fox)
Pour one out (and rub one out, given Song Girl pic) for poor, over his head Clay Helton. At least he is spared the trip to Pullman. Though the Wazzu fans know doubt would have liked to serenade him with You’re Getting Sacked in the Morning. OK, I would have enjoyed it. Que lastima. ML the Cougs.
Did I mention that I put 3 lbs of tri tip into the sous vide this morning and it will be ready by dinnertime? I’m also cooking gold potatoes to go with it, and I will probably drink liquor and then wine.
Use the juices from the sous vide bag, add a little red wine, maybe some shallots, garlic and fresh herbs and reduce it down to spoon over the finished beef.
Pan sauce!
Yes! Knob of butter at the end, perfecto!
Because I hate Florida so much, I find myself wanting Alabama to throttle these mother fuckers. Football changes you, man.
Not just the college. The entire state.
Yes.
I mean, FFS, how does ALABAMA end up with a less insane Governor than FLORIDA?
Trust me, Governor Meemaw is no prize, but compared to DeSatan she is le tits.
Uh, nice catch Tulsa receiver but maybe not start trash talking when you’re down 14 points and 15 yards into Ohio State’s bench and surrounded by Ohio State players.
I just landed a jumbo chicken burrito delivered from Bennie’s Tacos while watching the USC game, which I’m not really paying attention to. I’m living large right now.
Good. He’s alive and moving. Now review the play. He clearly dropped the ball when he went unconscious.
Kids?
Oh kids.
I just ordered Thai from our local place here in Pedro and lemme tell yez.
Had some larb with pork, lovely honey duck, pad see ew with chicken and crispy wings.
People.
Lord Sonny Jesus never ate so good because Jesus never ate Thai.
God. DAMN that was delicious.
I have some veggies that are on the edge, so I will roast them and do some trout fillets for dinner. I bought a ginormous ham hock, so it’s split pea soup tomorrow. I love fall/winter comfort food.
Awesome. Ham hocks can work famously with split peas and I’m a huge fan of the big ass white lima beans too.
It’s why I always keep the ham bone.
You make some cornbread and fried taters and I’m on my way.
Since we are all in a confessional mode, I have to admit that I fucking love Jiffy mix corn bread. The real thing just doesn’t do it for me.
Have you cooked the real thing in cast iron? The only difference I see with Jiffy is a little extra sugar.
I have. It’s the extra sugar, and not having to measure stuff that I like.
They still do “two bits, four bits, six bits, a dollar” at Florida. Twenty-three skidoo, flatfoot floozie with a floyfloy! Jeepers creepers, where is my raccoon coat?
Backwards cultural ideals and the south, name me five things that are a better fit, you cant.
If it means anything I got every bit of that.
I’m watching the credits to Star Trek Generations, I’m noticing some things.
The showed the Main Cast + the Bad Guy + Kirk + the two cheapest ones from TOS they could get as CAST. Then they showed the rest as STARFLEET PERSONNEL, including three journalists and “girl with teddy bear”. And then they showed the rest as ALIENS. I guess Specism is a problem in the 24th Century. They even lopped in refugees from a nearly extinct race with the blood thirsty Klingons. I guess there is no hope for the future.
I could go into flaws with the actual movie itself, but I’ll need an entire post for that. Its not the worst Star Trek movie, but its definitely an Odd Numbered Star Trek movie.
Awright goddammit!!!! I’ve been internet friends with you folks for awhile now, and I feel I need to be honest with you, and come out.
[bows head]
[breathes deeply]
I’m a Notre Dame football fan. Fuckin’ diehard.
My brother (Sean Fronkenshteen ‘92) was a freshman when Reggie Ho beat Michigan at the buzzer 19-16 on opening night 1988, and then went on to win the national championship. He was even dorm mates with Rocket Ismail (who he said loved nothing more than hiding in people’s rooms and scaring the shit out of them). It took. And it stuck. I hope I retain my commenting privileges here. But GO IRISH!! BEAT PURDUE!!!
We still love you, son. We’re just very disappointed.
If I haven’t been doxed, tared and feathered, drawn and quartered, a date with Emma Stone, and a 1 week ban the instant I outed myself as a Republican, I think you’ll do fine.
The hate for ND/Pats/etc. is almost as annoying as their fans. Not yet, but someday.
If we’re getting real?
/ takes off tie
// removes pants
I’m a lifelong USC fan. Shit man! I watched OJ and Marcus and Sam “Bam” Cunningham run. John Mckay. Student body fucking right.
You’re a good soul Fronk but fuck Notre Dame directly in the dumper.
/ ignores USC this year
// watches UCLA
That was cathartic!
I rooted for Notre Dame, (because I’m Irish and it’s in my genetic code, along with self-loathing and a penchant for a drink or two), until they hired Brian Kelly. Fuck that guy, hard.
Also, Brian Kelly killed a kid.
Never forget.
I’m so Irish I got sun poisoning in March. In Seattle. My aunt got her master’s at Notre Dame, and eventually was on their board of regent’s. I liked them when I was a kid, but I never liked them getting their own tv deal, and not joining a conference.
Me great grandmudder was a Kennedy from County Cork [pronounced Kark] and I’ve got the Irish flag tattooed on me left shoulder.
But still fuck Notre Dame.
I may have to root for Notre Dame to hold on. I want them going into the UC game overconfident, not in Full Revenge Mode.
What is catch?!
OH YEAH, that’s why one NEVAR bets on Wazzu.
Buckeyes fans are doing an impression of Genie from Aladdin regarding CJ Stroud:
“Show him. The. BENCH!!!!”
Aladdin “Tell Her The Truth” – YouTube
Damn I’ve been out of the soda game for a while but 1 can has 140 calories and like 40 grams of sugar? Has it always been that bad? No wonder I’m still so fat.
Good to see Alabama showing the due respect that one should have for early season rankings.
Not sure anyone saw the ridiculous Brian Kemp ad, but this is the funniest shit I’ve seen in a while.
https://twitter.com/blueatlgeorgia/status/1439255397114728449?s=21
If reverse racism were actually a thing, this would be the pinnacle of it.
Awesome! Vroom, boomboom clickclack!
bravo
Maybe I’m an idiot but I thought Tulsa was a city in Oklahoma. If so, why the hell do they have hurricane imagery as their logo/nickname/mascot?
Visionaries for 2150
The only time a Hurricane ever hits Tulsa is when the Tulsa Golden Hurricane plays in a sports event.
Maybe they’re making a point from the forced relocation of Native Americans from the Atlantic Coast?
They don’t know the difference between hurricanes and tornadoes. No science in the Jeebus madrassas!
Did anyone outside of SoCal just get a Golden Road Mango Cart ad?
Emory “Board” Jones is a little rough around the edges but I think he’s got the grit to round things over.
I thank all of you for your kind thoughts and words after last nights Southern California meatquake.
I survived.
I’ve finally extracted myself from under the bed and I look forward to posting many more dumb and irrelevant submarine posts.
God bless you all.
The announcers on CBS are shockingly uninterested in this game. They are making a Joe Buck broadcast look like a Gus Johnson one.
Danielson in particular needs to be put to pasture. Though don’t blame them bama is such a boring machine
I have to look up who “not Verne” is every time. Turns out, his name is Brad something.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3QelcVqaAc
UC wins! This is a nice start for Saturday.
(switches to Tulsa/Ohio St. game)
Oh, shit.
Black Diamond Trophy, bitches
In this week’s “ACC is ASS” moment…we give you Pitt, losing to Western Michigan.
Jeeesus.
Another week, another feeling dirty for affirmatively cheering on Roll Damn Tide.
I think the Biden administration can learn a valuable lesson from the Gabby Petito media frenzy: anytime you need to disrupt the narrative on Fox News, just make a young, blond, white girl disappear.
“We have indisputable proof that Biden not only knew about the September 11th attacks, he even bought the plane tickets for….excuse me, we have BREAKING NEWS, a young, blonde, white girl has disappeared!”
See?
Brocky welfare check?
I wonder who had MOAR heart attacks today, Brocky or WCS?
That Gator chomp makes me want to punch someone right in their spray tan. FuckFloridaForever! Although I did see the Stones at that stadium.
Mich State is back?
I mean, they’s playing Miami-FL. 21st century varietal.
But then that means the U isn’t back either…
They’s in the “Premature Ejaculation” bracket, along with Steerfuckers South.
LA Dodgers and Reds are tied at the end of 4th, but the umps are down a Zebra.
Brocky, what did you do to get God to go Old Testament on you?
He noes wut he done. – Yahweh
I think Brocky has run away to join the circus.
Oh dear GOD, Fuckers du Cousins.
BUT THEY SOMEHOW HOLD ON.
“Baja” means “lower”. Duolingo taught me that it meant “short” but it doesn’t, really. I learned the proper meaning from a beer commercial, which is how the world should be.
In Portuguese it’s “Sul” and “Nor” is North
Today, I was learning gender assignments to countries. I think if a country ends in the letter A it’s feminine and any other letter is masculine. “Eu su da Ustados Unidos.”
“Eu su do Canada.”
Make sense?
It does mean short. It also means lower. It means lots of things.
God really loves to cock-tease Brocky!
WCS’ living room pacing intensifies.
Well, UConn at least managed to find the end zone multiple times today, granted against the military’s second and third string. Let’s see what I can watch to lift my spirts.
/turns on Yankees game
10-0 Cleveland
//turns on Fortnite
Y’ALL DONE COVERED!! The on-campus celebration best be epic.
Just hoping the parade doesn’t block my trip to the dump later today.
That’s not a euphemism, I really do have to make a run to the town landfill.
neighboUr kid supposed to come load up my garage offal and take to dump tomorrow, which I sure hope is open on the Sabbath.
Are you paying in cash or pillz?
Cash, daggum teenagers already noe how to score pillage.
UConn’s kick-off defense is pretty good, especially considering they haven’t had to deploy it until today.
IU/UC is starting to get a bit chippy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErXbMB9R5-0
Bon Scott is the only AC/DC singer you’ll ever need.
Army with the late hit on the QB or, as it’s more commonly known, “The Afghan Evac Play”
JV FC Cincy’s kicker hates the left upright.
God: hey, wanna see me fuck with brocky again?
image.png (400×297) (memecrunch.com)
Bananacakes in Indiana!
I love that DrawPlayDave has gone viral.
I don’t want to get too carried away here, folks, but UConn is really fighting to cover the spread here.
this has been my primary focus, too
/may need an intervention
USC’s team plane tips backward on tarmac en route to play Washington State (msn.com)
USC’s passing attack need some work.
Sparse crowd gathers near Capitol to protest treatment of those jailed in Jan. 6 riot (msn.com)
The Revolution will not be populated.
So “Lesbian escorts” are called “car buying” in the UK? Huh.