Are we not entertained? (I’ve no idea of course because this is being typed at 2:30 EST). On to the next one…
To The Game!
Cowboys/Niners:
-Has Prescott righted his football ship? Down the stretch he had 11 INT’s in seven games but last week against a less-than-stellar Tampa D he had his way to the tune of 4 TD tosses and one rushing score.
-Game Manager Purdy (so they say) has at least 2 TD passes in his last seven games. One can do quite a bit of damage when surrounded by a suffocating amount of talent. More importantly, you’d think that an afterthought draft pick would be at a pick-per-game pace but he’s only had the 4-limiting mistakes is the key part of his success.
-With the game expected to be close it’s up to Brett Maher to get out of his own head and not leave points on the field. I’ve no doubt that the PAT problems have been fixed but what if they need a long-ish field goal at some point?
-Over the last part of the season DeMeco Ryans has increased his usage of two high safety sets, thus taking away longer throws towards the boundaries. Look for Dak! to work the middle of the field before taking some longer shots downfield.
-McCaffrey Time For Sure: The Dallas run D has given up 100+ yards rushing in 11 of 18 games and of those 11 six times the number has been 150 or more. They ‘held’ Tampa to 52 but that’s because Brady decided to throw 66 times.
-Two San Franny defenders will need to have bounce-back games. Nick Bosa was held without a pressure for only the 2nd time in his career last week-his 18.5 sacks this year say that he’s a much better player than that. Cb Charvarious Ward rarely gives up more than 50 yards to an opposing receiver but he was torched to the tune of 98 yards and a TD on six receptions last week.
Have at it.
Why not take a shot here?
“Way…*hick* ahead of… you.”
— Brett M., CA
Looks like Dallas is going to have to overcome Bad Dak today.
BAK!
Half the field goes CW, the other half CCW. Hilarity ensues.
“Pollard is out. My +10000 parlay involving Ezikel Elliot may work after all.”
(DAKception happens)
“…or not.”
am confused buy the Dak decision to throw into double coverage. WTF!
It could be 10-7 right now
Oh Dak. So generous!
jerrah is confused as to which guy he now has to murder at halftime
Pick Drakscott
Well hello, Inevitable Interception!
Spr’ah making a bid for deityhood
I’ll watch Nascar when they remove all the fan safety features
so…talladega then
pray for Pollard
“Hey, I recognize that!”
-Mahomes’ ankle
I do not believe an ankle is supposed to move the way Pollard’s just did.
Brett Maher’s face looks like the victim in every Law & Order: SVU cold opening.
dun DUN
(Law & Order sound cue or a Maher double doink? j/k he doesn’t get close enough to hit any post)
ouch ouch ouch
Great, now they’re in range for a chip shot field goal for Maher to shank.
Let’s not forget that this is former (and possibly future) Ottawa REDBLACK Brett Maher lighting up the internet right now.
Ice cream with chocolate sauce for dinner, because I’m feeing a little sick and fuck you, Food Guide recommendations.
What flavor of ice cream, and what brand of chocolate sauce? Critical questions!
Not a sandwich regardless.
upside-down open faced sandwick obvs
Ah. Incorrect once more. Through generous use of the transitive property, I will prove you wrong once more. Let’s see.
Ice cream contains dairy, eggs, and sugar, all proto-sandwich ingredients as they are often used in making bread.
Chocolate is perhaps seen by many to be a bridge too far in terms of sandwich ingredients, but let us not forget that the classic ice cream sandwich couldn’t exist without its significant contribution.
As such, even with the vessel and utensils used to consume it, I consider this to be on par with many other sandwich-type meals such as croutons in a salad or a cheese-topped enchilada or manicotti roll in a bowl.
Just a plain vanilla with the Nesquick squeeze bottle, because times are tough but also I’m a simple man at heart.
Does Dallas dare to defy our diabolical deity (Shank’lor) here?
Bring out the Maher!
As a child of the 90s, I was excited to see a Cowboys/Niners playoffs game. But holy shit this game has been boring.
What Gregg is saying is that penalties are bad
great strategy by the niners giving the cowboys great field position to make mccarthy bring his kicker out
ziti is ready!
(what my mom said when my prom date came to the door)
Fuck, that’s funny!
At the time it was awkward.
If the Niners kicker Gould isn’t nicknamed “Good as” I will tear open Chris Berman from his thorax down to his belly button with my dullest knife.
That and Solid
“No, that’s dumb, Chris. You should never call him that. Call him anything else, but not ‘good as’.” – Berman’s producer, after having overheard your promise
Historically, 49rs wanted to strike Gould, so must suck knowing all your teammates want to hit you
Mattress Mack put a shit-ton of cash on the ‘Boys (money line I think), so go Niners which as a Rams fan is painful to say but the enema of my enema etc.
I saw that, and it hurts even more as a Dallas fan.
“A Tale of Two Scores” by Charles Kickens
It was the widest of lefts, it was the widest of rights…
I imagine Brett Maher is on the sideline in a daze applying lipstick over and over again a la Steve Buscemi in Billy Madison.
“Would you shank me? I’d shank me.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_DVS_303kQ&ab
Do you think Deebo is related to Beemo?
There’s that famous discipline from a Mike McCarthy team.
Every night Mike promises just 1 root beer float but that always turns into 2 floats
“Nice.” – Philip Rivers
if im the niners no way i ever punt again. the jerrahs need to go all the way to the endzone now.
Dan Quinn calling a great gameplan (I swear I was typing this while Olsen said the same)
He’s going to make someone regret making him a head coach next season.
/probably Donks WOO
Now I’m kind of annoyed that it got blocked. That was absolutely going to miss.
But now the Dallas coaching staff has to make even tougher decisions which they will probably screw up!
https://twitter.com/AdamZHerman/status/1617317298892677122
I’d prefer it if we pretended that Bill Maher didn’t exist.
Wait, no. Skip the “pretend” part.
That’s really good.
Dallas just needs to start going for 2 at this point
Lotta work to gain two feet.
Please keep this game close enough to come down to a Cowboys field goal….
They’re in four down territory the rest of the game.
lol that wouldve missed by a mile
jerrah needs to make another visit to the mound and bring in the lefty
We are getting a thunderstorm in North Cakalaky (and it can’t be more than 40 degrees out). That will keep me from ordering #ShamePizza at least.
/pill bottle smiles alluringly
yeah, she’s a spicy little minx!
In Vegas, we got a good taste of those Cali storms the last 2 weeks. So nice having long steady rain showers. Felt like being back in Texas.
Ooh, now THAT is interesting! Do they give him another chance on the grounds that a block isn’t necessarily his fault? Or do you not risk it on the grounds that it’s still a miss and it’s not great for his mental state even if it would have otherwise been good?
He was missing that wide left no matter what.
He has to sit the rest of the season.
Silly. He can’t kick while he’s sitting. Gotta be standing for that.
I enjoyed Dalton Shultz’s adventures as a Pinkerton detective in the late 1880’s. “The Case of the Pullman Strangler” was particularly intriguing.
PAT: Achilles heel of the Nongendered Cowpersons, Destroyer of Careers, Scourge of The OL DOUBLE J’s Cocaine-Addled Nostrils
Are we sure Brett Maher isn’t filming a movie for M. Night and just not telling us?
“Take a load off, girlfriend. I got this.” – Blappt, forming a temporary alliance with Shan’Khor
so is jerrah gonna visit him again
yeah, Bill Maher TOTES doesn’t have extra point PTSD (dude looks like someone just shot, then fucked, his dog)
Hahahaha
Blocked PTA, not a miss right?
The biggest moment of the game is upon us.
Let’s do this Maher!
I’m not sure that was on the right trajectory if it hadn’t been blocked….
Was just talking with my son about that. That wasn’t going anywhere but wide left.
Definitely. That was low and left. Shouldn’t have been blocked and wouldn’t have been good anyway.
ROFL. You can’t write this.