The lizards are crawling on my face and eating my eyes. Failure is indeed an option and I have chosen most unwisely, again, Shit

This all comes from a sanguine suggestion of “Yeah Right” Pie indeed.

Cover me in the blood of Christ for I am truly forsaken but only on Tuesday’s and some Thursday mornings but please don’t forget that there is a nominal fee. Which you will have to pay but this does not guarantee that I show up or if I do I will most certainly be tipsy, just a quick warning  that you will probably choose to ignore.

Last time I tried this I stumbled headlong? Face down? right into a bowl of not very good ice, what milk? Cream?

It’s always fun having no idea where this is going to go. Do you? Perhaps a hint is in order?

You already said what it’s going to be, stop pulling me donger and get on wit it.

Pie!

I like pie now

Not that kind of pie you old degenerate

I like panties too!

HUBBA HUBBA

The foulest of temptresses bring to bare the most revered of bonbons magical abstruseness.

So let’s just see what I can do to a pie, don’t worry I did this at home and used a stick.

Time for a silly question, ready?

What’s your favorite pie?

Look that lame joke played out rather embarrassingly earlier so let’s be more mature shall we? Sadly probably not.

Fruit pie? Chocolate cream or perhaps a mincemeat (just what in the unholy fuck is that) pie? I wonder if there’s actual blood in said pastry and if so I should try one of dem sum bitches.

As for me I like Key (Yeah Right did it) Lime but I hate Pumpkin and piss on any and all cheesecake.

Nobody cares about your lame opinions can we please just move on? Jeeeez.

I will summon forth the fiery reveal. If it’s pink we all dine in hell tonight!! Shiver and fall to your knees as the mighty divine horns all blat in unison. The confection of decisions is? (I’ve got a bad feeling about this whole messy business) Pecan!

Nice, my second favorite usually only enjoyed around the holidays or in New Orleans.

Sallysbakingaddiction.com was where I started this adventure.

The rest is all my fault. I like to take credit for my own bad delusions and please do not forget that I like my sentence structure stupid and unbalanced.

See not so challenging. Now lets rankle the devils of unreason.

These first photos are from “Yeah Right”

So this is what it’s supposed to look like but I turned it into (I’ll take control of the photos from here on out) something more like this

I WONDER WHAT IT COULD BE?

Something about using two pieces of parchment paper will keep it from turning into dust.

Off to the local Piggly Wiggly for this:

STOP LAUGHING MOST LOATHSOME GHOSTS

Nice to know that the dead have a sense of humor.

“Gentle reminder somewhere along the way be sure to heat your oven to 350”

Which turned into this

SEE ALL PRETTY LIKE

Now let’s make a real disturbing bit of nasty shall we?  Just followed the recipe as was and it turned into a right nightmare.

Pour the pecans right into the uncooked pie (Aren’t you supposed to pre-bake the pie crust?) crust.

LOOK A BIT LIKE ROACHES THEY DO

Let’s move on to getting wet. Fold the eggs together

Next fold gently with the tempered, melted (too warm the eggs cook) butter and homemade (See the shitty ice cream article) vanilla.

Hey is that spooge?

Just pop it over there for a jiff, be right back we will.

Off to the dry ingredients, first,

I started all fancy by grating real cinnamon sticks, I know I’m bougie like that.

Then

Hey this is easy

Now just glop (Technical jargon, you wouldn’t understand) that yuck into the Karo and blend nice-like until smooth and fulfilled.

Now drop the glop into the dry stuff, did I mention to stir your dry ingredients together with a fork, oh that’s right you’re the cook and knew that already forgive my obtuse nature.

Pour the mixture into the pie crust that already has the pecans patiently waiting and give it a shake to let the glop settle on the nuggets from trees.

Well put it into the ready easy bake oven for twenty minutes Silly, then rotate 90 degrees and then bake for another 25 minutes. Start checking, if the crust is on fire then you can be certain that it’s ready for Satan, Hail!

Anno Domini

Was it good? well, yes and no.

I followed the recipe exactly, that was a metric shit ton of pecans! Cut that down to half of what wacky pants says. What I ended up doing was peeling most of the pecans off and then it was tasty, sweet, (sweet? Brown sugar and Karo syrup is sweet? You sir are a real wordsmith) sticky and that kick of real cinnamon really shined through, the store bought crust while cooked just fine was well? Kind of tasted like what you might imagine a paper towel would taste like.. Damn it I’ll own that one. Another abject failure? You decide.

Next time I do this silly business I will be doing a dish where an animal lost it’s life.

I think I need a moxa treatment to overcome my maladies of mind and burn away my inner demons.

Taj/Lar 2/24

My first attempt at drawing undies, made one feel a touch meretricious.

I shot this,except where noted, wrote this, drew this nonsense all on my own, there was some forced coercion. No one else to blame, forced to look inward.