Balls Magazine Year 2, Volume 4 (25 overall)

As you may remember, I let you know about my first tournament win of the year and my lowest score differential ever in Volume 2. Today, I’m going to tell you about the very next tourney I played with my club.

This month’s tournament was a two-person team Scramble. In this format, both players tee off and then pick the ball that is in best position. They pick up the other ball and then both hit from the chosen spot. This continues until the ball gets in the hole. It tends to produce lower scores as you have two chances to hit the ball well every shot.

For this particular tournament, you could choose your playing partners although you were restricted in that the handicap difference between the two players could not be more than ten strokes. You could also get randomly paired. I got randomly paired.

The ten stroke difference helps so that one player doesn’t dominate the scoring and that both players contribute. There was also a rule that you had to use at least five drives off the tee from each player.

I met my playing partner as I finished my putting practice prior to the round. He is a nice guy with a unique name and he works in The Industry. No, not porn, the other one. He is a 31 handicap index, just like me.

We had a little difficulty getting a golf cart but we eventually commandeered one right before we were supposed to tee off. Not exactly the smoothest start to the round, but that’s how it goes.

We carried that positive attitude into the first hole and we needed it because it was cold, threatening to rain, and the ball wasn’t going very far. We hit short shot after short shot and eventually got to the green. At least we didn’t go off into the thick rough. We ended up starting with a 6 on the Par 4 which was not bad for an individual 31 handicap index player as this was the #1 Stroke Index hole (toughest) but not good considering this was a Scramble.

The second followed a similar pattern as we were struggling to adjust to the conditions. However, we did do a little better and scored a 5 on another Par 4. We were keeping it in play, which was keeping us in the game.

I really should say that my partner was keeping us in play. I hit a couple of good shots, but he was carrying me. I didn’t say anything, but I knew I needed to step up my game.

I made up for not contributing on the first two holes on the Par 3 third as I hit a beautiful shot out of the green-side bunker that set us up for a Par.

Then I went right back to getting carried. We managed to score a Bogey 5 on the Par 4 fourth, a Bogey 4 on the Par 3 fifth and a Bogey 6 on the Par 5 sixth. The Bogey Train was rolling.

Again, ordinarily, we would be very happy with these scores individually but this was a Scramble. Bogey Golf was not going to get it done.

The other team that was in our foursome was made up of two older guys that had handicap indexes in the teens. They were also struggling at the beginning but quickly started heating up. At one point they mentioned that they were playing to their handicaps which, if you know the system, means they were playing pretty well. My partner and I figured that if we could stay within six strokes of them, we’d be in decent shape.

Something clicked on the Par 4 seventh. I hit a good drive, which we took, and then I hit a beautiful second shot that ended up just on the fringe of the green. A pitch and a putt and we had a Par.

At this point, we started really ham and egging it. He would hit a bad shot and I’d hit a good shot. Then I would hit a bad one and he would hit a good one.

We got another Bogey on the Par 3 eight but finished the Front Nine with a Par on a long Par 5 and we got to The Turn at a 42, four strokes behind the other team.

Then it was Bloody Mary time!

My partner had hurriedly paid for the cart when we were starting, so I thought I’d start paying him back by getting him a beer while I got a Bloody. Little did I know he had gotten a BUCKET of beers to prepare for the Back Nine. Fueled up, we hit the Tenth hole full of confidence. And alcohol.

The Tenth is a longish Par 4 and we got a textbook par. My game was heating up as his was dropping off a bit. Remember: Ham and Egg.

To say we went on a streak is an understatement.

We went Par, Par, Par, Par, BIRDIE, and Par on the next six holes.

The other team was making jokes about us being sandbaggers and 31 Handicap My Ass!

It was glorious. We were truly in the zone. The good vibes were infectious and we both started hitting good shots instead of relying on the Ham and Egg.

The Seventeenth is a relatively easy Par 3 but neither of us, for the first time all day, hit a good tee shot and we ended up with a Bogey 4.

As we headed to the 18th, we were now even on the raw score with the other team, who had continued to play well. I hit my best drive of the day after my partner hit the fence, my partner hit a good second and third shot, and we were set up well for short approach shots into the long Par 5 green.

I hit mine onto the green about thirty feet away on a flat line to the hole. My partner hit his about twenty feet away also on the green but on a slope. The question now was which ball to pick.

With the benefit of hindsight, we probably should have picked mine as it was a level putt and we probably had a better chance of making it, but we picked his. We missed both par putts and settled for Bogey.

Still, our incredible par streak on the Back meant we finished with a 36 (one over par!) in The Back and an 8 over 78 for the 18 holes.

The other team finished with a par and that gave them a total of 77 for the day. However, thanks to our team handicap of 15 (the sum of our individual handicap indexes divided by 2), our 78 turned into a 63 while their 77 turned into a 68. We had beaten them. Now, had we beaten anyone else?

We turned in our scorecard and then went to our cars to put our clubs away. I finished first and went back to the scorer’s table where they had big posters showing everyone’s scores.

We had won our flight.

PROS

I split our winnings of $200 with my partner.

I had a damn good Bloody Mary.

I got really good experience scoring low. The more comfortable I feel scoring low, the more I will be able to do it

CONS

It was cold but by the time the round was over, I didn’t feel the cold at all.

OVERALL RATING:

Since this tourney was a Scramble, it does not affect my Handicap Index. However, I earned points towards the Club Championship and some good money.

I may be in the top ten in the standings after this.

Things are going well going into the meat of the golf season. I’m going to do my best to keep it up.

See you next time.

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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Brick Meathook

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue

https://ibb.co/61ccV7Q

Doktor Zymm

Dude, it was $4.99 per minute 25 years ago (first 3 minutes free!!) that’s extortionate

Brick Meathook

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Doktor Zymm

Ohio and Michigan, your slight differences disgust me!

Doktor Zymm

They’re just talking about the fans now and they’ve gotten to games within my lifetime. Time to switch to a Miss Cleo doc

WCS

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Gumbygirl

Look, I have the banner! And it’s National Banana Day! Happy Happy Joy Joy!

Gumbygirl

.

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Mr. Ayo

That’s because you’re our favoUrite. Don’t tell the others even though they already know.

scotchnaut

Nuts. the look on Kovacic’s face as he approached the ball, I thought he was scared out of mind.

Doktor Zymm

Got my sammich and wine, let’s see how long I can watch this HBO documentary about the michigan v ohio state jv footy rivalry

Doktor Zymm

45 punts in the 1950 blizzard game, 9-3 with no first downs. Also it was 3F. Plus people still played both sides of the ball back then. And yet they delayed that game in Buffalo this year. Lame.

I would totally watch a league where each player is required to play equal time defense/offense

King Hippo

The KEEPER makes his, and you still go out, 4-3. That’s gonna be a quiet dressing room.

Mr. Ayo

Rough look for the EPL

King Hippo

Hopefully keeping the same vibe manana

SonOfSpam

More like Man, Are They Bad At Penalties City

scotchnaut

Silva, wtf?

King Hippo

es muy mal

Mr. Ayo

JFC, you’re a professional footballer. Just kick it into any corner, it’s not going to be stopped.

King Hippo

Luka’s in for another beating, it seems

King Hippo

I remember John Stones as a good penalty taker (for a centre-half, especially)

SonOfSpam

pretty good porno name tbh

King Hippo

he’d be the erotic pizza boy

WCS

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Doktor Zymm

Some fun stuff in my second favorite wine club, 2 zins, a rosé of zin, a verdelho, and a sparkling gewurtz!

scotchnaut

Man City has a spring in their step.

King Hippo

at least Spain is KEWL, no way will anyone be das raycess about Rudiger’s oopsie-doodle there

SonOfSpam

Indeed

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Don T

+ = “poignant observation Spam”, not YEA SPANISH RAYCESS

SonOfSpam

That’s some good clarification, especially for a Puerto Rican.

WCS

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Sublime.

Don T

Man City’s had more corners than Michael Jackson’s 17th nose

scotchnaut

Pep hasn’t subbed anyone yet?

Don T

Grealish for Doku

scotchnaut

Right.

Don T

Dani Carvajal is a classic Resl scumbag in the moUld of Sergio [spits on empty bottle] Ramos

King Hippo

Luka Modric still plays??

litre_cola

Played against Canadia in the World Cup too.

scotchnaut

By the time he retires he’s going to be 80lbs.

Mr. Ayo

Yes, but not very well

scotchnaut

OH YOU MAGICK FUCKING MAN BROOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don T

He kicked that ball towards Jupiter

scotchnaut

Real committed to packing the box so tightly they’ve got the vacuum attachment out and are sucking all the air out of the game.

Mr. Ayo

That didn’t work

scotchnaut
King Hippo

Rough 96 hours for the King’s Afrikan Water Pistols, they look adrift

King Hippo

No extra Shempions ducat para el Inglen

King Hippo

Man, I’d kill for an 8-piece (all white, of course says the WASP) chicken box from Popeye’s. Half today, half tomorrow re-heated with good BBQ sauce.

Too bad I’d Carpenter, then have the all-night meat sweats. Don’t get old, (imaginary) ppls

litre_cola

Heading to Phoenix tomorrow on a lads golf trip. I’ve golfed 3 rounds in 7 years, thanks Decilitre. Two guys are really good golfers and golf regularly due to one being divorced and the other having no kids. The other guy is the size of GTD but with a temper. He was my qb in HS and Uni and does NOT like losing no matter the game. He’ll be golf just as bad as me so I await fireworks. He once fought a guy who hit our ball back at us (deserved), he also has once broken another guys pull cart for being lippy (In high school, was hilarioUs). He is the nicest guy, except during competition.

. Hopefully I can dial it in by day 3 as I used to golf all the time, especially when I worked at Turnberry.

Problem is, that I am old, and will be hungover.

P.S. Blax, please turn off the heat, that is way too damn hot for me.

King Hippo

I worked with a guy who played defensive back at NC State in the mid-80s. He was the nicest dude I ever met. One day, we played this 4-on-4 pickup basketball as (IIRC) an evening outing with the summer clerks.

HOLY SHIT, did a switch ever flip. He was a man possessed with the ball in play.

Game Time Decision

Litre, we only ever had some drinks, we didn’t play any sports, so I may (Magic eight ball says: All signs point to yes) be an asshole when playing. I’m the type of player that knows the rules and plays just over that line at times. I also talk the whole game. My team, their team, don’t care, let’s fucking go

litre_cola

You turned into my buddy from Manitoba so quickly I hardly noticed.

King Hippo

Harry Kane in Munchen makes me think there is probably a cutesy German word for “Fuckface”

Mr. Ayo

Dummkopf!

Although Google insists its verdammtes Gesicht?

King Hippo

Gotta admit, that’s not as cutesy as Katzenpapa

Don T

TUDN broadcaster says Haaland can’t hit headers. Comeuppance, universe, NOW!

King Hippo

I am glad to see you ain’t die yesterday, and/or at least emerged from rage/booze coma

Don T

I was angrier at the rice I made. Too bland 🤬

fleshwound_NPG

not one mention of a water hazard, so thats good golfin’

you know what DOESNT like water hazards

https://jalopnik.com/tesla-cybertruck-no-match-for-car-wash-1851417011

fleshwound_NPG

cybertruck is the lancia beta of our generation; if it sees water, it will die

lancia-rust.png
Don T

Maldito Madriz. City 0 – 1 Real CabronE

Brick Meathook

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2Pack

That sounds like a blast. Well done Buddy. If you spill the Bloody Mary do not fret… convenient napkins are always available.

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Game Time Decision
LemonJello

So, how does this affect the Maple Leafs playoff hopes?

Brick Meathook

Wait, there was gambling in the casino?

Redshirt

GAMBLOR, I call him Chicxulub asteroid because it murderdeathkilled that Raptor’s future.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“You don’t want this for the kid, you don’t want this for our team and we don’t want this for our league, that’s for sure,” Raptors President Masai Ujiri said Wednesday in Toronto, speaking shortly before the NBA announced Porter’s ban. “My first reaction is obviously surprise, because none of us, I don’t think anybody, saw this coming.”

For a counterpoint, let’s go to our panel of talking heads sponsored by DraftKings and FanDuel

King Hippo

Balls got paired with Quentin Tarantino obvs.

Also, what constitutes “L.A. Cold?” Upper 50s??

Game Time Decision

That’s TShirt weather
-the Canadian contingent

LemonJello

[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

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“HOW THE FUCK WE DOIN’ BOYS?!?”

Brick Meathook

Speaking of Balls Magazine, here’s the proposed Bricktown skyscraper in Oklahoma City:

https://www.wsj.com/us-news/oklahoma-skyscraper-americas-tallest-eaae69d2?st=dujfubyyk6jlrxb&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink