Your First Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

To The Games!

Browns/Bengals:

Welp, I was wrong-Cincy did indeed look past the Jets to the Browns and now they’re here. Refrench my memory, was it the 80’s when these teams were last good at the same time? If shame is a game factor then Cincy should roll today. (if Zac Taylor gets out of the way) Speaking of dead weight, the Browns couldn’t wait to have an excuse to get rid of The Problematic One, OBJ.

Broncos/Cowboys:

Denver is getting 9.5 points on the road and no love from their fans after trading away Von Miller. DAK! is indicating he’s BAK! for this one and that might be far too much for a defense that just had the bandaid ripped off.

Texans/Fins:

Tyrod finally gets back, but to what? Houston is down to two starting o-linemen and it wasn’t a good unit to start with. Cooks is about the only skill talent there but Miami has two excellent corners.

Falcons/Saints:

New Orleans has put together three wins in a row on the strength of a D that means business. With Ridley gone Ryan has little beyond Pitts who showed last week that he can’t handle double coverage just yet. Time for do-everything wr/rb Patterson to do something.

Raiders/Giants:

The Bad News Raiders catch a break as the woeful Giants wander into town. The challenge for Vegas is to get to 31 points because the Giants haven’t scored 30 all year. That’s what happens when your starting skill guys are never on the field together.

Pats/Panthers:

The O/U on this one should be about 26. Both qb’s are shaky at best (tho Jones is the best of the rook’s, she’s a very low bar) so both offenses struggle to put scores on the board. One should add that the Pats are 8th in points allowed and the Panthers are even better at 5th-points will be precious here.

Bills/Jags:

Josh Allen, meet Josh Allen. That’s about it. Buffalo should put a 50 spot on the board, evenly split between O and D, given that they have the best scoring number for both units.

Vikes/Ravens:

Now would be a good time for the Kirkster to get his shit together. Although efficient, he’s only tossed a single score in three of his four and these heretofore stingy Ravens are 30th in yards per play allowed.

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Petronel

Was going to watch Battle of Ohio, but flipped past RotJ on TNT. Will watch after end of film.

King Hippo

Would have also accepted “But my family was gone”

Redshirt

I keep trying to watch the old ones, but keep finding another unnecessary change by Lucas and it completely takes me out of the story.

Petronel

Yeah – that does become a problem. Just got the extra “no” in the Force Lightning scene and it was just dumb.

King Hippo

If you ain’t got Beatie Mixon
Then your team can use some fixin!

/Hippo chose to franchise CE-H instead, because TOO STOOPID TOO LIVE

Horatio Cornblower

Announcers: ‘Dallas defense is really good!”

Dallas D: Gives up 35 yards on 2 straight runs

Gatoraids

Dallas D is just tired from providing security at Astroworld

litre_cola

I am just here to see Fronk happy.

Spur

Donks mean business
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King Hippo

DAMN SKIPPY! I am wearing me lucky shirt and everything

King Hippo

Fronk, don’t y’all fuck this up!!!

King Hippo

Look at the size of that hole (PHRASING)1

Horatio Cornblower

Dallas offensive line looking like they just met in the parking lot before the game.

Doktor Zymm
King Hippo

Monkey Trev alternating with Magic Undies. SO MUCH GRIT.

Horatio Cornblower

The most predictable play in the NFL is a team running the ball on 2nd and long, and I will never understand why anyone thinks that’s a good idea.

Gatoraids

Followed by the 3rd and long call of a delay draw

Doktor Zymm

“They’ll never see it coming, just like not giving it to Marshawn Lynch at the end of SB XLIX!”

Doktor Zymm

Congrats to everyone who had to start the Browns D!

King Hippo

#ThePauls, thinking they’re ppl!

hippofant

Do the Bengals and the Browns hate each other? Can you have a divisional rivalry when you’ve been the butt of the division for so many years? How do the Dolphins and the Jets feel about each other?

Gatoraids

Yeah weve been too busy hating the Pats to pay each other much attention

King Hippo

I mean it’s the Battle FOAR Ohio, but who would want THAT?

Horatio Cornblower

Loser gets it.

NotShogunButShogun

That would be the rest of America yes?

Doktor Zymm

How do uneducated poor white people feel about people of other races in poverty?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Against

Redshirt

I hate football.

Cecil Rhodes

The Men of Industry are going to do it! That 12 hour shift at the steelworks will only feel like an 11 hour shift after the match is over!

Last edited 3 years ago by Cecil Rhodes
Fronkenshteen

Goddamn goddamn

King Hippo

This Bitter Blue still loves him some Big Kurt Zouma

BrettFavresColonoscopy

First 1st quarter touchdown for the Giants in 7 games, right? Is Scotchy ok or all sticky?

Doktor Zymm

Cowboys lost that round against the Broncscomment image

King Hippo

D-O-N-K-S!!!!

Spur

Clearly these are people who don’t need universal healthcare

Doktor Zymm

I like the guy in the background who’s just kinda like “oh hey, hi Bubba”

Doktor Zymm

How much of OBJ’s money did the Browns end up paying? I guess locker room cancer treatment can be even more expensive than treating other cancers

Horatio Cornblower

I had read somewhere that, if they had waited until the end of the season they would have avoided a $15 million cap hit.

And they still let him go.

Redshirt

Family being extra annoying this weekend. I’m having fantasies of being Hercules before he began his 12 Labours.

Fronkenshteen

Christ it’s gonna be gut wrenching when Rum Ham blows this. I’m guessing a penalty.

Mr. Ayo

That’s not how to blow it.

Fronkenshteen

FORNALS!!!! And what a run by Bowen!!!

King Hippo

GET FOOKIN IN!!!!!

Spur

Denver having issues getting on the field
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Doktor Zymm

Too bad they aren’t sheepcomment image

Doktor Zymm

Anyone buy a fancy mattress recently? Looking at replacing my old one and there are a million companies and I’m tempted to give up without really getting started

Gatoraids

My cousin likes his Purple Mattress think was good enough to get his sister to also get one and they are in tech money.

King Hippo

I haven’t woken up sore with my Purple (2 months in). I got the adjustable bed frame and the base-model king mattress. Paid the extra $200 to get everything setup and old shit taken away.

hippofant

I got a king coil a few years ago, maybe 5-6 now, and am still very happy with it. Coil mattresses aren’t cool any more though….

Doktor Zymm

I’ve been kinda looking at a latex/coil hybrid

hippofant

According to the tag, mine was a King Koil Perfect Contour Special I, whatever the fuck that means. It is apparently a gel memory foam + innerspring hybrid. It was maybe the softest mattress in the store I tried, but also really supportive/springy, which I wanted cuz I sleep on my side.

Far as I can tell, King Koil doesn’t have a line named Perfect Contour any more, or it’s just the name of their coil technology now?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Please buy one from Purple my stock in them has been sagging.

Last edited 3 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
blaxabbath

We got the ….I don’t remember the name. It’s from like mattress firm. I’m sure we got hosed but it’s cheaper than marriage counseling and is comfortable. I recumbent you get one and/or marriage counseling.

Fronkenshteen

1:00 foolishness. $1 gets me fifty.

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Horatio Cornblower

I ain’t reading all that, but I wish you luck.

Spur

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King Hippo

On the plus side, Donks/N-GCp is televised locally here in North Cakalaky today! Down side…Donks/N-GCp is televised locally here in North Cakalaky today.

Gatoraids

Hey its no Miami Houston, which will be a better stripper name than game

Horatio Cornblower

I remember one time a friend of mine was trying to remember a stripper’s “name” and said, “It’s one of the state capitals”, (it was Austin), and someone else immediately said “Montpelier?”

Doktor Zymm

Bismark is funny name for a stripper

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Especially if she’s bisexual and has a port wine stain.

Spur

Just Random thoughts on that asshole Rodgers

Rodgers lying about being vaccinated because he was too much of a coward to face the heat that came with it really underlines what a bitch he is.

He gets busted for lying and he claims its a witch hunt.

What was his cure? Did he rub himself with 12 herbs and spices and then ran a crystal over his nips?

So many good names, Qaron Rodgers, Karon Rodgers, Throw Rogan

Notice how he listed the Monoclonal antibodies treatment in with his list of homeopathic treatments. When he cures quickly from this it will be the Zinc and only the Zinc that cured him, not the cutting edge antibodies remedy.

No one Green Bay told him to put on a mask on the sideline? Did the Coach know? DId anyone in Green Bay try to hold Rodgers accountable?

Can you imagine if this was a black QB?

Fuck Rodgers and anyone who defends his bullshit.

Last edited 3 years ago by Spur
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think of him as a guy who engages in stealthing but thinks it’s okay because a) he’s had a vasectomy and b) hasn’t had sex with anyone else in over a month.

Doktor Zymm

The team must have known, the league certainly did. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was part of the issues between Qaron and the team at the start of the season

Fronkenshteen

The credit card commercial with the two Asian-American women: are they both the same woman?

blaxabbath

“Looks that way to me!”

– Robert Sarver

Spur

That’s how she saves on money. Work two jobs at the same time.

Petronel

Speaking as an Asian, that’s almost peak Asian right there.

Last edited 3 years ago by Petronel
borisnow

More updates:

CMC active though apparently not playing a full role…whatever that means. I’m adding him to my gpp player pool.

Tua is ACTIVE…he’s just not starting.

Mitchell will start at RB for SF but it’s uncertain “how long he’ll be able to go.” This takes him out of cash game consideration.

Fronkenshteen

Bah gawd! That’s Jeff Wilson Jr.’s music!

clint greasewood

George Kittle is also on a snap count.

Horatio Cornblower

I mean, technically I’m “active” too, but there’s no way that yardwork’s getting done.

blaxabbath

THESE CLEVELAND BROWNS I CALL THEM AARON BABBITT BECAUSE THEY WENT ALL IN ON AN ABSOLUTE LUNATIC AND NOW THEY’LL NEVER ENJOY A CRAZYO BJ EVER AGAIN.

Last edited 3 years ago by blaxabbath
Horatio Cornblower

Holy shit.

Spur

Morning Folks.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[checks watch]

You’re lucky it was daylight savings time.

Doktor Zymm

I made way too much breakfast, it is a good thing Andy Reid is too busy today to raid my fridge for leftovers.

Wouldn’t it be fun if Kirk Cousins could pass to Christian Kirk? Get some Wheel of Fortune before and after thing going on

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Pass COVID or the ball?

Doktor Zymm

Either one, I’m not picky

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m so irritated that of all the weeks for this Aaron Rodgers shit to happen, of *course* it was the one prior to the Packers playing the Chiefs.

blaxabbath

I’ve never known anyone to have such hatred for the Chiefs AND Hue Jackson.

It’s like you pick your enemies list for the weird discount rack in the back of the grocery store.

clint greasewood

TAA with a beauty.

King Hippo

Here’s a tougher query – McCaffrey is active. Flex him ahead of Boston Scott?

blaxabbath

BOSCO!

King Hippo

After That’s Rikki’s Raiders! week…a bit surprised “What Do We Do With a Drunken Sailor” wasn’t taken out of the RedZone Heroic Muzak rotation.

Doktor Zymm

You can’t sail a Corvette without extensive modifications, so it’s probably fine

Cecil Rhodes

And the Men of Industry take the lead!

Fronkenshteen

FUCK YEAAAHHHH

King Hippo

I can’t bear to watch, but drinking coffee from my kid’s Xmas present last year (mug that reads “Tears of Liverpool Fans.”

I mean, I’d prefer the proper nomenclature “Vile Redshite Supporters” but is the thought that counts.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m trying to think of a reality show/competition based around the title “Sucking It Up”. Something to do with travelling and vacuuming, I’m thinking.

2Pack

Hoover and Eureka compete to clean identical frat houses Sunday morning for cash and prizes, many found hidden in couch cushions and under guest beds.

Last edited 3 years ago by 2Pack
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hoover and Dirt Devil sponsor two competing brothels in Nevada looking to rack up the most cash using only their mouths.

2Pack

we just need to work some sort of traveling aspect in here… and we are there RTD.

borisnow

Tua has been ruled OUT. I’m downgrading Gesicki. Okweugbunam is likely chalk at TE now.

Horatio Cornblower

OK, now Waddle’s out and Higgins is back in.

I am definitely going to lose the locker room with all of these late moves.

Horatio Cornblower

The King’s African Water Pistols are 5th in the standings. Going to need an opinion from the Right Honourable Lord Cecil Rhodes as to the status of said name.

King Hippo

It’s good fortUne for y’all, I would stick with it

Cecil Rhodes

Though I always enjoy seeing our red coats claim their rightful bounty, the victory was not decisive enough for my liking! If these gentlemen are able to defeat Liverpool and their Pharaoh in two weeks, then we shall need to change the name. On an unrelated note, it appears that our Gabonese striker is no longer as potent as the malaria that is so common in his homeland. Time for him to toil in the diamond mines!

Last edited 3 years ago by Cecil Rhodes
Horatio Cornblower

You get a yellow card! You get a yellow card! You…get a red car.

King Hippo

Longer form thoughts on Donks WR – I saw Justin Jefferson get damned near shut out by Diggs the CB. Court Sutton is good, but not Jefferson-calibre good.

Horatio Cornblower

Sutton is the easiest bench decision. It’s really Jeudy vs. Higgins I keep going back to.

Whatever happens, the guys I bench will go off, while the two I start will combine for 7 receptions on 10 targets, with no TDs.

King Hippo

I’d flip a coin.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve taken Higgins out and put Jeudy in.

I’d like to congratulate Sutton and Higgins on their upcoming career-best games.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“starting skill guys are never on the field together”

I read that as starting kill guys, which sadly also works since it’s the Raiders.

King Hippo

/trade offer for La’el Collins flies open

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Hey, I never killed anybody!” – Richie Incognito, while cleaning his bonesaw

Horatio Cornblower

Richarlison is such a cunt.

King Hippo

But he believes in science/medicine, at least!

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve got to choose between Sutton/Jeudy vs. Dallas, (figure Denver will be throwing a lot), Tee Higgins vs. the Pauls, Waddle against Houston, (Waddle’s finally doing what I thought when I drafted him and, I mean, (gestures vaguely), Houston), and Patterson against the Vikes.

Currently I’ve got Waddle, Higgins, and Patterson in the WR/TE/RB spot, but I keep rethinking that I need one of the Denver WRs in there.

Also Everton just got proper fucked by VAR. Ref is going to need an escort if Tottenham wins this.

King Hippo

I am playing Judge Jeudy in DFO ball, benching Sutton. Even with Boston Scott as my flex alternative.

Penalty decision was correct, Lloris got the ball.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Does this imply you’re starting Boston Scott in the flex? Because I’m doing that and having massive doubts.

King Hippo

Yes and Yes. I was going to Dreaded Double TE Alignment. but sounds like Kittle might not play much.

In my money league, my TOP FOUR running backs are on IR or bye (CE-H, Monty, Swift, Horny Fourny), so I am starting BOTH Boston Scott and Jordan Howard.

King Hippo

Herbie the Duck, #ThePauls tend to soak up most of the time of possession. QB is all about teh volume.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Texas is within 400 of catching California for total COVID deaths. It seems like they’re a lock to get there by Thanksgiving.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m really rooting for them.

King Hippo

I switched SurvivoUr entry from MIA to BUF. PRAY FOAR HIPPO

Fronkenshteen

I love Twitter.

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King Hippo

Be better with a Q!

Fronkenshteen

Choose 2 highest ceiling WRs. Non-PPR:

Kadarious Toney vs LV
Bryan Edwards @ NYG
Rashod Bateman vs MIN
Devonta Smith vs LAC

Also, any reason to play Chase Edmonds @ SF over Darrel Williams vs GB? I cant think of one, but just wanted to see if anyone’s spidey senses had a feeling about Chase. Boris seems to have given the nod to Williams as well.

Last edited 3 years ago by Fronkenshteen
borisnow

Toney and Bateman for me. I’d do Williams over Edmonds.

King Hippo

1) Bateman
2) Toney

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