Monday Evening Thread 13Feb2023 – Necron Units or March of the Death Machines

Evening, tonight is Valentines Day eve, so if you and your SO celebrate you have about 24 hours to get your shit together.  I was told last night that I had better make her feel loved and cherished, so I am scrambling a little bit.  Makes me wish I was a Necron, immortal and not having to deal with Hallmark Holidays, would make life a lot easier.

Per Usual: Images and links are from Lexicanum or the Warhammer 40k wiki 

One thing to note that I left out of the last entry, Necrons are divided into Dynasties, which usually relate to their family or organizational structures they were a part of when they were living beings.  Each dynasty has a leader and a cotree of Nobles who have maintained their memories, abilities, and even some emotions from their lives before the bioforge.

The grunt of the Necron armies are the Necron warriors, grim, silent, emotionless, and implacable.  They do not stop, sort of like a T-1000 without the personality.  As Necrontyr they were not soldiers, they were artisans, scribes, workers, the common and low ranked of the Necrontyr.  The bioforge stripped them of their memories and emotions, so they have no fear and no memories of the time they were alive.  The warriors shamble forward in battle like metallic zombies, firing a weapon known as a Gauss Flayer, which works by dissolving molecular bonds layer by layer, only the necrodermis of the Necrons seems to be able to stop a gauss rifle, even Space Marines are susceptible to the weapon, and if they can get close enough, the blade on the gauss flayer can be used to hack apart their enemies.  The more Necron warriors there are on the battle field, the faster they can regenerate any damage, as each warrior becomes part of the overall nanoscarab repair network.  Even a lone Necron warrior can regenerate over time and get back up; however if the damage is too great the warrior is teleported back to the tomb world to await repairs.

A little higher on the chain are the Necron Immortals, these units were the elite warriors of the Necrontyr, and even the trip through the bioforge has not stripped this away.  Immortals can think, plan, strategize, and use their tactical experience to direct the Necron warriors in battle.  Able to speak in a mechanical monotone, they are still limited to only being able to give status and battle reports to the Overlords.  They do have one emotion – the joy of slaughter.  Armed with the Gauss Blaster or the Tesla Carbine, the can damage any armor including that of star ships.  Their ability to repair themselves is greater than a Necron Warriors while having an even heavier necrodermis, making them really, really hard to bring down and a terror on the battlefield.

 

Next we have Necron Destroyers, whom even the Necron Nobles and Overlords think are insane.  Basically they are Immortals who have had their logic circuits scrambled or have become so fixated on the joy of slaughter that they augment or “upgrade” themselves in a number of ways.  Other Necrons view these changes as self mutilation, the Necron version of cutters.  Usually the afflicted Necrons remove their legs and graft their chassis to a gravity platform, replacing their arms with weapons, and upgrading their heads with targeting modules.  They also have no allegiance to any dynasty and are usually not part of any army, they “crash the party” to join any battle that gives them a chance to kill or destroy.  They use a heavier version of the Gauss Blaster know as the Gauss Cannon, and due to replacing their legs with a grav sled, they are fast, very fast and agile.

Now we get to the snipers and assassins of the Necrons – the Deathmark.  These beings are equipped with the Synaptic Disintegrator, which destroys the neural and synaptic tissues of the brain, with even a near miss causing intense pain and physical incapacitation.  Another thing is that the Disintegrator can be fired continuously and on while on the move unlike other sniper weapons.  Deathmarks can also phase in and out of normal space-time, awaiting the perfect kill shot, only phasing in to fire.

And last, but definitely not least in terms of sheer fuckedupness, we have the Flayed Ones, who are are Necrons afflicted with a “disease” which afflicts them with an unsaitable hunger, and causes them to warp in shape, getting an extra joint in their legs which allows them to run on all fours limbs, their fingers become long thin knives, and they gain the ability to travel through dimensions.  No Necron commander asks for Flayed Ones to appear as they cannot (or will not) follow orders.  Their one objective is to hunt and “eat”.  They will cut down their foes and rub the flesh they have carved from their prey (who may still be alive) across their faces, trying to eat the flesh, but never being able to do so.  The reason for being called the Flayed Ones is their propensity to flay the skin off of their victims and wear it like a shroud, sometimes they will even attach their victims bodies to their own, till they rot away and fall off.  After a battle they will flee into other dimensions with their trophies as all other Necrons will attempt to destroy them, so that they will not become affected.

 

As this has gotten long, I will cover the support and specialist units a bit later, especially the Canoptek Spyders and their minions the Canoptek scarabs.  Nasty buggers.

Till next time, don’t let the Flayed Ones get you!

5 5 votes
Article Rating
ArmedandHammered
Mid 50's geek/nerd, avid reader of Science Fiction and Fantasy, manga, Chinese Web novels, and British mysteries, cult movies are my thing (have you seen Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter?)
Subscribe
Notify of
104 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Gumbygirl

Later, my taters

facebook_1676322477358_7031006072074667296_250956674743745.jpg
WCS

There will be an entire chapter in history textbooks about campus shootings. Really think about that for a minute.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

MSU gunman is dead. Self-inflicted. Took three people with him, I’m seeing.

WCS

comment image

Doktor Zymm

There is a restaurant in Greenland called H8

WCS

Luv better be across the street.

comment image

Last edited 1 year ago by WCS
Doktor Zymm

I treated a bunch of clothing with permethrin today, will treat some more and finish off the bottle tomorrow. I just wish there was more I could do that would actually kill mosquitos instead of merely repelling them

Doktor Zymm

I love bats. BATS = Bats Are The Shit is a recursive acronym which is also awesome

herodotus450

They say mosquitos are attracted to large exhalers of CO2, which I take to mean is a result of my gigantic brain functionality at high power and not a result of the diabeetus

WCS

comment image

Brick Meathook

comment image

Gumbygirl

They like people with pale skin and light eyes. That’s me!

SonOfSpam

Stop moving to places with “standing water” as a feature?

Senor Weaselo

Are we complaining about Hallmark holidays? I had a literal two-hour concert doing just that! Eight years ago!
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLl0kPx2XyetcO5kRbk88embZktjfjIBf8

And now eight years later I’m splitting a berry pie Senorita Weaselo made for us so I can take it back to Apartment Weaselo for the week. Did not see that one coming considering the 40 minute sonata on inferiority and/or imposter syndrome.

Doktor Zymm

Deathmark >>> Hallmark
This is what I have learned from this post, and it is valuable knowledge!

SonOfSpam

Active shooter at Spartan U.

EXPLAIN YOURSELF NEW LIONS GUY.

LongtimeLionsLoser

Sounds pretty serious, multiple hurt, at least one dead. Hopefully no other fatalities.

The only good thing is that Izzo’s guys this year can’t shoot a bit, so hopefully that holds for the gunman too.

Last edited 1 year ago by LongtimeLionsLoser
SonOfSpam

Well played, and yeah, hopefully no other fatalities.

I’m a fan of Big Gretch and McMorrow, so stay safe you Michiganders.

LongtimeLionsLoser

This is seriously not good. It’s three guys with automatic weapons in multiple locations on campus. Cousin who just finished at MSU is sending me pictures.

SonOfSpam

Aw fuck. Thumbdicked ammosexuals should be shot into the sun.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think that was a misidentification – I’m seeing that the three guys were cops.

LongtimeLionsLoser

I hope that you’re right.

I’m getting a bunch of pings and don’t know for sure what’s real yet.

Last edited 1 year ago by LongtimeLionsLoser
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You misspelled “bunch of pigs” but yeah I bet there are plenty of cops around.

LongtimeLionsLoser

I can’t be positive that my family is sending me verified pics.

Last edited 1 year ago by LongtimeLionsLoser
Brick Meathook

Here’s a post I just got from a Facebook group I’m a member of (note the date and the DFO tab). These are the people I associate with:

comment image

WCS

comment image

Gumbygirl

Gumby and I are about 80% confident that we knew this guy when he was stationed at Bangor. If he’s the Kirby we’re thinking of, and Dean sounds right, Gumby was a first class, and was this guys supervisor. He called one day and said that he couldn’t make it into work because his chickens were frozen to his driveway. He was definitelyan ESGM tech.

Brick Meathook

I don’t like Coca Cola either

LemonJello

Necron Gauss is no joke.

comment image

jjfozz

I knew a stripper by the name of “Gaus Flayer”, wonder where she is now

King Hippo

Was the first “Nevaeh” already a stripper, or did she become a stripper later in life?

SonOfSpam

Asking the relevant questions.

A real chicken-or-egg thing there.

scotchnaut

The worst thing about football ending? Baseball is near.

litre_cola

Yes but my escapism which is the Canadian Premier League is back soon. I can’t wait to scream and sing until I am hoarse.

comment image

WCS
scotchnaut

Yeah, the Sens are down both their starting goalies, ffs. Starting in net tonight is a guy playing his first game in the league and he was 6-9-2 in Belleville in the AHL. OOF!

LemonJello
jjfozz

PLease, don’t mention that. Baseball fans around here see themselves as more refined that us savages who worship at the bloody throne of football.

“Unwritten rules”, give me a break. It’s a game, fuckers. Write the rules down.

LongtimeLionsLoser

My belated HATE.

We live in a 105-year old house. I called a specialty plumbing company today because we have had obscene water bills the last two months. They shut everything off in our house and found the cause of the leak over three hours by turning things on one by one.

Anyway, I thought that this was great because we won’t have the obnoxious water bill. So I go to run the hot water to rinse dishes before the washer, and there’s no hot water. I call the specialty plumber and he says that he forgot to turn the hot water tank back on (I’m pissed). I go down to turn it on, and the shut off valve breaks in my hand.

I now have no hot water, two angry young kids (5 and 1), a wife that is traveling for work and a Ukrainian MIL that doesn’t speak a word of English.

Fork you, Universe. Just kill me, don’t play with like a sadistic cat that has a mouse by the tail.

Game Time Decision

Did the HOA approve the change to the water system

LongtimeLionsLoser

Fortunately, The Historic Preservation Board did not have to be informed because I did not touch anything in contact with an exterior wall (the pedantry is strong with my neighbors).

Horatio Cornblower

Have you considered moving to a 103-year-old house?

LongtimeLionsLoser

I asked my wife if we could just move to a farm with no neighbors. She was ok with that, if I learned to raise Highland Cows. That’s now next on my list.

Doktor Zymm

Specifically Highland cows? The shaggy ones?

LongtimeLionsLoser

Exactly, the shorter, shaggier ones.

Gumbygirl

We have been saying for years if we ever win a big lottery we are going to buy a farm and raise Highland cattle! We were stationed in Scotland, loved it!

EuEwHxQXUAIqrDv.jpeg
BugEyedBoo

https://www.mojicafamilyfarm.com/highland-cattle

Literally right down the road from me. I would call it more exurb than countryside though. And those little donkeys are loud; I can hear them a good 300 yards away.

Gumbygirl

Soooo cute!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Listen if I wanted to spend my nights inside something that was 103 years old I’d wait three years and then start dating Virginia McCaskey.

Last edited 1 year ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Gumbygirl

You sure you could keep up with her? She seems like a real freak!

Horatio Cornblower

Just opened a mysterious box, (shut it), that arrived on my doorstep, courtesy of the good BFC. Five cans of Monkish beers and, in what I can only assume was a hilarious comment on my not having a functional kitchen, two packets of oatmeal and some ramen noodles.

Well played, BFC; well played indeed.

litre_cola

No BIg Turk???

LemonJello

That’s the dwarf’s name.

WCS

comment image

Brilliant.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yes, that was totally my intentional joke and not random shit from my Airbnb I threw in there for extra padding.

Game Time Decision

It can be two things

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[holds envelope to forehead]

“What is Brandon Marshall’s personality?”

Horatio Cornblower

We just went through some of the stuff that came out of our ceiling during the renovation and I have three rookie Harmon Killebrew cards.

Those cards go for $31,000-$51,000 if they’re in Mint or Mint+ condition.

Mine have spent the last 67 years in a ceiling. Safe to say they’re worth a tad less.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Did you have anything arrive today to help cushion the blow?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Some cushions, perhaps?

Brick Meathook

A friend remodeled an old house she bought and hidden in the walls were old pornographic Popeye comics from the 1930s. We learned they were called “Tijuana Bibles,” and you can Google that if you want to see Mickey Mouse fucking Donald Duck in the ass like I just did.

ballsofsteelandfury

Was that where the Swiss cheese cartoon came from?

Brick Meathook

No that was more modern, I think it came out of Cal Arts in the 90s by a guy who ended up directing Simpsons episodes. They loved that old Disney cartoon style.

Brick Meathook

Plus it’s hard to find an animated cartoon gif behind a wall

scotchnaut

The house I grew up in had old porno mags from the 50’s in the ceiling. They were the kind whereby everyone’s faces had a wide black mark across them. To protect the identity of the guilty.

Gumbygirl

When I was a kid, there was a local access cable channel that went off the air at midnight, and for the rest of the night they showed three instruments, one after the other. One was a clock, the other was a barometer, and I can’t remember what the third thing was, something else weather related, I think, with a camera pointed at them. Anyway, they were housed in a cabinet kind of off in the woods. The local hooligans found it, and regularly broke in and pasted up porno pics over the faces of the instruments.

Brick Meathook

He fixes the cable

comment image

LongtimeLionsLoser

I’m not not Googling that.

jjfozz

Donald was just begging for it, that duck hasn’t worn pants since he took his first quack.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

LongtimeLionsLoser

This isn’t the anatomically correct picture.

Last edited 1 year ago by LongtimeLionsLoser
scotchnaut

“Harmon Killebrew”? Next you’ll be telling me that Minnie Minoso was a real person that played baseball. smgdh…

Horatio Cornblower

Seems kinda…”ethnic”, if you know what I mean.

LemonJello

I’m just here to learn about the Warhammer Universe.

comment image

WCS

comment image

Redshirt

I’m going to Hell for this one…

0528C275-6E16-42FD-841E-A17E9CF5A0AB.jpeg
King Hippo

Oh God, I laughed so hard I am surely on yet another watchlist

LemonJello

Jesus.

That’s funny.

Horatio Cornblower

If I ever wake up in the Warhammer universe I’m just gonna commit suicide right away and save everyone the bother.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Imagine being a Necron who wanted to commit suicide.

Don T

The Warhammer world gets darker and more twisted. Very bleak, which I like. No place for hippies, which is also good for property values.

Horatio Cornblower

I somehow suspect property values are at record lows in Warhammerville, hippies or no hippies.

Brick Meathook

More Ashburn data centers. It looks like a science fiction movie out here. It seems like these huge facilities have more security guards than computer employees.

comment image
comment image

TheRevanchist

I’m hungover a wee bit. Been pounding fluids throughout the night and day. Oof

King Hippo

Pedialyte all the way. And hey, Victory Hangover beats its consolation prize…

LemonJello

You appear to have lost your Super Bowl Champions bandana during the celebrations.

TheRevanchist

It’s a banana hammock!

WCS

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

As you deserve to be. Take the day, Sir.

ballsofsteelandfury

Can I hire a Deathmark to take out Goodell?

Asking for a friend named Balls of Steel and Fury.

WCS

Offseason means Warhammer posts? Better get prepared for the chaos.

comment image

Game Time Decision

Nawt allowed to die without express written permission, in triplicate, from the admins here

LemonJello

comment image

Gumbygirl

He has a mighty purdy mouth.

Game Time Decision

Chaos for the Chaos Gods
/obligatory