Will one of these fine teams score more than 12 points in the win? Will there be enormous droughts of scoring? Will single dads plop their screaming kids in front of the tube in order that they are lulled to sleep? Will we give this game a chance? Yes.
Newsy Notes:
-Melvin Gordon and Nat Hackett sorta, kinda hashed it out after sitting down together. Did Coach bring up Gordo’s costly fumbles and his egregious 3.65 ypc average? Likely not.
-Tua says he lost consciousness after getting hit. Apparently well-wishers in his neighborhood brought by treats and artwork to lift his spirits. An NFL official also brought by a gag order that Tua refused to ‘autograph’.
-Hey, did you know there’s a Polynesian Football Hall of Fame? Some of this year’s finalists include Manti Te’o, Rey Mauluga and Tony Banks. Benefits include free tiki drinks for life!
-Travis Kelce re-jiggered his contract so that the Chiefs could free up some money against the cap. Names being bantered about include CMC, D.J. Moore and OBJ. “Something’s in the air”, Travis said during his podcast to which his brother Jason replied, “Yeah, your mom’s legs. Wait…”
To The Game!
Saints/Cards:
-The Red Rocket Rifle is ready to roar! Unless it’s Taysom or Jameis-nobody knows as of this writing.
-Kamara Time? Arizonny is ranked 24th in pass defense DVOA according to Football Outsiders and is dead last defending the pass to rb’s so maybe let him loose. (like you weren’t going to already)
-Rook wr Olave is back from his concussion holiday and should get plenty of work given that 4 Saints wideouts are injured. He hasn’t played the #1 role yet though.
-Will the Weber State speedster Rashid Shaheed vulture another score again? God, I hope so.
-D-Hop is around but was only allowed back in the building after week 4 and was not allowed to practice with the team. So he’s unlikely to have his game legs on but what do I know?
Nothing, I know nothing. If you know something, type it out.
They should fake the punt to start the 4th. This is Thursday Night Football, so you know it’s going to be a disaster anyway.
If the Quards score its Traffico time.
Here’s a Robert Mapplethorpe photo of me sticking my finger into the hole at the end of my dick.
This somehow was critically acclaimed. I just know it hurt like hell. Hardest ten bucks I ever earned:
h
ttps://i.postimg.cc/cCCHngTY/E5-C8-E722-869-A-452-B-B3-D2-DEDB3-E5-FEF52.jpg
That’s impressive!
https://twitter.com/NonStopPop/status/1583278782441746432
Lara Logan is doing great, you guys.
Looks like she is doing fine.
What syphilis does to the brain is a terrible thing.
Censorship!
There is someone in Steelers gear at every sporting event in this country!
I saw one at a colts titans game in 2011.
I was wearing a bears jersey so I couldn’t complain
I got my brother a Franco Harris for his upcoming birthday. Just came in. let’s just say that Fanatics products are some of the cheapest pieces of crap I’ve ever seen.
He runs that shirt through two wash cycles and everything’s coming off.
I’ve heard that Fanatics is pretty crap for the most part.
My mother surprised me a kickass bears Walter Payton 100 year anniversary jersey.
.I’ve hand washed that thing twice and that’s it
I won’t buy from them again. Replica jerseys are not cheap, but the material they use for them sure as hell is.
Watching the game with youngest but only to see Taylor Swift stuff. I’ll,take it
TV: “Billy Price is in the game at Center.”
Me: “Let’s see if he’s improved from his time at Cincinnati.”
Next Two Plays:
False Start on the Center
Murray gets sacked.
Same guy.
Consistent at least.
I remember from doing the mock drafts that he was considered a really good prospect but was held back by some late season injury.
Apparently he was not, in fact, a good prospect.
You don’t see a False Start called against the center every day.
When that pass got tipped I got excited hoping for another interception then I realized I’m playing the Arizona defense, not the other way around
Holy Web Gem!
So with the cardinals using black alternate jerseys, I’m getting flashbacks to my high school, which like the cardinals, used a red and white color scheme, but began using black as an accent
I’m guess what I’m saying is I think my senior picture would be pretty badass if I had a black jersey.
Not sure who I’m complaining too.
The new guy is probably listening.
My school switched from maroon on white to on- black and it’s much cooler.
Elite Andy Dalton on Twitter: “Andy Dalton has thrown more Cardinals TDs than Kyler Murray has. #ELITE #TNF” / Twitter
Let me try and tell a DFO joke. Cut me some slack because I’m new here.
Here we go:
”Look at all that food! Oh boy! I am going to eat it all!”
-Andy Reid
(How was that? See, it’s funny because he’s so fucking obese. Get it?)
This Fuckstick is going to fit right in here. Unlike his enormous cock and a standard pair of briefs.
Are you sure your name isn’t really Rikki?
No, RTD is the one who posts all those stupid engine pictures. It’s an engine, I get it already.
Needs more dead kids.
I give this joke a 2; as in type 2 diabetes that Andy Reid has.
buddam tss
I was thinking “monkey in a pirate hat drummer” but I was too lazy to find it. I blame marijuana. And Canada.
Think of these jokes like French food.
Coach Allen: “How is your back, Andy?”
Dalton: “Fine coach. I’m ready for the 2nd Half.”
Coach Allen (reaches for tire iron): “Aw, that’s a shame…”
The best part of Thursday nights? Money Lynch!
I will always give a +1 to a UHF reference
Just got in from a dinner out. Did I miss much?
Thursday Night Football is still Thursday Night Football, Andy Dalton is still suffers from gingervitus, and… I guess that’s about it.
Not nearly as much as the swings of the Yankees batters.
I’d respond furiously to this if it weren’t 100% true.
Well, losing to the #1 seed in the semis 1-nil isn’t that bad. Nicely done, FC Cincy. Something to build on for next year.
I see Primetime Andy is still alive and well.
“What about my prime rib?”
— Andy R., MO, mishearing the statement
Call this QB Andy Dalton the Corvair because he is Unsafe at Any Speed.
Holy crap. Halftime can’t come fast enough for the Saints.
I genuinely thought about picking up Arizona’s defense in fantasy just so I’d have some reason to care about this game. Nuts.
I did. I was getting pissed in the first quarter. Such a fickle mistess
Never go full Red Rifle.
Took, what, a decade? for the Bungles to figure that out.
The problem is when he started his career, he had AJ Green, Marvin Jones, Mohomed Sanu as WRs, a good offensive line and running backs the defense had to respect. This elevated him beyond the area to bench until all of them left and he was exposed.
Hi everyone, I’m brand new here. When does the funny part start?
Try not to get off on the wrong foot.
Before we get to that, you need to pass the entrance exam question:
How many feet do you have?
“One-third!” – Brett Favre
I thought the only entrance requirement was If you’re wearing pants
Question 2: What is a sandwich
There is no fun during a Thursday night game.
You didn’t believe that bullshit foot story, did you? Yeah that same foot gets cut off every five years and he milks it to the hilt. It works, too. I hate Brick but I have to admit that he’s a genius. And extraordinarily handsome too. And rich, with a big cock. Dang, now I really hate him.
Taysom is asshole. Why Sharkbait hate?
Special pyjamas.
4th and 1 QB sweep from the shotgun after a fake counter is some galaxy brained shit. Kliff is lucky that worked.
Gumby says Sassy Ref reminds him of the substitute teacher in that Key and Peele sketch.
/just texted my wife-she’s way late
“Are you dead?”
-Asking for a
friend,refund.I guess the Saints got their White touchdown either way
It’s not a surprise that a receiver performs better after getting away from the Bears, they really do just weigh him down.
Would you say they DRAIN him? Buddy Cole signal activated!
Well the way I set up my joke, the receiver drains the bears….
Of course, it’s only polite!
This Liz Truss tenure I call it the Hyatt Regency pedestrian walkway because it is collapsing.
/Truss is a bridge term, you see
Rodrigo Blankenship has to be a genealogist’s worst nightmare.
I see Goggles got a new kicking job.
None of the Yankee hitters have ever seen a curveball.
“Jobu needs more rum! Just give it to me and I’ll make sure it gets to him.” – Justin Blackmon
Yankee fans are Strong Bad in “Find the Cheat.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnPm3h6sl84
BTW where the fuck is Mr. It’s Mandatory Viewing Hippo?
Went to shit, and the hogs ate him.
(shoutout to my father-in-law)
30-50 feral hogs strike again.
Pill fatigue.
He does tire easily, our poor addled Hippo, but he rallies like a motherfucker!
Where’s that other pill popper, Brick Meathook? Dead in a ditch, probably. I always hated that guy, although I admit he made the best posts, by far. Also, he showed me his cock one time, but not in a gay way. Fuckin’ enormous, like a baguette.
Ha, on Gumby’s last boat, there was a coonass boy who was always telling everyone his dick was like a beercan, and wanted to show you.
Yeah I always thought he was a
Oh.
You wrote “baguette” nvm
I texted him a couple times for updates. Nae response.
Andy Dalton doesn’t see color.
(trying to think of an excuse for that pickerception into triple coverage)
Triple coverage? Sounds like a Jameis / Dalton Freaky Friday scenario.
Andy gonna steal some seafood postgame.
I just saw something about how expensive crab legs are now. The only way I’m ever having them again is if I deploy the five fingered discount.
6 if you hang out with Antonio Alfonseca
Good pull, easier because you used an extra finger.
They canceled the crab fishing season, apparently over a billion crabs are missing. J. Winston last seen preparing an alibi.
Maybe they got Raptured?
*Crabtured
He’s Andy Dalton?
He doesn’t see color because he doesn’t have a soul.
Bitchin’ Kamara revving up!
You’re saying Biden is winning a 2nd term?
Let us pray.
BTW do you think the White Slash has to pretend he hates living in New Orleans to keep his cred with the mormons?
That Kelce burn was pretty funny.
I don’t get it.
–Eli M.
This game started already? Did someone tell Arizona?
Roof is open. Players are affected by second-hand smoke from State Street.
My sister-in-law is eager to retire in Scottdale some day. She thinks it’s heaven.
In my version of heaven, scorpions are only allowed if they rock with German accents.
Also, extreme heat usually is not associated with heaven.
In a bus, in Ottawa, a long, long time ago, I listened to a discussion between two French Canadian teens as to what was the best “Les Scorps” tune. Here’s your winner.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbFWxmQtYKI&ab_channel=Scorpions
Not a bad call by the froggies. (gun to my head, either “Blackout” or “Loving You Sunday Morning” or maybe one of 5 other songs, damn I love Les Scorps)
Arizona just won’t listen!
Will the Weber State speedster Rashid Shaheed vulture another score again? God, I hope so.
Scotchy is prescient or possibly omniscient.
Shaheeddown!!!
/incredible!
If the Saints aren’t running the ball 60%+ of all plays, they’ve learned nothing from last week’s loss.
No offence, but residents of the state of Louisiana are not really known for their propensity to “learn” things.
Like Ricky from TPB without any of the humor or self-awareness.
I don’t know why I prefaced it with “no offence”, it’s not like anyone from Louisiana is ever going to read my comment, or anything else.
“Hey, is he talking about me?”
–Lea Michele, looking at the Sunday funnies
“My home has been wiped out 7 times by tidal surges and/or hurricanes, but surely the Good Lord won’t do it an 8th time.”
At 9 PM DFO time, we got Galaxy-LAFC in El Trafico Playoff Hot Action AND Lakers-Clippers on TNT (dynomite)
Oh and the Yanks will probably fall victim to cheating because Aaron Boone is a dolt.
I want to get to an El Traffico game so bad and sit in the LAFC supporters end.
It’s Thursday Night Football; of course we’re getting Red Riffle.
Woooooooohoooooo, here we go!
All Saints QBs are active so it’s looks like we’re getting the Dolphins Way: Put them and if they die, sub in their backup on the Deadth Chart.
https://mobile.twitter.com/MySportsUpdate/status/1583134424673026051
My eyes! The goggles do nothing!
Isn’t Cooley kind of a twat? I guess Snyder’s more twatly.
I just remember him sharing a picture of his dong and playbook
The Sens are doing a salute to Eugene Melnyk. The star of the show is “Scattered Applause”.
The Aristocrats!
How many Call of Duty references do we get tonight?
If it’s anything more than negative infinity, it’s too much.
Must…resist…Tactical Nuke…joke…