Your Cowboys/Bucs Wild Card Fiesta Open Thread

Excuse me, it’s taken most of the day to come down from yesterday’s win. During the game I took several tours of the house because I was all wound up. After the third tour wifey said, “Would you stop? You’re making me nervous!”. I just couldn’t help myself.

Hey, tonight for the football fans (that don’t support either of these squadoos) out there it’s nut-cutting time in that most are inclined to pick a side and boy, it’s rough. Myself, I just can’t think of any scenario whereby I could back Brady. I have wanted Dallas to win at times but only for NFC East purposes that benefit the Giants. I think I’ll remain a neuter here.

To The Game!

Cowboys/Bucs:

-Though he’s not played them very often, Brady has not lost to Dallas-he’s 7-0.

-DAK! has been having himself some wandering balls problems. He’s thrown an INT in seven straight games and has been mistake-free in only two games this year.

-Want to feel old? Dallas hasn’t won a road playoff game since Mike Tyson was convicted of raping Desiree Washington. Oh, what’s that? You want to hear about other things that occurred when the Cowboys last won away from home?

-Barney and Friends debuted.

-Amy Fisher shot Mary Jo Buttafuoco.

-John Gotti was sentenced to life in prison.

-Batman: The Animated Series first began.

-Dre Dre released The Chronic.

-Compact discs outsold audio cassette tapes for the first time.

-Mortal Kombat was released.

-Jay Leno becomes the new host of The Tonight Show.

-The Yankees sign Danny Tartabul.

-Moldova joins the U.N.

-Billy Ray Cyrus burst into the national consciousness.

-Malcolm X is released. (in theatres, not from prison)

-Barry Bond signs the biggest one year contract in MLB history-it’s a staggering $4.7 million bones.

-That’s how long the drought has been. Wow. Helluva job, Jerrah!

Go for it.

 

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Spur

Dreamboat sacks are so pleasant

Game Time Decision

I’d like to see Brady come back
-Aikmen

Fuck all the way off Troy

Mr. Ayo

Hey! What did I… Oh, you mean Aikman.

Carry on.

Recovery Whiskey

Joe Buck talking up Staubach and Aikman is enough for my lifetime of Dallas hate to be reborn. Thanks Joe.

LemonJello

“Double the order for tonight’s hookers and blow!”

-J. Jones

WCS

Make it triple. It comes out of McCarthy’s paycheck.

Horatio Cornblower

“I get paid!?!?”

-Mike McCarthy

Horatio Cornblower

Whatever makes his heart explode faster.

SonOfSpam

What an asshole.

Senor Weaselo

That extra point made it a four score game. Blouses?

Horatio Cornblower

It’s over. It’s just morbid curiosity time now.

Redshirt

Redshirt to Brady: If you could throw the ball to Godwin most of the next drive and then throw a TD to Evans, that would be helpful.

Brocky

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TheRevanchist

Jerry J going to be banging some hookers tonight!

Last edited 1 year ago by TheRevanchist
LemonJello

5th times the charm for Maher?

Spur

HOLY SHIT McCarthy made the right call!!!!

Horatio Cornblower

I am not prepared to live in a universe where this is a regular occurrence.

Mr. Ayo

Wait, wut?

– B Walsh

WCS

IT’S GOOD

Horatio Cornblower

LET MAHER TRY AGAIN!!!!

Horatio Cornblower

YES!!!

Horatio Cornblower

Is a Brett Maher FG attempt too much to ask for?

Is Brett Maher still in the stadium?

LemonJello

He’s in the bilge of the pirate ship.

SonOfSpam

Downing a shitload of grog.

Horatio Cornblower

Wow, we have a lot in comment. I’m also drinking and I also can’t make a PAT!

Game Time Decision

What the actual fuck is 80 for Brady and why is it even a thing?

WCS

People are living longer and hornier.

SonOfSpam

May actually do a post on it.

Game Time Decision

Not sure any one should see it but please write about it

SonOfSpam

Oh I won’t see it.

Brocky

Its like real housewives of South Boston except slightly less homely

Redshirt

Tampa’s kickers just breathed a sigh of relief for not having to join the shankfest.

Horatio Cornblower

That would have been fantastic.

King Hippo

Ok, if the N-GCp get a 5th TD, I will maybe watch the PAT

BeefReeferLives

I didn’t think it was possible, but Mike McCarthy’s sweatshirt logo makes him look even stupider than usual…

LemonJello

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Spur

he looks like a tourist

Brocky

Mike McCarthy reminds me of a certain movie quote

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Game Time Decision

But imagine how happy you’d be like that

Horatio Cornblower

That’s right Tampa, establish the run. You know you want to.

SonOfSpam

“Chuck Knoblauch” is trending on Twitter and I reiterate my sympathy for Maher.

Horatio Cornblower

Could be worse, could be Steve Sax.

WCS

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He needs a good law-talkin’ guy.

SonOfSpam

DODGER JOKES

How do you spell Jose Offerman’s last name?
2 “Fs” and 37 “Es”

What do Jose Offerman and Michael Jackson have in common?
Both wear a glove on one hand for no apparent reason.

BugEyedBoo

JosE6.

Last edited 1 year ago by BugEyedBoo
Senor Weaselo
Recovery Whiskey

Could be Billy Buckner. Leon Lett. Scott Norwood.

Come to think of it Scott Norwood only missed once.

Senor Weaselo

Hey, he hasn’t hit Keith Olbermann’s mom… to our knowledge.

Horatio Cornblower

That “sport” is absolutely insane.

litre_cola

No CTE there!

Game Time Decision

We are sorry about your sore back
-NFL medical staff

Horatio Cornblower

Janay Rice apologizes for her role in establishing this sport.

Game Time Decision

She be at least in the semis

Recovery Whiskey

Typical white men making money appropriating a person of color’s culture.

Recovery Whiskey

And you wonder why Russians blindly follow Putin

herodotus450

“(Sees everyone making fun of the Cowboys) Hehe. Yeah. You know, I did that. I made the Extra Points longer, y’know? So… what’re you guys doing later? Can I come?”
-Roger G.

Horatio Cornblower

Holy shit, I just saw something about that goalie Scotchy cited down below.

Apparently they declared debts of $50 MILLION to various creditors. Who the hell loans that much money to a hockey player?

SonOfSpam

(corpse of Bear Stearns perks up)

Spur

What till Vegas gets an NBA team. Someone is gonna be broke mid season

Horatio Cornblower
Wakezilla

Lehner ‘s business partner was killed by his wife, so you know this whole operation was totally Kosher

Wakezilla

Jerral is getting old because the Jerral of 20 year ago would have cut Maher after the 3rd miss.

I don’t know what’s worse than a nightmare, but Brett Maher is living it.

SonOfSpam

Jerral 20 years ago would’ve cut Maher in person while Maher’s wife was giving Jerral an extra-rusty trombone.

Spur

Dallas push rush has Brady off page.

Horatio Cornblower

THIS TOM BRADY/MIKE EVAN CONNECTION I CALL IT TOM & GISELLE, BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT COMMUNICATING!!!

Spur

Evans is gonna fuck that hot Cuban guy?

SonOfSpam

Mike Evans is fucking his personal trainer???

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t judge.

Wakezilla

Is that real? If so, damn!

Senor Weaselo

Is it 4-down territory yet?

SonOfSpam

Brady’s sexuality aside. maybe.

SonOfSpam

Brett Maher’s extra point theme song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVF0zcqr9Dg

Don T

🤣

Horatio Cornblower

Ryan Jensen is a piece of shit even by the standards of NFL players. If he isn’t a felon yet he will be.

Brocky

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Last edited 1 year ago by Brocky
Horatio Cornblower

If that moves in next to me I’m absolutely buying an elephant gun.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m not sure that’s a fumble, but Godwin’s had a bad hand/arm since early in the game.

The Maestro

Yeah, the Bucs are done.

Spur

can the punter do double duty here?

WCS

Mike McCarthy will have the Nongendered Cowperson kick a field goal on second down.

King Hippo

I don’t recall ever seeing a placement man miss 4x in a game (on PATs), let alone consecutively.

Mr. Ayo

That’s because it has never happened.

King Hippo

Good things have happened ever since TV went off! Am legit doing billable work.

Horatio Cornblower

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Gumbygirl

This poor guy. He’s living the nightmare.

Spur

too much happening at once!

Senor Weaselo

THIS BRETT MAHER, I CALL HIM THE MARTIANS FROM SESAME STREET BECAUSE HE’S GOT THE YIPYIPYIPYIPYIPYIPYIPYIP
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eO33o0se_Aw

Gumbygirl

I love them!

Recovery Whiskey

My 43 yo spouse stopped in their tracks and watched that like it was the return of Jesus

Recovery Whiskey

“Send him to Belize” — Saul Goodman

“Take him to the train station” — John Dutton

Game Time Decision

I finally get the second reference

Spur

Just starting for 2 PT now

Recovery Whiskey

Hahahahahaha

Horatio Cornblower

OK, that was kinda funny, but it’s time to put Maher to bed now.

Recovery Whiskey

“To bed” = get the kill tent

Spur

That’s not funny anymore.

Brocky

Speak for yourself!

Recovery Whiskey

Tbh its kind of hilarious

SonOfSpam

Brett HAHAher

Redshirt

That look on this kicker’s face is priceless.

Recovery Whiskey

Hopefully someone giffed it

Spur

FUCK.

Don T

Sir yes sir!