Your “It’s Here! It’s Finally Here!” Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

Is anyone else horny, er, excited? It’s been such a wait and by golly, the scheduler-makers got this right by blasting a potential Superb Owl matchup directly into our eyeballs. (I, for one, will completely forget about this feather in their cap while being forced to watch a turgid early morning offering from London later on this year) Seems a bit odd that one of these powerhouses will exit this tilt sporting a big “L” on their permanent record.

Many, many kudos to all the folks on the site that provided content and who commented all through the dog days. It’s quite the accomplishment that all that combined effort kept this “football-specific” site alive and thriving through yet another offseason. But hey, it’s not really about the football anymore now is it? Sure, we lean that way but the talent on board has taught us all kinds of disparate things and kept commenters engaged when they might have hoofed it elsewhere. Huzzah!

To The Motherfucking Game!

Bills/Rams:

-There’s so much damn star power featured here!

-I’ve mentioned it in the past but I do give a nod of the head to any team that’s this close to a championship going out and getting more ammo. The Bills grabbed Von Miller so that they have extra firepower on D and the Rams likewise grabbed Bobby Wagner and A-Rob. That’s the way you do it.

-The news broke a while ago regarding Stafford’s elbow/arm issue but I swear I’ve read about this in the past. It just didn’t strike me as that big a deal. Perhaps it was because the news was coming out of (eww!) Detroit in the past and folks forgot or didn’t care in the first place?

-We’ve got some official Pomp and Circumstance happening afore the game in the form of a Rams Superb Owl Banner Unveiling! Will there be fireworks? Will the smoke from those fireworks create a haze over the field during kickoff? I’m only asking questions.

-If the Bills win this it will be the very first time that the Rams will be under .500 at any time during McVay’s tenure with the club. Yup, they’ve won every opener and haven’t stumbled from there.

-The Bills have slightly rebuilt their o-line and should be tested by the Rams formidable front. (by that I mean Aaron Donald-who the hell knows the other guys that play on that unit?) I do think that if Donald does get a paw on Josh Allen the latter won’t go down as easily as that namby-pamby Joe Burrow did at the end of that last pertinent game that we all saw.

-Van Jefferson is out so we’ll be treated to the likes of Tutu Atwell and Ben Skrowneck(?)

-The Bills have a bit of a dilemma in that cb Tre’Davious White was sent off for PUP training and so will be gone for 4 weeks. Rook cb’s Elam and Benford-who have impressed in camp, but hey, they’re rooks-might see a wee bit more field time than they might be ready for. Advantage: Rams.

Well, I came here to drink some Genesee Cream Ale and bust some tables and I’m all out of beer. Gotta go-your turn.

 

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ThePirateSloth

Who flips a table?

Mrs Sloth will flip a table. Not even when mad either, just when you deserve it.

Gumbygirl

Teresa whoever did on the Real Housewives. I believe she was calling her sister in law a “prostitution whore” at the time. This was before she went to the slammer, and her husband got deported to Italy.

Mr. Ayo

I think the preseason hype for the Bills was far too understated.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?

Wakezilla

Buffalo went for the knockout blow like they were CM Punk on Nick Jackson

WCS

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King Hippo

If you have that disease-ridden Kardashian Kunt advertising your product, I’d be set on fire before I’d buy it.

SonOfSpam

Starting to worry the Rams won’t go 17-0 this season.

LemonJello

Josh Allen, in gif form:

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Gatoraids

Allen hitting more deep targets than HIMARS

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, I don’t think I’ll be benching Allen again this year.

/Allen dies in competitive eating “incident” in Week 3

King Hippo

Yeah, it’s gonna be hard to make fun of him at this rate

Horatio Cornblower

I want to be very clear that I only benched him because a) it’s Week 1, b) I want to see Mayfield absolutely destroy the Browns, because karma demands it, c) there’s no money involved in this league, and d) (and most importantly), some idiot (glares at Old School Zero), disappeared and made me the commissioner, and I’ll just change the rules.

fleshwound_NPG

good god

Horatio Cornblower

Oh beer on Thursday nights, how I’ve missed you.

fleshwound_NPG

dream super bowl is buffalo/philly, so multiple cities can be set on fire simultaneously!

WCS

Regardless of the victor, everyone eats literal shit!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m enjoying the opening of football season by quasi following the game via this open thread without actually watching it.

This is the way.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

This is the way

King Hippo

Fatthew’s Feedbag is ful of sadenes tonite

Horatio Cornblower

And doughnuts

Gumbygirl

Sad doughnuts.

WCS

Taff Fattord

LemonJello

Fatty had a little pizza grease on his hand for that throw.

Dunstan

Well, it must be football season, because I just had nachos for dinner.

fleshwound_NPG

late 80s/early 90s: russia collapses, ussr dissolved by gorby, bills are good

2022: russia military collapsing, gorby dies, bills are good

WCS

Any era: Bills lose Super Bowl

Recovery Whiskey

Theres a pile of dead birds at the base of that building window guaranteed

fleshwound_NPG
makeitsnowondem

Allen just made that touchdown look about 170% harder than it was.

Doktor Zymm

Aren’t QB sneaks usually more effective at the goal line?

LemonJello

Good lawd, Ukraine wishes they had cannons like Josh Allen’s arm.

Last edited 1 year ago by LemonJello
Doktor Zymm

It is way too hot. Is nuclear winter still a valid option? Can we nuke Putin and bask in the cooling radioactive clouds for a few moments before we all sprout extra appendages and go cannibal?

SonOfSpam

You’d know the answers to these questions were you a member at Mar-a-Lago.

Doktor Zymm

So you’re saying the answers are classified

makeitsnowondem

Well I’ve been patrolling the Mojave and

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah Right has a recipe for that

fleshwound_NPG

josh allen, big enough to jaw with a linebacker after a play and not totally look stupid

King Hippo

I, uh….wouldn’t run that read option play again.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Lea Michele agrees.

WCS

So, this is going to be the thing this season, eh?

Or, as Lea Michelle sees it:

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, I’ll find a squirrel with a funny tail to gawk at soon enough. But for now, yes.

SonOfSpam

she couldn’t spell hieroglyphics if you spotted her the h and s

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The E stands for Enos but also Empotent

Wakezilla

Releasing the ball in 2.1 seconds? It ain’t that quick.

ThePirateSloth

Best 2.1 seconds of your life!
/finger guns

King Hippo

They got Brokeback running the West Coast Offense now. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Recovery Whiskey

E. Stanley is their biggest fan

Gatoraids

5 dollars Kroenke eats it

King Hippo

a winner is you!

fleshwound_NPG

yes nbc, show us stan kroenke cleaning his teeth again

Doktor Zymm

Millimeters? WTF with the metric Amazon, this is MURICA!

Doktor Zymm

Congratulations to Crowder for starting on WAS and surviving long enough to play on a real tem

LemonJello

FedEx Field will lay in wait, striking when it feels the time is right.

fleshwound_NPG

bills: *had an asshole punter*

also bills: we will never punt again

Wakezilla

They may not punt the rest of this game.

Recovery Whiskey

Rammits appear to have moved on from Hekker so they won’t win “asshole punter” anymore

Horatio Cornblower

I benched Josh Allen in favor of the Baker Mayfield revenge game against the Browns. How am I looking?

SonOfSpam

like you could lose 30 pounds?

WCS

Horatio or Taff Smafford?

Horatio Cornblower

30 would be a bit much, but there are definitely 10-15 lbs around here that are clearly just freeloading.

SonOfSpam

I’d be happy with some multiple of 30.

Horatio Cornblower

I just wrote out a joke about Queen Elizabeth 2 and weight loss, looked at it and said “nope” before deleting it.

So I do have some standards. Low ones, but they’re there.

ThePirateSloth

Too bad we didn’t get a Fat Guy Touchdown and a Fat Guy Touchdown Dance.

The Maestro

Here’s my new Pepe Silvia thought for you: Biden and the Dems had the Queen whacked in cold blood so that the news cycles are temporarily distracted while the DOJ puts the finishing touches on an indictment for You Know Who.

WCS

That’s very NewsMax of you.

The Maestro

I’m more of an OAN guy when I’m on the sauce.

Gumbygirl

Old Aged Nutjobs.

The Maestro

Ornery Asshole Nazis.

Doktor Zymm

Good on Biden!

fleshwound_NPG

The DNC: countering the party of assholes by becoming way more irish

Duchess

Tucker Carlsons booking agents will be contacting you soon

Gatoraids

Can’t believe I had to look forward and google when the next Manning cast is

LemonJello

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Note to self: at some point in the season make a joke about how Quarterback X reads defenses about as well as Lea Michele reads anything.

Horatio Cornblower

/Dr. Mrs. Deadly, Esq. (ret.) vacuums note up

makeitsnowondem

Coming up, Prince Andrew, Duke of York, gives us a look at the 2033 draft class.

Gumbygirl

King Chuck is going to kick his ass to the kerb.

Horatio Cornblower

There’s gotta be a guillotine lying around somewhere in the Tower of London, right?

The Maestro

Here’s a Q for y’all: do any of you use those Android IPTV boxes? If so, how do you like ’em? Is it a reasonably reliable service for the price?

Game Time Decision

I have an NVidia shield and love it. We stream whatever and haven’t had any issues. And, if needed, one can side load apps to get things not available in the store.

fleshwound_NPG

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Doktor Zymm

JUMP SLIP AND ROLL

Wakezilla

I think Nick Scott is about to get cut after getting stiffed armed by a QB

King Hippo

He can say he didn’t want to get cowboy santorum on his clean uniform

King Hippo

FITBAW would be much better if Collinsworth were ded as the Queen

SonOfSpam

Crissy just said “He’s not as young as he used to be” which is right up there with “It is what it is” as things that make me stabby

Duchess

I fucking can’t stand “it is what it is”

LemonJello

Let’s put a pin in that for now, we’ll circle back around to it later.

Recovery Whiskey

Needs more breakout session and taking it offline

Horatio Cornblower

Got the news today that one of the people in my group that *loves* the corporate shit has taken a job with a new company.

Honestly happier about that than with a raise. Saves me from calling one of their ideas “the dumbest thing I’ve heard this year”. Again.

Horatio Cornblower

Aaron Boone electing to pinch hit Stanton, who is currently 4-37 and playing with a bad foot.

Boone gets $3 million a year for this shit.

King Hippo

you don’t HIT with your foot ppl forget that!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Well explain to me how you deal with the third kid if your other two switchin’ hands are busy?” – Adrian Peterson

LemonJello

Take this based-ball talk over to TrashcanBangedInDugout, it’s fitbaw season up in this clubhouse.

Horatio Cornblower

It worked out as well as you might expect, with Stanton, (who I like) striking out flailing at ball 4.

The Maestro

Listen, for the low, low price of $1 million dollars a year, I could deliver WAY worse decisions.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ll do it for $300,000.

Spur

Speaking of Camille, didn’t Charles write he wanted to her tampon or something like that or am i remembering wrong?

Doktor Zymm

I wouldn’t be surprised, so I choose to believe it

Horatio Cornblower

Yes! I remember that as well.

While disgusting when you come from a long line of hemophiliacs you’ll probably do anything to get near a fresh supply of blood.

Wakezilla

He is the Tampon King

Gumbygirl

+1 Squidgy.

ThePirateSloth

I’m really curious how fellow Seahawks fans are gonna act on Mon night once the game starts. I’m pretty sure the most of the regulars in my section aren’t the “NO ONE CAN SAY ANYTHING NEGATIVE ABOUT WILSON” type, so I know we will boo the fuck outta him once the game starts.

Recovery Whiskey

I predict the most boos since A-Rod’s return.

Spur
Duchess

Due to Stafford endorsement deal all sacks are contractually obligated to be called “drop calls”