Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

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This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:

Be silly, be honest, be kind [in bed]
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Think that this just makes sense as otherwise the other person is gonna be mad and your not gonna get any sleep.

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As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.

Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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THE 2025 UNITED STATES is a country where the hard-line government is vastly out of step with the vast majority of the population, which is a shame as the country has a lot of amazing history, culture, and food, as well as lovely people who are trying to live their lives the best they can in an environment of massive inflation, repressive morality police, and a government that routinely resorts to torture and lethal force to maintain power.
blaxabbath

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I’m still torn on watching this World Cup.
Sharkbait

It’s getting uglier.
https://www.espnfc.com/fifa-world-cup/story/4808018/world-cup-teams-abandon-onelove-armband-amid-fifa-row
Mr. Ayo

I just read that. Fucking FIFA
Sharkbait

There are still moments. Brave as fuck that Iran’s XI likely risked death by collectively not singing their national anthem in solidarity with protestors.
King Hippo

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Manbun on manbun crime begets penalty.
Don T

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I want the US to win. There, I said it.
Don T

/generously throws roll of paper towels to Don T
SonOfSpam

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“COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. (AP) — A 22-year-old gunman opened fire with a semiautomatic rifle inside a gay nightclub in Colorado Springs, killing five people and leaving 25 injured before he was subdued by “heroic” patrons and arrested by police who arrived within minutes, authorities said Sunday.
The attack ended when a patron grabbed a handgun from the suspect and hit him with it, Colorado
“Had that individual not intervened this could have been exponentially more tragic,” Suthers said.”

BeefReeferLives

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Do they not have electrolytes in Wales?
Doktor Zymm

I know the banana thing is racist in soccer, but they honestly seem like they could use the potassium
Doktor Zymm

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I’m going to read. It’s a weird old world, ain’t it?

Gumbygirl

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So there’s this weird thing going with my fantastic app. I’ve got more points than the other person, and this is like the the 3rd time in a row this has happened.

If i can claw my way back to .500 I’d be amazed
Brocky

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Between Joe Buck and whatever the fuck that outro music was THIS GUY RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY I CALL HIM KING HAMLET BECAUSE HE IS GETTING MURDERED WITH EAR POISON
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is your mute button broken or something?
ballsofsteelandfury

The Dr. Mrs. is out of town so I’m lonely.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Run the vacuum
ballsofsteelandfury

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Coach had to remind Bosa not to call ICE. These people are allowed to be here.
Spur

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I have no words. Christmas came early this year.

ballsofsteelandfury

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Sneak preview of Argentina’s new flag:

Sharkbait

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Too good 😂😅🤣

Don T

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Brick Meathook

You see, JFK faked his own death so that he could mastermind the plan by which JFK Jr. would fake HIS own death decades later, and then resurface more decades later to become Trump’s running mate and finally bring about the Storm that QAnon has foretold.

It’s simple, really. I am not a crank.
Dunstan

The beauty of the plan is in its simplicity
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Germany laying a turd, but not in the way they find sexually exciting
King Hippo

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THIS 8:00 GROUP E GAME, I CALL IT HISTORICALLY INACCURATE BECAUSE JAPAN’S SUBS OUTPERFORMED GERMANY’S
Fronkenshteen

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I am so tired! Happy Thanksgiving Eve, my darling dears

Gumbygirl

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What, no YOU’RE quietly seething about your mother putting the sweet potatoes into the pot before the water was boiling SLOWING DOWN THIS WHOLE FUCKING PROCESS
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I bet she didn’t put a lid on the pot to start with and wondered why it was taking so long? Mothers, amirite?

/I cut mine off 18 years ago
//she put the salad fork on the wrong side of the plate one time too many
///jk-she’s a gas-lighting piece of shit
scotchnaut

 

Galaxy Brain Boo thinks it takes the same amount of time regardless.
BugEyedBoo

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Time to make some pies and put on the WKRP Turkey Drop episode!
Dunstan

Oh, sure! Make fun of our greatest tragedy. That’s not sports related.
Redshirt

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Haven’t had any WH40K in a while, but I must share.

BugEyedBoo

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Got Flu Shot. Didn’t get 2nd COVID Booster because Walgreens cancelled my appointment an hour before it was due because their computers were down. They need their computer to give me two shots but they don’t need their computer to automatedly text and email me.

So, unfortunately, any superpowers I get will be incomplete as I won’t get the secondary powers to keep them from killing me and others. If I get superspeed, I won’t get invulnerability to the friction from the air and will burn off my skin as I run. If I get x-ray vision, I won’t be able to turn it off, even when closing my eyes, and will slowly be driven insane. If I get superstrength, I won’t have the required bone density and tendon strength and will tear myself apart using said superstrength.

And, well, you know the old saying: Magical Pony of Steel, Magical Mare of Kleenex.
Redshirt

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Wonderful run down, thank you. Have the game on now as the Thanksgiving meal cooks. How are the accommodations there? Good time?
2Pack

Accomodations are great. It’s clean, there’s hot water (that’s rare in MENA), there’s AC… Now dealing with reception on the other hand, is a different story.

I went to Aussie house after Canada’s game. It was a 3 drink minimum. I haven’t slept in over 24 hours and I’m going to Portugal vs Ghana tonight
Wakezilla

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Carries that ball like a loaf of bread, and STILL refuses to slide. Yet it never seems to come (Broke)back to bite him.
King Hippo

“What sort of bread?”
-A. Reid
Doktor Zymm

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I bought a pre-made Thanksgiving BBQ meal for 4-6, with smoked turkey breast (warming in the oven per instructions), creamed corn, string beans, and dinner rolls. Also picked up some orange cranberry sauce at Trader Joes. Just me, so gonna be eating this for the next few days and still have delicious leftovers for the freezer!

Got a Sav Blanc from my favorite winemaker chilling in the fridge, garlic butter softening on the counter, and everything should be ready just around half-time.

Also got laundry in the dryer since I figured no one else would be doing laundry right now, and I need to pack for being out of town all December. And I just found out the summer schedule for the Bark Europa, so thinking I’ll be doing the full year off and joining their sail from Cape Town to the Azores in mid-June. Then I can look for a job in August, travel all September and start work again in October, just in time to get ramped up before the next set of holidays kicks off!
Doktor Zymm

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In keeping with the theme of being in touch with the audience who attends football games, Andrea Yates and Lee Harvey Oswald’s hologram will be doing a duet in Dallas at halftime.
Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show

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Redshirt

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“That pumpkin pie’s gonna taste a little sweeter for Mike McCarthy this year”

Bold of you to assume Mike eats anything slowly enough to register its taste.
Horatio Cornblower

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Dad: “Why are the Giants taking too much damn time?!”

Me: “This is your first Giants game in a while?”
Redshirt

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Ok, no matter how hard you try a Dimebag just ain’t as good as whatever Jerry Jones is snorting
Doktor Zymm

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No, the internet will not crash, nor will it be made of tubes or become less than 80% porn and cute animal pictures
Doktor Zymm

Pugs, Peni$, and Pu$$y, the 3 P’s.
litre_cola

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THIS GIANTS TEAM, I CALL THEM A CIRCLE BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO CORNERS
Doktor Zymm

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Open another bottle of wine, or make a cocktail? Or maybe a neat Lagavulin?
Doktor Zymm

Bought a bottle of Lagavulin recently. Why? Because the manager of the store fucked up and ordered the wrong item and can’t return it. She asked me, “I’m stuck with the entire case and I can’t send it back, can you help me out?”

Me: [rips off shirt] “I’ll help you out, ma’am.”

Her: “You really don’t have to rip off your shirt every time you come in here. Actually, the next time you do it, I’m calling the police.”

Me: “But, I really love ripping off my shirt in this store. Ripping off my shirt in other stores just doesn’t give me the same kind of kick. Nobody complains at the post office!”

Her: “Gotta admit, I love your hairy nipples.”

/Fin
scotchnaut

Gotta say that would be a breath of fresh air at the Post Office.
litre_cola

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Wife: “What are you doing?”

Me: “The Giants are playing Dallas and I’m trying to craft a joke that references Anne Richards.”

Wife: “I’m not going to even to bother to ask who that is.”

/we’re different her and I but it works
scotchnaut

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Which alcohol do I need to drink to cast some sort of spell where Zeke gets injured?
Doktor Zymm

A wine from a region riddled with lead is probably your best bet.
Horatio Cornblower

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With family in hotel for Thanksgiving. Please activate my suicide chip at your earliest convenience.
Redshirt

/Me, pushing button repeatedly

I dunno guys, he keeps posting

/garage door at Redshirt’s opening and closing repeatedly
Horatio Cornblower

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I’m old enough to remember when John Madden was a breath of fresh air to broadcasting. That’s how old I am.
scotchnaut

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Happy thanksgiving, Americans. It’s a great day to take off work in Canada and drink whisky at 9 am.
This weeks guttersnipe was awesome, right? I won’t bone it up next week. Promise.
BC Dick

Hey, don’t be so hard on yourself, you’re a tremendous slouch.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times–no one buys another human a car/truck as a gift without their input unless they’re a complete psychopath or it’s a pure sugar baby relationship.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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November 24, 2022 10:03 pm
Just got home and checking the fantasy stats. Dude I’m against has Jefferson.

I should not have opened the app
TheRevanchist

Looks like anyone with Jefferson on their team is… moving on up.
Dunstan

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Redshirt

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How often do you go from face down writhing in pain to jogging off without some really good drugs?
Doktor Zymm

In soccer, about every 5 minutes
Recovery Whiskey

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People are using emojis to help Lea Michele read their comments

Fans jokingly use emojis to help Lea Michele read their comments on her latest TikTok post. pic.twitter.com/f1Rr21mV6o

— Pop Crave (@PopCrave) November 25, 2022

I’m not sure I’ve ever loved a bit more than this one.
Horatio Cornblower

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King Hippo

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Don T

Does that count as one handball or two?
Redshirt

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Redshirt

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Just got back from a night out with Mrs. Cornblower. We rented a nearby hotel room because both our kids are back in the house and they’re both Grade A cockblockers.

Very fun night, although the hotel is no pets, so we had to leave the dwarf at home.
Horatio Cornblower

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Buckle in everyone, we’re watching Hallmarks The Royal Nanny

MI5 agent goes undercover as a nanny for the royal family
Game Time Decision

Is this the WCS holiday biopic?
Mr. Ayo

WCS

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We just got busted for going to the hotel last night because Mrs. Cornblower stole all the shower stuff and Daughter Cornblower found it.
Horatio Cornblower

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Me: Well, this will probably be the last possession, so either Brady loses or we get a most glorious tie.

Also Me: You idiot, it’s the Browns. Brisket is going to throw a pick-six, and the announcers will then praise Brady’s gritty veteran leadership for the win.
Dunstan

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Here’s a joke from the “cliched and unfinished” pile:
Wow, I cant believe you guys are watching and supporting such an immoral game organized by cheating, lying, bribing (other Dan Snyderisms here) scoundrels. I’ll be watching the World Cup instead.
herodotus450

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I feel like it dishonors the memory of Sean Taylor for fans to not confiscate and destroy this abomination of a “tribute”.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

as someone on twitter put it: nike jersey, reebok pants, adidas soccer cleats

perfect
fleshwound_NPG

Snyder: “I need a statue of Sean Taylor. Your budget is $250. Now get going!”

Statue Team Member: “We could go to Macy’s, buy a mannequin from them.”

Other Member: “I’ve got some old football pads from high school-we could use that.”

Other Member: “Right. All we need is a uniform… Do you think we could get a discount from the store at the stadium?”

Other Members: [in unison] “HA!”
scotchnaut

Other Member: One word: dhgate
Other other Member: Won’t that take too long?
Other Member: It will cost $15 and Mr. Snyder gets a kickback.

All Members: DONE!
ballsofsteelandfury

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Mrs. Scotchnaut has made, oh, 150 Swedish meatballs this morning-I’m eating them in front of the dogs in order to remind them who’s the Alpha around here.
scotchnaut

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Letting Russ Cook Leftovers

Gatoraids

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scotchnaut

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I’m currently at Khalifa International Stadium and that modesty dress rule is thankfully out the window.

All the Croatian men look like white supremacists while most of the Croatian women look absolutely incredible. Holy shit.
Wakezilla

Why such an uptight nation would name a stadium after a porn star is completely beyond me. Hypocrites!
scotchnaut

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Holy Schnikes, over 45 points for Josh Jacobs
Doktor Zymm

And who pulled him at the last second because of that bogus injury report from late in the week for Conner (who had a pretty good game, but goddamn)?

THIS DIPSHIT.

Our league is a bunch of depraved alcoholics, so if you have the most bench points for a week, you have to post a video of you slamming 4 shots back to back on our text chain. This will be the fourth such video I’ve had to record this season.
Col. Duke LaCross

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Why wouldn’t you just QB sneak if you have 4th and inches? Because you are actively seeking to get fired. The only thing that makes sense.
TheRevanchist

Let me explain

–Deanna Favre
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Oof. Jalen Ramsay hasn’t been burned like that since he decided to invest heavily in Tesla this spring.
Dunstan

Still doing better than the Jaguars under Tom Coughlin.
Horatio Cornblower

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I would say Bucs ded but that division is real bad.
litre_cola

I wanna see a Brady melt down, I wonder if Gisselle left because Tom’s on field performance was echoing his performance in the bedroom. Ineffectual pump action, really short dump offs, not enough tight end action, can only go deep a few times per session, that sort of thing.
ArmedandHammered

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You cannot convince me that the Packers didn’t just start trying now that Love is in the game.
Redshirt

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FLORIDA MEN hoopsball have a forward named Fudge.

WCS

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FUCK YOU MOM LEAVE ME ALONE YOU DEAD BITCH THIS IS MY HOUSE AND MY HOLIDAY NOW LITERALLY GO BACK TO HELL WHERE YOU BELONG
WCS

– Aaron Rodgers in 15 years
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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This game is now 2020, so that means a vaccine will be developed at the end and Qaaron will scramble away in horror. Ironically, his risky inoculation behaviour will result in a safety.
Doktor Zymm

Well, you do have a point, Dok. The score is 20-20 in the 2nd Quarter, so like COVID-19 at that year, the numbers are steadily increasing with no defense around to stop it.
Redshirt

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

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