TGIF! The Olympics are BACK! Ok, so today is just the opening ceremonies, but tomorrow everything gets going for real. Next time they need to add couch activities so JD Vance has something to do.
Survival – Personal Edition
The stuff of nightmares, this one. You’re at the wedding, all decked out in your sweet tux. But, you lost your bow tie. Let’s make an emergency replacement so you don’t look like a total loser.
- Find a starched, white, cloth napkin. That’s right, your bowtie is going to double as a bib.
- Lay it out flat on a table. Use a pencil to draw a circle about one (1) inch in diameter in the middle.
- Then draw a triangle with two (2) inch sides. One point of the triangle should be at the middle of the circle.
- Repeat on the other side. When done, the pencil outline should look be bow tie shaped.
- Grab some scissors and cut out the bow tie from the napkin following the outside of the outline.
- Flip the bow tie over so the pencil marks face your tux.
- Locate some safety pins or tape, and secure your new bow tie to your shirt collar.
Great job! Hopefully there’s an open bar so no one will really notice or care about your hack job of a bow tie.
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Survival – Species Edition
Time to put the sexy in Friday!
Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!
So only half the country gives a shit about AFL, the other half doesn’t even know the rules and is all about Rugby League and fuck Brisbane the Canterbury Bulldogs are fire!
I met a dude who is a St. Kilda fan and became a New Orleans fan since they’re also the Saints and kind of a seahawks fan for no discernable reason.
We only really have pints for draft beer in the US, here there are also halfs and schooners. So much better!
Went to a pub that has Quayle Ale, and it is indeed named after Dan Quayle because he had it on a visit, asked what it was called, the bartender was taking the piss and said Quayle Ale, but then it caught on. I used that as an opening to explain about the current VP hopeful amazingness of Vance couchfucking.
It’s not even 7 pm, but it’s been a good night and I am sleepy time
Cheers to you for proselytizing the gospel of JD Vance the Couchfucker.
…and there’s the bad side to this jorb.
There is help people. Please don’t hurt yourself. Suicide is never the solution; there are resources and people who want to help.
Be funnier.
Noticed the rightwing hasn’t said a whole lot about Trump’s would-be assassin, since the kid was either a conservative at worst, or politically apathic at best?
Instead of detailing anything about him, it’s about how Harris is cheating the system, why the Obamas clearly despise her, and why Trump is just HOT right now. Also,
IMMEGANTS GON KILL MURICKANS
Despite Hinckley’s lack of political motivation, Reagan saw a 8 point boost in approval after his assassination attempt. Trump, zero.
At least Paris security is in good hands.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kW9Qk00693c
I Love the Olympics but am not ready to move on from dunking on JD Vance
https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/comments/1ed2dw0/now_it_does/
I am of the understanding that it stands for “Jerks off to Dolphins”.
That’s what Ron deSantis thinks Miami football fans do.
There is no reason to stop the hilarious Vance memes just because of the Olympics. Enjoy both!
Well fuck. That week was stupid.
Hi everyone!
haldo
My work week was stupid as fuck but I’m enjoying the opening of the Olympics.
Last funny:
i like lightbulbs because it’s like keeping the sun in a little aquarium
You know what is funny? French rappers.
I’m giggling like a kid at the Minions
They were great. I forget how funny those characters are.
Are you watching a movie or cosplaying as Andrew Carnegie after the Johnston Flood?
Fat guy with a fat fish.
Fillet both of them!
Here’s a fat guy that feels left behind, quite frankly!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYB3Fx0a8-4&ab_channel=SteveScott
So….that was a weird fucking opening ceremony
That Westwood-looking robot horse looked pretty cool.
*Westworld, JFC.
UCLA is kinda futuristic
I love that the drag queens completely triggered some folks.
Wait, did they really? Have those people never seen Bugs Bunny before?
We’re barely starting on the West Coast.
I’m excited to see the weirdness!
So far it’s awesome
A bit disjointed if you ask me.
FUCK YEAH HEAVY METAL AT THE OLYMPICS!!
Yeah, the Marie Antoinettes with the severed heads were absolutely the most metal thing we’ve ever seen at the Olympics.
Olympics had been woefully short of singing severed heads
Just a lack of severed limbs and viscera in general, honestly. A bit of a let down.
“It’s only the second-most horrifying thing I’ve ever seen associated with sports.” – JD Vance
That’s ROCKING!
I’ve already cried 3 times.
Shit. Make it 4
Told you to shave not pluck
Historic pub tour in an hour, gonna go walk around to try and feel like it’s really Saturday afternoon. Good thing I got moved from the evening tour, don’t think I will still be awake in 6 hours!
It’s lady 3 this week.
Never wore a tux, I had these other outfits with more bling.
Thank you Mr Ayo, spectacular work.
FOX News currently: LIBERAL MEDIA SAYS KAMALA OUTPOLLING TRUMP W/ INDEPENDENTS…. FOX NEWS POLL SAYS TRUMP OUTPERFORMING HARRIS W/ INDEPENDENTS…. ECONOMY REMAINS KEY FACTOR NOT BORDER
You stuck in a truck stop or something? Fox News will rot your brain.
We always have CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Bloomberg, local news and Weather Channel always on. Oh, and watching the Dirt Stillers blow a 3-1 lead.
The Olympics died in 2008
/along with all those dogs in the lead up to those games
What’s the opposite of, “I get this reference?”.
/Red Wing fans, amirite?
China had to eat all their dogs before people showed up for the olympics. NOT a surprise that your communist state controlled media supressed that story for ya’ll up there
I remember articles about Sochi, where about half the hotel rooms didn’t have running water, or doors. Just a total clusterfuck.
I ate too much curry. No good.
In other news the Cavalry have scored a 1st gol. Huzzah.
My condolences to the septic tank or plumbling.
Pepto was my friend.
Opening ceremonies might be my favorite part of the Olympics. I mean, sure, this is just a recording of what already happened, but I am excited to watch this.
Me too!
Definitely different. We saw a menage a trois, windows full of beheaded Marie Antoinettes, what I think was a bearded lady, and Nadia Comaneci.
It looked like Sha’carri Richardson’s boobs were going to come out of her shirt, but America’s prayers were unanswered.
The boats were cool, especially when they’d have some small country’s entire team on what looked like a ski boat.
I swear it sounded to me like Mike Tirico said, “Normally the Olympic flame is near the end of the torch’s journey, but the torch has gone somewhere else.” Good preparation, way to go.
NBC still believes that anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
In the “I’m getting old” department, while out at dinner tonight, on one of the screen was an advertisement for “Hair Club for men” starring the kid from Malcom in the Middle (Frankie Muniz). He can have some of my ear and neck hair, if he needs it
I just checked the Mexican Olympic team roster. Lots of archers and shooters in it.
There’s a really good cartel joke in there somewhere.
“See, they’re sending their best to the Olympics.” — Donald T.
My favourite words for women’s breasts:
Tits
Rack
Boobies
Titties
“Taters” is good. It’s a happy word no matter how it’s being used, honestly.
Tette…
JD Vance is a goddamned American hero for making it so easy to transition from the couch sex stuff (which is fake*) to the dolphin sex stuff (which is not).
*or at least presumed to be fake, since one cannot prove a negative-
One of the many great things, it showed how few people actually read more than 100 pages of his book
That poor sonofabitch ain’t gonna live this down.
Ain’t karma something?
Draft idea for a monday: pieces of furniture.
Can be a real piece of furniture, can be fictional, can be one you owned, can be one you always wanted an excuse to buy
If JD’s busy, we have our deputy commish.
I love that this even made international news
“You call that sexy? THIS is sexy”
-JD
Was taking the trash out and someone left a giant cardboard box labeled “chaise-lounge.”
So sad to see how JD Vance treats his exes.
Class, this;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zd9jeJk2UHQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qffvo5DkKis&t=972s
After watching this, I have to ask Redshirt: Which was more painful, the ’90s Bungles, or the 2010s Wild Card Auto-Losses?
Kind of want to order this to be delivered to JD Vance’s residence.
https://coastalpassion.com/products/dolphin-love-sofa-cover
I just signed up for a “White Dudes for Harris” zoom call on Monday. But given my pedigree (raised in CT, high school tennis team, mother’s maiden name is literally “White”) I feel like I should count as at least three, possibly as many as five white dudes.
There has to be some sort of compromise!
Evening, I’ve been lacking in the sexy for the last few weeks, here’s a vaguely olympics themed post:
This is more of a Balls-themed post.
¡Gracias!
Great bottom up review.
When asked how he feels about turning over the presidential nomination to Kamala Harris, Joe Biden said, “I have known her for many years and she has a great history of public service, like hosting ‘Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?’ in the 1990s.”
He actually was able to relinquish his control after Kamala promised him his grandkids could go on “the map show”
Found a funny:
her breasts were like a freeway’s surface, convexly curved to allow for proper drainage
Me: “Hey AI, give me some Edward Abbey meets Raymond Chandler meets Benjamin Spock meets a City Commissioner.”
Gotta love a well-cambered set of tits
As opposed to a well-chambered set of tits.
High… caliber?
GODDAM! Those are some great athletic poses! Very appropriate for the Olympics!