Your Early Posted Monday Night Football Open Thread

I’ve tossed this up a wee bit early because thar be some baseball playoffs going on as well as CFL ball for the (not exclusively tho) Canuckians who are on holiday.

Fallout:

-Well, what the else am I gonna talk about? The fookin’ G-men are done and I’m almost grateful. I can now shift from, “There’s A Chance!” mode into, “Let’s Look Closely At This Rebuild” mode. I lied-I’m not happy about that either.

-“Cowards! All Of Them!” Coaches that settle for the 45+ field goal attempts towards the end of games when it’s 4th and 5 or better. (Hippo breaks this down much better on a relevant game basis in his ‘Thoughts”) Look at the stupidity this generated in the Cincy/GB game. GUH!

-“Oh, You Thought I Was Done?” So I went onto some Giants sites and quickly was bogged down in the minutiae of “Is Kadarius Toney an undisciplined immature young fella or is he showing his fire/feisty nature?” argument. DO BETTER INTERNET! As for my opinion about him? When he gets the ball in his hands it looks like he’s on ice skates and defenders are wearing galoshes.

-The followup on the “Is Herbert matchup-proof?” question might be a resounding ‘YES!’ (I was heavily invested in this answer in 3(!) different leagues.) Their sked starting in week 13 is Giants, Chiefs, Texans and Broncos.

-I’d rather lay on the surgery table at Unit 13 than cheer for the Cowboys but damn, they have an entertaining team. Diggs has almost single-handedly solved the Cowboys problems in the secondary. I’d argue that his six INTs make him one of the most valuable offensive players on the team. Giving the ball back to the O puts great pressure on the opposing team, helps the O find some rhythm, gives them extra opportunities to wear down the opposing D and allows their D some extra rest. (you get a pick 6, you’re right back on the field)

To The Game!

Colts/Ravens:

-This would be a great time for rb Taylor to go bananas. You know, that would be great for his confidence, his self-esteem, his sense of self-worth and my chances of winning.

-Those dirty Ravens! The only ones that knew about this 100 yards rushing team record! They are after it tonight. All the living remaining members of the mid-70’s Steelers look around, thoughtless, just as always*.

*when I typed ‘the remaining members of the mid-70’s Steelers’ what I meant was Terry Bradshaw

Get to the tippy tapping.

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King Hippo

Merde. Here comes the placement kick.

Gatoraids

Child’s Play will now have to reboot and change the dolls name

WCS

Jay?

King Hippo

Is Fatty anywhere in the League now, or is he just collecting his Redacted payoff checks?

Horatio Cornblower

A movie about a doll so stupid it just constantly gets stuck in corners and falls down stairs?
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King Hippo

Pretty amazing that The Shield didn’t at least give NBC a veiled heads-up, before Tirico and Dungy wiped their asses with what remains of their dignity.

SonOfSpam

They value the dignity of Goodell much more than their own.

Horatio Cornblower

Doesn’t get much more insensitive then leaving Dungy hanging like that.

Don T

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rockingdog

Wait is he really gonna get fired?

Gatoraids

he resigned just now

Horatio Cornblower

“You can’t fire me, I quit you fucking (deleted) mother-(deleted) (deleted)-suckers!”

Jon Gruden, showing he’s grown from this learning opportunity.

King Hippo

Nope. He already DID get fired.

herodotus450

Out of respect the NFL should go ahead and vacate Gruden’s super bowl win with Tampa Bay. But who can remember what year that was? Better just vacate all of Tampa’s super bowls to be safe.

Gumbygirl

It’s only fair.

Horatio Cornblower

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

SonOfSpam

NFL lackey: “Gruden said some very racist stuff about DeMaurice Smith”
Goodell: (shrugs)
NFL lackey: “He also called you a pussy and a faggot”
Goodell: “Get the rope.”

WCS

Tomorrow, the Raiders will announce their interim coach, Juan Groodin.

Anthony In TX

Josh Groban wanders in the door
The press room goes wild

LemonJello

What’s his brother, Gruden The Lesser doing?

Gumbygirl

Gruden fired!

herodotus450

I heard Foul Ball Guy caught a ball at some boring basedball game; you know what that means:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0qK1ga44ZxI&t=30s

Horatio Cornblower

I saw him when I went to Fenway for the Wild Card. He was out on Landsdowne looking to shag balls from batting practice and talking into a video.

I told my friend that we had the opportunity to be heroes, but not without going to jail.

King Hippo

C’mon, Humps. You need to take this clock down to zeroes.

JimU

The most surprising thing about this Jon Gruden situation is that he knows how to use email.

WCS

The URL he uses:

http://www.creedthoughts.gov.www\creedthoughts

JimU

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SonOfSpam

Called the Corona Hotline and Tony Romo walked him through it.

rockingdog

Shit dicks
Wander Franco with the 2 run HR
Now it’s Rays 3-Sox 5
Game is getting tight…😬

rockingdog

LoL
OCG
“go Wander out to the mass pike motherfu****”

WCS

$100 million well spent!

King Hippo

Damn it, I wanted to hear the third tranche of oopsie-doodles

SonOfSpam

Who says we won’t?

(crosses fingers)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Urban Meyer has to go out and celebrate with a bunch of 20 year olds

Horatio Cornblower

Meyer will be 0-5 next week and screaming the n-word from the top of the stadium in an effort to get fired.

WCS

In Jacksonville, that would get him elected mayor.

Warthog

The Lolphins will challenge for that L.

herodotus450

“No no, I said re-sign. How about 10 more years?”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jesus, I was just copying the embed code on that. This is happening FAST. There must be some really, *really* awful stuff in there.

SonOfSpam

What the NYT already reported is pretty bad, so yeah, waiting for Gruden III: In Search Of The NWord

Mr. Ayo

THIS GUY GRUDEN I CALL HIM XMAS APE BECAUSE HE JUST GOT CANCELLED

Anthony In TX

Whatever happened to Ape? Did he ever get out of the internet burn book?

Beerguyrob

Nope. Still on about it. Even today.

Anthony In TX

That’s a shame. I liked him back in the KSK days. Even bought his book.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s windy as hell out here in Los Angeles right now. I hope nothing catches on fire.

Gumbygirl

It’s crazy up here in Big Bear. We had thunder, lightning, snow, hail, and I’m pretty sure there are locusts on my roof.

Horatio Cornblower

“Me too. I hate flamers”

Jon Gruden

Anthony In TX

Out-fucking-standing

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This is like a game of chess/checkers with two Alzheimer’s patients shitting themselves

SonOfSpam

You bastard, that’s my exact fetish.

litre_cola

Do you require a blunt or a fine red with that sir?

SonOfSpam

(damn this guy’s good)

Excuse me, boy. What is your current employment situation?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is that for real or is it just Florio talking out his ass?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

NM I just saw the new stuff. Yeah, sounds pretty plausible.

Anthony In TX

Is that for real or is it just Florio talking out his ass?

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah. Shaming the Raiders. That’ll work.

rockingdog

Update;
OCG is gonna leave shortly.
Got em a shot of Jack Daniels.

It’s rocking!

Last edited 3 years ago by rockingdog
Brick Meathook

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litre_cola

So the way I see it is that Young Davis should 100% fire Gruden. His dad would have for sure. He hired Amy Trask against the ways of the times. Interesting to see what ole’ bowl head will do, he does have a gay player on his team. I want more of the emails. Feed me the dirt!

LemonJello

Fun Fact: “Enjoying crabs in Baltimore” is what the denizens of that blighted abscess call their Senior Prom.

King Hippo

This is far and away the best contriibution to society that any former Redacteds executive has made.

And Gruden has always been THAT GUY, so none of this really surprises. What drops my jaw is that he didn’t get ahead of this in responding to the first e-mail. The same recipient, “bro” conversation, and he didn’t expect the other show to drop? Your average 8-year old would know better.

Though maybe he will say he just meant Goodell reminded him of a bundle of sticks, in another tortured analogy that TOTES makes logical sense.

JimU

It will be hilarious that Jon Gruden’s final game will be a loss to the Bears.

King Hippo

I am sure Mark Davis is discussing contractual options now, with the rest of his fellow Guilty Remnant.

SonOfSpam

Oh shit, the cherry on this wacky sundae.

Gatoraids

Urban Meyer learned to hack emails quick.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Urban Meyer didn’t hack shit.” – the man known only as ‘5Chan’
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WCS

HE’S BACK

Mr. Ayo

Oh you poor, naive fool. He never left.

rockingdog

Update;
OCGs favorite player is on this Sox team Xander Bogarts.
Bar is ROCKING!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This wasn’t accurate when I first posted it (he said he *expected* to be hospitalized, but the following day was boasting about how much better he felt after gargling with fetus-generated mouthwash) but it’s accurate now!

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Anthony In TX

Good. Hopefully he bites it soon.

SonOfSpam

I don’t wish for his death, but I’d be fine with the cessation of his life.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m actively wishing Allen West die of Covid. Or Malaria. Cholera? Infected spider bite?

Look. I’m not going to be picky here.

SonOfSpam

Allen and Gruden also mocked Caitlyn Jenner, who received an award from ESPN in 2015 after she transitioned.

I guess it’s not all bad.

Horatio Cornblower

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Anthony In TX

I mean, she sucks out loud and all, but not because she transitioned from being a man. I doubt they were making fun of her politics or public persona.

SonOfSpam

Yes, she’s an asshole regardless of gender, but not because of transitioning.

Horatio Cornblower

Caitlin Jenner should not be made fun of for being trans.

But she should be made fun of for many, many other reasons.

Brick Meathook

She needs to return her Olympic decathlon medal. She was cheating, pretending she was a man.

Brick Meathook

Also, I have zero respect for trannies. Buck up and accept the circumstances, but quit whining. You’re not special.

Anthony In TX

THIS GUY MICHAEL SAM, I CALL HIM FA–“Thanks so much, Jon, now down to Melissa Stark. Please, dear God, Melissa, say something that will distract us!

WCS

Dakota Jeebus, you fucking toolbox.

King Hippo

At the grocery store this am, I noticed Snoop Dogg-branded wine bottles. This timeline confuses Hippo something fierce.

litre_cola

Wait til you get a load of his colab with Martha Stewart!

herodotus450

“21 Crimes, but extra tannins isn’t one of them”

Horatio Cornblower

That’s outstanding.

Gumbygirl

I had his 19 Crimes red blend. Was actually pretty tasty.

SonOfSpam

30% Cabernet, 25% Petite Syrah, 45% Sizzurp

Last edited 3 years ago by SonOfSpam
Gumbygirl

It wasn’t gin, juice, and ketamine, but I caught a nice buzz.

WCS

Malone University?
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litre_cola

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SonOfSpam

Sam, Karl, or Bugsy?

SonOfSpam

“Mo Allie-Cox” is what Lindsey Graham wants next time he visits San Francisco.

Horatio Cornblower

Jonathan Taylor has touched the ball 4 times and has 16 FF points.

That’s a pretty fair ratio.

litre_cola

It is fucking bullshit. Throw it to Pittman ffs.

Horatio Cornblower

As long as Baltimore promises not to get Murray any points I will concede further FF points to Pittman for the remainder of the game.

rockingdog

That’s ROCKINGGG!

SonOfSpam

NEW GRUDEN EMAILS DROPPED

Gruden’s messages were sent to Bruce Allen, the former president of the Washington Football Team, and others, while he was working for ESPN as a color analyst during “Monday Night Football,” the sports network’s weekly prime-time telecast of N.F.L. games. In the emails, Gruden called the league’s commissioner, Roger Goodell, a “faggot” and a “clueless anti football pussy” and said that Goodell should not have pressured Jeff Fisher, then the coach of the Rams, to draft “queers,” a reference to Michael Sam, a gay player chosen by the team in 2014.

Last edited 3 years ago by SonOfSpam
SonOfSpam

Kinda takes a little sheen off the whole “that’s not who I am” thing.

Horatio Cornblower

“I’m not a racist I just hate fa…”
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Horatio Cornblower

THIS GUY GRUDEN I CALL HIM AN ASSHOLE, FOR REASONS THAT I DON’T THINK NEED EXPLAINING.

SonOfSpam

Gonna make tomorrow’s practice awkward when he greets Nassib.

Horatio Cornblower

At the rate this is developing I’d be sort of surprise if Gruden were at tomorrow’s practice.

litre_cola

This guy Gruden, I call him a picture in Jim Nantz’s wallet because he is fucking toast.

Anthony In TX

Okay, pardon my gullibility: is that real? Is this true?
He’s gonna be radioactive for awhile if that’s the case.

SonOfSpam

It’s real, and it’s SPECTACULAR

(NY Times reporting, just dropped a bit ago)

Horatio Cornblower

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Anthony In TX

Dammmmnnnnnn gonna be interesting to see what Davis does with this.
If Gruden’s done, you’re gonna have a bunch of people whining about “cancel culture,” conveniently ignoring that most people would (and should) be fired immediately for using work resources to spread this kind of bigotry and bullshit.

Horatio Cornblower

If I sent an email anything remotely like Gruden’s from a work computer at 9 in the morning I’d be escorted out of the building before lunch.

Anthony In TX

YEP.
I’m technically a state employee. There would be no argument or negotiation.

Anthony In TX

Oh shit, it is true.

TheRevanchist

Gruden is a much bigger dick than I ever thought before. Perfect for a Raiders coach!

King Hippo

Well, no wonder Dungy has no problem with Chucky.

King Hippo

Just so long as the Ratbirds eschew placement kicks. Please and thank you.

Mr. Ayo

Looks like they’re committed to 3 and outs so you’ll be fine.

Horatio Cornblower

John Harbaugh clearly taking a page from Jim’s Michigan playbook.

Horatio Cornblower

Me, comes in from walking the dog, flips one game, sees Taylor drop a screen pass that hits him right in the pads: “Well fuck, that’s not good for my chances against Balls.”

-pause for next play-

“Well hold on now…”

SonOfSpam

“They’ll never run the same play TWICE”

-genius Bawlmer coaches

Horatio Cornblower

They fooled them by running it to the left instead of the right.

SonOfSpam

Can they do that???

SonOfSpam

Can’t tell you how many times one of us drunk idiots walked into a room and repeated the John Candy line, but it’s a lot.

litre_cola

I would prefer Taylor not go bananas. Thx.

Mr. Ayo

Bad news, liter.

litre_cola

Jesus Fuck, I haven’t even turned on the damn game yet!!!

SonOfSpam

You may wish to alter your evening plans.

litre_cola

I sure as hell am going to stay away from the Gigantes game at this rate.

SonOfSpam

Hi, would you please prefer that I not win the lottery?

litre_cola

I would prefer Spam not win the lottery and employ me for basically doing nothing but rolling joints and selecting wine.

SonOfSpam

I AM looking for a sommelier/blunt artist.

Gumbygirl

I roll great joints. Just saying.

rockingdog

Booooom!
DEVERS with the homer!
Sox up 3-0

It’s ROCKING!!!!

rockingdog

Update:

OF THe WALLL
Sox got another
4-0!!!!

rockingdog

Update;
Make it 5!!!!
Another off the WALL
Fenway is ROCKINGGggg💯

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve got about 6 friends at the game, (none good enough to have invited me, obviously), and I am getting many happy texts.

Fuck Tampa until they move to Montreal.

Gumbygirl

Gumby’s former boss, who moved us to California from Montana on our dime,without telling us he was in the process of selling the company, is a huge Tampa fan (front row season tix, Gumby went to a World Series game there. ) So fuck him, and fuck the Rays!

King Hippo

Not only does Diggs the DB get all them pickerceptions, he’s also one hell of a returner. Good point about what that does with field position.

rockingdog

Update;

Hanging out at the New England bar again
Watching the Sox game with OCG
Shot taken.

Bar is semi-Rocking!!

King Hippo

Scotchy, you surely must be looking forward to Mike Glennon performing the Dreaded Giraffe Sprint!

Seriously, am doubling down in my Survivor/Loser pool Week 6. RRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! should murder kill the Gigantes practice squad.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Can you imagine having to tell a team/reporters/your religious advisor that you have confidence in Mike Glennon to lead that team to victory? You’re automatically destroying any credibility.

Redshirt

The first seal is broken. The first step to Most Glorious Forfeit has occurred. And it’s (check notes) somehow I also knew it would be them.

https://www.cincinnati.com/story/sports/nfl/bengals/2021/10/11/samaje-perine-jackson-carman-dante-smith-cincinnati-bengals-vs-detroit-lions-reserve-covid-19-list/6089381001/

rockingdog

Found a funny;

[first date]

her: i just got out of a serious relationship

me: that’s ok *puts on clown nose* this can be a wacky relationship

rockingdog

Boston was ROCKiNG today!
Marathon Monday!
First the marathon then Red Sox elimination game tonight! 💯

Goooo baseball! ⚾️

Game Time Decision

Now what is it?

ballsofsteelandfury

23-21 HamTor

ballsofsteelandfury

And it’s 24-23 TorHam

Game Time Decision

No bird this year.
How was yours?

Last edited 3 years ago by Game Time Decision
Game Time Decision

Damn that sucks.

Have always wanted to do the deep fry turkey thing, but too scared and don’t have anything big enough to do it

LemonJello

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Gumbygirl

We bought a turkey fryer a few years ago, panicked, and sold it on OfferUp for what we paid.

Brick Meathook
Anthony In TX

I did not anticipate ever writing that last sentence.

Anthony In TX

They didn’t just draft him for his arm.

They drafted him for his loving arms.

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