The Qatar Slave LaboUr Cup has messed with footy’s schedule, and we got Shempions action in the first week of September (and before any international break). Perhaps this will cause a little heartburn for the European contestants, or we won’t notice at all.
Anyway, none of this is Thomas Tuchel, who was sacked after Chelski lost in Croatia mid-week. Tuchel presumably did NOT find this a rocking decision.
If you are not already watching “Welcome to Wrexham” – fix that shit straight away. Starting Tuesday morning, lots of sportsball to carry us through until then.
Our dear imaginary pal Litre and his lovely wife are in Las Vegas…and Mighty Whitey take on the Tresspassers at 4:30a Vegas Time (7:30 EST, USA). Alternate Red Bulls with your drinky-poos, eh? One wonders whether Chelski will have Emma Hayes as their interim manager? I am calling it, though. Fulham will smash these.
The filthy Shite host Wolves next (10:00, USA), but I highly recommend streaming Cherries/Trashbirds, or even Beesus/Saints. But you do you.
Tasty Spotlight Dance, Spurs away to City of Men (12:30, USA). This side befuddled Pep last season, and could be an outside contender – but realistically, I see Spurs battling the Shite for 3rd, with the King’s Afrikan Water Pistols 6-10 points back of CIty. But only a fool makes predictions that specific, especially THIS EARLY. But Other Hippo insisted. Y’all know I am idjit already.
You have to stream those Pistoleros…pistol-whipping poor Pickford-less Everton (9:00 Sunday), with USA going Tool Time (Hammers/Bonesaws) instead. Palace host the shit-hot Red Devils to end Lesser Sunday (11:30, USA) – bleeding into precious Red Zone time. On 9/11 no less, have you NO SHAME??
UPDATE – Never mind, apparently the whole stupid country shuts down when some old limey cunt dies. DUE BETTER, Inglen!
Alabama (-20) at Texas (Noon, Fox)
NO, it is most assuredly not OK to root for Steerfuckers South, even against Roll Damn Tide. Not that it matters, Coach Satan despises allowing so much as a moral victory. Spread covered by HT, per usual.
South Cakalaky (+8.5) at Arkansas (Noon, ESPN)
This contest intrigues me greatly. I could see Pig Sooey letting down a bit, after beating JV WKRP in Week One. The Chickens also have that Rattlesnake kid playing QB. I know I sure as shit wouldn’t try sacking no goddamned rattler.
Missouri (+7.5) at Kansas State (Noon, ESPN2)
Rule #1 of JV gambling (well, #2 after DON’T FUCKING DO IT) – love Kansas State as a significant underdog, fade as a favoUrite. Mizzou could be a post-hype sleeper team. Make Internet Dad proud, guys!
Washington State (+17.5) at Wisconsin (3:30, Fox)
Tasty intersectional matchup (I could see Wazzu winning outright), and/or convenient excuse to post my fave pervert picture.
Colorado (+17.5) at Air Force (3:30, CBS)
Jesus, CBS. Have some pride! And if you are this big a dog against a service academy, as a “power” conference coach? You is getting fired right soon.
Houston (+3) at Texas Tech (4:00, FS1)
The JV 500s won a maniacal, 3OT game against UTSA last weekend. Now, they get Guns Up! There Will Be Points.
Back for MOAR tonight!
I was born after Notre Dame’s last national championship.
I feel like in my life, there has been a expectation that Notre Dame should be a top 5 program and contend for the national championship, EVERY SINGLE YEAR, even when they know the team is gonna be ass.
Navy Federal Credit Union ad exec #1: “Hey, PTSD is funny, right? Let’s do that!”
Exec 2: /snorts Tony Montana-esque pile of coke “YES! BRILLIANT!”
Is this the first time in college football history that the preseason #5 team has started out 0-2?
I feel like this is ND every year.
OMG
Beating the Irish is a great tribute to the British monarchy
Notre Dame is gonna go from being the 8th ranked team in nation to earning only 8 votes in the pool.
And still make the Playoffs.
*Chris Bergman voice
Marshall, Marshall, Marshall
Hope they’re not flying home.
Before I go-
I’ll always cheer for Wiscy because their basketball squadoo dismantled that undefeated Kentucky team and I called it 3 months before it happened.
Game Plan-
#1-swim out to the middle of the lake-(in previous September’s this would have been unthinkable-Global Warming, yay!)
#2-Make a kick-ass chili
#3-Make a kick-ass bonfire
I’m going to make a burrito and a quasedilla.
All hail zee new capital of gay!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSTukGu-Ut4
So I Just tasted a wine and the word ‘marshmallow’ popped into my head, but not because it tastes like marshmallow, it just feels like a marshmallow puffing on the tongue, and then I realized it was umami. Now I’m wondering how people in the West who didn’t get the term until like 30 years ago described it way back in the day.
Back in the’80’s The Ghostbusters did their very best to spread the word about umami by destroying the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man and scattering him everywhere. I will allow that that wasn’t their very top priority at the time but was a tertiary effect. Still.
I’m for Texas but this is a great game, no matter the outcome.
Left way too much time on the clock for Bryce Young.
Game. Over.
Auburn beating Alabama seems apropos.
BERT!
Bobby Huggins was inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame today.
Raise a track suit to celebrate!
I’m so old, [HOW OLD ARE YOU?] I can recall a time when he wasn’t 300 pounds plus.
you knew him in 1st grade???
1 stop. 1 Walsh.
All this build up for a pick-six in Austin.
Hook ’em!!!
I love how delusional TEXAS IZ BACK mouth-breathers really think they’ll challenge in the ESS EEE SEE PAAAAWWWLLLLLL
Is it windy in Austin or is the Texas QB really that bad at throwing passes?
He’s also hurt, but yes.
I’m not saying that Bama losing to a backup qb would be embarrassing but I’m also not saying that it might be delicious.
“Lisa, I would like to BUY your backup qb…”
-J Haslem
I don’t like Bama but Young’s second reaction ability on the TD was impressive.
I’m afraid the Death Star is quite operational
It was inevitable.
I CALL THESE REFS IN THE ALABAMA/TEXAS GAME “THE WRITERS OF GAME OF THRONES” BECAUSE THEY SEEM TO HAVE LOST THE PLOT.
Jeebuz Fuck-missed an obvious facemask call.
“Ain’t a penalty for an Alabama defender to hook them horns in Texas!” – corrupt official
Why is someone taunting when they are losing 9-38?
Dyslexic, maybe?
New math
In some very odd programming over here, AFN has not choose ALA-Tex, but rather SC-ARK, a good game I’ve got on, Army (understandable) – UTSA and friggen Penn State-Ohio. Looks like I’m missin the good game.
Cocks v. Pigs is indeed entertaining. It would also be a very niche porn series.
Yeah its been a pretty good game. I bet they showed Bama last week, so they do try and get something for every fan in during the early weeks of the season. But TX is looking OK, still a quarter to go though.
That 2023 #1 pick looks less and less worth “fighting” for
3.85 YPA
This does not sound like the year to be drafting a Franchise QB in the Top 5. Top 10, even.
Future Texas fans will call that call a travesty if/when their vocabulary eventually evolves beyond grunting and imitating the noises that a lifted pickup truck makes when you stomp on the gas.
BLEEERGH has taken over.
“After reviewing the play, the Alabama head coach says its not a safety. Fourth down.”
it HAD to be roughing OR a safety. Any other result requires suspension of the space/time continuum.
I think they ruled he was on top a defender and not down. I guess Texas also abolished “In the Grasp” and “Intentional Grounding”.
His elbow sure looked down to me.
That was TOTES splitting the baby, letting ’em punt.
If I’m Texas, I’m leaving the field and taking the forfeit on a matter of honor.
SAFETY DANCE!
Saved By The (JV) BLEERGH??
fuck UT-Austin in all the fuckholes
BLEERGH laughs and farts in your face.
JV VAR sucks all the balls.
Targeting?
…and Roughing the Passer. On a sack. A motherfucking sack.
/Redshirt dons “Professor Chaos” wardrobe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2Qut5Ti4N4&ab_channel=SecretBase
This is a great series.
Steelers vs. Bengals Week 15 Highlights | NFL 2020 – YouTube
The past few years have dulled the pain slightly.
Satan is going to eviscerate this defense during halftime.
In the other locker room, Sark is going to down a fifth of vodka to celebrate this lead.
Nailed It!
— B. Walsh
Haha, his name is Auburn.
It was an inside job!
Another Timmins Memory: [listening to the local radio station]
“Please be careful during your commute today-police have reported that more than one moose has been spotted on Algonquin Avenue (the main street that runs thru the city) this morning.”
According to a random mock draft I just pulled up, we’re watching 6 first round Alabama picks.
The pre-game show tried to make Saban appear likeable-even with multiple CGI effects I don’t think that’s possible.
He is, by all reports, actually a nice guy. I never met him, but I know a lot of people who have, and some of them are friends of his, not just fanboys. That was a run-on sentence from hell, sorry!
I mean, you try to throw some quality hate out there and someone comes galloping in with anecdotal ‘facts’. smgdh…
Sourry!
Alabama: “If you can’t beat ‘em, beat ‘em.”
Ded Tex QB
Weekend visit to the pines just to get out of the heat for a minute and come rub elbows with these simple country folks. So the wife is already pointing out Open Houses.
Like, why would I want to be up here regularly when weekends are the only time I get to enjoy my normal home? Also, haven’t we basically been fighting since we left the house?
But now you’re fighting in the shade! Win win?
We’ve been in a total power outage for about 4 hours now. WTF?
Seriously?
Yeah. Since 5:32AM according to LADWP, who also claim to be fixing it, but I’m wondering what exactly went wrong to cause a sustained power failure in a westside neighborhood like this. Did a plane crash into transformer? Was there a terrorist attack? Did a homeless guy electrocute himself on some vital 100,000 volt line that instantly turned him into a small pile of hobo ash and also turned off my TV?
I’s gonna say, did you move to Latvia or some shit??
Way back when I was selling in Timmins, Ontario the entire city was out of power for 12+ hours. The culprit? A squirrel.
I know it’s difficult, but concentrate on what’s important: you got drugs.
That’s bullshit. You need to put your foot down.
So Cheeky!
/if I may use another body part as part of my response
Love how you just kept the original text and just added a snarky comment at the end.
Fuck man, that’s three minutes of content mining I would NEVAR get back otherwise.
Hey, still counts in word count!
No fucking way.
Wordle 448 4/6
⬜🟨⬜⬜⬜
⬜🟨⬜⬜🟨
🟨⬜🟨🟩⬜
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
(not that it took four guesses; I’m talking about the actual answer)
Dildo?
More nutmeggy.
Taint?
Think Wichita. And better.
Peter?
BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Yes!
Blood Oil City, doing the right thing (nobody else hits this standard fully):
Manchester City vs Tottenham Hotspur
City will pay their casual staff in full for their allocated hours across both the men’s and women’s games this weekend.
Perishable food will be redistributed to local organisations.
[leaves all perishable food strewn across several of the city’s parks]
“What?”
-The Trashbirds
So my bro summed up why hairless cat is so awesome:
He’s a cat who thinks he’s a dog! He even wanders outsides when the other mutts go to do their business
That thing looks like it lived through Chernobyl.
…..my sister in law is Ukrainian
Does she have any hot mid-20s cousins FOAR sale???
“Hisssssmypreciousssss”
yeah, that is the cat version of the cerebrus
From The Athletic comments section:
what better way to remember the monarchy by essentially telling fans, we don’t trust you to pay respects so we’ll take that decision away from you.
“You see in America all we do is have a 5-second ‘moment of silence’ when someone like that dies and then we play even more football–”
/receives 12 applications for statehood
I was just reading how they are still playing the rugby, cricket, even horsey racing. Makes it look even MOAR performative and ridiculous, especially with the already-fucked up calendar.
Any Zappaphiles, rejoice! The family has yet another live release in the hopper set to go out October 14 called “Zappa ‘75 Zagreb/Ljubljana”. Apple Music offers one advance track, “Wind Up Working In A Gas Station”, and it sounds absolutely shit hot. No lyrics, but FZ is grinding and flying. Enjoy.
That was on Zoot Allures. That whole album shreds. A couple of his best instrumental pieces.
He played “Black Napkins” on the Mike Douglas show.
Does Air Force still run that triple option offense? That shit is exhausting. Exhausting for the defense, the viewer, even the fucking cameraman.
oh, absolutely. Apparently they ran for almost 600 yards last weekend.
I’ve found one place to cut the defense budget.
Christ these limeys and their useless monarchy. To borrow a phrase from the great Lewis Black, this whole week will be like they’re burying her with fucking spoons.
first “20 hours of consecutive footy” Saturday just ruined!
But wait! Here comes the Bundesliga, riding in like the cavalry to save the day on ESPN+ just like they did at the tail end of the first horrible wave of the pandemic! Also worth watching is Napoli @ 9:00 on Paramount + after that glorious hiding they laid on Liverpuke midweek.