There is only one Prem fixture this morning, Arsenal/Villa (8:30, USA). The King’s Afrikan Water Pistols are playfully spraying their way into next season’s Shempions League, but as they say in Footy Manager speak “there can be no letup.” Villa are a pesky lot, so this might be worth a watch. Boro hosts Chelski in the FA Cuop quarters, too (1:00, ESPN+).
Sunday brings a USA doubleheader of Foxes/Bees (10:00) and Spurs/Hammers (12:30) – both late game combatants are trying to hold on even to Europa contention. Slip, sliding awaaaayyyyy.
Of course, the real action is the Sunday early FA quarterfinal, Everton away to Palace (8:20, ESPN+). The Toffees try to build on mid-week’s miracle, with an even bigger miracle – an actual win away from Goodison Park. I can NEVAR figure out Palace, which gives me that fleeting, foolish sense of hope.
First tranche of NCAAT (hopefully) goodness:
8E U*NC (+5.5) v. 1E Baylor (12:10, CBS)
Godfuckingdamnit, I don’t want to – and will not – watch this monkeyshit. I don’t love cheering for the Consent Abstinent of BayBay, but I assure you it is the moral imperative in this case.
9S Creighton (+11.5) v. 1S Kansas (2:40, CBS)
Will you just eat all the dicks in creation, CBS schedulers? If you ever needed confirmation of the “blue blood” bias, it is this stinker being full national. Unless somebody finds a magic knee for the Jays’ 7-footer, there is nothing to see here.
11S Michigan (+6) v. 3S Tennessee (5:10, CBS)
Set your post-nods alarm for this game, it will likely be worth it. YES, it seems more like a football matchup, but the Vols in particular seem to have things figured out. The Wolverines have been consistently inconsistent all season long, but they still have some quality talent. Besides, what if Juwan Howard and Rick Barnes engage in fisticuffs? You don’t want to regret missing that fun.
See you this evening for…EVEN MOAR HOOPSBALL.
There is a beer-themed spa in Chicago. Definitely hitting this place next time I’m in town.
https://www.pivabeerspa.com/
Cray-Ton are big, bad battlers.
Goddamnit, fucking *finally* saw my friend in his AT&T ad. Just a glimpse, but I assume it’s a series and he’ll actually have some lines coming up.
If the series is really successful and the cheques start rolling in, I’m sure he’ll be doing plenty of lines.
Fun story: one time he invited a fellow canvassing volunteer to one of our regular poker games and had a cutting board with a bunch of salt on it for tequila. She was all freaked out because she thought it was cocaine.
Where did she grow up???
Man, I was seeing coke on tables at parties in HIGH SCHOOL…
I was once losing a bunch of money in a cash game, (like $300), but actually went to the bank to get more because the guy winning was coked out of his mind.
Would up $60 to the good that night, and no nosebleeds. Coke at a poker game is great, as long as you’re not the one doing it.
These Bengals, I call them Redshirt, because while they have all they need to succeed in life, they constantly self-sabotage themselves because they are afraid of trying and failing.
https://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/nfl/bengals-lael-collins-free-agency-visit-reportedly-ends-without-a-deal/ar-AAVgUk7?ocid=uxbndlbing
Cray-Ton doing just fine.
These are my tasks for the afternoon:
1. Go to the library
2. Go to Lowes to buy a new toilet seat
3. Attach my headboard to my bedframe
Or, I can just lie around like a slug. That’s what I want to do, but the library is closed tomorrow and I have nothing to read. My 89 year old father in law is coming to stay for a few days and he will careen off that busted toilet seat straight into the bathtub and I’ll be stuck with his MAGA ass until his broken hip heals. Or until I smother him with a pillow. So I guess I’d better suck it up and get to erranding.
“You’re my favorite daughter-in-law. The liberal media doesn’t want me to tell the others.” — Gumbygirl’s father-in-law
His other daughter in law is a lesbian, so I win by default.
On the bright side, when he’s laid up and can’t go anywhere you can pull an Annie Wilkes and torture him with Liberalism.
“Good morning, Dad! Let’s discuss how Supply Side Economics only empowers the rich, keeps the Middle Class from growing and forces the Lower Class into either sub-human standards or crime.”
“I’ll just leave MSNBC on the tv while I go out for this ten-mile stroll.”
“He chewed his own head off! Yes, I tied him to the bed. Don’t ask me! I don’t know how he did it!”
Well, make sure you use one of Mike Lindell’s pillows if you ever do it. Just seems fitting.
If I was running Playboy, and Playboy was still making magazines, and Playboy was still relevant, I’d do a college feature of the girls of Nebraska so I could use the phrase “Creighton Bare All”
LMAO
How bad are the Texans going to waste this Cleveland draft haul?
I bet they use it to draft a bunch of prospects out of Russia who die in Ukraine within a week.
That’s something the Ice Aleottes would do.
“AAAAGH, THEY KEEP DYING! I THOUGHT THE RUSSIAN GENERALS WERE DUE!” — Krusty the Klown, tearing up another betting slip
TCU sure handled Seton Hall. It means nothing as I know nothing about either squad in an 8-9 game but, if you’re the next opponent, are you rooting for the lower seed or do you fear that maybe you’re getting a hot dangerous team at the wrong time?
Yes.
RIKKI: My Australian rules team got beat by 66 points.
DR. MRS. DEADLY: Is that bad?
RIKKI: It’s basically the equivalent of a basketball team getting beat by 66 points.
(dramatization. she didn’t care enough to ask)
Yeah, I certainly didn’t expect THAT type of performance out of the Cats.
Women’s world curling championships start today!
Sadly, no Eve Muirhead this year.
I can’t see a bunch of your guy’s pictures
You mean the avatars? I don’t think mine has worked since the last site overhaul. Probably because I’m not using Gravatar, and have been too lazy to set up an account there.
What’s gravitar?
Man you all moved on without me like I was Jared Goff.
We missed you, and we hardly ever talked shit about you.
Gravatar tells me I already have an account, and then tells me both my username and password are wrong, but won’t let me change either.
Just tuned in to this game and have seen the refs give Carolina the ball after it clearly went off their player last, and now miss a clear foul on a 3-pointer.
Good to see some things never change.
And also good to see Baylor getting fucked over. Worst athletic program in sports. Should have been given the death penalty four times over.
Uh, you missed a lot. Baylor was in the double penalty for the last ten minutes of the game, ran press the entire time, and didn’t get called for a single foul. It was very, very bad.
I’ve been catching up on Twitter.
It seems that this crew, like Baylor, will not be moving on to the Sweet Sixteen.
That was some of the worst officiating I’ve ever seen. Not easy to root for U*NC but the refs were handing that game to Rapey U.
Fucking horrifying.
Also, a high-five type situation isn’t a foul anymore. All announcers should know that, but very few seem to.
True. Baylor is disgusting even by NCAA standards.
They packed maximum madness into this fixture.
“This Baylor/UNC game is a war of nutrition!”
-A. Reid
As opposed to Andy’s usual war on nutrition.
Is Hippo angry pilled, confused pilled, or just pill pilled?
Confused pilled b/c he’s allegedly not watching the best game of the tourney.
We stopped in Lawrence, KS anyone have any Creighton gear I can borrow?
Ask them how they feel about Quatrill’s Raiders.
The Mayer of Mulletville is back in the game!
One of these assholes is going to be my Senator. That’s not a joke; just a warning of things to come.
https://www.politico.com/news/2022/03/18/ohio-gop-senate-debate-gibbons-mandel-fight-00018678
Please telling me you’re at least open to voting for Tim Ryan
I was going to write in “NONE OF THESE IDIOTS!” but I’ll give Ryan due diligence.
All the due diligence you need is that if more people vote for Tim Ryan neither of those idiots will be your Senator.
This isn’t hard.
I voted for Bush in 2000 and Romney in 2012. That is the idiot you’re dealing with.
(I would’ve included Kerry in 2004, but you guys would’ve liked that vote.)
Watching BLEERGH screw over an entire team is fun when it’s not your team.
I’ve only been watching the ncaa tournament my whole sentient life, but every time, every time I hear an announcer say “they don’t need a three, I’d go for a quick two here” is followed immediately by a guy launching and missing a bad three point attempt.
These are 19 year olds after all.
Is BayLor related to Gamblor?
/I’m just asking questions
Bengals fans to Bengals management RE: La’el Collins:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Yz246_Pjjkc
(Holy crap, I made the Banner!)
I haven’t seen a Carolina force fall apart like this since day two on Little Round Top.
Little Round Top was the worst Bond villain.
Baylor showing signs of life. Roy Williams in the crowd incredulous that his old team isn’t getting all the calls.
The refs are calling *everything* against U*NC right now.
How fucked up are the 2020s? The Krauts are re-arming and pretty much EVERYONE thinks this is a welcome development.
It’s all because Norm Macdonald died. He kept warning us about this, and now he’s not around to remind everyone.
Yeah who do they think they are… Mars?
“How about we help the Ukraine and maybe, uh, [drums fingers on desk] maybe say Hello! to Poland? We haven’t been there in so long.”
-Germany
Only if it’s German Empire. If the Kaiser was still in power, German history books would have a chapter called “1928-1945: Nothing happened.”
Man, Baylor does not want this to be happening, but they seem to have little say in the matter.
Think I may quit watching this hoopsballing (not watching now but not sure I can even turn it on later). So much bad juju in the air.
North Carolina is about to fuck up my brackets something fierce, but it’s worth it to see the place that thought hiring Ken Starr as a leader fall way short of its goal.
Anyone need anything from Kansas, Missouri or Kentucky?
Not offering for IL and IN.
How about a Compromise?
/is justifiably murdered
Naples won, and I saw Baggio out on a walk this afternnon while I was on my Saturday post lunch bike ride. Pleased to see his hair is just as gray as mine.
Baggio is a fucking legend.
If social media is to be believed (it is not), there are quite a few lifelong Browns fans defecting on the Watson news. I’m starting to wonder if the Browns are running a large-scale psychological experiment on how much fans are willing to put up with, and they picked up Watson because they’ve been running out of ways to abuse their fan base
As soon as Watson gets over the 5-6 game suspending the Ginger Hammer brings down for *checks notes* 22 allegations of sexual assault!?, and starts out 4-1 for the Browns those same fans will be back and every one of them will be armed with 812 reasons Watson did nothing wrong.
Will they, though? Browns fans are *not* a fickle bunch. Often delusional, yes, but not fickle.
::Condoleezza Browns Image::
I think they’re trying to drive down attendance a la Major League so they can up in the night and move the team to Oakland.
It’s interesting how few people have Baylor making it past the Sweet 16 in the Insanity Bracket.
Are you actually sporting a quality mullet if you don’t have over-sized ears?
Holy Crapsticks! Retard Doctor is still on!
Is he in the “retard parenting” stage yet?
Figured he’d be a retard grandad by now.
Helpful PSA – If the Boro/Chelski game sucks (which it will), Bayern play Comintern FC on ESPN+ at 1:25. ALL POWER TO THE SOVIETS!
Also….I was RITE not to watch. Goddamn you, BayBay.
Pretty excited to see what our nation’s most degenerate minds and artists do with these new ATT ads.
I really have fuckall to do until 5p. This sucks.
There’s always pills and masturbation!
No wonder you is royalty-adjacent. Yinz make GOOD POINTS.
Well I just woke up. Fix me some breakfast to occupy your time.
Pancakes and bacon used to be my specialty, when I was still a decent/semi-active parent.
The KEY is vanilla extract in the pancake batter. And thick-cut bacon.
This is not helping.
I bought baby potatoes, cut them in half, par-boiled them, tossed them in a mix of olive oil and butter, sprinkled salt and pepper on them and threw them in the oven. Finished them with Maldon salt and parsley.
/feel better now?
Son of a BITCH. Some gig worker is not going to be happy soon.
Bacon, mushrooms, and fried eggs here.
I could go for some magic mushrooms after breakfast.
When you cook them in bacon grease, all mushrooms are magical.
The work-event my wife took (dragged) me to last night had an all-you-can-eat bacon bar and folks, I may be done with bacon for a while.
Because I hit that bar like it was a defenseless child and I was Britt Reid late for work.
“‘Defenseless Child’? Now you’re talking my language!”
-Adrian Peterson
-The Catholic Clergy
-Andrea Yates
Driving down to Glendale this morning on a tight schedule. Everything goes to plan and I might be back home in bed by 10. Gotta stop at IKEA and Paradise Bakery. Lunch with family. Gonna be a busy day
Maybe stop by bed, bath, and beyond, not sure if there will be enough time
Perhaps skip the Beyond if pressed for time.
Ikea? I could use a few more little white bowls.
Wait, good Glendale (CA) or bad Glendale (AZ)?
There’s no good Glendale.
No one goes to Glendale AZ.
You’re doing a Porto’s run, I trust?
Me: This last minute free kick shouldn’t be a problem as long as we maintain poise and don’t do anything stupid
Xhaka: /Tries to murder an opponent, with a hammer
My word, our Prussian goalkeeper has not improved one iota since being benched in favour of Sir Aaron Ramsdale. A marionette would have a more commanding presence in the box than he does.
Sir, my waffles are burning while I hang on through this last minute. Would it be possible to invade the Belgian Congo in retaliation?
Not to speak for our leader, but it seems to me it would be weird NOT to?
Of course, my dear fellow — an invasion would do wonders for commodity prices in Rhodesia!
Is that close to the Bongo Congo?
Great goal by Granada, not sure what that place was called when the Moops were kicking around.
There is a street named Granada in a city named Alhambra that’s near me. LA geography joke: It used to be called Monterey Park.
Mighty Whitey on respite for 3 weeks. Re focus, and win the damn thing.
#WhiteMansBurden
My Cherries are beating the FUCK ALL out of Huddersfield. See you in the big boys league my friend.
I hope my Toffees will survive to join y’all in some 2022-23 Clubhouse Derbies.
Magnificent strike from Bulawayo Saka! If this scoreline holds, I shall give him one hour of reprieve from his dishwashing duties! Cheerio!
Such a noble empire builder we have in the Clubhouse. I am deeply humbled, good sir.
You are the one with King in your name sire, and WCS is also in the Luxembourg monarchy in some way.
Only vaguely.
And not bring his wife back to Europe to your harem.
Hey, whoa, let’s not get crazy! It’s one goal.
Perhaps you’re right, fellow Water Pistol supporter! A minute of reprieve is perhaps more appropriate. Those dishes aren’t going to wash themselves!