TGIF! So long worthless work week. May your personal LDB challenge be done and dusted for another year. In the meantime, it’s freezing cold just about everywhere which means icy roads. One of the great things about slick roads is learning to do fun car maneuvers. So let’s learn one!
Survival – Personal Edition
The nice thing about slick roads is you can do these fun maneuvers at a slower speed than on a dry surface. That way when you mess up your collisions will be at a reduced speed, saving the car and yourself damage. So today, we’re going learn to do a J turn which is a 180 degree turn while reversing.
- Find a strip of driving surface that is straight and has some room to both sides.
- Put the car into reverse. Look straight ahead and find something to focus on. This will help you keep the car straight while reversing. Remember our previous lessons about the car going where you look? Same principle here.
- Accelerate to a modest speed. The slicker the surface the less speed you’ll need. However, on a dry surface you risk rolling the car if you’re going too fast. Try to keep it under 50mph in any scenario.
- Alright, now’s the time. With an automatic transmission, shift to neutral. With a manual transmission, engage the clutch and put the gear lever in 2nd, but don’t disengage the clutch yet.
- Turn the wheel a quarter turn. Either direction works here, it only changes which way the front end will slide.
- Once the car has completed turning you stop the rotation by accelerating. First, return the steering wheel to center. With the automatic transmission, shift to drive and accelerate. With the manual transmission, ease into the throttle while disengaging the clutch.
There you go! You’re now turned around and driving straight. You can be a stunt driver in Brick’s next project!
BONUS KONTENT! What if you’re driving forward and want to do a 180 turn? I can help! First, though, make sure you have a parking brake that’s engaged with a handle and not a button. If you have a button you’re out of luck. For the rest, read on!
- Same as the J turn. Find somewhere safe to do this.
- Accelerate straight ahead. Again, keep those speeds in check so you don’t end up on the roof.
- Same as step 4 above. We need the car in neutral here.
- Yank the wheel a quarter turn and pull that handbrake. The rear end will swing out the opposite direction you turned.
- As the car turns around, center the steering wheel and engage a forward gear and accelerate hard. You’ll now be heading the opposite direction.
Ok, now we’re done. Good job on that driving! Hope you didn’t do too much damage.
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Survival – Species Edition
Time to put the sexy in Friday!
Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to what’s most important: Commenting and drinking!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qrp3P7wWds
I unrepentantly love this movie. It’s fucking creepy, and as good a psych-thriller than is with a Christmas theme.
Landed. I may want to finish a Fifth Element live blog some day….
(and in the spirit of sexy Friday, the tatas were not censored. Thanks, United!)
Welcome back!
Welcome back? I just landed in Europe.
By the way are you reading the new John Irving?
Negative. Got sucked into another holocaust book, The Light of Days.
The one thing that was a positive about having to work today? The freeways were open.
I got to work in like 17 minutes, straight up the 110 to the 405.
Those words don’t usually go together.
Question for parents: How many times did you buy one of your offspring a Christmas present because you wanted to play with it first?
Yeah, but getting that pack of condoms was still the best present ever for little Billy.
His Ma didn’t appreciate the sixer and carton of smokes.
I can’t wait to play with his lego this year.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtqXsDTPyFg
It is now 24 December for us East Coasters, who can smugly claim our LDBC supremacy.
Damn British panel shows.
/Runs around clubhouse wearing only a (large) Xmas-themed bandana around his wing-wang.
Pah Rump a bum bum.
Wait, is that how it works? I thought it was through Christmas?
I’ll take the win, though!
Nope, Turkey Day through 12/23.
Sweet, I did it.
I’d absolutely fistfight (I said FIGHT) Billy Bob Thornton for Lauren Graham’s character in Bad Santa.
The fact that Billy Bob probably weighs about 105 these days is mere coincidence.
FUCK ME SANTA!!!
You’ll have to get through me first.
Aw jeez Rick, I’m not sure I can handle running over the remains of the Austro-Hungarian empire!
As a reminder to the other drivers, slowing down to 15 MPM and putting on your flashers on a snow-covered highway doesn’t help the other drivers. On the contrary, it actually creates a hazardous situation as that causes us to bunch together and get impatient.
On the other side, going the posted speed limit when the other drivers are not is also bad. It causes the other drivers to react on covered roads and possibly hit a slick spot that they would’ve avoided had you not caused them to react. Moreover, the five cars spun out on the median and the ditch were caused by high speeds on the snow-covered roads. If you doubt me, feel free to try your luck.
Best try to keep up with the same speed as the other drivers while keeping extra, extra, extra distance between cars. Try to use the gas as little as possible and the brake even less; coasting down and using the covered road to slow you down while ensuring you remain in control.
This is your friend Redshirt, saying in the winter season and always, don’t forget the definition of Defensive Driving: driving with the knowledge that every other driver on the road is certifiably insane.
I explained to my kids that Dad has always believed the best defense is a good offense
Not much offense you can do in a Late Model Ford. However, if I can get my hands on a M4 Sherman, then I’ll be able to counter all the cars giving headaches to all the other drivers on the roads.
My approach is that that my car is 11 years old, has over 230K miles on it, and is heavily insured. I have a lot less to lose than almost anyone else on the road.
Did this not post before? Apologies if I’ve repeated myself.
She looks like fun.
Doesn’t she? Her name is Riley Dandy and she was in a Christmas movie I just watched.
Lauren Bobert’s new campaign posters are really…something.
Mr. Ayo has really outdid himself this week. Still in the LDB game, what do I get if I win?
/prize suggestion attached
The prize is an DFO NFT used fleshlight.
Mailing info heading your way!
(thinking)
Hmm, I’m out of it, so if I post the link to the song, I can’t be out of it twice.
Nah, knowing this place, half of them knows my real name and I’m pretty sure I’m being followed. Best stay on their good side.
(speaking)
Good luck!
For Sexy Festivus Friday, instead of some scrawny chicks here’s a control panel with great big tits.
It’s the throttle station in the No.2 Engineroom of the battleship USS Iowa (BB-61) located in glamorous downtown San Pedro. The No.2 engineroom controls the No.4 main propeller shaft (of course it does because Navy) and that right-hand throttle wheel controls 53,000 shaft horse power in the ahead direction, turning an 18-foot diameter 20 ton propeller. Look at the indicator and you’ll see it opens seven individual poppet valves sequentially across the power range. The left hand wheel controls the astern throttle which is just one big dumb valve because this is only used for emergencies like when the 60,000 ton ship is about to crash into something and you need to stop stop stop right now.
Festivus Bonus: Spot the ten additional copyright bugs I hid throughout the picture. Due to scaling some are completely illegible. Winner receives a picture of the No. 4 turbines on the Iowa plus a blowjob from one of the girls posted above (I know them all). Good luck and good hunting.
My throttle and shaft control are a lot less complicated.
I’ve only see 5 bugs. Maybe a 6th if I squint really hard.
This is just a cheap Photoshop text gag. Quality work.
We were in an antique store in Palm Springs the other day that had a really nice old binnacle. And also an engine order telegraph. I didn’t ask what they wanted for them, but they were expensive looking, like they came off a fancy ship. All brass and teak.
You have to be careful with nautical antiques. Some are made in India and they look very convincing, particularly “old” sextants and compasses. Sometimes they’re dead ringers for the real thing. They’re not bad as long as you don’t pay a lot for them, because the brass isn’t even real. The Indian metalsmiths who make these are very good; a reputable dealer won’t sell them, but sometimes they’re hidden away in thrift stores or “as is” on eBay.
If these were fakes, they were damn good ones.
Palm Springs probably real
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94OVz1Rq73o
This is accurate
Armed&Hammered (unfurls 430 page scroll): “Before I begin, just a few notes to get us up to speed….”
SEVENTEEN degrees out, this is apostasy for the Old Confederacy. I had to lock the cats out of my room, because they are annoyed I won’t let them back outside. Because I am afraid I will nod off and then they DIE, such an asshole Dad I am.
Here’s what you do. Build them a small fort, a couple of tarps wrapped around an old shelf will do. Stuff that thing full of straw. Done.
Yeah, cuz Hippo has a few bales of straw hanging around the house, lol!
He’s south of the Mason-Dixon Line. You cannot convince me he doesn’t.
tuff butt FARE
/bigger issues would be the townhouse association frowning upon it, and all I can think is SNAKE NEST
I can’t imagine any story about a conflict between myself and an HOA beginning in any fashion other than “Among the injured were….”
I tried really hard to avoid ever having one. But the need for maintenance responsibility abdication was too great.
I absolutely love living in the sticks, and HOAs are a huge reason. “Why yes, I did paint my house periwinkle blue. You know why? Because I felt like it!”
Then check the sky and wait for the wise men?
I think I’m just going to post random “Christmas” clips that make me laugh.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDIgBLBP-Kg&ab_channel=pisicisizombie
Every year, more booze, more bullshit, more buttfuckin!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVWk6IfRuEE
We watch Bad Santa every year!
Oh, nuh uh. Last time, I didn’t shit right for a week!
Okay everyone this is a public service annoucement. Be careful about drunk driving as we are getting close to Christmas and police are out there checking on people.
Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing led to another and I had a few too many cocktails and then went onto the wine. Not a good idea.
Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the bar and took a bus home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint where they were pulling over drivers and performing breathalyzer tests.
Because I was in a bus they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I’ve never driven a bus before and I am not even sure where I got it from
(this joke was stolen from reddit which means it was probably stolen from somewhere else but I hope you enjoyed it)
There used to be a bar near UConn, about a mile from campus, called Thumper’s. Thumper’s had “Nickel Night” and “Quarter Night”, where for a $5 cover charge you could get all your drinks for, you guessed it, a nickel or quarter per drink. No craft beer and all liquor was bottom shelf, but they would never cut anyone off. I saw one person literally push his stool back from bar, vomit on the floor, and pull back up to the bar. No one blinked.
Given the proclivities of such an establishment, Thumper’s also took the precaution of having a bus. This bus would drive around campus, pick people up and bring them to Thumper’s, then drive them back. One night I left Thumper’s early, (was a girl involved? I leave that to your imagination, but the answer is no, I had to work early the next day), long before my roommates came back.
I wake up and start getting ready to go to work. And what do I see on one of the desks but the keys to the Thumper’s bus. Turns out my roommate Mike had not just swiped the keys, but the bus as well. He wasn’t sure what happened; I found out later from other people that they’d had a joyride a couple of parking lots over. He’d kept the keys. None of them knew how’d they’d gotten home.
As Homer said “There is a time and a place for everything, and it’s called college.”
I was gonna say I saw this but it was a cab!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mn-P3lnr76s&ab_channel=VeeXXL
It’s a sexy Festivus miracle!
Is there sexy Festivus? Someone holding an aluminum pole seductively?
I mean the Feats of Strength pinning would be a little NSFDFO…
Just saw a kid who went to high school with my kids get a sack in the Gasparilla Bowl, so that’s cool. Before literally dozens of fans.
The Sasparilla Bowl would’ve been better
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koZFca8AkT0
So much better.
Knives Out 2 is the new biography picture about Ray Lewis right?
Rumor has it that the Sens/Dread Wings game wasn’t canceled because ‘weather’ but because the Detroit players didn’t want to be embarrassed by Ottawa again and voted unanimously not to play.
I heard it was a tie vote until Red Wings legends Daniel Alfreddssoonn and Bobby Ryan voted Not to play
Realized i lost out on LDB when i figured what my 4 year old was kind of singing in the other room.
I am very pleased to be entering the Christmas with Kids phase here. This thing hasnt been interesting to me for 25 years.
Four is the perfect age for Christmas. Still got the wide-eyed wonder, but past the toddler meltdowns.
That first girl looks a lot like a woman I work with, and to say I have significant questions right now would be vastly understating the matter.
That DOES look a lot like the Connecticut coastline…
Yep. Lots of stones and not a goddamn wave in sight.
Just don’t say anything, or else you’re going to have to deal with different lawyers.
She’s an absolute sweetheart. I would never.
I believe the politically correct expression these days is “sweet cheeks”. Please make a note of it.
Looking forward to noon tomorrow-I’ll have three days off for the first time in 3 1/2-ish years? Am I a hero the likes of which Northern Ontario has never seen before? Yeah, yeah, I am.
No time off after the knee surgery?
This sounds self-aggrandizing but I was taking phone calls and putting together orders right after wifey plopped me in the back seat. For context, my dad went on a skiing vacation one time and ended up breaking his ankle. He cut the vacation off, returned home and was delivering milk door-to-door in a cast the day after. That’s what I was exposed to and what was expected of me. Absolutely no excuses.
HAHAHA! I slept until 10:30 this morning because my cat woke me up at 5:30 and then the storm wouldn’t let me get back to sleep until after 7.
(I also worked until 8:30 pm)
I’d lean more towards “anti-hero” given certain of your hobbies, but tomato, tomahto.
I’m 100% going to make it yet again. Should I have to give odds as a recluse, like Elaine wrt “The Wager?”
If it’s midnight tonight I think Ive got this. A key strategy has been not telling my kids I’m doing it. Those little bastard would have sabotaged me the day after Thanksgiving.
Somebody come wrap these prezzies for me. I am over it. I’ts Christmas Eve Eve!
I’m always accused of hiring professional wrappers for my presents.
Unfortunately, every flight out of here is cancelled due to the freezing rain.
Update: It was very good.
It sounded good. But I don’t do super hot stuff, so I’d have to back way off on the chilis.
She got herself masala chai, so we got you covered.
Yes. Give me spicy, but not hot!
Fuck. I’m out of the LBDC. Fucking 8 out of 10 cats does countdown Christmas special got me.
And you were three hours away.
Furthest I’ve made it in a long time.
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
Should have watched 2 out of 10 cats. smdh…
I should not have eaten the leftover pulled pork in the fridge. Holy Jeebus maybe the halal folks have a point.
Senorita Weaselo bought me, among other things, chili cardamom chai, that she is showing me how to make.
I cannot friggin’ wait.
¡Dichosa surfboard!
I totally missed that surfboard in that picture. Thanks for pointing it out.
Three’s bra isn’t very supportive
She should visit Victoria’s Secret. I’m sure they’ll have some suggestions.
Dude. DUDE!
/he’s a dude