Evening, tonight is Valentines Day eve, so if you and your SO celebrate you have about 24 hours to get your shit together. I was told last night that I had better make her feel loved and cherished, so I am scrambling a little bit. Makes me wish I was a Necron, immortal and not having to deal with Hallmark Holidays, would make life a lot easier.
Per Usual: Images and links are from Lexicanum or the Warhammer 40k wiki
One thing to note that I left out of the last entry, Necrons are divided into Dynasties, which usually relate to their family or organizational structures they were a part of when they were living beings. Each dynasty has a leader and a cotree of Nobles who have maintained their memories, abilities, and even some emotions from their lives before the bioforge.
The grunt of the Necron armies are the Necron warriors, grim, silent, emotionless, and implacable. They do not stop, sort of like a T-1000 without the personality. As Necrontyr they were not soldiers, they were artisans, scribes, workers, the common and low ranked of the Necrontyr. The bioforge stripped them of their memories and emotions, so they have no fear and no memories of the time they were alive. The warriors shamble forward in battle like metallic zombies, firing a weapon known as a Gauss Flayer, which works by dissolving molecular bonds layer by layer, only the necrodermis of the Necrons seems to be able to stop a gauss rifle, even Space Marines are susceptible to the weapon, and if they can get close enough, the blade on the gauss flayer can be used to hack apart their enemies. The more Necron warriors there are on the battle field, the faster they can regenerate any damage, as each warrior becomes part of the overall nanoscarab repair network. Even a lone Necron warrior can regenerate over time and get back up; however if the damage is too great the warrior is teleported back to the tomb world to await repairs.
A little higher on the chain are the Necron Immortals, these units were the elite warriors of the Necrontyr, and even the trip through the bioforge has not stripped this away. Immortals can think, plan, strategize, and use their tactical experience to direct the Necron warriors in battle. Able to speak in a mechanical monotone, they are still limited to only being able to give status and battle reports to the Overlords. They do have one emotion – the joy of slaughter. Armed with the Gauss Blaster or the Tesla Carbine, the can damage any armor including that of star ships. Their ability to repair themselves is greater than a Necron Warriors while having an even heavier necrodermis, making them really, really hard to bring down and a terror on the battlefield.
Next we have Necron Destroyers, whom even the Necron Nobles and Overlords think are insane. Basically they are Immortals who have had their logic circuits scrambled or have become so fixated on the joy of slaughter that they augment or “upgrade” themselves in a number of ways. Other Necrons view these changes as self mutilation, the Necron version of cutters. Usually the afflicted Necrons remove their legs and graft their chassis to a gravity platform, replacing their arms with weapons, and upgrading their heads with targeting modules. They also have no allegiance to any dynasty and are usually not part of any army, they “crash the party” to join any battle that gives them a chance to kill or destroy. They use a heavier version of the Gauss Blaster know as the Gauss Cannon, and due to replacing their legs with a grav sled, they are fast, very fast and agile.
Now we get to the snipers and assassins of the Necrons – the Deathmark. These beings are equipped with the Synaptic Disintegrator, which destroys the neural and synaptic tissues of the brain, with even a near miss causing intense pain and physical incapacitation. Another thing is that the Disintegrator can be fired continuously and on while on the move unlike other sniper weapons. Deathmarks can also phase in and out of normal space-time, awaiting the perfect kill shot, only phasing in to fire.
And last, but definitely not least in terms of sheer fuckedupness, we have the Flayed Ones, who are are Necrons afflicted with a “disease” which afflicts them with an unsaitable hunger, and causes them to warp in shape, getting an extra joint in their legs which allows them to run on all fours limbs, their fingers become long thin knives, and they gain the ability to travel through dimensions. No Necron commander asks for Flayed Ones to appear as they cannot (or will not) follow orders. Their one objective is to hunt and “eat”. They will cut down their foes and rub the flesh they have carved from their prey (who may still be alive) across their faces, trying to eat the flesh, but never being able to do so. The reason for being called the Flayed Ones is their propensity to flay the skin off of their victims and wear it like a shroud, sometimes they will even attach their victims bodies to their own, till they rot away and fall off. After a battle they will flee into other dimensions with their trophies as all other Necrons will attempt to destroy them, so that they will not become affected.
As this has gotten long, I will cover the support and specialist units a bit later, especially the Canoptek Spyders and their minions the Canoptek scarabs. Nasty buggers.
Till next time, don’t let the Flayed Ones get you!
Later, my taters
There will be an entire chapter in history textbooks about campus shootings. Really think about that for a minute.
MSU gunman is dead. Self-inflicted. Took three people with him, I’m seeing.
There is a restaurant in Greenland called H8
Luv better be across the street.
I treated a bunch of clothing with permethrin today, will treat some more and finish off the bottle tomorrow. I just wish there was more I could do that would actually kill mosquitos instead of merely repelling them
Have a swarm of bats as pets.
I love bats. BATS = Bats Are The Shit is a recursive acronym which is also awesome
They say mosquitos are attracted to large exhalers of CO2, which I take to mean is a result of my gigantic brain functionality at high power and not a result of the diabeetus
They like people with pale skin and light eyes. That’s me!
Stop moving to places with “standing water” as a feature?
Are we complaining about Hallmark holidays? I had a literal two-hour concert doing just that! Eight years ago!
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLl0kPx2XyetcO5kRbk88embZktjfjIBf8
And now eight years later I’m splitting a berry pie Senorita Weaselo made for us so I can take it back to Apartment Weaselo for the week. Did not see that one coming considering the 40 minute sonata on inferiority and/or imposter syndrome.
Deathmark >>> Hallmark
This is what I have learned from this post, and it is valuable knowledge!
Active shooter at Spartan U.
EXPLAIN YOURSELF NEW LIONS GUY.
Sounds pretty serious, multiple hurt, at least one dead. Hopefully no other fatalities.
The only good thing is that Izzo’s guys this year can’t shoot a bit, so hopefully that holds for the gunman too.
Well played, and yeah, hopefully no other fatalities.
I’m a fan of Big Gretch and McMorrow, so stay safe you Michiganders.
This is seriously not good. It’s three guys with automatic weapons in multiple locations on campus. Cousin who just finished at MSU is sending me pictures.
Aw fuck. Thumbdicked ammosexuals should be shot into the sun.
I think that was a misidentification – I’m seeing that the three guys were cops.
I hope that you’re right.
I’m getting a bunch of pings and don’t know for sure what’s real yet.
You misspelled “bunch of pigs” but yeah I bet there are plenty of cops around.
I can’t be positive that my family is sending me verified pics.
Here’s a post I just got from a Facebook group I’m a member of (note the date and the DFO tab). These are the people I associate with:
Gumby and I are about 80% confident that we knew this guy when he was stationed at Bangor. If he’s the Kirby we’re thinking of, and Dean sounds right, Gumby was a first class, and was this guys supervisor. He called one day and said that he couldn’t make it into work because his chickens were frozen to his driveway. He was definitelyan ESGM tech.
I don’t like Coca Cola either
Necron Gauss is no joke.
Like a concentrated Ark of the Covenant.
I knew a stripper by the name of “Gaus Flayer”, wonder where she is now
Was the first “Nevaeh” already a stripper, or did she become a stripper later in life?
Asking the relevant questions.
A real chicken-or-egg thing there.
The worst thing about football ending? Baseball is near.
Yes but my escapism which is the Canadian Premier League is back soon. I can’t wait to scream and sing until I am hoarse.
HAWKEY SEASON
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTGco6tcyfs
Yeah, the Sens are down both their starting goalies, ffs. Starting in net tonight is a guy playing his first game in the league and he was 6-9-2 in Belleville in the AHL. OOF!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52G8hczb2hM
PLease, don’t mention that. Baseball fans around here see themselves as more refined that us savages who worship at the bloody throne of football.
“Unwritten rules”, give me a break. It’s a game, fuckers. Write the rules down.
My belated HATE.
We live in a 105-year old house. I called a specialty plumbing company today because we have had obscene water bills the last two months. They shut everything off in our house and found the cause of the leak over three hours by turning things on one by one.
Anyway, I thought that this was great because we won’t have the obnoxious water bill. So I go to run the hot water to rinse dishes before the washer, and there’s no hot water. I call the specialty plumber and he says that he forgot to turn the hot water tank back on (I’m pissed). I go down to turn it on, and the shut off valve breaks in my hand.
I now have no hot water, two angry young kids (5 and 1), a wife that is traveling for work and a Ukrainian MIL that doesn’t speak a word of English.
Fork you, Universe. Just kill me, don’t play with like a sadistic cat that has a mouse by the tail.
Did the HOA approve the change to the water system
Fortunately, The Historic Preservation Board did not have to be informed because I did not touch anything in contact with an exterior wall (the pedantry is strong with my neighbors).
Have you considered moving to a 103-year-old house?
I asked my wife if we could just move to a farm with no neighbors. She was ok with that, if I learned to raise Highland Cows. That’s now next on my list.
Specifically Highland cows? The shaggy ones?
Exactly, the shorter, shaggier ones.
Seem a lot more fun and affable than those fucking Holstein cows my exFIL had, stupid but vicious.
We have been saying for years if we ever win a big lottery we are going to buy a farm and raise Highland cattle! We were stationed in Scotland, loved it!
https://www.mojicafamilyfarm.com/highland-cattle
Literally right down the road from me. I would call it more exurb than countryside though. And those little donkeys are loud; I can hear them a good 300 yards away.
Soooo cute!
Listen if I wanted to spend my nights inside something that was 103 years old I’d wait three years and then start dating Virginia McCaskey.
You sure you could keep up with her? She seems like a real freak!
Just opened a mysterious box, (shut it), that arrived on my doorstep, courtesy of the good BFC. Five cans of Monkish beers and, in what I can only assume was a hilarious comment on my not having a functional kitchen, two packets of oatmeal and some ramen noodles.
Well played, BFC; well played indeed.
No BIg Turk???
That’s the dwarf’s name.
Brilliant.
Yes, that was totally my intentional joke and not random shit from my Airbnb I threw in there for extra padding.
It can be two things
[holds envelope to forehead]
“What is Brandon Marshall’s personality?”
We just went through some of the stuff that came out of our ceiling during the renovation and I have three rookie Harmon Killebrew cards.
Those cards go for $31,000-$51,000 if they’re in Mint or Mint+ condition.
Mine have spent the last 67 years in a ceiling. Safe to say they’re worth a tad less.
Did you have anything arrive today to help cushion the blow?
Some cushions, perhaps?
A friend remodeled an old house she bought and hidden in the walls were old pornographic Popeye comics from the 1930s. We learned they were called “Tijuana Bibles,” and you can Google that if you want to see Mickey Mouse fucking Donald Duck in the ass like I just did.
Was that where the Swiss cheese cartoon came from?
No that was more modern, I think it came out of Cal Arts in the 90s by a guy who ended up directing Simpsons episodes. They loved that old Disney cartoon style.
Plus it’s hard to find an animated cartoon gif behind a wall
The house I grew up in had old porno mags from the 50’s in the ceiling. They were the kind whereby everyone’s faces had a wide black mark across them. To protect the identity of the guilty.
When I was a kid, there was a local access cable channel that went off the air at midnight, and for the rest of the night they showed three instruments, one after the other. One was a clock, the other was a barometer, and I can’t remember what the third thing was, something else weather related, I think, with a camera pointed at them. Anyway, they were housed in a cabinet kind of off in the woods. The local hooligans found it, and regularly broke in and pasted up porno pics over the faces of the instruments.
He fixes the cable
I’m not not Googling that.
Donald was just begging for it, that duck hasn’t worn pants since he took his first quack.
This isn’t the anatomically correct picture.
“Harmon Killebrew”? Next you’ll be telling me that Minnie Minoso was a real person that played baseball. smgdh…
Seems kinda…”ethnic”, if you know what I mean.
I’m just here to learn about the Warhammer Universe.
I’m going to Hell for this one…
Oh God, I laughed so hard I am surely on yet another watchlist
Jesus.
That’s funny.
If I ever wake up in the Warhammer universe I’m just gonna commit suicide right away and save everyone the bother.
Pretty much.
Imagine being a Necron who wanted to commit suicide.
The Warhammer world gets darker and more twisted. Very bleak, which I like. No place for hippies, which is also good for property values.
I somehow suspect property values are at record lows in Warhammerville, hippies or no hippies.
Especially if your world was invaded by orks as some point as they reproduce via spores which they shed constantly, talk about a vermin problem.
More Ashburn data centers. It looks like a science fiction movie out here. It seems like these huge facilities have more security guards than computer employees.
https://www.datacenters.com/news/why-is-ashburn-the-data-center-capital-of-the-world
I’m hungover a wee bit. Been pounding fluids throughout the night and day. Oof
Pedialyte all the way. And hey, Victory Hangover beats its consolation prize…
You appear to have lost your Super Bowl Champions bandana during the celebrations.
It’s a banana hammock!
As you deserve to be. Take the day, Sir.
Can I hire a Deathmark to take out Goodell?
Asking for a friend named Balls of Steel and Fury.
Check Craigslist.
Offseason means Warhammer posts? Better get prepared for the chaos.
I’m posting until I’m dead or they find someone better.
Nawt allowed to die without express written permission, in triplicate, from the admins here
Starship Troopers reference.
He has a mighty purdy mouth.
Chaos for the Chaos Gods
/obligatory