Your First Slate of NFL Football Tilts Open Thread

But soft, what yonder matches approach? I’ve got them right here.

To the Games!

Raiders/Bills:

Las Vegas (and whatever else they’ve been over the years) haven’t won 2 games on the road to start the season since 1980. Is qb Allen slipping back into some silly decision-making or is it just me? Renfrow should finally see a ball come his way after not being targeted last week, what with Meyers out and Adams having trouble with a foot.

Ravens/Bengals:

The Mighty Burrow can’t go 0-2 in the division to start the year, can he? Last week his mates on the D side of things gave up 8 yards a rush to Deshaun so Lamar might just do ok. Rook wr Zay Flowers might be something-he had a 47% target share in his first game.

Chiefs/Jags:

I picked K.C. in survivor because I figure Patty will bounce back in a big way. I do expect that it to be a high-scoring tilt however. Kelce is expected back and in two games against Jacktown last year he had a trifling 20 catches.

Chargers/Titans:

Some fantasy analysts are just plain lousy. “We saw Tyjae Spears eat into Henry’s workload in a major way last week” is something that I read. I found that curious so I looked at their respective touches-Henry had 17 and Spears had 4-stop trying to make something happen, lousy football writer.

Packers/Falcons:

One advantage of never throwing the ball? Ridder hasn’t tossed an INT yet in his first 5 starts. If he does it again this week he’ll be the very first, going all the way back to 1950. Arthur Smith’s commitment to the rush will be tested as Green Bay gave up only 3.3 yards per attempt to designed runs by rb’s last week.

Seahawks/Lions:

The last two games these two have been high-scoring jizzfests with Seattle winning both, 48-45 and 51-29. Maybe take the over? “Goff falls apart under pressure”, so says the narrative but yet somehow he has tossed the ball 359 straight times without a pic.

Colts/Texans:

It’s The Battle of The Rookie Quarterbacks! My money ($60 of pretend money) is on Richardson.

Bears/Bucs:

If Mayfield wins this he joins the elite company of Fitzmagic, Shaun King and Rob Johnson as the only Tampa qb’s to start the year 2-0.

Do that thing.

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herodotus450

“I’m a Gardner not a lover” Minshew officially in the game

LemonJello

MINSHEW MANIA!

yeah right

This is not a good bar for NFL Sunday. It’s going up against the EPL and the rugby world cup.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I hope folks got excited about that Fiji win, it was kind of a big deal.

WCS

“My sprots team is in Fiji. It’s an island nation, so you’ve never met her. Them! You’ve never heard of them, I mean.”

yeah right

This place blew the fuck up.

litre_cola

Richardson with a head owie. He done.

LemonJello

Miami’s medical staff stands by to assist with any required back treatments.

fleshwound_NPG

who dies first, justin fields or anthony richardson

LemonJello

On the field, or due to the local diet?

Gumbygirl

Fat guy 2 pt conversion!

bk109

By the way, I’ve got a somewhat odd question about something that just came up.Uhh, as an attaboy from management, I’ve been offered the use of our company-owned vacation spots to take the family. Any, uhhh, recommendations whether I (and the kiddos) would like more Tahiti or Hawaii in late October/early November?

LemonJello

My unscientific answer: Tahiti.

Gumbygirl

I’d pick Tahiti too, but their might be more to do in Hawaii, especially for the kids.

Gumbygirl

There! I’m pretty sure we will never be able to edit again, but at least we can embed videos.

bk109

At least we’re not dealing with the NONCEnse. As for the kiddos – sun, sand and a different local culture will be plenty for them (though again, if it means skipping school they’ll be open to a trip to a GULAG).
Speaking of punishment.. I’ll still mention the alternatives I dismissed out of hand to the wife, but I doubt she’ll try to change my mind about SoCal, Miami or southern France (Saint Maxim or something like that)

ThePirateSloth

Not Hawaii.

Locals have been pleading and begging for tourists to stop coming for quite a few years now. But I’m biased from having lived there and still have friends there, so I’m more in a place to hear them and their concerns like resources that should be available to locals being held for tourists. I understand many mainlanders don’t/won’t understand that, “their economy is based on tourism!” blah blah blah argument. Many locals do not want more tourists.

bk109

I’m not sure how me trying to avoid the sun in a (knowing the other properties my benevolent multinational omnicorp owns) gated mansion and buying stuff from the local shops will hurt the locals*, but… Again, I don’t want to be an inadvertent cunt to the locals. Though if the locals in Tahiti think the same, I’ll be sticking it to the French.. which is a bonus 😀

*Except that I’ll be flying in on private plane, but … I’ll burn less fuel on a round trip than the USN dumps in the ocean in the area every time a carrier starts flight quals after a port visit.

ThePirateSloth

That gated mansion in that wealthy neighborhood owned by mutli-millionaires that do not live on the island, and more than likely on land that had been in local families for 5+ generations, has been completely priced out of locals hands, and more than likely beach access completely shut off for locals. Not to mention the numerous local favorite spots that they have enjoyed for generations being shut down and fenced up because too many tourists have found out about them, people have died, littered, trampled local fauna, parked on and destroyed locals properties to get to these spots – like a swimming hole, waterfall, cave, etc lots of these have religious/mythical meaning to Hawaiian people and they now can not enjoy them because of tourists.

bk109

I agree, unfortunately me going or not going (aka the question where I .. questioned what my presence matters) won’t suddenly remove those gated mansions, nor willl unrestrict access to those beaches. As for

people have died, littered, trampled local fauna, parked on and destroyed locals properties to get to these spots – like a swimming hole, waterfall, cave, etc lots of these have religious/mythical meaning to Hawaiian people and they now can not enjoy them because of tourists.

On one hand, I’d never do any of that since I always consider myself a guest (that must respect his hosts’ customs and rules*), on the other and that just came as a bleak realization – this reads basically as a lite version of what happened to the indigenous people on the mainland.

*That’s why when we travel on our own dime, I’ve always preferred going to a place where there are fewer tourists (that have soured the locals on all of us) and preferably to a place where we can just hire a place and just properly appreciate local customs and cuisine (if work didn’t offer this trip, I was thinking of calling some friends in Cuba to see if I can book their vacation rental for a month)

litre_cola

Both are gorgeous, Hawaii there is more things for the children to do.

bk109

In all fairness, this entails pulling the kids from school for a month or so, so they’ll be okay even with a trip to Vorkuta 😀

blaxabbath

Tahiti

ThePirateSloth

Not me just waking up and bout to watch this Seahawks game like:comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Big win for Fiji over Australia.

fleshwound_NPG

confirmed: andy reid made his players put bbq sauce on their hands a 2nd straight week

clint greasewood
litre_cola

Raschaad White nods from mine in my highest money league.

bk109

Well, this was a new error.. “Comments are now closed” XD

Aaaanyway, the comment I tried to publish was

By the way, any bets on how many more successive shitty games must Burrow have for the Cincy faithful to start trying to run him out of town?

litre_cola

I have never seen that error before. Odd.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Why does Jerry Rice look like RuPaul in these commercials

fleshwound_NPG

are they watching beetlejuice, too?

fleshwound_NPG

bears o line is ungodly bad

litre_cola

I WAS TOLD LAMAR WOULD BE GOOD THIS SEASON!

Redshirt

I’m having Andy Dalton flashbacks.

Spur

A red fever dream

Horatio Cornblower

Gym and Arsenal are checked off. It’s dog walkin’ time!

Mr. Ayo

Questionable to return (ribs)

By Gawd That’s Andy Reid’s music!

Horatio Cornblower

Got to the gym in time to see Martinelli pull up lame and then watch Arsenal dominate position but go full Whalers every time the got close to goal and make that one extra pass instead of shooting the ball towards the, you know, goal.

I did throw in a trip to the grocery store where I bought two of the remaining three 4-packs of Mexican Coca-Cola. I’d have bought all three, but I am not a monster.

Now to relax and sit back, hoping Arsenal doesn’t somehow piss away a one goal lead to a team likely to get relegated and pretend that whatever new system Artetta has in mind has a fart’s chance in a windstorm of working.

King Hippo

I mean, your enforced sub got the winner.

bk109

The presumptive winner. There’s still time to fuck this up. Hell, it ain’t over till the random piss test results clear us from any misdeeds…

litre_cola

See game against Mighty Whitey, he ain’t wrong.

Horatio Cornblower

Just heard that. I like Trossard, but in the first half he was one of the worst offenders at dribbling into the box, (giggles for 7 minutes), and then passing it back into double-coverage instead of trying for a shot.

It’s a good thing I had the gym pretty much to myself, or I likely would have been asked to leave.

Horatio Cornblower

Just looked up the replay. That’s what can happen when you just fire it at the net instead of looking to make a second, third, and fourth pass.

Enjoyed the typical Pickford whinging afterwards.

litre_cola

Everton is nae going down.

Horatio Cornblower

I certainly hope not. I do root for them since our resident ungulate is the one who got me into this Premier League nonsense in the first place, and I want good things for him. But I don’t see three teams worse than Everton this year. Luton Town for sure, after that I don’t know.

litre_cola

Luton, Team Knifey and Wolves is my preddicion

fleshwound_NPG

bears: oh, we have a good receiver now? why didnt we think of this last week!

Gatoraids

everytime they show the bears in those unis I thikn that the team was replaced in relegation with Clemson

fleshwound_NPG

the jerseys are fine/interesting

send the pumpkin buckets into super hell

King Hippo

Trying to watch Everton with RedZone on another screen is gonna give me an aneurysm.

Mr. Ayo

Stay focused Other Hippo, we believe in you. #DoucheStrong

King Hippo

FOAR YOU, Bastard Man!

Horatio Cornblower

Trying to watch Everton with RedZone on another screen is gonna give me an aneurysm.

Fixed that for you.

King Hippo

could you imagine being stuck with this shite EVERY WEEK?

Horatio Cornblower

I probably could, but fortunately most UConn football games aren’t deemed fit for broadcast.

Gumbygirl

They were on here yesterday. One of the FU’s was whooping them.

Horatio Cornblower

FIU. UConn got it to 24-17 but no closer. They’re horrid this year. Everyone thought they were going to win 6-7, maybe even 8. I thought 4 wins were realistic.

It would appear all of us were wildly optimistic.

Gumbygirl

Nods head in Pitt. And UAB, pretty sure we got dismembered yesterday,I was too downtrodden to look it up. I’m starting to lose faith in the Trent Dilfer Experiment.

litre_cola

Flea flicker in ATL!

Gatoraids

feeling the trickeration celebrating Rodgers injury

LemonJello

“Fun Fact: A Flea Flicker was my code name for giving Brett a handie.”
-Deanna Favre

fleshwound_NPG

clots/texans is one of my early slate games

as shitty as that sounds, they weirdly gave great games last year (hilarious tie, the super tank bowl that help decide the first overall pick)

Spur

I really want the Jags to wax that KC ass

King Hippo

Yardage props on both Breece Hall and Garret WIlson look tempting (I’d do over on both)

fleshwound_NPG

as carlin said, the powers that be do not want you to be smart. they want you only smart enough to operate the machines that make them money, and still be dumb enough to not know theyre being fucked blind

Redshirt

(sees who is WVU’s president)

“Yeah, that makes sense.”

blaxabbath

Fuck em.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, what’s going on in West Virginia is completely fucked up.

Now, what’s all this about the university?

/Gordon Gee is a national disgrace, for real

King Hippo

I mean, that’s what the people voted for. Eyes wide open.

Spur

Morning Folks

Don T

Two of the three best TEN DBs (Amani Hooker & Kristian Fulton) are out. So I added “dispensary” to pre-game chores.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well, yeah, you gotta get Johnson in there.

litre_cola

I didn’t know I was playing you today Don T! Huzzah!

Gumbygirl

One of us! Like our benevolent king, I too am having “pot roast.” I have pot, and I plan to stay roasted all day. I picked the Cowboys in the Elimination pool, somebody needs to talk me down from the ledge.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Also CSU not going for two last night was lamer than everyone using Coach Prime. It’s like David Johanssen using Buster Poindexter at the bank

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Password managers are fantastic and should be preserved at all costs

bk109

Fantastic compared to reusing a password like.. unfortunately 80+% of the workforce in my main job (and we’re a tech firm, so I shudder to think how bad it is with normies). For everything else, relying on someone else to store your passwords is just a recipe for a titanic cock-up at the worst possible moment

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I just don’t like typing and remembering just like a Rick Allen and Gary Busey buddy comedy

bk109

I can relate (for the remembering part), I just wanted to point out the security downside to relying on an external service for such tasks. A way to at least mitigate the “service suddenly disappearing” that plagues tech, remember to occasionally export your password list to a secure device of your choosing.

jjfozz

Going over to a friend’s house to watch the game. Mrs. Fozz laid out my “outfit”, and I immediately said, “NOPE!” 54 years old and she thinks I’m going to listen to her.

ballsofsteelandfury

Fozzie’s “outfit”:

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

Would

bk109

… in the end, you’ll do anyway. So, the only question is whether it’ll be the easy way or the migraine way 😉

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Look I think the waiter shirt that was worn the night Ron Goldman was murdered is a nice touch

Gumbygirl

Not a problem, those Garanimals are mix and match!

Doktor Zymm

Porto dog!

IMG_20230917_164856_0~2.jpg
ballsofsteelandfury

Wow! That looks so good!

yeah right

My dog had brie, mushrooms and a sweet mustard and fuck you America!

You don’t even do hot dogs right!

bk109

… to go to Porto and drink beer instead of .. I’m speechless. Mostly because when I did the exact same thing during our stay there, my wife gave me that look that somehow combines “I can’t even” with “I’ll teach you taste and culture, even if I have to kill you first” 😀

By the way, if the bar does ’em – try Tripas de Porto 😉

yeah right

One of the best meals of my life was 2 days ago. A husband and wife run place and the tripas brought fucking tears to my eyes. Slow cooked with chorizo and beans.

I’ve seen the light and the light is tripas.

Fuck me it was delicious.

Horatio Cornblower

I need to strategize a way to get all this done by 4:25

1). Watch Arsenal
2). Go to gym
3). Walk dog
4). Mow lawn, which is getting high enough to hide a cow in, with more rain coming tomorrow.
5). Nap

Here’s the working plan right now. Go to the gym, put the Arsenal game on the TV. Return home, get dog walked. That probably gets me to 2:30-3:00. By then the lawn should be dry enough to mow. Mow and rake lawn. 4:15. Shower, which will be a necessity at that point.

Pretty sure the nap is going to have to coincide with the game, but that’s what the Jets are for, right?

bk109

Or .. you could’ve done yourself a favour and made a home gym for yourself as it could’ve helped even with walking the dog (our lab bloody loves running on the treadmill)

Horatio Cornblower

My dog, (and for that matter, me), loves the woods. We have a 2-6 mile route through a forested area near us. He’s closing in on 8, so 3 miles is about the max these days. Back in his younger days he’d go the whole thing and want to play tug with Lowra, uh, his stuffed animals, when we got back

ballsofsteelandfury

Tug = Red Rocket

Doktor Zymm

We got arsenal on in the Porto sports bar. Too bad you don’t have time to hop on a plane and head over here

bk109

… or he can find a nice winery in the area and combine “culture” and sports 😉

litre_cola

This guy gets it!

Gumbygirl

You are there! I thought you were in one of those stan places I can’t spell. You kids have fun, don’t get arrested and cause an international incident.

yeah right

We were walking to the sports bar. And it’s me and Dok in Portugal walking to a sports bar.
This is pretty fucking incredible.

Gumbygirl

It’s a small world after all🎶

2Pack

This is one time where we all really do want pictures of the plates at dinner.

yeah right

Oh I’ve got that covered.

Doktor Zymm

I just flew here from Turkmenistan yesterday, big difference culturewise!

Gumbygirl

I bet! Smiling on the street isn’t illegal, for one.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Go to the gym, Arsenal game on phone, dog running on adjacent treadmill, mow lawn while on Ambien.

BugEyedBoo

3 4 5 and drop 1 and 2.

Redshirt

Huh, Bengals’ annual Edge of the Abyss Game is early this year.

2Pack

Fellow AARP eligible JLC.
I think this was photshopped. The setting reminds me of… I never thought it could happen to me… I was in a Portuguese sports bar, and…

FB_IMG_1694285730763.jpg
ballsofsteelandfury

I would say that’s Dona Speir of the Andy Sidaris movies but her boobies are too small. Looks like someone photoshopped Jamie Lee Curtis’ face over someone

Last edited 1 year ago by ballsofsteelandfury
Horatio Cornblower

Artetta being asked why he’s starting the back-up keeper over Ramsdale and he’s too polite to tell the truth, which is that Everton is terrible and this is a low risk chance to see what he’s got with the second-string guy.

We’ll just forget that crucial 1-0 loss to Everton last season.

bk109

Ahem, each of our losses is crucial.. to the plan that the Darkest one has to destroy every last shred of hope (that we’re going to win anything of consequence ever again) we have and yield .. and do drankin’ in copious amounts. Copious enough to make the iPhone desirable

Horatio Cornblower

I mean, no one’s winning anything in the Premier, or for that matter likely the Championship, so long as Manchester City is around anyway. We’re #2! We’re #2!

bk109

Hey, we may get lucky and the ManShitty’s jet could crash and helps us out. After all, it won’t be the first time a plane carrying Manchester players does an oopsie

Senor Weaselo

The Manchester Thundering City?

bk109

You mean the airplane oopsie? Nah, the Munich Air Disaster that took out Busby’s Babes

bk109

… In lieu of ‘Hello’… According to a YT channel that covers cheesy B-grade (and worse) movies.. this is a thing that happened

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

Pretty easy to see up her skirt.

BugEyedBoo

Blah, it’s just a cheap remake of Attack Of the 60 Foot Centerfold.

Screenshot 2023-09-17 111018.png
bk109

I’m pretty sure it’s a cheap copy of a copy of a xero-copy of a copy of that movie. Also, somehow managed (according to the clips from that YT showcase) to plumb new levels of sub-porno grade acting 😀

2Pack

A challenging assent. Good hand holds thought.

ballsofsteelandfury

comment image

Senor Weaselo

This sounds like it would get made fun of in the not-to-distant future (next Sunday, AD).

King Hippo

In honoUr of Sunday Gravy, Hippo making his fanciest dish (chimichurri checken in the InstaPot).

I am a lazy, lazy man.

yeah right

I admire your lack of dedication.

bk109

And I his ability to shamelessly procrastrinate. I’m serious too, lol

BugEyedBoo

Don’t spin it as lazy, spin it as Fall comfort food.

King Hippo

That’s Hippo’s Classic Pot Roast!

King Hippo

Only consider benching Gabe Davis.

Horatio Cornblower

I got to bed about 3:00 am thanks to the Battle 4 Colorado.

HOW THE FUCK YOU DOING, BOYS!!

/Slaps asses, hard
//takes immediate nap
///ignores phone messages from HR.

BugEyedBoo

Me too. I don’t normally watch west coast JV, but I had a brain fart and decided to watch the 4th quarter because it might have been fun to see Coach Prime lose to a 24-point underdog. I guess that wasn’t to be. Whoever the ESPN announcing team was, they should be taken out and shot.

Horatio Cornblower

They had a narrative and they were sticking to it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THESE SOUTH AFRICAN SPRINGBOKS I CALL THEM THE POST-SPYGATE PATRIOTS BECAUSE THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY OBLITERATING THEIR COMPETITION WITHOUT PITY OR REMORSE.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Yeah, I’ve been kicked out of a post office a few times myself. Buncha jerks. I mean really, if they didn’t want me starting a campfire in one of their waste paper bins, they should have put up a sign!” – Jim Tomsula

Gumbygirl

When I worked at the post office, we had a guy who used to pee through his mailbox at us.

yeah right

This might be the last Sunday this year when I be the first to arrive.
Why? Because it’s after 2:00 PM in Portugal and the sports bar doesn’t open until 4!

Yes, we did find a sports bar that theoretically shows the NFL games.

Let’s find out of that’s true or not.

Bom Dia pesoas!

blaxabbath

Oh I didn’t know you liked Portugal.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How are they not open? There’s rugby on!

yeah right

They’re open now and we just watched another draw from the Cherries.

King Hippo

tale of two halves, the first was dire

2Pack

We have this nice lady running things down over here for us.

How’s the recce going?

IMG_20230917_165811.jpg
yeah right

Flawlessly. Thanks.

Life altering.

King Hippo

Quality previews as always, sewn together lovingly like a hobo skin belt.

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