Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend [in bed].
Groucho Marx

Sigh, I’m no even sure what to say about this one. I’ll let, you, the reader come up with your own interpretation.

As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.

Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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BeefReeferLives

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Al Jaffe of Mad magazine died today, he was 102. His casket will fold in the middle to show his last will and testament.
ArmedandHammered

My favorite reply to the Twitter announcement was something to the effect that his obituary should be written in a way allowing it to be folded into threes to make another, somewhat offensive but very funny obituary.
Horatio Cornblower

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The [WNBA Franchise #7] has selected Laeticia Amihere, the culmination of a decades long prank on a substitute teacher somewhere.
herodotus450

“Ok, so that’s how it’s gonna be.”

scotchnaut

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Homonyms are great…

LongtimeLionsLoser

Sure, Burrow can’t do it in the big game, but that’s no reason to insult him this badly.
TheRevanchist

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Is 41 too late to train as an architect and win a Pritzker prize? Asking for a friend
Doktor Zymm

Sharkbait

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Found a funny;

if i could be permanently ratatouilled i would. just relinquish all control. let the rat do it. im done
rockingdog

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“The Night I Won the Super Bowl” OR “The Most Boastful Story Ever Told at DFO” (Part 8):

At the time we left off in Part 7, I was thinking about leaving the country. This prospect was only briefly interrupted by the events of September 11, and by the beginning of 2002 a plan had solidified – I’d be heading to Johannesburg, South Africa for a graduate school program along with working part-time as a consultant for the medical device company I was currently employed by. These plans, alongside having spent the past year building up my sexual self-confidence to rexgrossmanian proportions, led me to attempt the unthinkable: ask out the drink cart girl at the golf course.

I’m not a good golfer. But for some reason, some of the best shots I’ve hit in my life have occurred while the drink cart girl was looking on. Sometime before the events of this story I played a best-ball tournament with a few coworkers and was batting cleanup on a par 3 with an elevated green. All three of my teammates missed the green, badly. Facing the highest pressure golf shot of my life, with a stunner looking on from behind the wheel of her cart, I took a nice calm swing and put my ball on the center of the green. “Was that a good enough shot to get your phone number?” I should have said to her.

But this story of “I never thought it would happen to me…” doesn’t start at the tee box of a par 3 hole. It starts inside, at the snack bar.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ya know, I don’t even care if we ever get to the Fireworks Factory with this storyline.

And rexgrossmanian is “chef’s kiss” perfecto.
LemonJello

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Any house with such a high bathroom/bedroom ratio is mighty suspicious
Doktor Zymm

“Broncos country, let’s wipe!” doesn’t have the same ring.
WCS

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It is weed o’clock, my darling dears!
Gumbygirl

Gumbygirl

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“Don’t like it? Make your fucking catch.”

I’m going to use this at work.
ballsofsteelandfury

Quality line right there
Sharkbait

At a previous job the staff got into a huge fight about planning a birthday party, to the point that it was interfering with work. I was asked my opinion about resolving it, (big mistake. Huge), and suggested telling everyone involved that they were fired, pausing while they broke down, then asking them if they now understood the difference between real problems and birthday cake problems and to get back to fucking work.

For the remainder of my time at that firm the phrase “birthday cake problems” was a go-to for any dumb shit people cried about. Also I was never asked to help with staffing issues again, so it was a real win-win for me.
Horatio Cornblower

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Boy for a car that ’70’s me would have really fell for, this thing sure had a lot of issues.
2Pack

This was my late ’70’s car. In Italy. As a bachelor. Dude!

2Pack

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Even FirstEnergy doesn’t want to be associated with The Browns.
TheRevanchist

“Sure, we rake in billions by raping the Earth and ensuring all our grandchildren die in flames, but even we know that selling your soul to hire a unrepentant sex pest is a bad look.”
BeefReeferLives

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Adopted feral bunny update that no one requested:

He has learned to go to the top level of his cage using the ramps. Today is a big deal. The bunny’s intellect has surpassed that of our former Orange President.

LongtimeLionsLoser

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Final regular season version of Release the Kraken.

Mr. Ayo

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It’s annoying that so many fun things are mutually exclusive. I should be able to ride dressage horses on a sailboat dammit.
Doktor Zymm

Are the large expanses of your yacht not sufficient for dressage? Or is the challenge of the tighter dimensions of a sailboat deck the lure?
Mr. Ayo

Growing enough hay to keep them fed at sea is a real issue, they just don’t seem to like kelp and I can’t say I blame them
Doktor Zymm

/ takes a puff

Wait, wait, I got it.

Work with me here.

What if we grew SEA horses?
yeah right

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Second, tell several someones where you’re going [on your hike] and the dates you’ll leave and return. At least one of these should be expecting to see you on your return

Basically pretend you are a crossfitter.
litre_cola

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Manchester City front office guy, this past off-season: “De Bruyne is one of the best passers, nay, best players in the world. What can we do to make him even better?”

Locker Room towel boy, who is high as balls: “What if you got him a giant fucking Viking to kick the ball at and just see what happens.”

FOG: “You’re fi…No, hang on, let’s play this out….”
Horatio Cornblower

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Today is the Canadian League opener. I am taking Decilitre to the bar where all the supporters will be. This could go two ways. He could eaither do swimmingly and be engaged with the folk. Or he could be a dickhead 5 year old and we last 1 pint…
litre_cola

I have a 5-year old boy too. I’d give you 70/30 odds that it goes well, based on my experiences.

Godspeed.
LongtimeLionsLoser

He does come down there with me for EPL games and I usually get about an hour and a half. This will be a different beast as the place will be packed. I am bringing a coloUring book for some time.
litre_cola

He does know the songs too, so that will help. It legit was one of the top 5 Dad moments when there was a rain delay before a match last year and we were under the bleachers and the chanting and singing began. He had the hugest smile on his face and then one of the lads gave him a drum when the game had started.
Will always remember until the dementia kicks in.
litre_cola

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Just bought tickets to Pat Benatar at a casino arena, so may as well go ahead and get that AARP application started.
Horatio Cornblower

I hope the mosh pit isn’t a battlefield.
scotchnaut

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Live from the breadline.* Terrible weather for administrative work 🤬

* to buy almond croissants
Don T

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I paid off my credit card. Zero balance.

I’m debt free motherfuckers.
No money owed to any fucking body.

I don’t need credit.
I got cash!
yeah right

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As an amateur zoologist, I’m always intrigued when I come across a new species. I present to you, the rare and elusive Burger Bill Platypus.

LongtimeLionsLoser

/adorable kiddos!
Fronkenshteen

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I resent this stupid AI thingie implying that I am a substance abuser. I do not abuse substances. I enjoy, nay, I REVERE them. So put that in your pipe and smoke it- oh that’s right, machine, you can’t! That’s what separates us from them, and why they will nevah be real. We get high!

Gumbygirl

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Watching The Bourne Supremacy. It’s a national disgrace that Julia Stiles didn’t get more work.
BugEyedBoo

Apparently, it’s by choice. She wants to raise her kids, like Rick Moranis.
WCS

Rick Moranis is her kid? I did not know that.
BugEyedBoo

No dummy, he means she wants to shrink her kids to the size on insects, then try to run them over with a lawnmower.

Having raised two kids I’m in no position to say that she’s completely wrong here.
Horatio Cornblower

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I ate a healthy, well-rounded dinner, and even sensible dessert tonight.

This frees me up to eat cheeseburgers and pizza the rest of the week, right?
WCS

Seafood is healthy, right? So a big plate of linguini with clams is practically health food, right? Asking for a friend.
Dunstan

Redshirt

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

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