TGIF! So long, work week. Well not for me, I’m on vacation. And yet, here I am nearing midnight and working. Should I be paid double time for my efforts? Of course not! I’m salaried. Speaking of corporate overlords, let’s now learn how to survive an attack by the wolves of capitalism. Wait, no, how to survive an attack by literal wolves.

Survival – Personal Edition

Ok, so you’ve made the poor choice to wander into the wilderness by yourself. Again. Honestly, just travel with friends or like minded idiots that don’t appreciate the benefits of [sub]urban life. But I’m not here to judge! There’s a roving, starving wolf pack out there, and they figure you to be their next feast. Let’s survive!

• Wolves hunt in packs normally. A lone wolf stalking you is very bad news.That lone wolf is not only lonely, he/she is desperate. With a pack, you can intimidate the loser of the pack and the rest will react. With just one, it’s up to that lone wolf whether you live or die.
• Fortunately, you’ve found yourself amid a pack of wolves with bad intentions. Don’t run and don’t crouch down. First, wolves can easily out run a human and crouching down is a sign of weakness. Just walk at a normal pace and find solid footing. Remember, these wolves have paws and are much more agile in poor footing.
• Also in your favor, wolves are predisposed to fear humans. This is your chance with a pack since at least one of them will be quite hesitant to attack. Find their bitch, and run at them yelling and swinging your arms. If you got it right, that little bitch will turtle and the pack will react the same and retreat. If you got it wrong, well, read on!
• Um, I hope you read ahead before that last step. Because at this point you need to deploy your ammo of rocks and sticks. Just chuck all that stuff right at their stupid noses. Pack animals are likely to go for your lower extremities first to get you on the ground where the can overwhelm you with their numbers. But a good stone to the nose will deter them. And, again, deterring one of them will get the entire pack’s attention.
• At this point you’re saying, “Mr. Ayo, this seems quite stupid and unnecessary with my guns”. Well, I hope you have at least 30 rounds and impeccable aim, otherwise you’re going to be weaponless and surrounded by a pissed off pack of survivors. See, wolves can be intimidated, but not by something they neither know nor understand.

Congrats! Now run back to civilization with proper internet and computers and join in our open thread fun this evening!

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Survival – Species Edition

Time to put the sexy in Friday!

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to what’s most important: Commenting and drinking!