Your Very Last NFL Monday Night Football Thread

Just a reminder that there’s a double-header on Saturday and then an avalanche of tilts next Sunday.

Fallout:

-I keep coming back to this but here we go again. The Vikes, in the first three quarters of all games this year have a point differential of -97. If I had my druthers I’d prefer the Giants play these guys rather than the Niners, even though Jefferson will tear us apart.

-That Pickett’s Charge Joke has Legs: The rook qb now has two game winning drives in consecutive weeks right there in his back pocket. The once 6-8 Steelers are still only mostly dead.

-Speaking of surprises, Dobbs gets the start next week vs the Jags. Will he get a Game Sock if he plays well?

-I Sense a Theme: Maybe perhaps Brock Purdy should have been drafted earlier than the 7th round. I do snort at internet fellas that are adamant about this player or that need to be drafted to my team when front offices with much more resources at hand can’t get it right.

-The Not-Goth QB was the Right Call: Stidham’s TD 60 yard pass to Davante was the first toss on a scramble play that the Raiders have had all year.

To The Game!

Bills/Bengals:

-Gamblor Alert-Cincy is 12-3 against the spread this year.

-A Little More Knox Perhaps: Allen has a fancy-schmancy 102.9 passer rating when throwing the ball Dawson’s Way.

-Someone that Allen isn’t meshing with is Gabe Davis-he was expected to take a big step forward this year but is being held back by a rancid 55% catch rate.

-Though Cook and Singletary have been unreliable (for those folks that play fantasy, that is) the Bills are the only team to run for 100+ yards in each game this year.

-Despite not having many known guys (outside of Ohio, I guess) the Cincy D is 9th in points allowed (20.4) and 7th in rushing yards allowed. (106.4)

-Keep your eye on Trenton Irwin-he could easily have had the TD hat-trick last week. Boyd’s finger is almost a non-issue.

It’s all yours.

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Col. Duke LaCross

I hope they deleted this.

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JustStopDude

Fuck that. They need to own that shit.

Horatio Cornblower

I hope they get hit by a bus.

Senor Weaselo

So, anyone wanna be the social media director for the Chiefs?

Last edited 1 year ago by Senor Weaselo
Redshirt

Cincinnati https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/1f494.svg on Twitter: “#Bills Damar Hamlin’s Community Toy Drive GoFundMe has a $2,500 goal. It now has over $245,000 raised in the last hour. https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/1f499.svg Donate here: https://t.co/dUuvtdC9sU https://t.co/5AQTYu6jvi” / Twitter

Petronel

$905K as of right now.

Redshirt

The highlight of the game:

NFL: “The players will have five minutes to warm up until we resume play.”
Buffalo Bills & Cincinnati Bengals: “Oh, go play with yourselves!”

JustStopDude

So many Twitter hot takes. From vaccine conspiracy theorists to Skip Bayless.

Though the folks saying shit along the lines “I hate this part of the game”. This is the game. This is the problem with full contact football. Unless you go to flag football, this will always be the risk.

This is also why this sport is dying. It’s human cockfighting.

litre_cola

I agree on every level.

Yeah right can’t write for 52 weeks, he is nae yet retired.

Redshirt

Recap of tonight’s game:

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Brick Meathook

Our thoughts and prayers are with that player and his family.

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Beerguyrob

Can’t wait for the Steven A comment tomorrow about how at least Denmark finished the game.

King Hippo

Signing off for at least a bit, gonna call my cats inside, give them extra food and praise.

Doktor Zymm

Give them some kittyhugs from me

Redshirt

I just noticed the title of the thread. Oops.

Recovery Whiskey

This is what happens when you schedule the NFL on the same day as the big NYD bowls which were already bumped for the NFL. Chaos ensues.

Horatio Cornblower

Goodell’s office frantically googling “congenital heart defects” as we speak.

blaxabbath

I heard he once smoked a joint.

Don T

/walks into bar full of Lombardi and Ditka suckbois

“Soccer’s Christian Eriksen had a heart failure on the pitch at the Euros and Denmark and Finland finished their match after CPR. SOCCER! EUROPE! PITC”–[garroted with kielbasa]

Doktor Zymm

They at least delayed a few hours, I suppose theoretically they could start playing again at 3 am or something if they got word that everything is gonna be okay. I can totally see Goodell personally going around and yanking players out of bed and off bar stools.

SonOfSpam

Ok good, at least the right thing was done (eventually)

Brocky

I feel bad for this

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Last edited 1 year ago by Brocky
Doktor Zymm

Nah, no need to feel bad unless you truly can’t distinguish between cartoonish fantasy and reality.

Don T

Your sincerity plows through.

Brocky

plows?

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Petronel

The guy who he hit…I hope people around him have been making sure he knows that it’s not his fault. He did nothing wrong. It looked like a clean hit.

Last edited 1 year ago by Petronel
Petronel

Pic has come out of Harris (the guy he hit) walking in the stadium tunnels with his mom. Glad she’s there for him.

Petronel

Correction: Higgins, not Harris.

yeah right

I can’t watch this. Fuck man.

Doktor Zymm

No reason for it to take more than a few minutes to cancel the game. They can cancel and figure out how to handle the cancellation later.

Sharkbait

That’s what kills me. All they need to say is the game is postponed, further details will be announced by the NFL

King Hippo

It took too long, but they still got there sooner than I expected. I hope they delayed because they wanted to pair the postponement announcement with a positive update on the injured man.

Doktor Zymm

That is a very charitable take

King Hippo

yeah, I am trying to stay in a positive frame of mind. Defense mechanisms and whatnot.

BugEyedBoo

I think if they had a positive update we’d have heard it. “He is awake and can move his extremities,” etc.

King Hippo

I typed that same sentence and deleted it a few times. I think we are all thinking it, I just hope and pray we are wrong.

Don T

If the game is cancelled, the following will be aggravated:
-bettors
-FF finalists
-ad folks

I think we can take them in a fist fight, is all.

Brocky

and that my children, is how World War Three started

Spur

Looked like the Bills equipment guys were packing up

Gumbygirl

My television just restarted the game from the beginning, weird!

ballsofsteelandfury

No more game

King Hippo

Lisa Salters did a great job there, without being ghoulish. Even Troy and Joe stepped up tonight.

Redshirt

I was going to post this as a joke but now it’s a warning.

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Spur
Gumbygirl

What the fuck is this?

Petronel

On the horn with the Hammer, perhaps

ballsofsteelandfury

Hope they told him to fuck off.

Dunstan

Missed most of this NFL stuff because I was watching Connor Bedard be awesome, which seems like a good call.

Sharkbait

#SuckHardForBedard

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Remember this morning when I talked about 2023 hitting the ground running? Starting to think that this year’s football equivalent is Tyreek Hill, both in terms of its speed and its willingness to target women and children.

BeefReeferLives

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/s

litre_cola

If they continue. “We did this because he would have wanted us to!”.

NFL twist.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh that’s exactly what I’ll see on the news tomorrow. Because the channel gets changed the second the teams come back out.

Dunstan

“There is no precedent for this.” Well, there kind of is, but it’s not very flattering to the NFL.

Sharkbait
Recovery Whiskey

How to say nothing and still offend. A true talent.

Horatio Cornblower

He really did go out of the way to say something without offending anyone and still managed to look like a complete asshole.

Probably because he is a complete asshole.

Horatio Cornblower

Hunting Skip Bayless for sport should be legal in all 50 states and however many provinces Canada has.

I’m just going to assume the Mexicans would be fine with it as is.

ballsofsteelandfury

Absolutely

Recovery Whiskey

We called him Skip Dickless back in Dallas in the 80s.

Last edited 1 year ago by Recovery Whiskey
King Hippo

Bills don’t want to play, Bengals don’t want to play, only the Ravens and Chefs would be marginally impacted by calling this a draw (and that’s VERY SMALL BEER as anyone with a smidgen of a conscience would agree).

Brocky

I mean, I was thinking the same thing, but I’m smart enough to post that shit on twitter

SonOfSpam

Consistently has the worst takes, nice to see we can count on that.

Brocky

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Horatio Cornblower

Oh yeah, they both look completely able to go out and play football full-tilt.

Petronel

Hey guys, even Mannings being silly aren’t gonna do the trick right now…

jjfozz

If goodell doesn’t cancel this game, even the devil will reject his soul

Sharkbait

Cancelling shouldn’t take this long.

Brocky

I guarantee you Goodell wants them to play, players union is saying no

Gumbygirl

This is a bad look. How stupid is this guy?

Brocky

He’s not dumb. He answers to the owners. If they want money, his hands would be tied

Doktor Zymm

Stupid, heartless, evil, yeah, those are all a check.

King Hippo

He’s got about 10 minutes to do the right thing, before Booger goes medieval on his ass, live on air.

Senor Weaselo

Can he anyway?

King Hippo

Especially if he has a blow torch handy

Horatio Cornblower

Can I? I mean, Booger would do a much better job, but my career doesn’t rely on the NFL.

litre_cola

Mrs cola and I are talking about whether ESPN is hedging on it being cancelled “allowing” Booger to talk like that.

King Hippo

thought crossed my mind too

Horatio Cornblower

Satan: “Hey, leave me the fuck out of this.”

Brocky

I legit thought Suzy was gonna announce he was dead

jjfozz

IF Suzy needs comforting, I can certainly help.

Brocky

I mean, espn does have booger

Horatio Cornblower

MassMutual runs a disability insurance ad.

READ. THE. ROOM.

King Hippo

I am glad I am not their in-house attorney. Or anyone’s that has ads in rotation tonight.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You don’t need disability insurance when you’re dead, duh

SonOfSpam

More relevant than ever tbh

clint greasewood
Senor Weaselo

Allow me to start by saying, “Yes, I know, too soon.” With that out of the way…

So, no Snowmobile Gymkhana?

Mr. Ayo

Wow, 2023 is on a tear. Don’t forget Jeremy Renner almost bit it too.

Senor Weaselo

Also from a snowmobile accident.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I thought it was a snowplow.

Gumbygirl

It was a sno cat. Both, sort of.

Mr. Ayo

Correct. Seriously big one too.

clint greasewood

Also Gangsta Boo.

Petronel

JESUS people, VET THE COMMERCIALS

Last edited 1 year ago by Petronel
Doktor Zymm

Yeah, I don’t think the NFL does brand safety

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You’ve got to imagine there are a dozen corporate lawyers on the phone with ESPN right now demanding that their ads be pulled *immediately*.

Doktor Zymm

I kind of wonder if this might be Covid related, just in the sense that these guys are putting the maximum stresses on their body and they’re more likely to find any small weaknesses or damage that the rest of us would live perfectly happily with.

Horatio Cornblower

There’s already some on the internet speculating that this is a side-effect of the vaccines. So, yeah.
And yes, I know that’s not the point you’re making.

King Hippo

I think Redshirt mentioned before that UC is close and is an excellent trauma center (dunno why that sticks in my mind)

BugEyedBoo

15 or so blocks away, IIRC

Redshirt

4 mile drive, most of it on I-71

Brocky

I was just thinking aren’t they responsible for treating shazier’s injury

King Hippo

that might be when it came up

Doktor Zymm

Shazier turned out ok at least, he finished his college degree and danced at his own wedding a couple years later.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hopefully he’ll get to dance on Goodell’s grave in the not-too-distant future.

Horatio Cornblower

Pretty sure most stadiums are pretty well equipped these days as well, although this is obviously several steps beyond what should be handled outside of a trauma center.

And I know that, because I’m an attorney.

Don T

It was the #2 hospital in the Fall Issue of Opium Snatcher.

SonOfSpam

Those rankings are among the most accurate.

King Hippo

#CompiledWithLove

Doktor Zymm

I kinda hope all NFL stadiums are near excellent trauma centers, they’ve certainly shown the need for them often enough

Redshirt

That’s cause the last horrific prime time injury happened in Cincinnati.

King Hippo

Suzy is such a goddamned pro. Booger made a good point about the players’ union. Time for them to show some bollocks, too.

Sharkbait

I feel for those crews. There’s nothing they can dump to.

King Hippo

yeah, ALL choices are horrible

Horatio Cornblower

The companies whose ads are running now must be thrilled.

Don T

Hope he gets OK
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Senor Weaselo

That’s… almost reassuring. Jeez…

Doktor Zymm

Pulse is something, the medical tech is there to help him breathe.

SonOfSpam

Best thing was the quick response.

ballsofsteelandfury

It’s a good thing I got up and missed this whole thing.

Horatio Cornblower

So as of 8 minutes ago it was reported that the ambulance was still in the parking lot and they were waiting for his mother to ride with him.

I would take that as good news, as I don’t think they’d be doing that if he were dead or dying. Because real medical professionals would never put up with it, and NFL medical “professionals” wouldn’t give a shit about his mother.

litre_cola

Paging Dr. David Chao.

Doktor Zymm

That sounds right to me, although wouldn’t they say something if he was stable?

BugEyedBoo

Rumor mill says that Hamlin has a heartbeat but isn’t breathing on his own. That they needed to use a defibrillator on him. This third hand.

Horatio Cornblower

Some are saying that the ambulance not moving is, in fact, not a good sign because if they got him back they’d be hell for leather to the hospital no matter what.

So let’s hope my ill-informed hunch is right instead, but this makes sense as well, unfortunately.

BugEyedBoo

Yeah, daughter said the same thing. They don’t hang around waiting for passengers unless it’s very good or very bad.

litre_cola

So many commercials

Sharkbait

About the only thing they can run unfortunately.

King Hippo

Giving Suzy and Booger a break, is all.

Petronel

And if the game doesn’t continue (which it shouldn’t), gotta burn those commercials off.

Spur

I want to see RedShirt’s people in their natural state. Turn on those fan cams.

SonOfSpam

Drunk or racist?

Spur

both

Spur
King Hippo

I appreciate Taylor and McDermott taking a stand, after that “you have 5 minutes to warm up” nonsense.

King Hippo

(no surprise, I read Scotchy saying the same thing, just in better English)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m doing my small part and turning this off.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m just hanging in to see if they cancel the game. I enjoy pleasant surprises.

King Hippo

Same. If they start playing (and I really believe they WILL NOT) I will switch off too.

Horatio Cornblower

Ditto.