Glory Hallelujah, First Fall Saturday 2023

Technically, it was still summer before.  And summer can get right fucked.

It’s not all rainbows and sunshine, as we get NO early morning fixture.  GUH.  Only three in the 10:00 window, as we go “Sunday heavy” this week, with some “name teams” in Zooropa.  City of Men hosting Robins Hood is…asking a lot to carry a window (USA), but I suppose everyone like’s to see HULK SMASH.  A well-kept secret is how badass their cheaply bought “backup striker” (Julian Alvarez) is playing.  There is also the Uncle Woy Dawby (Palace/Mighty Whitey) for your streaming pleasUre.

Spotlight Dance is…Praise Beesus hosting terlet-swirling Everton??  But the teevee guide says 12:30 and NBC, so I guess it is.  Burnley and Men Untied steam at 3p, which is both accurate and weirdly scheduled.

Don’t want to get to deep in the Sunday weeds yet, suffice to say the USA fixtures are awful, while the likes of the North London Derby are Peacocked.  BLECH.

Florida State (-1.5) at Clemson (Noon, ABC)

Time for St. Dabo to play the Rodney Dangerfield “No Respect” card, but I just can’t possibly believe this much in a 21st century Semenholes squadron,  Both these teams can eat shit, for all I care.

Oklahoma (-14) at Cincinnati (Noon, Fox)

This looked WAY more interesting before JV WKRP lost to Miami last week.  That’s the OHIO varietal of Miami, to clarify.  Still, anybody thinking Steerfuckers North is legitimately good might just want to think again.

Auburn (+8) at Texas A&M (Noon, ESPN)

There will be panic and/or possibly blood in College Station if Bonfire Cult loses this one.  I’d pay good money to watch Bobby Petrino disembowel Jimbo on live teevee, wouldn’t you?

Colorado (+21) at Oregon (3:30, ABC)

When Vegas begs you this hard to bet the underdog moneyline?  You really, REALLY shouldn’t.

UC-Los Angeles (+5) at Utah (3:30, Fox)

That said, Vegas clearly believes way more in Westwood Klavern than Hippo does.  Original Recipe Big Love all the way, y’all!

Ole Miss (+7) at Alabama (3:30, CBS)

Yes, I get it.  Nick Saban is surely pissed off.  But he still ain’t got no quartered back.  Or maybe he just pulled a genius move in getting the fanbase off Milroe’s back?  Because options 2 and 3 sure looked bad, and not-just-bad-for-Bama, PAAAAAAWWWWWLLLLL.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Horatio Cornblower

Colorado loses by 36 and the announcers absolutely will not stop sucking off Deion.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I was worried for a second Colorado today would have less points than Deion has toes

Horatio Cornblower

Fuck your shut out, Duke.

herodotus450

Schools in both Maine and Southern California have bears for their mascots. WEIRD.

Mr. Ayo

Really helps Buddy rack up those airline miles.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

There’s three holes in Orono for a reason

Horatio Cornblower

The Maine ones are specifically black, making Orono the most diverse town in Maine.

ballsofsteelandfury

BABY bears!

SonOfSpam

BRUINS SHOW SIGN OF LIFE

Still gonna lose, probably in heartbreaking fashion.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

THIS GUY DEION SANDERS I CALL HIM FRANK STALLONE BECAUSE HE’S A BROTHER TAKING A BEATING ON NETWORK TV

Horatio Cornblower

Oregon celebrating teachers like its athletic budget for two seasons wouldn’t fuel the entire state’s educational budget for a decade.

herodotus450

Show me a Social Studies class that get 2 million viewers and you got yourself a deal

herodotus450

Hey this country was founded on religious fundamentalism, buddy, show it some respect!

Gumbygirl

I’m glad I’m old. My portion of the shitshow will be mercifully small.

Mr. Ayo

And they converted it? Time to retire Saban, I mean Satan.

scotchnaut

This Canadian Thanksgiving I’ll be challenging my oldest to a timed half-lake swim. This would have been unthinkable 10 years ago. Shoutout to that whole Global Warming thingy everyone is talking about.

Horatio Cornblower

Duke’s second-string QB is named Grayson Loftis? Are we just ignoring this?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Like he’s ignoring whatever shameful family skeletons are deep in the closet? Yeah, probably.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh men. Just got up from a quality nap on the couch. Mrs. Horatio has a shepherd’s pie going for dinner, and Colorado is down 42-0. What a great day.

Now to take a big sip of water and turn on the UConn game…

WCS

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Redshirt

…and there’s goes the composure and discipline.

herodotus450

OK maybe Alabama only loses 4 this season.

LemonJello

Gets them an invite to the Gasparilla Bowl

WCS

And still be the third playoff seed.

Redshirt

“We all feel that #24 Alabama earned an opportunity…”

jjfozz

They’re fighting for clicks, we’re fighting for wins.

Someone is carrying a Colorado-sized chip on his shoulder.

Redshirt

This is why I hate players/coaches who talk trash. If you’ve got a point to make, make it on the scoreboard. If you score a touchdown or make a great play, act like you’ve done it before and you’ll do it again.

LemonJello

Quick look in at Oregon:

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herodotus450

Searching for Bobby Fisher 3rd Down in Alabama

WCS

Live look-in at Cousinfuckers/GUNS

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I genuinely have no idea what’s happening in this match.

WCS

stoopid… so very, very fucking stoopid

scotchnaut

Alabama struggling at home is the way bigger story this afternoon imo.

Horatio Cornblower

“Alabama struggling at home…”

Parking brake go on the trailer again?

bk109

Ok, good news, bad news with the laptop my buddy sent me.
Good news, it boots up and soon I can haz GTX4090 goodness
Bad news, laptop is basically unusable with just 8 gigs of RAM and a paltry 256 gigs of storage (my roomie didn’t pay attention to the configurator that the “base package” is so .. basic) so I’ve got to bolt to get me a bit of storage and memory

Redshirt

Everyone can be great when things are going great. But when things go to hell, you find out exactly who someone really is.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Mannie Libbock more like Liability-bok, amirite?

LemonJello

Will ABC switch to a more competitive game for the 2nd half in place of Colorado/Oregon?

jjfozz

Probably a pop warner game going on somewhere

Redshirt

“We now join the Hell Snowball Making Contest, already in progress…”

jjfozz

Why is this announcer ball washing the Colorado QB?

LemonJello

Gotta stick to The Narrative: College Football Edition.

scotchnaut

I CALL THESE CURRENT DFO’ERS “HILLARY SUPPORTERS IN 2016” BECAUSE THEY LOVE HATING ON SANDERS.

jjfozz

It’s not hating, it’s watching some loud mouth get his just desserts. Okay, I hate him.

jjfozz

I do believe Coach Sanders.

I BELIEVE YOU’RE GETTING THE SHIT KICKED OUT OF YOU

LemonJello

Oregon better not take their foot off the gas.

jjfozz

My son bet the over – 63 – no way he hits that one

Redshirt

Depends on if Oregon’s coach hates Deion. If he does, the Ducks may hit the over by themselves.

Mr. Ayo
Redshirt

Ah, we’ve got a Jerry Glanville situation. Fantastic.

Mr. Ayo

Second half team?

jjfozz

THIS SANDERS I CALL HIM THE GOAT, BECAUSE HE’S BEEN EATING GRASS ALL DAY

Gumbygirl

UConn getting squarshed by the Dookies. Hoooboy, I fear for Lowratio!

WCS

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Redshirt

I haven’t seen anyone exposed this horrifically since that time I was a teenager and I forgot to clear the family computer’s browser history.

LemonJello

Banner?

bk109

… you didn’t use a secondary account (with fast user switching), a livecd distro (that automatically that didn’t retain a browsing history) or even just a simple secondary browser?

Redshirt

Mistakes were made.

bk109

Serious question – were you of the dial up generation or the isdn/ proper internet generation.

Redshirt

1st generation. AOL.

In my defense, I didn’t figure out you can sign on to AOL and then open the web browser which would then work if AOL is signed in. I just got lazy and overconfident.

My mom found it hilarious though.

bk109

lol, the closest experience to ^ was my parents caught me with a computer* on the can, ’cause I had a nice little food poisoning courtesy of my school’s caffeteria. And no, not a laptop – 21” CRT, Tower and modem cable, ’cause it was rare at home to have uncontested access to the phone line and I distinctly remember the songs I was trying to download from Napster at a blazing 4KB/s 😀

jjfozz

I call bullshit on this Home Depot commercial. In the history of the human race, a family has never walked in there smiling.

LemonJello

THIS COLORADO D LINE, I CALL THEM LINDA LOVELACE BECAUSE THEY’RE JUST GETTING IT RAMMED DOWN THEIR THROAT OVER AND OVER.

jjfozz

Games with the legendary “pop o matic” feature lasted about three days in my house.

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jjfozz

THIS GAME, I CALL IT AN AMERICAN INDIAN’S NIGHTMARE, BECAUSE THERE ARE BUFFALOS BEING SLAUGHTERED ALL OVER THE GRASS

jjfozz

And I love it.

WCS

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jjfozz

The Golden Bachelor on Hulu. Brought to you by Depends adult diapers.

Gumbygirl

Viagra is a sponsor too.

jjfozz

My wife is making goulash this week. I expect a prison-riot level reaction from my sons.

SonOfSpam

Just make sure they’re hungary.

bk109

If they don’t like it, just give them some expired MREs. The 4 fingers of death or the vomelette seem to be a sure-fire way to get people to appreciate most home cooking (though in all fairness.. neither is as bad as claimed)

LemonJello

The vegetarian MREs were always the worst in my experience.

bk109

Still are – unlike the vomelette – the spinach fetuccine truly is horrible. Somehow it’s devoid of all taste, yet also manages to taste “off”. Honestly, I’d wager that this is actually included into cases as a secret test for infiltrators*. If someone willingly opens one (when not already experiencing the joys of acute startvation), that person most likely is an enemy and should be executed on the spot.

*Like asking about baseball stuff in old movies about Bastogne

scotchnaut

I love bad puns.

herodotus450

Alabama might lose 6 games this year

LemonJello

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scotchnaut

Can you say that again. Slower.

[unzips pants]

LemonJello

Quack Attack!

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herodotus450

“Mil Roe!? I’ll take it!”
-Japanese busineman watching CFB

Doktor Zymm

Ok, ‘Johnny Sextoy’ is a pretty kickass nickname for a rugby player or anyone really

LemonJello

“The Chair recognizes the Honorable Mr. Johnny Sextoy, Senator from Alabama.”

bk109

Unrelated – If I’m stuck in this town and dealing with these people for one more week, I’m putting in my notice for my day job and resigning my commission. On the bright side…. I got me a care package from Arizona, so I am feeling less genocidal than yesterday evenin’

Brick Meathook

Have you gone to the pathology museum?

LemonJello

Arizona care package? AMARG packing em up fast these days.

bk109

Sadly no, but still plenty of fun. Everclear, Bacardi 151, a laptop (because of a bet we had) and a signed box sets for Babylon 5, Buffy and Angel from my roomie in college.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

South Africa’s kicking game is absolute shit.

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, that wasn’t a particularly steep angle for a conversion

Doktor Zymm

Again dammit!

jjfozz

I will never understand the “letters on the back of the arm” tattoo.

LemonJello

“Me neither.”
-Lea Michelle

bk109

“When you want a tattoo, but don’t want to constantly be reminded by your stupid tattoo choice” ?

bk109

*Reminded of

LemonJello

Buffalo tackling like Deon taught them.

LemonJello

Colorado Buffaloes, that is.

Brick Meathook

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Gumbygirl

I love this. It is mine now!

Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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LemonJello

Seems like these ducks have some fight in them.

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Gumbygirl

I rescued a duckling from the pool a few months ago. Little fucker was strong! And fast.

Brick Meathook

and delicious