You might not have noticed it, given that it wasn’t broadcast on US teevee except en espanol (on TUDN, excellent as always), on a Wednesday afternoon. But the long and twisting road of David Moyes’ (aka the Dour Scottish Cunt) managerial career hit its apex – West Ham, Champions of Europe.
Third tier champions? Sure. It’s still quite the accomplishment. Fronk’s Hammers didn’t lose a single match in their Zooropa NIT adventures, and played with a spirit and togetherness that made you think “holy fuckballs, THIS team almost got relegated the very same season?”
Football, my imaginary friends. Bloody hell (h/t OGS).
To my surprise, time has healed saltiness enough that Hippo – and most Toffee brethren – was incredibly happy for Moyes. As you know, I’m a salty creature. As you likely do NOT know, Evertonians as a general matter are even saltier than Hippo. We relished doing the double over Moyes’ Men Untied, even if most supporters were happy to have a fresh start (Moyes was an effective steward of a very tight Toffee budget, but stay one place a decade without silverware, and it starts feeling stale). Moyes’ 2nd defeat to Everton got him the sack, and the next few jobs made it look like the game had passed Moyes by.
Then, he went back to Rum Ham, and gave them a moment they’ll never forget. And provided a reminder to everyone not at the “state/blood oil money” level that there is plenty of glory still to play for. Good for Moyes, who never got a proper chance to win trophies at Everton (the Board was dysfunctional even pre-Moshiri, even if he took same to new “heights”). Even if the journey was perilous in trying to maintain any sort of Prem form, with such a heavy match load. To my surprise, time has healed saltiness enough that Hippo – and most Toffee brethren – was incredibly happy for Moyes.
City of Men, on the other hand – have that mega club calibre depth. They can rotate and not skip a beat. Yet, Shempions League glory is the one prize that has consistently eluded them. Pep, for all his level-headedness, would no doubt kill every single one of us to get this trophy in the cupboard. City have never been closer, having dispatched their bogey side (fellow giants Real Cuntfaces of Madrid) comfortably in the semis. Now, they just have to get past a pretty ordinary Inter Milan side. Logic says they’ll smash Inter to bits. Those who have seen the wrath of the Footy Gods…aren’t quite so sure. Inter have talent, including THREE former Men Untied players. Most prominent among these is the aging/diminished – but still quite dangerous – Romelu Lukaku. I’d imagine he won’t even start, and instead come on late to run at tired defenders. If they are still level at that stage? Watch then fuck out.
CBS has you covered, 3:00p EST. Or, watch the always entertaining TUDN coverage. Enjoy it, the rest of June and July looks pretty bereft of sportsball fun.
I weighed in right after my walk today and I’m at the lowest weight I’ve been in over 30 years. I’m no longer wearing anything with an “X” in it and my size 36 pants are starting to fall off of me.
I celebrated by ordering shame pizza and boy was it shameful.
Probably going to regret that real soon.
Tale of the tape says:
I’ve lost 136 pounds since my biggest days.
Man City won a treble with 115 financial fair play violations against them.
They won nothing
Anything better than the loser line getting their loser medals?
A wilted Flower?
Great ending. Now to go get some tires and do some Costco shopping.
Are you getting the tires at Costco?
Yep. They have a good price.
And they’ll fill them up with fancy nitrogen!
Air is already 78% nitrogen
Ederson with The Man of the Match?
Has to be, yo. Congratulations Shempions of Europe
I wonder if the losing sides fans will feel up to a bit of Ultra rioting ?
Fookin’ Finally!
Lukaku!!!
I am making bacon-onion jam and holy fuck does my apartment smell good.
For once.
Damn that sounds good.
Feel like sharing the details? Been thinking about grilling a burger with bacon jam.
I used to use a specific recipe, but that bookmark was probably three computers ago and I couldn’t find it when I searched, so I just freestyled it:
Dice ~2 lbs bacon, and cook on medium heat in a dutch oven until most of the fact has rendered, then up the heat a little until it starts to brown
Remove and drain the bacon, leaving some of the bacon fat in the pot
Sweat 2 small diced onions in the bacon fat for a few minutes. Then add a couple of minced garlic cloves, some aleppo pepper, hot smoked paprika, and dry mustard, and stir for a couple of minutes.
Add a couple tablespoons of maple syrup, and a generous splash of bourbon.
Add maybe 1/3 C of apple cider vinegar, about the same of coffee, return the bacon to the pot, and let simmer for an hour or two. (This is where I am currently.)
Then transfer it to a food processor, give it a few pulses, and scoop into a container. Should last in the fridge for several weeks, but that assumes you can leave it alone. I use it as a condiment on sandwiches or snacks — today I’m preparing a picnic, and it will get added to baguette slices, to be topped with a slice of sous vide chicken breast, maybe a slice of Stilton, and/or pickled cherries.
Thanks.
I’m looking forward to the second half being Inter Milan hanging back and hoping Man City does something unbelievably stupid that they can capitalize on, while Man City stumbles around between midfield and the penalty box trying to organize something with De Bruyne.
BECAUSE IT WAS SO FUCKING GREAT WATCHING THAT IN THE FIRST HALF.
Open your mail with a little more confidence today.
The Unabomber is permanently off the grid.
I hope they bury in the most ornate coffin they can find, rather than a plain pine box.
Harry Kissinger remains undead.
More like the Una-GONER amirite?
Well, definitely NOTabomber anymore.
Another bit dies 😪
De Bruyne going out in the 35th minute?
Well, this just got a tad more interesting.
WEIRDSVILLE!
No, they’re playing in Europe, not Wichita.
Bye Broom.
/crap
Man City looks disorganized.
Sometimes being top in your league/division/group etc… gives you a false sense of security. Just ask Napoli.
TUDN is great at fútbol. I loved when they had Hristo Stoichkov in the booth, who became fluent in Spanish while playing for Barcelona. Stoichkov, for Bulgaria, eliminated GER at ’94 World Cup
https://www.google.com/search?q=stoichkov+free+kick&oq=stoichkov+free+kick&aqs=chrome..69i57j0i19i22i30.6383j0j7&client=ms-android-att-us-revc&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:11f813fe,vid:NPUWoRflmNo
Just got an offer to take out a mortgage in the amount of $360,000 on my house.
I bought this house for $105,000 in 1998. I am beginning to get an inkling of a suspicion as to the basis for the housing crisis.
And for the record, if any of you would like to pay me $360,000 for my house I assure you I will sell it to you. You agree to waive any inspection.
Location, location, location perhaps?
I assure you that is not it.
Does that include the dwarf?
Furnishings are not included.
/goes directly to Hell, does not pass go, does not collect $200.
I almost wrote “does the dwarf come with it,” but then I wasn’t sure if we were doing phrasing….
For $360K he’ll do whatever you want.
Even build me a house?
And it has to be a regular sized house, not some gingerbread contraption.
Fun fact: I use that exact line when someone uses a tritone in first species counterpoint!
/Notes that only Maestro will get what I meant.
As is?
Grab this.
Best I can do is
[empties left pocket]
4 cents, an expired London subway pass, and
[empties right pocket]
359,000 dollars.
Every once in a while I check the estimated value of my home on Redfin, Trulia, and Zillow. I like Redfin the best because its estimate is about 30% higher than the other two.
Why’s my stuff awaiting approval?
Was it something I said?
It’s approved now, not sure why it got held back
The underboob was sorta borderline
That was almost certainly not it. We’re big fans of the underboob around here.
Wifey’s car fixed – done (she let the battery run down, but I’m playing it like I’m Joe Pro Mechanic).
Pharmacy run – done (all Wifey’s holistic medicine stuff)
Bakery run – done.
Make bruschetta for lunch – done (it was sensational Yeah Right).
Wash my car – done.
Cur grass, clean flower beds, tend veggie garden and weed, weed, weed (damn it) – done.
Chef salad for dinner – pending
The game – now less than 3 hours out.
Bouna giornata tutti.
Going to the Pride Parade today and have a woefully inadequate supply of rainbow shit. Would a tie dye tank top suffice to show allyship?
Pretty sure you could just go there and cheer. I don’t think they have dress codes.
I think bright colors will be fine.
Don’t dress in black. That’s for the Goth Parade.
I’d wear a t-shirt saying “I support all y’all having rights but still ain’t listing pronouns in my work email signature”
Pronouns: proper name only, ‘phobe.
I suggested pre-emptive email pronouns decades ago to figure out my Xichuans from my Jichengs and all I got was fired for “xenophobia”
Tucker Carlson hates this song
https://youtu.be/RRKJiM9Njr8
“‘I’m just a man…’
Oh really, are you?”
Real talk: I actually kinda dig that song. Just pushes the right buttons for me for some reason.
(whispers) that whole album is awesome
/Obligatory WHEN I WAS
“Hang on a second. Black is slimming, and…I suppose I’ve said enough.” – BFC’s stylist
I said this right before I dressed in all black workout gear for my morning harbor walk.
You’ll be alright. Just pepper your conversations with “I’m not gay”. Throw in the odd curious glance.
Throw in a “It’s cool that you are, though”, while slowly but obviously edging away.
I think showing up at all is the important part. Good for you.
How many Polacks does it take to win the French Open? One, but she does it three times!
Is this anything? Does it work? Just trying to hone my “it was funny when I was in 8th grade” comedy routine, coming soon to a MAGA rally near you.
“Well I’d like to thank my parents, my trainers, and the great Polish Submarine engineers for letting me borrow their technology for my racket.”
Kind of wild that it was the first time she had to play a third set in a major final.
Pretend City of Men signed a Kraut CB prospect by name of Shindler. Methinks Gilkey will nickname him “List-Makin’ Muthafucka”
Family: “Redshirt! You sure you don’t want to spend the weekend at a street fair two hours away. We have plenty of room at the hotel.”
Me: “Nah, I’m good.”
Family: “But you’ll be all by yourself! Don’t you want a mini-vacation.”
Me: “Yes, that’s why I’m staying.”
SillyCuse Basketball: A New Hope-
Through recruiting and transfers three(!) 5 stars have joined the program and the best player last year (Judah Mintz) noped out of the draft. (never would have happened under nose-picker) Yes, Autry is a first-time coach but there’s no game tape to watch and he’s said he’s looking to up the tempo. I barely watched last year but count me in again.
I would very much like to see Syracuse return to national relevance, (if not prominence), and also return to the Big East. Rivalries are great for any sport, and that was a great one.
Yes, yes I am in physical pain after having typed that. Thank you for asking.
Women’s World Cup in July!
That’s always fun.
I was hoping it would start earlier. 20 July is a long, perverted wait.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3sU8NPCYmc
[record scratch]
Yup, that’s me, starring as Sky Marshal Omar Anoke in a low-budget sequel to the low-budget sequel of Starship Troopers. I bet you’re wondering how I got here. Well, it all started when…
Would you like to hear more?
That’s not true, if you want to get up early for European sports the French Open is on right now, and Wimbledon is in the first half of July.
I used to love el tenis, I just can’t get up for it (PHRASING) anymore. That fuckwit Djokovic being far and away the bestest don’t help matters none.
Alcaraz is at his level; yesterday’s match was a tragedy because it would have been a great one if Alcaraz hadn’t gotten cramps.
I predict a 3-1 final. What say you, Marika?
two not-thumbs up!
I don’t think it will be that close.
Maybe nawt
(Marika’s cousin from Milano)