Sorry Coach Reid – I know you read that as Beloved Parm.
Today will be interesting, as I leave my recluse lair around halftime of my Wolves du Merde (Derby with Scotchy’s l’Orange) fixture (that’s at 4:00 on ACCN, it deserves no preview). I am off to see oldest HippoSpawn do her senior opera (Pirates of Penzance). As above, she even mentioned me in the school paper.
Anyway, this is what I sent her in response. It’s all opera ever makes me think. And Comfort Eagle might be the most underrated rock album of the 90s.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0XIYcd1DBI
To the fixtures!
Look, I can’t justify waking up early to see Thomas Tuchel’s Chelski beat the tar shit out of Leicester (7:30, NBCSN). But, fuck it, I will. Compressed sportsball day, ya know? Wolves/Hammers (USA) highlights the 10:00 window, with Villa/Trash Birds (NBCSN) also being broadcast, solely due to Slippy G returning to the Premier League. YES, I really hate that motherfucker, well more than even Tory Cunt Frank Lampard.
Media buzzards have swarmed all over Ole’s corpse, but he’s not quite ded yet. His Manure take on Watford (actually, all the way ded) at 10:00, streaming only.
Everybody’s a Gooner for the Spotlight Dance (12:30, NBC), since everybody hates the monkeyfuck out of Liverpool. RITE????? Here’s hoping the King’s Afrikan Water Pistols make a real statement this week.
Sunday’s NBCSN doubleheader is too dire to mention.
Michigan State (+19) at theeeeeeOhio State (Noon, ABC)
The rankings make this the Match of the Day, but the point spread? YIKES. Is Sparty worth a GAMBLOR punt, paying off like 7 to 1? Hippo sez that’s a definite MAYBE!
Wake Forest (+4.5) at Clemson (Noon, ESPN)
Deacons win the Atlantic (and a TV-disaster matchup with Pitt for the ACC title) with a win this week or next. Clemson can only back door with a win here, Wake losing out, and some help from NC State (which we 100% will provide). Strongly believe Wake rolls here.
Iowa State (+3.5) at Oklahoma (Noon, Fox)
Cornpone State always closes well. Until the year they don’t, which may be now. How shitty are Steerfuckers North? Look at that line. At HOME. Who doesn’t like watching a good car crash?
Arkansas (+20.5) at Alabama (3:30, CBS)
I was gonna give Pig Sooey a chance to make this interesting…but it’s in Tuscaloosa. Hard. Pass. Which really sounds like a premium erotica streaming service, no?
SMU (+11.5) at Cincinnati (3:30, ESPN)
If JV WKRP are to stub their toe all the way (and not just stylistically), it will be here. All the quasi-moderate Republican Presidents (Ford, Bush Sr.) seem to love SMU, for some reason. TRUE HIPPO FACT! I am indeed a Methodist, just not a particularly fervent one (even by Methodist standards, we all tend to be Milford Man-ish).
UCLA (-3) at Southern Cal (4:00, Fox)
Highlighted just because of each program being in Very Sad Shape. Troi Boiz need a win to maybe make a December exhibition. Westword Klavern needs a win, or their Grand Wizard 100% gets fired.
Does Legg have the leg for a 45 yarder? Yes he does!
Gumby just told me we should climb El Capitan. Not even noon, and he’s high as fuck!
Maybe you misheard him and he actually said you should “imbibe” some “Captain”?
Gumby’s drinking days are over, alas and alack!
Alas, me too. I’m going to have to slap my own hand since there is no one to stop me from drinking, what with living at home alone and all.
When I got home from Drs appt and pharma pickup yesterday I went straight to the liquor cabinet and remembering where the bottles all went.
That Drizly’s was delivering and I resisted was a bit of luck. 29 days dry as of today.
You can do it! Hey, our alma maters are squaring off today. I might have it on one of the high numbered channels.
tv.209 on my DirectTV. And now it is over.
Hang in there with it. The more time you put past it, the more clear things become. It gets easier, and trust me, its just as much fun. + plenty of friends as everyones jolly ole designated driver. My DD stories are just as good as my old drinking ones.
Send him up Gorgonio. Lots of gentle slopes and plenty of rest areas, if memory servers.
He’s trying to get higher.
You have to start way earlier than noon to make that hike!
Good luck!
There’s a back way up that you can climb and probably not plunge to your death. Heart and/or bear attacks are another story.
I climbed Half Dome the back way. it was exhausting, but now I can be one of those people who say “Half Dome? Yeah, I did that in ’94. Hell of a way up, but too many tourists once you get to the top”, and I won’t be lying about it unless anyone asks if I was one of those tourists.
(How I imply I climbed Half Dome)
(The ladder I actually used to climb Half Dome)
Ioway State gets the yardage needed when the coach explains that it’s “4th down and an ear of corn”.
/It’s important to be able to relate to the players
What’s that? The Chiefs will be benefiting from a massive disruption to their opponent’s offense due to COVID yet <i>again</i>?
<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>The <a href=”https://twitter.com/hashtag/Cowboys?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw”>#Cowboys</a> have placed star WR Amari Cooper on the COVID-19 list, knocking him out Sunday and putting his availability for Thursday in doubt as well.</p>— Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) <a href=”https://twitter.com/RapSheet/status/1461798897433645060?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw”>November 19, 2021</a></blockquote> <script async src=”https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js” charset=”utf-8″></script>
It’s revenge for the Wild West, because the ‘Dacteds can’t play that card anymore.
/See you all in hell!
Woohoo WCS! How bout them ‘eers!
Jeebuz Christ! Purdy can’t even throw the ball out of bounds.
Bearcats fans wondering if the Buckeyes can transfer points to their team the same way they transferred credits from Ohio State.
Nut Check time for Ioway-4th and 1. Aaaaaaand they fucked up.
LoL who did this
I know at least one canine that googles his dogself on a regular basis. smh…
/still lughing
I see the Water Pistols have perfected the Iraqi Republican Guard defense.
Seems like Ioway State is always good for an upset every year in the football and the basketball as well so that’s what I’m eyeballing.
/plus, their qb sure is Purdy [unzips]
Found in the wild in Ontario, California:
MY PEOPLE!
I’m not fluent in ‘license plate’. Little help?
It’s more about the framing of the plate.
Being a huge fan of Blur, I’m surprised that got past me.
“Oh you’re a fan of having the cars in front of you look blurry too?” – Henry Ruggs
You going to the airport?
I passed right by it. I was actually picking up workout gear.
Maybe Tucker used some of that brand new Fuck-You-Money and took the entire team out for hookers and drugs since Wednesday?
Has there ever been a Mercy Rule Running Clock in a game between Top 10 teams?
The King’s Afrikan Water Pistols are not improving my Saturday any.
Water Pistols are no match for Pool Boys.
🏆
Kinda surprised Tabula isn’t pimping the hell out of 10-0 UTSA (Uni of Texas at Alamo). Guess he forgot to remember.
Pride goeth before the fall. Besides, it won’t last.
Jeez, Buckeyes. Save some for the Michigan game.
I’m 7 hours away but I swear I can hear the wailing and gnashing of teeth going on in Ypsilanti*.
*try to spell that right on the first try, Spelling Bee nerds!
This is getting embarrassing.
Don’t feel bad; Ypsilanti is hard to spell.
I hope you’re well aware it’s soul for a soul, Ohio State or Cincy.
Ok, a gray, sullen sky, sleet, a harsh wind plus my ‘good’ knee is throbbing like hell (therefore no run) equals an afternoon of drinking scotch and beer-just like the good old days. Sometimes, I really like math.
We’re up to 63 and the sun just broke through so I’m going to gear up and walk next to some multi million dollar yachts.
I can get a good 4-5 miles in easy.
Maybe MSU should’ve waited til after this game before renewing their coach for 100 million dollars. Could have negotiated at the very least.
The Spartans might be in trouble.
-Announcers, commenting at Thermopylae on the 6th day
If Mike McCarthy had been leading the Persians he would have sat on the archers and just kept charging at the Spartans.
If it was John Harbaugh, he would’ve spent the first day arguing with the Oracles about the Spartans use of the Phalanx.
If it was Belichick, he’d put Josh McDaniels in charge and try to bang 299 MILFs back home in Sparta.
2-nil to Oooooo-nion WOO!!!
I think it’s time to put some of that beef tallow to use. To the fried potatorium!
Both Yale and Harvard are playing today! What’s more, they’re playing against each other. If everyone in the stands could be killed somehow, a large percentage of the rot that infects the US would be eliminated.
I’m still chuckling about that Harvard tombstone story from last week.
I should try to remember to get a picture of it. I’m not sure it will show up well due to the age and weathering.
It’s pretty clear that UGA is far and away #1, and tOSU is far and away #2.
What garbage footed ball. If I hadn’t slept 12 hours last night, I’d take a nap.
/pill bottle flies open
Ded Corn Pone quartered back.
Who wants to hear a fun story about American healthcare?
Nobody? Tough shit.
So my wife and I have a friend who is older, which is what happens when you yourself are not going to see 50 again. This friend takes a fall Tuesday and injures their hip. To the hospital!, where they are tested for Covid on Wednesday with negative results. Hip surgery Thursday, another Covid test Friday, oh look, this one’s positive. The hospital tells friend “oh, you probably had it when you came in to the hospital”, even though there’s literally a negative test from the day after they were fucking admitted!
So now my wife and I are basically grounded for 24-48 hours while waiting for our own tests to come back, (we’ve been in and out of the friends house taking care of their pets, bringing in mail, etc.), and the friend, who was supposed to got to rehab for a week, is in limbo because no nursing home is going to take a Covid+ patient, and the most likely result is that they’re going to be discharged directly home, two days after hip surgery, with a hearty “good luck, and you can’t sue us because we’ll say you already have Covid!”
The only reason I’m not already drunk is that I have to drive to their house and take care of their dog.
will Horatio be a #NuAIDS Eskimo Brother??
Doubt it. I’m double-vaccinated and no direct exposure. And also I think the hospital is full of shit and that that’s where the Covid came from. But we’ll see, and because I’m not an asshole it’s no gym, no bars, no restaurants, no nothing, (including, not incidentally, dropping that dog off to a person who could be there for it more than we could), and I’m pretty fucking pissed right now.
[combine to give you the biggest sideways look the world has ever seen] – Michael Vick and Henry Ruggs
How dare you besmirch [snickers] the sincerity of [bites lip] a hospital wa—
&ct=g
How much will Cousinfuckers-Steerfuckers South set back offensive college football today? TUNE IN AND MIND OUT!
If I lived in the area, I would totes go see the show with you.
Break a leg oldest Hippo spawn
Yeah, that way your Dad can get more pills!
The Fightin’ Horatios take on UCF today at 4:00 as well. They are -30.5.
The only interesting thing about this game is that is a renewal of something called ‘The Civil ConnFLiCT’, a rivalry that former UConn head coach Bob Diaco, (a disaster of a coach, but he made up for it by being an arrogant asshole), tried to force into being, going so far as to design a trophy for it. UConn won it the first year, and of course paraded around with said trophy.
UCF won it the next year and left the trophy in Storrs, because they had no intention of perpetuating this “rivalry.”
The trophy then disappeared and no one knew what happened to it. Yesterday UCF tweeted this:
https://twitter.com/UCF_Football/status/1461900025840246788
The consensus on UConn Twitter is that this isn’t the real trophy, (apparently there are some noticeable differences in the lettering), but either way, that is some A+ trolling. Gun to my head I’d take UConn to cover, if barely, on the theory that they lost to Clemson by 44 points, (taking away a fluke TD on the opening TD), and I think Clemson is probably 14+ points better than UCF.
But I would never, ever, recommend betting on UConn football.
Thankfully, ignored the voice in my head that was all liek Moneyline bet Sparty! VALUE!!
This guy is fabulous and I can’t wait to try these:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxsXU_gQxgk&feature=youtu.be
COTW needs to be in video form….lol
And he was way less drunk at the end that I would have expected
I’m done with Lesser Footy this weekend, except HAIL GAMBLOR on FC Comintern for the Berlin Derby.
It must be said, Wolves play some dreadful football.
Oh dear, today ain’t gonna end well for Ole.
Rough match FOAR Rum Ham
reminder 2 NEVAR FERGET
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNUAm1I_bu8
Old Yeller Game will never be forgotten.
It was so weird-I had 5 games to choose from but kept switching back to that one even though I had no rooting interest or fantasy players involved. Sometimes the planets align and you just know you’re watching something truly awful unfold in real time.
Le sigh. Was this really necessary?
I forgot why I woke up so early, only to find a freezer full of vodka and F1 qualifying on my DVR.
Then I find out lesser footy is back! Will my good fortunes find no end?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDP1bF5u3ZM
MITROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Well hell, those Wolves done snuck into the Top 20! But today you face the wrath of Charlotte-born and bred Garrett Schrader and his filthy 55% completion rate.
/he might actually amount to something by his senior year
Hopefully playing in Edmonton midweek will take some of the steam out of Jimenez’s legs today. Go rum ham!
He also could have caught numerous diseases up there.
20 points off the pace with 25 to play… what a challange hey. I think I’ll roll into the moss pit here next long holiday weekend and see if we can upend middle of the road Benevento. Gonna get creamed tonight to 2nd place Brecia… aint got no time for that. Our stadium is a real dive… my kinda place!
il Boots-a on the Ground-ino!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J06yQb4lbPk
No pyro no party!!!!
I may introduce them to D cell batteries. Least I can do for bilateral relations.
This was us a few weeks ago. We play em again in the semis today.
Thats pro mask territory right there.
Found a funny;
hello darkness my old friend
is it 5 or 10 pm
Thought of the Morning – Imagine how paranoid Thomas Tuchel would be on acid.
Dude
Chelski is kickin butt this morning
And Pulisic scored!!!
That’s Rocking!
My word! These hapless Foxes are getting absolutely battered by the West London Nazis and their relentless blitzkrieg (I am aware that Pulisic is American — however, based on who he keeps company with, he is just as American as Werner von Braun in my eyes). Only a disciplined, civilized squadron will be able to defeat this seemingly unstoppable force.
Good morning sir, The Whites are well positiined for battle today, Barnyard simpletons are visiting and we shall dispatch them as quickly as the French dispatched the tribes in Upper Volta.
Good show, my dear fellow! I eagerly await your next update, which I am hoping will include a report of White supremacy.
I need this for my pub.
I need this for my room!
PURCHASED!
It’s pretty great.
Nice.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nB0-1IjSlxY
Paging Redshirt!
Oh, the humanity!
Want this as a t-shirt
and now the Foxes is just pelts
Found a whoa 😮
Seems legit
https://thenftbay.org/
Press Statement; https://gist.github.com/ghuntley/9261d469bc7b0e10789538ddd3609e0b
I’d just like to say that it is an utter travesty that I woke up at 5:30am on a Saturday and couldn’t get back to sleep. Stupid brain won’t shut the hell up.
A certain dog would find this Footy MOAR rocking, but I suppose he’s still asleep like all good Christians smh
Wee man had a rough night. Been up since 2. I am so tired that I dont even want to go to the CPL semifinal today.
yikes, that is indeed rough