Your Petronel/Horatio (Niners/Cowboys) Darby and Open Thread

We’re shouting out to the ladies on the site by throwing a different kind of Derby hat on the banner pic. <Sarcasm Alert!>There’s so much bad blood between Petro and Horatio already, I just hope things don’t get out of hand in the comment section today! Mods, keep your bannination fingers at the ready!

To The Game!

Niners/Cowboys:

-The 12-5 Dallas club led the league in scoring and yards gained but quite a few yakkers felt that those losses were letdowns and shouldn’t have happened. I mean, were they supposed to go undefeated? When this team is on there’s very little to stop them. Full stop.

-I guess we’ll find out when the season ends what the true extent of his injury (injuries?) is/are but the two-time rushing leader just doesn’t have the zip that we’ve seen in the past. It’s amazing to me that he hasn’t run for 100 since wk. 5. You’d think he’d get to triple digits just by falling over. But to talk solely about him is a disservice to Pollard, who chipped in with 700+. The ‘Boys running game is just fine.

-Jimmy’s Last Stand? What with the amount of draft capital expended to grab Trey Lance, he must be the starter in week 1 next year or John Lynch will be laughed out of/bound and dumped into the Bay. So what does Jimmy bring to the O? Competency. Boring, dependable competency. He can hand off with the best of them. I’m just a bit fearful of a Deebo/Lance/Mitchell backfield next year and will be fading the hell out of Kittle in fantasy.

-Speaking of, Deebo is the first of his kind (a South Carolina kid, no silly, a wr) to put together a season of 1,770 all-purpose yards in the way that he did. Much props to Shanny Jr. for increasing his touches by 5-9 per game. We’ll be seeing much more of this across the league for sure.

-Of all the games played this weekend this one is said to be the best for an upset, what with San Franny coming in on a roll. Stop The Narrative! What of the Cowboys winning 5 of their last 6 with the only loss being a three point shortfall to the Cards?

Tap away.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Not too long, I don’t think.

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Dunstan

I feel like the Cowboys were milking McCarthy’s reputation for cowardice to set up that fake.

WCS

That was perfect.

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BugEyedBoo

It’s my daughter’s default pizza order. It’s alright.

King Hippo

There are only FOUR acceptable pizza toppings. Pepperoni, Sausage, Chicken, Banana Peppers.

And of course, no goddamned cheese.

King Hippo

in FARENESS, I am pretty goddamned high (as usual)

Brocky

You’re baked but you expect me to believe you’d be picky if I put a veggie pizza in front of you?

King Hippo

I am ALWAYS picky, might as well be 7

Gumbygirl

He’s a pill poppin’ hippo

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Mr. Ayo

This post started so well, then just went straight down a chute into a dumpster fire of incorrectness.

You should have a shame pill.

Horatio Cornblower

That no cheese thing makes me think we need to have an intervention.

The pills I’m OK with, but no cheese on a pizza is a bridge too goddamn far.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Please please please let the Cowboys screw this up so badly they end up having to punt anyways.

Petronel

…so they confused themselves so hard on the previous play…

King Hippo

Peak BlueBunny. Try some cutesy bullshit, get a delay of game.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I guaran-fucking-tee the Special Teams coach called that fake without McCarthy’s knowledge.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What the actual shit

litre_cola

Trickeration!

Dunstan

Pineapple on pizza is good. Ham, pineapple, and jalapenos is a great combination.

I also like anchovies, though I don’t think I’ve ever combined pineapple with them.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t want to make fun of the young adult standing behind Jerry, but how can I not?

Horatio Cornblower

Every time he’s on the screen I bite my tongue hard enough to draw blood.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well I think that’s the first time I’ve ever seen Del Taco collaborate with the RNC for an ad.

Gumbygirl

I don’t hate it. I put a shit ton of hot pepper flakes on it.

litre_cola

Gumbygirl gets it.

Dunstan

That’s what Gumby tells me.

Apparently it involves a lot of “no, YOU’RE my favorite!”

Gumbygirl

He’s my favorite real person. Usually.

clint greasewood

NVP voting is up

https://www.nflnickplay.com

Gumbygirl

Deeeeeeebo.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ugh I forgot I picked DAK DAK DAK in one of my weird postseason fantasy things. DO SOMETHING, HAM!

Gatoraids

Were all ready ready for some McCarthy magic

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litre_cola

The annoying kid on the sidelines is still better than Tony Romo.

WCS

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LemonJello

“NOW WE GOT ‘EM RIGHT WHERE WE WANT ‘EM! MY GOTTDAMM STARS WILL REALLY SHINE NOW. I CAN ALREADY TASTE OUR VICTORY (and those hookers and blow I ordered). YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWwwwww I AM FUCKIN’ CRAZY!!!!!!”

litre_cola

I met him at the Vancouver Olympics at a USA hockey game. He is very small and the coloUr of a baseball glove. If he continues he will look like Cameron Diaz’s neighboUr in Something about Mary.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Magda?

litre_cola

Yep, he was that orange/burnt, in Feb.

ThePirateSloth

“If you try to go toe to toe with Dallas, you have no chance, they’re too good up front…”

23-7 says different

Doktor Zymm

They may have gone toe to instep

Horatio Cornblower

McCarthy gonna McCarthy

ThePirateSloth

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LemonJello

Jenny like Blue Bunny Ice Cream Sandwiches too?

King Hippo

Maybe don’t punt on 4th and 2?

Horatio Cornblower

Playing Devil’s advocate for a moment, (although I agree they should have gone for it there), what has the Dallas offense done today that would make McCarthy think they could get 2 yards there?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I believe I addressed this aspect of the Beav’s personality:

https://doorfliesopen.com/2021/12/22/i-watched-it-so-you-dont-have-to-starr-of-wonder/

King Hippo

oh yes, that was SO GOOD.

The Maestro

Evening, degenerates.

It is my extreme pleasure to announce, as attorney general of Patriots Nation, that we will be conducting a full-scale audit into the results of last night’s divisional round game against the Buffalo Bills. We have SUBSTANTIAL evidence that will reveal that not only were multiple Bills players flagrantly violating the rules and spirit of competition, but also that Sean McDermott and Josh Allen have tiny penises. As a result, within 24 hours, we have the utmost confidence that the good people of the National Football League will do the right thing and vacate the Buffalo win due to this massive fraud. We will not be denied!

LemonJello

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“Need any help?”

Horatio Cornblower

Will Work For Shoe Polish

Doktor Zymm

Which garden supply store will host your press conference?

Gumbygirl

Here comes your ride

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Cecil Rhodes

Hang on, we’re just getting the translation for the folks in Quincy, MA…

“NAWWT FAYUH! NAWWT FAYUH!”

King Hippo

Man, this first Triple Wild Card slate…underwhelming to say the least.

Gatoraids

Huzzah, hopefully they shattered Jerry’s phylactery hidden in the screen on the punt

Doktor Zymm

Horcrux!

Spur

Football is a dumb sport.

clint greasewood

Deebo does Dallas

King Hippo

oh, winner!

rockingdog

That’s Rocking

King Hippo

inorite???

Cecil Rhodes

Good show, dear sir! A fine adult production, but I always thought it could use an extra wide receiver!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sufficient quantity of tight ends?

Gumbygirl

Blair witched, sorry!

Gumbygirl

And a few tight ends, know what I mean Balls?

ballsofsteelandfury

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Petronel

DEEBO’D

Doktor Zymm

Oh neat, that was super quick

Horatio Cornblower

And we’re done here.

Spur

Dak melting down

Doktor Zymm

In fine Cow tradition!

Horatio Cornblower

I no longer think it’s an injury, I just think he’s taken a huge step back. His passes are 50-50 to be on target, he doesn’t even see open receivers, and his decision making just gets worse by the game.

He lit up WFT and Philly’s second string, but against good teams the second half+ of the year he’s just been bad.

Shitty O-line that either gives up a sack or takes a penalty doesn’t help any.

King Hippo

I saw the overall season passing numbers, and they didn’t compute with my eye test for sure.

ThePirateSloth

GAH I actually just cheered for a 49ers INT.

Last edited 2 years ago by ThePirateSloth
Doktor Zymm

Yes, good, come to the slightly less dark side

King Hippo

January FITBAW makes for some strange bedfellows, inshallah.

rockingdog

That’s Rocking

WCS

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Cousin Larry is from my hometown!

King Hippo

Welp, now I’m a Qards fan Monday night. Because RRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! ain’t beating MRSA Dreamboat in January.

Horatio Cornblower

Just stunned that a team led by Mike McCarthy is given to a plethora of lazy penalties.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Heh heh heh heh. Stupid Cowboys.

Doktor Zymm

Dutch Schultz has come a long way from his 1920s gangland activities

King Hippo

Ginger Hammer has a Black friend OMG!!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He’s about to have a black enemy…

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Doktor Zymm

Cmon, fake punt!

Doktor Zymm

Lame

King Hippo

First punt midway through Q3, but you only have 16 FITBAW points?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I would like to the announcers to start referring to Kyle Juszczyk as Kyle Ricechex.

Doktor Zymm

So… Do we think Jerral is still alive, or have the cows been doing a weekend at bernie’s thing?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And neither one can throw a baseball.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3QcVhyAaLnM

Spur

Bosa done in by friendly fire