TGIF! What a doozy of a weekend it is here: Seafair! You’ve got boats, you’ve got the Blue Angels, you’ve got hydroplane boat races, you’ve got water, and you’ve got a sunburn! I’ll enjoy watching it on TV.
Survival – Personal Edition
For all you parents out there, let’s go over the long standing cliches. How many have you used?
- When I was your age…
- Life isn’t fair.
- They call it bedtime for a reason.
- Do I have to come over there?
- You’re bored? I’m Dad, nice to meet you.
- Just a few more miles.
- That’s twice. Three strikes and you’re out.
- You make a better door than a window.
- Eat your vegetables.
- Because it’s my house.
- There’s no allowance without “allow.”
- Can we keep the noise down to a low roar?
- Are you trying to cool the entire neighborhood?
- Money doesn’t grow on trees.
- You’ll spoil your dinner.
- You won’t be happy until someone loses an eye.
- If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?
- This is why we can’t have nice things.
- You’re not going out looking like that.
- This hurts me more than it hurts you.
- This is why I have gray hair.
- You have nothing to do? I’ll give you something to do.
- Your face is going to stay like that.
- There are children starving in…
- While you’re under my roof, you follow my rules.
- Don’t make me pull this car over.
- Go ask your Mom.
So how did you do? Post your score below and I’ll give the highest score a +1. Also, add your favoUrite ones that I didn’t include.
Click here to get to commenting
Survival – Species Edition
Time to put the sexy in Friday!
Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!
.
Watching the Spain-Canada basketball game right now. This announcer might be the absolute worst I have ever heard. The way he pronounces words is like Borat without the accent. And his analysis is just as bad.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i21peNth_dA
Does the announcer have a South Philly accent?
This Norf-Richmond match is entertaining but I gotta hit the hay.
A friend of ours went to Germany to see some family, and is now in Paris. I hope she got to see that Morocco game. Now that is a team who can play soccer!
Gentlemen.
Good evening to you,
lol
Looks around confused
Found a funny:
“childless woman” is such a 19th-century-ass insult. what else you got. do I render inferior tallow? do my cabbages grow pale and blemished? does the quality of my sock-darning bring shame upon my father’s name?
“Childless women” is just his verbiage for a couch that doesn’t have throw pillows.
A turd in the genetic gene pool threw out the m-word that is used to refer to someone who is a white-black mixed race, but it backfired because everyone listening, including the target didn’t grow up in the 1940s and didn’t know what the word was.
When you have to explain the outdated, racial swearword, it ceases being an argument and become a verbal wiki-walk.
“Hey, Phantom Menace is on! I think I’ll watch it for nostalgia’s sake. I doubt it was as bad as…”
(five minutes of terrible dialogue and direction later)
“…and I was mistaken. Plus, I owe Episodes VIII and IX an apology. Compared to this, those scripts are Shakesperean sonnets.”
But this is podracing!
Theesa podracing!
Fix it for you.
i welcome death (youtube.com)
“We’re charging your family for that electricity.”
— Mike B., Cincinnati, OH
Mine would be either “If you don’t eat that you’ll have it for breakfast.”
Or “Go outside and get a switch.”
My parents tried the “If you don’t like it, go get something else” card. They were proud of themselves up to the point where I walked in with a Tuna Sub from Subway.
– Adrian Peterson
Hi!
No, but kinda buzzed.
Can reiterate the Hi.
Good to hear from you, Orange County.
Likewise Portugal Pedro.
Let’s beer soon.
Indeed!
The US mixed 4×400 team set a world record in their *heat*. Not even the final. That’s rocking!
And they wouldn’t have even been in the race – they would have been DQ’d – if one of the race officials hadn’t told one of them they were out of position.
And now, today’s stupid “Only in New York story”:
Senorita Weaselo met a friend for dinner. Said friend was late because she dropped her phone onto the tracks, so she had to go to the booth and tell the agent to potentially fish it out.
Except she didn’t have to wait as long, because a Good Samaritan got the phone out from the tracks!
Because they saw a free phone for the taking, and if not for the friend being there waiting for the MTA to get it out and saw “Hey, you got my phone out!” they would have gotten away with it!
In conclusion, World’s Worst Good Samaritan.
Not paying it forward, but bartering it forward? Leasing it forward?
Thanks, not-quite-thief!
Evening.
In my NL fantasy league, I traded for Snell two weeks ago. Since then, he had a 15 strikeout game and a no-hitter.
Obviously, I should be the Angels’ GM.
This doesn’t address the two gaping holes (settle down Balls) that were Ohtani and Trout.
I would give Trout moar drugs to heal him.
And I would replace Ohtani with his clone.
The simplest answers are the best.
(Ohtani midget clone = Lowtani)
Shit like that will stick.
That’s good.
And try more Metamucil.
I have landed. I’m sleepy
What was the travel time and the time change difference?
Very short flight, the delay represented 3X the travel time
Lady number 5 looks fun, and needs a “ride”. Great work as usual Mr. Ayo. Having two daughters “ask your mother” has been and still is my go to line.
House cleaning indoor and out is today’s gig… I could use some maid service.
Ah, management material right here. Always delegate.
This makes me happy
https://youtu.be/CbRWud0F5Ww?si=XxaP8oLOORjIvMgb
Reds got No Hit.
Football cannot come fast enough.
*monkey paw curls*
At this point the die is cast. The only thing I can do is sit back and watch.
My word, you’d think you’d know the ramifications of stating something along those lines…
Solano hits a HomeRun! ⚾️
Padres take the lead 2-1 now!!
Gooooo Padres!
That’s Rocking!
I’m watching. Since the first pitch.
5 hours into a 6 hour drive. How long until we are there is alive and well. I may strap Decilitre to the roof.
Settle down, Mittens!
I’d say “DEEP CUT” but it was only a dozen years ago.
Oh, that reminds me. If Decilitre asks if you’re there yet, say yes, now get out.
Simply ask if the ride in a red rocket wagon, loosly tied to the tow hook would be better… Uhmmm… never mind, most kids would love that option…
Poor little guy.
He ain’t little. Got the good mix. My upper body and the Mrs lower body
Get out the rye bread and mustard, Grandma, it is grand salami time!
Hello Justin Turner! That’s rocking!
In other dirt news, the Reds got no hit today, so congrats to Redshirt.
He’s stretching and warming up his own emotions for Burrow’s elbow dislocation Week 3.
Flavor Flav hung out with the Mayor of FlavorTown
Hahahaha!
That’s Rocking!
howdy
This isn’t an emergency…. yet
What is, “things minor royals have said in 2022”? I’ll “Modern US History” for $1400, Ken.
sup
Relevant:
https://lbpost.com/hi-lo/food/joe-josts-100-anniversary-oldest-bar-long-beach-history/
When we were there, the owner himself (the guy in the picture) took our empties from the table.
Used to be you could get a haircut with a beer at the Red and the Black in DC on rice and beans night
Howdy. We are now on two hours of being on the plane. First we were waiting for crew, then bags, then it’s been a ground stop so waiting on weather. Not feeling super confident anything is changing….
Where you going to from? Fingers crossed
Learned today that apparently Kamala Harris likes to drink wine from time to time!
🍷
That’s Rocking!
I would much rather have a glass of wine with her than a beer with Trump or Vance. Would be nice to be able to leave my glass uncovered without fear while I went to the restroom for one thing.
To be fair, Trump doesn’t waste time drugging anything beverages, he just skips to the “locker room talk.” Vance, meanwhile, took the DENNIS System not as a joke, but as advice, and continues to expound on it.
Vance also blames Obama for making Always Sunny woke.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure if Trump drugged my drink he would make sure I was watching while he did it and do a giant overly theatric wink like that made it okay somehow
BEST ROOFIE EVER
OF COURSE YOU ALL KNOW I NEVER USE ROOFIES, i’m very sexy everyone says so you know… so sexy..so sexy.. unlike Sleepy Joe, right?
THE DEMOCRATS IN THIS COUNTRY DON’T WANT YOU TO USE THE BEST ROOFIES YOU KNOW THAT? THEY GET WANT ILLEGALS TO ENTER WITH JUST NORMAL DATE RAPE DRUGS CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? So sad.. so sad. Sleepy Joe…
You are goddamned right that’s Rocking
Oof, 14. You forgot ” because I said so!”
I don’t even have kids, but I’ve used “Life isn’t fair” and “If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?”.
Is there anyone over the age of about 8 who thinks life is fair? Related: I bet I could break Elon Musk’s nose with just one punch
That’s a GREAT look on #7!
Kingpin was 29 years ago.
FYI (including you, Unsurprised) that link leads to a SUPER NSFW splash ad page before you can click through to the actual image.
Sadly, only the first time. Second time it just went straight to the image.
FUCK!
And I can’t edit the damn thing.
I scored a legit 8. Fave not listed: “Answer my texts”
Bonus: “I’ll drive you to the abortion clinic myself”
Grocery shopping yesterday and I remembered that hot dogs are tasty. Melt some cheese on a bun in the toaster oven while microwaving a couple all-beef (BEEFCAKE!) dogs, slather on some whole grain mustard, and I have a high-protein meal with about 2 minutes prep time! Plus I get to shove something phallic in my mouth, so sexy Friday appropriate as well.
One spot remains available in Lowratio League!
https://doorfliesopen.com/2024/08/02/request-line-twisted-steel-and-nothing-else/comment-page-2/#comment-1157664
Oh, and I’ve used 12 of the above sayings…
A favorite, once the little ‘Jellos understood sarcasm:
“I drink because you cry.”
Remember to stretch.
https://postimg.cc/MfzsRHkp
https://postimg.cc/gallery/BGrLZNSw
Same model
To share from Postimages, use the Direct Link option under Share.
But it has to be a jpg or png or gif file. avif is not supported here and shouldn’t be supported anywhere, because fuck Apple.
I don’t understand why it’s even hosted as .avif. I uploaded .jpgs.
Fuck it.
Back for more.
taste.jpg
Huh. The account survived, but it’s also being selfish.
<a href=’https://postimg.cc/MfzsRHkp’ target=’_blank’><img src=’https://i.postimg.cc/MfzsRHkp/temp-Image-BDTGsh.avif’ border=’0′ alt=’temp-Image-BDTGsh’/></a>