Your Monday Night NFL Football Open Thread

Hey, welcome back! If you liked uncompetitive games yesterday was your day! Of the 12 games played, 7 were decided by 18 or more points. Teams and players racking up points might be good for your fantasy teams but it didn’t make for good watching though. Ah well, we soldier on as always.

Fallout:

-Pour one out for Aidan Hutchinson’s tibia and fibula, which now welcomes an iron rod as company and he’ll be right as rain in six to eight months. Entering the game he led the league in sacks, pressures and pass rush win rate. Don’t let me hear any of that, “Next Man Up!” bullshit-that kind of production doesn’t get replaced.

-ESPN’s NFL page has gone out on a limb and is suggesting that Deshaun Watson be benched. But that would mean that all the guys that signed off on his ludicrous deal would have to admit they were wrong and then get crucified in the press so I think that’s unlikely.

-I loved seeing Jerrah in the middle of a large scrum getting grilled about making a coaching change. (only 75% of NFC East coaches are on the hot seat currently) You know who else loved it? Jerrah. Because he was the center of attention and in the end that’s more important than the team.

-Calvin Ridley is getting a wee frustrated. He dropped some expletives after the Titans loss yesterday and perhaps he was justified? I passed on a stat a week or so ago that only 56% of the balls thrown his way have been deemed catchable by PFF. In the loss he had 0 catches on 8 targets but the rest of the team combined caught 16 of 19 targets. A bizarre outlier or is something else going on? Weird.

To The Game!

Bills/Jets:

-Buffalo’s O is only ranked 22nd overall so far-they’re so dependent on Allen so when he struggles so does the team. I’ve said it before but that wr room is not the best.

-There is some hope if Shakir is able to play tonight because he’s a solid mix of game-breaker and weirdly enough, a ball magnet. He’s caught 18 of 19 pigskins thrown in his direction.

-It’s important that new/replacement coaches Jeff Ulbrich and Todd Downing get out to an early lead. And it’s easily achievable in theory because the Bills have been outscored 38-6 in the first half. Ouch.

-Thing is, will Rodgers listen to his new OC? He’s nothing if not petty and petulant so the sideline action is going to be interesting.

-While Breece Hall has been up and down rook rb Braelon Allen and his considerable 235lb self has “created” his own running lanes, racking up 4.5 ypc.

Let’s do this thing.

5 4 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
272 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
jjfozz

I’VE GOT A BLUE SPORT COAT ALL I NEED IS A BLUE PAIR OF PANTS AND I’LL BE FINE! YOU CAN’T TELL IF DIFFERENT BLUES MATCH!

Yes, dressing my idiot sons for the funeral will be fun.

Doktor Zymm

Can you just spray paint them black morning of?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wait, are they Sicilian?

jjfozz

The black pants? No, but the Black Hand, they were very, very Sicilian. And also crazy fuckers.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, that’ll play well in the Greater Baltimore area.

Horatio Cornblower

That’s hilarious.

Gumbygirl

We went up to PA from Georgia for my mother in law’s funeral. My son forgot the pants to his suit, which were hanging in his closet right next to his jacket. It was an hour before the funeral, and the only store that sold pants in our tourist town was a verrry expensive sporting goods store. Orvis. I paid 150 bucks for a pair of khaki pants that looked terrible with his double breasted suit coat. Boys are dumbasses.

jjfozz

I feel your pain. These kids are so fucking dense. I like to leave their stuff on the steps, like right in the middle of the steps, and then see how many times they step over them.

LemonJello

Is all the purple camo in the laundry/at the dry cleaners?

jjfozz

We send the good purple camo to the dry cleaners, that’s for church and dress up functions. The regular every day camo goes into the wash.

Redshirt

(RE: Qaron’s Latest Answered Hail Mary)

(stolen from Frasier)

I’m glad the Jets fans are happy, as are the atheists who now have additional evidence to support their cause.

Wakezilla

Ice Alouettes vs Ice Steelers is on Prime. I must admit, they’ve done a fantastic job so far

Horatio Cornblower

I am now one point up on BC Dick.

How do I bench two players mid-game?

BC Dick

I didn’t deserve to win with 84 but that was still a rotten gut punch. Rushing 2 is a crime.

ballsofsteelandfury

Spam and I are currently tied at 118.50 points each. He has Breece Hall.

I really hope Hall gets the shits in the locker room and misses the second half. I’ve never seen a FF tie.

Doktor Zymm

I think there was one last year? Sometimes there are tiebreakers like bench points, but I think we actually have ties in Freezer Vodka

Mr. Ayo

Fail Mary: Folie à Deux

jjfozz

Rogers completing more Hail Mary’s than a horny teenager saying confession

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why can’t he just get pregnant and get sent away?

LemonJello

He only does anal…it’s God’s loophole!

King Hippo

you’ve seen “Heaven Help Us” I take it?

jjfozz

Christ yeah, hilarious.

Sharkbait

Now that’s a movie I havent seen in YEARS

Unsurprised

I forgot this was on. I wish it weren’t. But the Manningcast + Belichick seems passable.

Doktor Zymm

TOUCHDOWN SEAHAWKS

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Touchdown Seahawks?

Spur

Is Saleh watching this?

Horatio Cornblower

If he’s smart he’s on a beach in Tahiti, cashing Woody Johnson’s checks while bombed on Mai Tais.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

A play that makes Rev happy and Q-A-Ron unhappy? That’s a good play right there.

jjfozz

Not looking for sympathy, but my dad passed onto the great pizza parlor in the sky today. Dammit.

Mr. Ayo

Should of been Fireman Ed.

Sorry to hear.

Sharkbait

Sorry to hear Fozz.

LemonJello

You’ll accept our sympathy AND LIKE IT!

But seriously, condolences and sympathies for your loss. Its never easy.

Game Time Decision

Sorry to hear that fozz. Hope you and the family are there for each other.

Horatio Cornblower

Sorry to hear it Fozz.

Wakezilla

It should have been Netanyahu.

I’m so sorry for your loss

clint greasewood

RIP Paisan

WCS

Sincere condolences, fozz and the fozz clan.

Hang in there. You know the Clubhouse is here if you need us.

Redshirt

(thinking) No sympathy, huh?

(passes Fozz a beer; sits down next to him to watch game in silence)

Doktor Zymm

I’ll toast to his memory

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Well, just like when you’re usually talking about your family, you don’t get what you want.

Our sympathy on your loss. Hang in there, bud.

King Hippo

I was just thinking of my Dad today, it would have been his 78th birthday. Been gone almost 18 years now.

I’d smack you on the shoulder if I was in Balmer right now.

Don T

I’m very sorry, man. My condolences.

Bogdanski

Condolences

Gatoraids

Sorry for your loss. Here’s to all his favorite toppings

jjfozz

He was famous for eating directly out of the ice cream container, my mother threatened him continually with his life

Spur

Sorry to hear about your loss.

Brocky

Very sorry to hear this man.

ballsofsteelandfury

Sorry Fozz.

Col. Duke LaCross

Best wishes to you man.

Gumbygirl

Oh, I’m sorry Fozz. You take care of yourself.

Senor Weaselo

Sorry to hear it, Fozz.

blaxabbath

Aaron’s body may be in New Jersey but it seems like his mind is still in Hell’s Kitchen.

Last edited 1 month ago by blaxabbath
ArmedandHammered

Watched The Fog earlier and gained new appreciation for Adrienne Barbaoe and even more for a young Jamie Lee Curtis’ tight jean wearin ass.

Sharkbait

My Halloween guilty pleasure. I’m not a horror fan but I do enjoy that movie

Brocky

Thank goodness you said something because I was getting deja vu, like didn’t we just talk that?

jjfozz

More tissue paper has been ruined because of Adrienne Barbaoe than there are stars in the sky

Horatio Cornblower

“Adrienne, I need your boobs to look THIS big!”

comment image

“Ok, got it, John.”

Sharkbait

Weren’t they a thing when they were filming?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Her boobs? Almost certainly.

Wakezilla

What the fuck does Pulp Fiction have to do with this game?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Needs more violence?

ArmedandHammered

Gonna need an adrenaline shot to stay awake?

Redshirt

Owners are going to be forced to rob diners to afford their players?

Being a fan sometimes feels like Marcellus Wallace?

A good GM is like Winston Wolf?

Doktor Zymm

Woo, just booked my 2026 eclipse plans!

blaxabbath

To where?

Doktor Zymm

Cruise – At Majorca for the actual eclipse

Screenshot 2024-10-14 182802.png
Last edited 1 month ago by Doktor Zymm
BrettFavresColonoscopy

DM me if you want recs. Also, get to Menorca too if you can.

Spur

Zach Edey is looking legit in his Grizzles debut

Gatoraids

until a mob of villagers come after him with torches

Spur

That’s why Ja keeps a gun on him. Keep those people in line

Wakezilla

It’s tough needing the Jests to win because you know they’re not

Doktor Zymm

Also, the whole ‘Qaaron looking kinda successful’ thing

blaxabbath

Shank!

Horatio Cornblower

Started watching The Penguin last night. Only into the second episode but it’s pretty good so far.

Spur

Same. I like to batch a few episodes then binge.
The Penguin has a Wire/Godfather 2 vibe. I really liked the interaction with his mother in the 1st episode.

Horatio Cornblower

Yes, that was a really good scene that I suspects sets up a lot.

Farrell is killing it in an unrecognizable role.

Doktor Zymm

Looks like one of the O-lineman (the LT?) is wearing some sort of black overpants?

blaxabbath

ESPN needs to get a better looking sideline girl.

The one they got is very…. Mondays.

Horatio Cornblower

Yankees Twitter complaining that the Yankees aren’t hitting with runners in scoring position.

Cleveland’s current pitcher has walked 5 guys and thrown 4 wild pitches. What exactly do you want them to swing at?

blaxabbath

As it were, I’m familiar with a woman who is nothing but a lawyer wife. She’s from some sub-par upbringing (it know her via her loser brother who isn’t hot and therfore plays rec league soccer). She’s on her second or third lawyer husband from these highrises downtown.

Anyways, she was in one of these, “my family can’t afford these X” commercials last election cycle. Since then, I can’t help but look down on people who appear in these shitpot political ads

The world has billions of people and many want a piece of this American pie. I don’t need many of these other Americans.

Horatio Cornblower

My divorced friend found a social media post from his ex, a real MAGA dipshit, complaining about Kamala and as usual shoehorning in a complaint that my friend provides no support to her, a single mother of two.

The children are both well into adulthood and at least one has long since moved out of her house.

Brocky

13 months later spur, still funny

comment image

Spur

Great memories.

blaxabbath

I like Spur.

Too bad he got arrested in that kiddie thing….

Spur

Horatio got me off on a technicality. That DA wept like a bitch when I walked.

Horatio Cornblower

The judge, after my closing argument:

comment image

LemonJello

THESE GUYS, THE JETS DEFENSE, I CALL THEM A GRIDLOCKED CONGRESS BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT LETTING ANY BILLS PASS

Horatio Cornblower

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This NFL GOTV commercial should only apply to NFL fans who do NOT self-identify as incels.

Bogdanski

But they haven’t watched the NFL since Kaepernick. And definitely not since the tiny “End racism” slogan appeared at the back of the end zone. And seriously, for real this time, not since “Lift every voice” was sung at the Super Bowl

blaxabbath

Finally had a gone-at-kneeling guy say:
“Well, you know, if you want to judge anything, you can find a reason to not like it. Can’t just pick one thing of the bunch to boycott when there’s only so much entertainment.”

I didn’t mention the library is included with living in a city in America.

Horatio Cornblower

comment image

Last edited 1 month ago by Horatio Cornblower
Bogdanski

Peyton Manning has been reading Bill Simmons, making the Karate Kid metaphor

blaxabbath

I preferred the There’s a Soldier in All of Us campaign.

King Hippo

#MeToo! – Buddy C., Toronto, ON

Last edited 1 month ago by King Hippo
Unsurprised

Buddy isn’t Quebecois?

Horatio Cornblower

I am now favored to win my match-up, but still need 13.5 points from Hall and Lazard combined to tie.

What I’m saying is that one or both of them is about to be horribly injured.

Bogdanski

I am so going to lose to a bye week aaron jones and an injured kicker. I got buffalo d and 20 points, the have wilson. Second time this season i get to watch an estimated 95% chance dwindle down. What a new and novel way to hate Mondays

Horatio Cornblower

The Yankees are up 3-0, with 2 runs from wild pitches.

So I’m assuming the Cleveland pitcher has 2 RBIs.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Tom Tupa > Aaron Rodgers

BrettFavresColonoscopy

TD or not, I’d still rather have Tupa

Gumbygirl

I’m glad my fantasy match is over and I can enjoy this game. Well, maybe enjoy isn’t the exact bon mot I was looking for. Endure?

litre_cola

Back in the relegation zone for me!

Spur

Running it down the Jets throat is super effective. Jets should fire more coaches.

Spur

Evening Folks

litre_cola

I would like Josh Allen to roll his ankle.

Redshirt

Be careful. I tried that with Ben

Redshirt

…Roethlisberger and somehow made him immortal.

Doktor Zymm

So the key to eternal life is tearing the correct soft tissue in the ankles? Eh, makes about as much sense as a lot of other shit people have tried

BrettFavresColonoscopy

With that look of disdain, I see Breece Hall is like a brother to Aaron Rodgers

clint greasewood

Labatt’s is ready

BugEyedBoo

Oh man, I can’t get enough Fireman Ed.

Game Time Decision

Fire Marshall Bill is better than Fireman Ed

blaxabbath

“HOW CAN I USE THESE PILLS AND THIS HEART MONITOR TO GAIN A COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE?!”

-Jim Harbaugh, Spoiling His Slacks

WCS

“LET ME EAT JOHN’S HEART! DAD SAID THAT’LL WORK!”

Redshirt

(in future news)
“I don’t know who told our employee to spike the opponent’s water but it wasn’t me. Now I’ll be taking my Lombardi Trophy and moving on to my new job.”

blaxabbath

This is super funny to me.

ballsofsteelandfury

Update: my eyes are currently green and I am not envious of anything.

blaxabbath

You all know my “Is there a white guy discount for this?” lifestyle.

That said, if this trip to happy hour is any indication of reality, everyone is voting Trump.

blaxabbath

Did Jets temporary head coach Jeff Ulrich grow that beard to look more like his new boss, Aaron Rodgers?

blaxabbath

I would expect every nfl player has some kind forearm injury by week 6.

Well, except for Deshsun Watson.

Doktor Zymm

In my money league I need James Cook to get fewer than 37 points, and it looks like he’s out so I can start celebrating now!

blaxabbath

Beforehand is the period where celebrating is the sweetest.

WCS

comment image

He’ll try, but it may be challenging.

blaxabbath

nbd I learned to surf in the waves a bay over from where Captain Cook first landed.

Game Time Decision

I needed him to produce tonight in all of my leagues

Horatio Cornblower

Look, I think Mike McCarthy is a shit coach who should be summarily executed, never mind fired, but nothing in Dallas is going to change until someone other than Jerry and/or Stephen Jones aren’t in charge, and that is not going to happen in my lifetime.

So buckle up, Dallas fans, and welcome to The Suck.

Redshirt

one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us one of us

Doktor Zymm

I would say you just have to wait for ol JJ to die, but Al Davis joining the corpse club didn’t exactly help the Raiders

Horatio Cornblower

Stephen will inherit the team, and I don’t have high expectations there.

blaxabbath

He’ll move the team to Mexico City.

blaxabbath

If they let Adam Gase be GM and HC — why no let Aaron be QB/HC/GM?

King Hippo

you dun forgot National Science AdvisoUr eh?

King Hippo

Hippo needs SO MANY Jest RB points, that I probably can’t bear to watch. Plus, SNF is still seared into my brain, like a tumoUr.

Redshirt

Well I’m sure with Qaron as Commander-in-Chief of the Jets fleet, I’m confident that…yeah, I can’t even lie. You’re screwed.

Oh and…Uh, yeah. Sorry for infecting the Clubhouse with Bengalitis. Is a simple apology sufficient or do I need to commit an act of contrition?

King Hippo

Seems like you’ve been banking Karma this year (Harris vote, parent caregiving), so you should be in the clear. FOAR NOW.

Redshirt

Just like the casino: all that work and effort to heroically break even and leave with the same amount of money.

blaxabbath

Bleergh was well fed by the virgin wee kyler yesterday…

blaxabbath

Statistically, he voted Trump.

Horatio Cornblower

I am also relying heavily on Breece Hall to not suck for one goddamn week this year, although I also have Allan Lazard helping out.

So instead of losing by 23 points, I’mma lose by 17!

1 2 3