Your Week Seven (already?) Early Slate of NFL Games Open Thread

I was going to write ‘early afternoon’ slate of games but west coasters tend to get cranky if they read that before having their first cup of meth in the morning. Tee-hee.

To The Games!

Falcons/Bengals:

Life at .500 can mean different things to different teams. Cincy didn’t expect this at all and Atlanta fans (there are some you know) are mildly surprised to be at 3-3. The Falcons run game continues apace without Patterson-Huntley, Allgeier and Mariota racked up 160 yards vs the Niners.

Lions/Cowboys:

Dak is healthy immediately after Cooper Rush was exposed by the Eagles. Imagine that. Of all the one win teams in the NFL, the Lions have the most energy.

Colts/Titans:

Tennessee has righted the yacht after starting out 0-2. Is it a bit weird that these guys just played 3 weeks ago? Anyway, the Titans are looking for their second straight season sweep.

Packers/Commies:

Taylor Heinicke and Scary Terry will need a bit of luck against the league’s best passing D. Qaron is playing at a Heinicke-like level these days, his o-line doing him no favors. Perhaps he could have Tom come over and yell at them-it would be a nice change from the usual simmering disdain.

Bucs/Panthers:

The suddenly McCafferty-less Carolina must make do with Hubbard and Foreman. Tampa was once fearsome vs the run but they are now in the middle of the pack at 14th.

Giants/Jags:

This is bizarre-Jacksonville hasn’t beaten an NFC team since 2018, that’s 18 straight losses. The bad news is that the Giants were their last victory. Saquon is on a nice roll but the Jags rank 3rd against the run.

Browns/Ravens:

The AFC North is muddled with 3-3 Baltimore leading the division at 3-3. DeSean Jackson was just signed, his designation being, “an injury to be named later”.

Have at it.

 

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m not sure “it knows EVERYTHING you are doing” is the best sales pitch for the Apple Watch.

2Pack

That’s all we need, our watches recording everything we do throughout the day. We’ll have to start doing more positive chit… how boring.

litre_cola

With all these vaccines I am a walking QR code!

Redshirt

Joe Burrow is on pace for a respectable 884 yards.

BeefReeferLives

Burrow & Boyd are taking ’em to the shed.

King Hippo

WKRP would seem to be back on the air.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I’m gonna get to the bottom of this.” – Andy Reid, confronting a bucket of chicken

King Hippo

Did I pick the wrong week to play Bellinger to show how WAIVER SMRT I am? Sure did, Other Hippo!

King Hippo

Today’s official attendance – 48!

BeefReeferLives

Did Joe serve ’em the skyline last night? ‘Cause the birds sure are shitting the bed.

BeefReeferLives

Yup. Hawks continue to play like they have severe intestinal cramps. Well played, Joe.

Redshirt

Mixon uncharacteristically punches it in.

King Hippo

Hit that hole like it was a smart-mouthed white bitch!

TheRevanchist

Someone’s bench is doing well today.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[struggles to lift 485 lbs]

“Not mine.”

– James Harrison

TheRevanchist

Let me start to explain why I always root for teams from the state of Utah to lose.

https://twitter.com/peymamas/status/1583925078923673600?s=46&t=aDeT0Aj8Qt1IKQf8lDuO4g

Redshirt

That’s why some Utahn brides are wearing black shoulders.

litre_cola

From soaking to having someone jump on the bed for friction, now this. Man its fucked up in Provo.

King Hippo

FEED TEH BEATIE

ThePirateSloth

I dunno why, but I always feel some kinda way about a former NFL player in the booth during a broadcast of their old team, like a conflict of interest kind of thing – Aikmen and Romo covering Cowboys games kind of thing.

King Hippo

Dude, I was thinking the very same. Sometimes they even (especially Romo) slip into “we” verbiage

Redshirt

Reporter: “What makes that 4-play TD drive impressive is Joe Burrow’s helmet speaker went out, so he had to make the plays.”

So Zac Taylor wasn’t involved? Makes sense.

litre_cola

My fantasy football teams this year are extra shitty.

King Hippo

/but you still beat Hippo

King Hippo

They Might Be Giants!

Spur
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Mike Evans dropping passes like Jimmy Haslam wishes massueses would drop lawsuits.

Redshirt

Boyd Oh Boyd!

BeefReeferLives

Wasted no time gettin’ after the birds…

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BeefReeferLives

Damn, Hanson’s must’ve hoovered up an extra big rail this morning. He is PSYCHED & hitting the octo-box already.

Spur

Dak it back at it

King Hippo

#WaterAdded

Spur

The kids are alright. Loving these mashups

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5bM7xq7nY0&ab

ThePirateSloth

Haha shit, I wanted to say a few words about myself and life before the foosball started, but it took me over an hour of typing to get it set right… and now FOOTBALL is about to start. Dammit.

litre_cola

We ain’t goin anywhere, release away!

ThePirateSloth

Eh, it’s about depression. Football has started, no one has lost their game(s) yet, so no need to bring the energy back down.

King Hippo

I’d feel nekkid without my depression, too. Hang in there, homey.

litre_cola

Just got back after 3 months off for anxiety and depression. I feel you internet friend.

Gumbygirl

There is no wrong time to talk about anything here. Let ‘er rip!

Spur
King Hippo

I know that Rypien WILL somehow be worse than one-legged RW. I just can’t fathom HOW, so I am weirdly eager to see it.

Redshirt

Have faith! One of the greatest games in Bengals fandom lore involves Ryan Finley beating the Pittsburgh Steelers. If you played that game on Madden, it would’ve crashed the console for being so unfathomable.

King Hippo

Reminder, we go mandatory again next week. Led by Donks/Jaguras, which would obvs be Must See Teevee anyhow

King Hippo

/this will be Brett Rypien Experience vol. 2, unless Josh Johnson gets a go (no way is any charm slung until after Week 9 bye)

Spur

Winning Coach is next PM

King Hippo

they really deserve a Prime Minister Hackett

King Hippo

because Everyone LOVES Russell Wilson!

Gumbygirl

Everybody loves a train wreck! Sorry Hippo.

King Hippo

I mean…NOT WRONG

litre_cola

Kings stay kings.

King Hippo

Some days, I wish I was in Oregon. But then, I am all like, FUCK YO WEIRD-ASS TIMEZONE

/still, the Pacific Ocean is pretty kewl

Spur

I took

Lions/Cows under 48.5
Jets+1
Giants/Jags over 43.5

King Hippo

How the Sweet Jeebus Tittyfuck did you get the Brett Rypien Experience being FAVOURED??

Spur

got my bet in on Friday night

ballsofsteelandfury

Thank you for the consideration. And like Spur said, good MORNING everyone!

King Hippo

don’t forget CRUELTY FREE smh

litre_cola

Double J is approaching Al Davis crypt keeper look very fast.

King Hippo

It’s those eyes, man. CREEPY AS FUCK

Spur

Morning Folks

Horatio Cornblower

Slept through the morning, and it seems Arsenal did the same.

litre_cola

Too busy gettin high in the parking lot last night.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Detroit-Dallas? What the fuck?
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2Pack

They cover the globe for the finest in sports.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s just as bad on Fox – Green Bay @ the Commies.

yeah right

Yep! Those are our games!

Gumbygirl

Thank you, Jim McKay! These games are trash, and I have to drive back to the desert with the doggo to visit my poor cat. I might as well go early.

2Pack

Drive safe. May want to hang the barfing cat out the back window.

Gumbygirl

Barfing cancer cat is Gumby’s problem. He’s staying in Riverside with his dad tonight.I’m just going home for the night because I won’t leave my cat at home alone for more than two days. I’ll go back to Riverside tomorrow, and then we’ll both go home Wednesday when my SIL gets back from Merced. It’s the glamorous jet set lifestyle for us!

King Hippo

I am bummed not to get the entirety of the Brett Rypien Experience.

Redshirt

What did Cincinnati do to deserve Jets/Broncos?

King Hippo

too much self-abuse??

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As opposed to Imaginary Team @ Las Vegas? Seems like you came out on top.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is it thanksgiving already?

litre_cola

Happened a couple weeks back.

Fronkenshteen

Attention GAMBLOR! enthusiasts! All of the following will be WRONG. Adjust your azimuths accordingly. Sincerely, Mush McMushburger

153DD729-9EC7-4777-A0E1-8D2DE5FFE5DF.png
litre_cola

Could mighty whitey get 2 managers sacked in 1 week?

King Hippo

This is y’all’s Ghost Face Killa stage!

Fronkenshteen

Great win, man.

yeah right

Good morning all. As of today if all goes well Retirement<4. Worst case = Retirement<6.

I’m really hoping it’s option A.

There will be beverages consumed today.

King Hippo

I would kill to retire tomorrow. I have so few needs, I am bummed that I can’t swing it.

yeah right

Same here. I can’t tell you how hard it is to get dressed, make lunch then get on the goddamn freeway to commute to work every day.

It feels like a prison sentence.

Just making those cross hatches on my prison cell wall each morning.

Last edited 2 years ago by yeah right
2Pack

Awww, cheer up. I’ll get her to whip us up a snack.

Marika-Fruscio-Instagram05.jpg
2Pack

I am for sure < 4, < 2 if they piss me off during the next 6 months. I want to get out while I can still be a high impact retired clown.

yeah right

Exactly. I don’t want to limp across the finish line. I want to sprint across it.

yeah right

That would be <0

King Hippo

How on earth is Theo Walcott still in the Prem?

litre_cola

GEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT INNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Fronkenshteen

Bobby. DiCordova. Reid.

litre_cola

Old man Willian joins the party!

King Hippo

BLACK POWER FOAR MIGHTY WHITEY??

/Ted Lasso’s getting sacked in the moooooorrrrrnnnning

King Hippo

Goddamnit, Afrikan Water Pistols, y’all had ONE JERB

litre_cola

They are losing to an imaginary team.

King Hippo

Drawing, but that’s bad enough. NO HOPE FOAR THE REDSHITE PLS

blaxabbath

I got my stupid covid booster / microchip update Friday. I was knocked on my ass through yesterday till about 4p.

Add that experience to the inflation and current crop of GOP candidates and I’m not sure why we didn’t just let this run wild and cull the herd…

King Hippo

ALL THE ONE-WORLD GOVERNMENT ASKS OF US IS PERFECT OBEDIENCE

Redshirt

.

A9086619-E288-4676-A910-78F1F70B078D.jpeg
Game Time Decision

Wentz got some dentz
Carson charged with arson

ArmedandHammered

Asinine riding the pine?

Fronkenshteen

The Suboxone patients have been duly zombified, and all should be peaceful on the ward till kickoff. The place is lousy with angry Commanders fans, but I must say, I DON’T HATE THEM with Taylor Heineke today. Bean Grey has problems, and I get the feeling the big uglies are about sick of Ayahuasca Aaron’s shit.

King Hippo

I really wish they’d have an actual “CCCP” kit, really lean into the meme.

ballsofsteelandfury

Am I the only one that’s not surprised there are LOTS of Washington fans where Fronk is???

King Hippo

I am starting Horny Fourny (duh) but I have uninspiring bye-week options for RB2. I could go with safety (Rachid White, so I get 100% of MRSApoints), or roll the dice on Justice Hill (who knows how many touches) or Latavius Murray (Nathaniel Hackett is a weakling failson, letting Melvin Gordon pressure him into naming him as the starter).

0.8 PPR, which maybe leans me more towards White (especially since I don’t then need to make a 2nd coinflip decision).

blaxabbath

JUSTICE!

Don T

I found Documentary Now! last week.
“Kunuk Uncovered” is the funniest and most brillant thing I’ve watched this year.
https://youtu.be/w4L1DQoB-f0

Fronkenshteen

Their take on “Grey Gardens” was gold, too.

6F50DC6D-4C22-40BE-8240-8E93C00A7798.jpeg
Don T

Even the so-so films are tight, and most have outrageous and hysterical línes in the vein of “Since the beginnkng of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun”. I lost my breath and chokex from laughing at this from “Co-op”

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2Pack

As a history buff… Nevermind… Agree brilliant. Is that wuzhisname from Mad Men?

Don T

Don’t sell short simmering disdain. It’s the foundation of very public meltdown (your marriage may vary).

litre_cola

MITTTRRROOOOOOOO!!!!

litre_cola

bUt He CaNt sCoRe In ThE pReM?!?

Fronkenshteen

What’s got 2 thumbs and put Villa/Bees Under 2.5 in his EPL parlay this morning? THIS GUY!! Holy SHIT are Villa happy to see Gerrard go. 3 goals in 15 minutes!

King Hippo

#BornSlippy

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