You’re Here And It’s Glorious. Your Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

We’ve made it all the way back with detours on both Thursday and Friday night. (not bad tilts either!) But now it’s Sunday, time to ignore (or revel?) in the family as the games unfold. I expect a roll call of snacks and beverages from all those that post their thoughts/wares on this here thingy.

To The Games!

Steelers/Falcons:

Tomlin’s voodoo will ensure that Pitt has another winning season which will make it twenty straight for the franchise and tie the Cowboys mark from 1965-85. For a guy that has posted three consecutive 1,000 yard rushing campaigns, Najee doesn’t seem to get much respect-everyone wants the kid with the new, faster wheels-Jaylen Warren-to take over. But committee it will be and the Steelers win chances will be enhanced as a result.

Cards/Bills:

Murray’s been around for six years already? Man, that’s the sound of me getting older and time flying by. Do you see/feel a window closing in Buffalo? That’s the scuttlebutt given that they axed six of their captains and retained only 11 players that were on the roster last year. The wr room seems a bit compromised to me in the skill department but I know exactly squat.

Titans/Bears:

Two new-ish looking teams take the field. Recent signees Boyd, Pollard and Ridley bring some dynamism to a Tennessee project that said goodbye to their identity when King Henry left the castle. We’ll just have to see how this Will Levis kid adjusts in his second year. At some point this season I may just write something respectful regarding Chicago’s offense which will be the first time in the ten years I’ve been doing this gig.

Pats/Bengals:

What is New England anyway? Does it even matter if Burrow is healthy and there’s drama going on with his wideouts and the new weird haircut and what the hell? I’m a simple scribe and this game confuses me. I have no idea what is going on with either of these teams.

Texans/Colts:

Can Diggs regain his form from two years ago? One of my fantasy teams (I know, I know) happens to think that Slowik will get things figured out. So that answers my next question about the juice left in Mixon’s legs as well. Is Richardson essentially a rookie or has the extra time studying the game while rehabbing given him an added maturity? Opinions differ.

Jax/Fins:

Folks are down on Lawrence a wee bit but the wavy-haired wonder has the fifth-most passing yards of any qb at the three year mark of his career ever. Somehow ham-handed Evan Engram, with 114 catches, came within two of franchise record-holder Jimmy Smith. Maybe we should call him White Flight because getting the hell out of New York did him a helluva good.

Panthers/Saints:

Come on down, Dave Canales! Somehow you’re the seventh head coach in six seasons for Carolina. That ‘somehow’ is due to Tepper being an incompetent boob that won’t let his football people do their jobs. I eagerly await the inevitably leaked reports of the ‘toxic workplace’ he’s created.

Vikes/Giants:

This is the year we find out if JJ is quarterback-proof. Actually, Darnold will likely get out of the gate fast (no better team to do it against than New York) before eventually being who he is. The Giants flipped athleticism at the rb spot for some at the wr position in the form of wr Nabers. It’s the hope that kills you.

Enjoy.

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Dunstan

“You know, lots of things can cause shrinkage, it’s not just cold water.” — Brett F.

King Hippo

Beatie Mixon is a perfect fit for the 500s

WCS

So… who is David Tepper throwing drinks on now?

King Hippo

YES

Redshirt

Only the Bengals would win the challenge but not get the fumble.

Dunstan

Speaking of promos for dumb network TV shows: “High Potential.” You see, she’s a mom AND a detective! Crazy!

King Hippo

just so long as they keep showing Sweet Dee’s gams

WCS

TJ Watt is still pretty good at this football thing.

LemonJello

Goddammit Jacksonville!

Smithchez

Etienoooooooooooo

Duchess

I am still surprised there has not been. “Not Like Us” song made about Donald Trump.

Horatio Cornblower

Daniel Jones: “Challenge accepted!”

Gatoraids

cant wait til Fox adds a judo teacher to brady booth by mid season

Horatio Cornblower

I was going to take Minnesota in the eliminator challenge, but Darnold scared me.

Clearly I needed to be more afraid of Jones.

King Hippo

I am hoping for a primetime showdown between Dimebag and Bryce Young. Sickos Hall of Fame entry.

rockingdog

In other news, looks like the IRS is recovering LOTS of unpaid taxes!!!
https://apnews.com/article/irs-treasury-tax-wealth-ira-2932f286c89b19b9ccecaaca2f4f2c2b

That’s Rockingggg! 🇺🇸

Senor Weaselo

Your 2024 New York Football Canadiens, folks.

King Hippo

Les Vertically Enhanced Habitants!

Mr. Ayo

Great toss Danny Dimes. Right on target.

Smithchez

Cardinals, what is even the point of you?

rockingdog

I’ve got WR Marvin Harrison Jr on my fantasy team as my WR2.

Today is NOT rocking. Sad.

Redshirt

Burrow was down!

Duchess

Mr Simone Biles with the first TD for the Chicago Bears

rockingdog

That’s Rocking! 💪

King Hippo

Just goddamned insane how good TJ Watt and #ThePauls’ Myles Garrett are. Always keep your eyes on those two anytime they’re on the pitch.

Duchess

Ok some magic in this Bears team after all

fleshwound_NPG

a few hours away from the vikes having 1st place

Smithchez

We’re also oddly close to having the Patriots in 1st as well, just as we all predicted.

fleshwound_NPG

bears defense/special teams: now wait a sec

yeah right

AND loving it.

King Hippo

Sorry, placement kickers. Y’all still ain’t ppl

King Hippo

Black Panthers and Fashion-Challenged Vertically Enhanced Persons need to call FOAR no mas.

Mr. Ayo

Bryce Young officially a bust. Leave him on the tarmac at MSY.

yeah right

He’s been bloody fucking awful.

King Hippo

Just texted my college buddy in CLT that if he sees him around town, looks like he could use a hug.

jjfozz

Been married 23 years, I have never, ever separate laundry. It worked in college, why mess with success?

King Hippo

History’s worst MONSTER!!

(yes, I always separated me laundry, even at university)

Duchess

Havnt seen such a strong stance on separation of whites and colors since George Wallace.

King Hippo

(I have a musical score in mind for Wallace! too)

Senor Weaselo

Someone get Lin-Manuel Miranda!

King Hippo

I will totes airport pitch it if I ever run across him.

Dunstan

“Ha ha, yes. Nobody really believes that stuff now, of course. No, of course not. Ha ha.” — Elon Musk

Horatio Cornblower
Mr. Ayo

There are 5 types of laundry:
1) Bedding
2) Towels
3) Whites
4) Dry cleaning
5) Clothes

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I do darks/brights, dulls, and whites. We’re not fancy enough for dry clean stuff.

King Hippo

That’s about mine, too. I don’t consider myself cray-cray in this area (dishwasher loading is another story).

My mom, however, thinks I am a monster for washing socks and towels together.

Redshirt

Zac Taylor’s play calling still SUCKS!!!!!!!

The Maestro

If Taylor Swift ever started an OnlyFans, I’m entirely convinced she would make more money than the total economy of all of Africa.

fleshwound_NPG

that’s like, 3 russias now

LemonJello

Bears O-line with the “Turnstile Pass Protection”

Wakezilla

I said dolphins had to play tight coverage today and they aren’t doing it. And the offense has been abysmal. The special teams has also been underwhelming.

Aside from that, we’re doing good

jjfozz

Tua is my fantasy QB. Great pick.

rockingdog

Sam Darnold!!! Dude is Rockingggg!!! 💪

yeah right

He’s been awesome and that is indeed rockingggggg!

Mr. Ayo

THE BUNGLES, EVERYONE!

fleshwound_NPG

caleb williams would be having a much, much better nfl debut if he would stick to sports

caleb-woke.jpg
The Maestro

A bold follow from a guy criticized for wearing nail polish by a bunch of dudes who also follow this account.

Beerguyrob

Game day update: The brewery I drink at near the stadium has opened a back room… and they have breakfast tamales!

Beerguyrob

I am two beers and three tamales deep. The car’s gonna stink on the way home but I ain’t care.

blaxabbath

“DO THEY TOUCH YOUR PENIS!?”

– D Watson

Beerguyrob

“MAYBE!”

– Peter King

fleshwound_NPG

“Maybe it’s there, maybe it’s not. I cannot tell.”

-D. Favre

ArmedandHammered

I have proof, pics on my phone are proof, right? – B. Favre

rockingdog

Breakfast Tamales?!?!

That’s Rocking!!!

Mr. Ayo

Fuck yeah!

The Maestro

I think if I played QB for the Panthers this afternoon, the team would still be getting the exact same results… only I’d do Bryce Young’s job for half of what he’s making now.

Mr. Ayo

That’s why you negotiate the signing bonus!

The Maestro

On this same vein: I think it would probably go something like how did it for Johnny Knoxville the time he fought Butterbean in a department store.

https://youtu.be/OHHQ4ViQreg?si=vFPkQxsLgXyr1fjl

Horatio Cornblower

Jesus, those shots on the second knockdown were a bit much.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Is Butterbean okay?” is one of the greatest examples of commitment to showmanship I have ever seen and probably will ever see.

Mr. Ayo

I lost it when asked that. So good.

ArmedandHammered

If the next dimension does not have MAGAts, I am willing to chance it.

Gatoraids

bout halftime and to start the bratwurst wrapped in garlic naan experience

LemonJello

Oh, that sounds like a fantastic option in place of the standard bun.

The Maestro

Hnnnnngh. I bought curry wurst yesterday and made some curry ketchup to go with the onions and sauerkraut… I like this naan idea VERY MUCH.

Gumbygirl

Slobbering. You sir, are a genius!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

grumble grumble i too have known the pleasure of being wrapped in the embrace of a nan grumble grumble

Don T

T’Vondre Sweat: first 400 pounder to bat a pass since Roseanne Barr.

Don T

And for the record: she sexy
/me NOT THAT drnc

clint greasewood

Panthers playing like they have their 1st round draft pick.

Gatoraids

Nov 10th they have a showdown against the Giants to see who really wants it most

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly’s house right now (artist’s conception):

(not kidding)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6otjCKg594&t=166s

Horatio Cornblower

Thoughts and prayers.

Don T

I STAND BY MY BIGMOUTHON’

Mr. Ayo

OMG, TAYTAY IS AT THAT US OPEN!

Just can’t get enough of her and Travis Kelce.

jjfozz

Where’s a crazed sniper when you need one?

Don T

For the spirit, not the subject.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My Swiftie friend is convinced that she’s gay and that Kelce is too and they are mutual beards.

BugEyedBoo

Party time on NFL Sunday!

PXL_20240908_181129975.jpg.jpg
Horatio Cornblower

Is that a woodchuck?

BugEyedBoo

They do climb trees.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve been told that, but never actually seen one do it.

I have seen one, in full view of me, go through my tomatoes one by one before deciding on the one it liked and then pulling it free.

BugEyedBoo

And his buddy,

PXL_20240908_181216990.jpg.jpg
Horatio Cornblower

Well, there’s your prime suspects in the deer murder from yesterday.

rockingdog

#SquadGoals

Lmao!

Gatoraids

Hill only dolphin having a good day, they should arrest the entire team before next game

jjfozz

I just wished cancer on TJ Watt, and called him a cunt. In front of my oldest son. He just shook his head and said, “Wow.”

YOU DON’T KNOW THE FUCKING PAIN I’VE BEEN THROUGH!!!!!!!!!

Don T

Because you can’t see me: I’m BEGGING Da Bears to go for it at 4th & 1 wherever against the Tits.

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t. This is his bed.

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Last edited 10 days ago by Horatio Cornblower
Horatio Cornblower

Dak Prescott, agreeing:

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Last edited 10 days ago by Horatio Cornblower
jjfozz

Surprised he’s not covered n BBQ sauce

Redshirt

No review? I guess the refs don’t want their lunch order to get cold.

Horatio Cornblower

Neither does Sam Darnold. Do yo have any idea how hard it is to eat cold paste?

fleshwound_NPG

dj moore, not dead!

blaxabbath

All I’m saying is, you tell me to go ahead and rain down target shooting at that line of rusted out old piece of shit trucks in bumfuck incest country, I’m not expecting to hear that what I’m looking at is actually people driving on a real life American highway in 21st Century Kentucky.

Smithchez

Goddamnit Bungles, if you trick the Patriots into thinking they might actually be “sneaky good” this year…..

King Hippo

SOOPAH BOWUHL!!! NOBODY DENIES THIS!!!!

Spur

Wow! Cousins knows to throw it to Pitts!

Don T

CHIG OKWONKO WAIVER WIRE FF CANDY. God what a dynamite Sunday.