Wumbo Wednesday With Weaselo: ‘Twas the Night Before Football…

‘Twas the night before football,
And all through the site…

I’m gonna not start that, or else I’m gonna spend my work hours trying to craft a poem instead of *checks notes* string quartet transcriptions while on-call for tutoring. But the rosters are locked in, and tomorrow’s the Chiefs and the Lions. Let’s check some news:

-LB Carl Nassib retires. Nassib is of course known for being the first openly gay player in the NFL, and reported that the NFL has reached out regarding a to-be-determined role.

-WR Jamison Crowder is back in Washington, signed to the Commies’ practice squad.

-From last night: Former Bills WR Mike Williams has passed away from a construction accident. He was 36.

-UPDATE: He has since been upgraded to “alive.”

Sportsball stuff:
U.S. Open quarterfinal action (7:00, ESPN)

Yeah, everything else is local listings that nobody’s telling me. I don’t think we care about a JV GOLF miniseries on ESPN2.

And I leave us with questions about all the teams:

Qardinals: Can they run the table and be the first 0-17 team?
Falcons: How do they feel about not being the 3rd or 28th team on the list?
Ratbirds: Can LAMAR! stay healthy?
Bills: Now that there may be an AFC East dogfight, can they rise above and finally get through unfound territory?
Black Panthers: Is Bryce Young any good?
Chi****: They seriously put Peterman as the backup?
Cincinnati: Joe Burrow’s okay, right?
#ThePauls: Why is Deshaun Watson?
N-GCP: How much will they miss Zeke(‘s corpse)?
Donks: Can Russ overcome his Patrick Star roasting?
Fuck Lions: Can they not start like ass and parlay that into a, dun dun dun, playoff appearance?
Packers: Will it indeed still be Jordan Love Time?
Colts: How can Irsay continue to fuck up the Jonathan Taylor situation?
Jaguras: Can they take the AFC South and feast upon it to… well, maybe not the top seed, but sneaking up on the other three divisions?
Chefs: Is Travis Kelce okay?
That’s Rikki’s Raiders: Are they just going to run Handsome Jimmy’s “He’s a winner” and see what happens?
BOLTMEN: How do they fuck it up this year?
RAM IT: How fucked are they this year, apart from maybe the Qardinal games?
Fuck You Whale and Dolphin: Can they keep Tua alive?
Vikings: How much of last year was an aberration?
P*ts: How do they miraculously fuck over the Jets, as it tradition?
Saints: How does the Derek Carr era look?
Football Giants: How does Danny Derps not Derp?
J-E-T-E: Okay, how does this get fucked up?
Iggles: The SB loss hangover is mostly real, so what do you do for an encore?
Stillers: How do they get to 9 wins this year?
Numbers & Win4: How does the internal brace work, and will it work for Shohei?
Seahawks: Who wins in a fight, a seahawk or a seawolf?
Bucee’s: Well, now what?
TITS: When does Malik Willis take over?
Cheat Commandos, Rock Rock On: How does the post-Snyder era actually look on the field?

Cool that’s everyone. Now I gotta get ready for the tWBS memorial fantasy draft!

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Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn't doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn't happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.
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SonOfSpam

Hey Weaselo!

Where’s the preview for the

Texans? Oilers? Astros?

Never mind.

All the teams are accounted for.

Brick Meathook

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m awake but have been watching old TV shows and slaving away at my tardy Bears preview.

Mr. Ayo

A very Sexy Friday Bears preview, perhaps?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I leave that in your good, moisturized, furry hands, sir.

Gumbygirl

Not tardy, just hibernating,

Gumbygirl

Here’s a star of yesteryear.

j37zzxjewnmb1.jpeg
Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

Did everybody go back to school or something?

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Mr. Ayo

I’m still recovering from food poising from Monday. Been spending all my time in bed awaiting my next visit to the loo. Good news is I might make it if the tonight’s glass of water stays down until bedtime.

Mr. Ayo

Even worse, I haven’t had any alcohol for DAYS. But worst of all, I can’t edit my previous comment.

Brick Meathook

Food poisoning, Ayo? Are you so weakened you can’t click the “like” button on my comments, that I slave over only for your enjoyment? Maybe some Achewood would help you.

Mr. Ayo

I tried and apparently missed. I’ll try again.

Brick Meathook

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Mr. Ayo

You got it, pal.

Brick Meathook

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Gumbygirl

Oh noes! Feel better, we’re all counting on you!

2Pack

No man. I’m working on the balcony.

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SonOfSpam

Michael McDonald is God and I won’t hear argument.

Brick Meathook

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Gumbygirl

How did I miss this epic collab?

Brick Meathook

????

This was the greatest television event of 1978

Gumbygirl

Oh, 1978. I was high.

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Brick Meathook

That’s even more reason that you should have seen it.

Brick Meathook

Speaking of the fantasy draft, here’s a Daimler Benz DB-605 inverted V-12 aircraft engine, introduced in 1942. It suffered engines fires due to critical shortages of nickel and chromium which weakened exhaust valves, journal bearings instead of ball bearings, poor quality lubricants, and erratic fuel quality. It was designed to run on 87 octane (same as todays “regular” automotive fuel) while Allied planes were running on 110 octane American avgas, sometimes boosted to 150 octane.

Despite this, I’m drafting it in my #6 WR spot, and I’m just going to stick with that decision.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Bold strategy, Cotton!

Sharkbait

A buddy of mine is in Dallas for work, and sent along this gem:

https://eightbeer.com/

ballsofsteelandfury

Whoa buddy!!

Brick Meathook

Fuck that Bud Lite drag queen shit! It’s Troy Aikman for me!

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Don T

🤣😅🤪
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ballsofsteelandfury

Nicely done! I got a C- but they called it my “Legit Team”.

The name is “Mrs. Slocombe’s Pussies” dammit!!

litre_cola

You both might like my new name

ballsofsteelandfury

🤦😂🤣

blaxabbath

Great now I gotta deal with some knee-jerk OSHA reaction.

Just kidding. We got our own state DOSH that exists soecifically to insulate us from the corrupt federal OSHA witch hunts!

Redshirt

Mysterious Stranger: “I can either cure ALS for your father or fix Joe Burrow’s calf and throw in an affordable extension.”

Redshirt: “…”

Satan: “Well?”

Redshirt: “I’m thinking.”

Mom: “Redshirt!”

Dad: “Hold on, dear. This is a tough choice.”

Redshirt

Cincinnati: “Where are the Burrow and Higgins extensions?”

Always Be Closing (HD) Alec Baldwin – YouTube

Sharkbait

D- on my draft WOOOOOO

Mr. Ayo

Holy shit, A+ for me.

Why yes, that was an auto-draft result.

litre_cola

How you got 1st overall after winning is a commish problem.

Mr. Ayo

I, for one, think you’re doing a bang up job.

SonOfSpam

HA I got D+

litre_cola

I got the D.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“D is for ‘done’, man. At least that’s what my personal assistant tells me.” – Lea Michele

WCS

“That looks like a bow without an arrow. What is that?” — also Lea Michele looking at the letter “D”

scotchnaut

The Freezer Vodka draft went so quickly that my Defense spot wasn’t auto-drafted but is ’empty’.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

TENNIS ANNOUNCER: It’s about five or six inches long.

DEANNA FAVRE: [wistfully] If only.

litre_cola

Dear Spam,

I know I told you I don’t draft beaters. I drafted Mixon, I am sorry baby, it’ll only happen this once. I am high and drunk.

Signed
Ray Litre

BugEyedBoo

Don’t sweat it. Fraulein Doktor Z would probably tell you that the odds of drafting sixteen football players and not getting at least one wife beater are probably pretty small.

litre_cola

She did the draft from one of them places Herman Cain named.

SonOfSpam

Everyone’s a hypocrite come draft time. Please don’t beat yourself

up.

Sharkbait

Quickest draft ever.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The one that Horatio killed?

King Hippo

the interface was so weird I gave up tracking anything, which only helped expedite

litre_cola

I had help.

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SonOfSpam

DRAFTPUG

Wakezilla

A quickie is a wonderful way to honoUr TWBS

WCS
King Hippo

oh man, that Patrick Star roasting was indeed epic

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

When you look at Marketa Vondrousova’s tattoos, you’d think that she just got released from a Russian prison, wouldn’t you? You’d be wrong, though. It was a Czechoslovakian one.

Don T

QB coach Davis Webb bedside reading
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Upgraded to alive? That’s almost as good as getting upgraded to business class on Polaris.

scotchnaut

We really do need another fantasy league for guys/gals that can’t get a seat at the table.

litre_cola

I agree, but I am a shitty commish for the Memorial One. Who’s going to run the new one is the Q. We also could do promotion relegation if say it was an 8 person league.

litre_cola

The question is can you set it up so I could be commish for a league I am not in? I could be just as lazy as I am for Seamus’. I seem to be good at starting ideas (see DFOCon) it’s the fact finding I am poor at.

Last edited 1 year ago by litre_cola
litre_cola

If this is possible I would do it for week 2. Top 2 teams of new league come up, bottom two of the Memorial League go down. Someone smarter than me figure this out and we will see if it can be done.

Last edited 1 year ago by litre_cola
litre_cola

I can’t in yahoo.

Sharkbait

I wanna do an inverse league. Where throwing INTS are +6 TDs are -4 , lost fumbles +10 something like that

BrettFavresColonoscopy

We played in that insanity league Sill ran that was pretty awesome. Missed field goals were like -6 from inside 20.

herodotus450

Sounds like a lot of work, how about a FANTASY fantasy football league. I’ll take “proposing shitty trades” with my first round pick

WCS

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