Hey squirrels and boys, this is here until I do all my homework and spill it on to the monitor. Why so late? Well, a business partner wants to live test a new operating system at 10am on a Sunday! Imagine that.
As you suspected, people suck. Update-People are still sucking.
To The Games!
Steelers/Browns:
Garbage-y qb play on both ends makes us look elsewhere. Perhaps we can watch the sack race between Garrett (11) and T.J. Watt(10.5) I guess watching DTR (Down To Run) scramble around for his football life might be entertaining. When is Vegas going to start giving us odds on concussed players?
Cards/Texans:
This is your sneaky good tilt of the early slate. Would anyone have said this even four games ago? Nope. But now Arizonny has Murray back and can put points on the board. And the Texans are beginning to fully understand just how potent their offense is. As with Denver, you can’t judge them by their season-long stats because they’re a different team heading down the stretch. You were very smart to pick up Noah Brown last week or the week before but now you can’t play him. Such is fantasy life.
Titans/Jags:
Such hope for these teams in September but the former has been sunk by shitty qb play and the latter just seems a bit off despite so many pieces in place.
Raiders/Fins:
Mark Davis will be safely esconced in his (pillow) Fort of Everybody Go Away! halfway through the second quarter. Achane is back and ready to roll over Vegas’ generous D. Will Tyreek go for 200? He’s got some work to do to get to 2,000 yards.
Cowboys/Panteros:
This line seems…odd. As I’ve noted before, Dallas really buries lousy teams. (the stumble vs the Cards excepted) DAK! and CeeDee should pad the stat line and while we’re at it, can I get some garbage fantasy points from Theilen in the 3rd and 4th? Carolina should try and pretend they’re going to make the score respectable, right?
Bears/Lions:
If Detroit gets the W they’ll have their best record since way back in ’62. Strawberry Fields’ thumb has been un-dislocated but can he throw a deep or non-wobbly ball? His running would be the key to an upset because the Lions had no answer for LAMAR! a few weeks back.
Chargers/Packers
Can Herbert just have a half-decent coach? Everyone acknowledges the man’s superior talent but his record is 29-29 to date. Jones and Dillon should have a day because the Lions ran for over 200 yards vs defensive coaching genius Staley.
Giants/Commies:
The Giants locker room must feel like a mausoleum at this point. They’ve had shitty years in the past but they’ve never jockeyed for the 1st overall pick since 1981. DeVito, who was shitty at SillyCuse and Illinois is the young boy that can take them to that promised land. And he’ll do it while throwing for less than 140 yards. GAH!
Do your thing.
What do you get for the BLOOD GODS this Xmas? Yew got it – BLOOD
MrsSloth: Hey, can you make me a sammich for lunch and bring it to me at work? Is there halftime? Bring it then?
Me: Sadly, I can not. The NFL adopted a new rule removing halftimes from games that went into effect last week.
MS: Oh, well THAT’s stupid.
Me: Yea, outta my hands. Remember my buddy Jimmy? He’ll make you a sandwich AND bike it on over to you.
(turns on NFL football game)
(flashbacks to Burrow recoiling in pain)
(turns off tv)
Too soon. Back to the lightless room to cry.
So the do it yourself colo rectal test uses “My Way” by Sinatra? I’m calling some of the boys and we’re going to settle this.
Hill beat that coverage like his child.
“Three Brown Shirts!” Good thing that comment wasn’t made during the Germany game.
Tommy got his shine box.
While the Amazon commercial with the old ladies sledding is heartwarming, in reality the bottom of that hill would look like Omaha Beach five minutes after the first boat landed in Normandy.
Wearing helmets… woosie gurls…
Broken hip? What’s that?
Fields be doin the Icarus thing…
MIKE BOONE is still in the League??
🚲 🌙
Afternoon, degenerates. The gutters are clean, outdoor Christmas lights are up, and laundry is done. Time to halfheartedly mark while watching the early game slate before getting the air fryer fired up for some fresh wings for the Grey Cup tonight.
We decorate the weekend after Thanksgiving. My wife makes George Patton driving to Berlin look like Martha Stewart. She is fucking relentless until he job is done.
Allons y, gentille Alouettes!
GUH, I needed that #ThePauls safety (7 points in our league’s scoring)
I will tell this joke Thursday night in fron tof my wife’s super christian family.
Start a conversation about what the H in Jesus H. Christ stands for.
Well obviously, it’s Hopping.
Wrong. It’s for Harold.
Looking back my comments last night, yeesh. Luckily I drive drunk better than i type drunk.
REALITY TV HippoIdea! America’s Best Drunk Driver
i was woken up one morning with my very angry father standing over my bed. he literally threw me down the steps, marched me out to the driveway and pointed to my car, which had streaks of mud, branches, and debris up one side.
“So?”
“So what happened?”
“Um. Deer.”
He was not convinced. I’m lucky he didn’t pound my face into soup.
Hanson having to wash his mouth out after saying 18 punts
Head owie for Dr. Mantis Toboggan?? Will Matt Barkley get him time to shine???
WHOA, is Wee Kyler NOT a wet bag of shit after all? Was it all just Koach Kliff Kancer?
one low yield nuclear missile hits cleveland stadium, and you’ve cleaned up the gene pool to the factor of 100
Is there a DonT/herodotus #ShameBet in this Surly Duff Classic?
Scott Hanson, Greatest Living American
Nope, it’s Chris Hanson
Unsubscribe!! – Marc T., parts unknown
Me watching tv. Commercial for johns hopkins university’s children cancer treatment comes on.
Me, “Wow that mom is hot.”
I think I missed the point.
probably pretty sad and vulnerable too!
She looked single . . .
Current Euro qualifiers score: Lukaku 4, Belgium 1, Azerbaijan 0
Well now Travis Kelce’s really gone and done it
https://twitter.com/BBCWorld/status/1726294859579875581
He took her breath away?
How good is Spam’s Scrotal Recall squadron? He’s made Saquon a HEALTHY SCRATCH.
Say what you will about Belgium’s atrocities in the Congo, it resulted in a hell of a soccer team.
Starting Howell vs my Giants. Have a great day buddy.
2 1/2 hours in and their IT still hasn’t completed the 1st step. Fuckballs.
Scotchy, whod’ya tip for the SillyCuse vacancy??
They’ve been yakking about coaches in the northeast that run successful programs (so the UCONN coach is not being considered) at the D2 level.* Can’t remember anyone off the top of my head.
*that would come cheap-the admin says it cares about football but if they did, why would they let Babers hang around for 8 years?
Maybe they could run it back with Paul Pasqualoni, the only man to set both programs back by about a decade.
Never knew she’s a Packers fan.
Refresh and you’ll get what passes for game wisdom in northern Ontario.
Um… does this make us accomplices?
Not if everyone keeps they damned mouth shut! – Ray L., Baltimore, MD
inshallah, was much enjoyed
Wow. A very quiet Sunday morning without no kids in the house. Maybe too quiet . . .
From the Athletic, these are the 10 rookie QBs to start a game this season
Looks like the VIP list for a Drake show with their Italian bodyguard
This column has left me feeling nice and optimistic, and I expect that feeling to last for a good solid two hours (until the Raiders game starts)!
https://www.noahpinion.blog/p/the-roaring-20s-are-back-on-track
Just realized I’m gonna be on a boat in New Zealand during the Owl. Wonder if they’ll have it on tv
The boat in question:
What it looked like when it was cool:
The beauty of DFO’s RULES-BASED ORDER is that, while a horrid SNF matchup on a day that starts with a morning UK/German fixture IS mandatory? The Superb Owl is NOT.
It’s taking these flubbies more than 45 minutes to build a 5 line order for live testing. I could be scratching my balls at home!
I’m sorry man. Focus on things you can control. Teabag a corner of the comptroller’s desk in a scratching motion.
Come on India, you just need six consecutive wickets without giving up a single run and the World Cup is YOURS!
Damn it India, YOU BLEW IT!
There’s a group of SE Asians who play cricket nearly every day at the State park where I walk my dog.
I’m guessing they’re going to be pretty upset today.
Not if they’re Sri Lankan!
Or Pakistani!
Or Bangladeshi!
Bhutanese!
Their positioning was terrible and they made zero adjustments to the Aussie batting. I work with South Asians and they were quite confident after the India innings. Not so much.
I don’t understand cricket, like at all, so is a score of 172-3 unusual?
Unusual…yes, in a good way. It’d be like a twenty-one point quarter in football, or scoring three rouges and a maple in a Canadian football timing period.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Century_(cricket)
What would you say an NFL equivalent of a century is? Throwing four touchdown passes in a game? Running or receiving for 150+ yards?
Maybe something like 30+ fantasy points (40+ for a QB) so you can capture both yardage and points
Running for four touchdowns in one game is The Bundy.
I played HIGH SCHOOL FITBAW!!!
Hungarian keeper just made 4 point blank saves in about 4 seconds. Insane.
A Black guy on Hungary is named ‘Nego’ and I’m not gonna lie, I’d be a little uncomfortable saying that out loud given my limited knowledge of Hungarian and my vast knowledge of the huge racism problem in soccer.
Ah yes the ill fated chocolate waffle campaign
THIS LADY THE DR. MRS. DEADLY ESQ. (RET.) I CALL HER COACH ANDY REID BECAUSE SHE COMPLAINED THAT I DIDN’T MAKE ENOUGH MEATBALLS.
But did you bake or fry those meatballs? I’m going to assume bake since you’re already on fozz’s shit list
Made with turkey, lightly coated with avocado oil, then baked at 400° for about fifteen minutes.
Sounds splendid.
Nonna fried them so that is the standard, Fozz is not incorrect there. But we have taken to baking them in recent years. More tender and easier to digest.
Martin Adams from Hungary. This is JJ Frankie JJ from Shoresy, you’re not fooling me.
Sticks are unbelievable.
Settle down
Hot Euro qualifying action as Hungary takes on Montenegro!
So much better than the Premier! said no one ever.
Nobody asked, but this is Hippo’s JV NFL playoff list
1) Georgia (win or lose v. Bama)
2) Washington (if wins out)
3) tOSU (if wins out)
4) Alabama (if wins out)
5) Oregon (if wins out)
6) Washington (with 1 loss)
7) Florida State (if wins out)
8) Texas (if wins out)
9) tOSU (with 1 loss)
YES, no Michigan Men under any circumstances (they will lose Saturday anyway, methinks)
No love for UConn? For shame.
Y’all did have an impressive showing against that convent (I assume that’s what Sacred Heart is?) yesterday, it must be said.
A small Catholic D-2, (or whatever they call D-2 these days), school out of Fairfield, (DON’T YOU DARE SAY WE’RE IN BRIDGEPORT!!!), CT.
For the rest of the winter I can just roll out the back door and snort all the greenhouse gasses I want.
Anyone watching the Cricket World Cup final? India is in trouble here.
Doesn’t seem to be on TV here. Not sure I’d want to tune in just to see Australia win yet again, though.
I would have watched that Vegas F1 race if it had ever been on fucking TV.
Might I entice you to cross the illegal streams Rubicon? Downside: from there on, it’s a slippery slope to loafing around, narcotics, and illegal parking. Per the literchure
Do I jump on the Pocket Scientist (Dobbs) train or play it safe with Herbert?
I would go with the Charger but I’m an idiot.
Denver has a fine pass defense, though Hockenson will likely eat us alive (can’t use Surtain on him like we done Kelce).
Green Bay is garbage, unless weather is a concern. (I haven’t even weather-checked my matchups b/c mostly given up at this point.)
Live test a new operating system? What could go wrong there?
/ yanked off the network for 10 days.(7 working days).
// returns everything he owns to factory settings
No London game, right? Nothing but time….
And Hallmark flicks if yer into that thing.
Yeah, I am just sitting around pondering my myriad failures in life. Still, beats billable work.
Working on Sundays has never bothered me much. As a professional mentor once told me,
RAAAAIIIIII DUUUUUUURS
RAAAAIIIIII DUUUUUUURS
RAAAAIIIIII DUUUUUUURS
Biz partner sounds like my kinda guy. I just had to send an email to my girl.to hit up the accountant for the tax stuff he owed me in Oct and then by 11/15.
My grandma set this dude up as our account decades back. Now he’s old and slow and can’t all his clients. And i have my own friends who are partners at accounting firms — so I’m probably gonna have to cut his ass old man ass next.
“I’m going with my cronies, Gramps. Axe Body spray > ointment”
Its just bidnezz old man… just bidnezz…
Blax dealing with his staff (artist’s conception):