Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
The world is so unpredictable. Things happen suddenly, unexpectedly. We want to feel we’re in control of our own existence. In some ways we are, in some ways we’re not. We are ruled by the forces of chance and coincidence [in bed].
Paul Auster
I get the feeling that Paul finishes in bed in about 30 seconds, “suddenly and unexpected”, hahaha.
Also, get out an vote today for those of you in North America’s basement. Will be glad when it’s all over in a few days and we can go back to just hating on all politicians and not who’s the best of the worst.
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
This is Peak Bearsenscheisse.
Instead of watching the play, dumbass was taunting fans with his back turned.
WCS
Redshirt
My favorite one yet
Doktor Zymm
Just got my Flu and COVID vaccines. Per the DFO Bylaws, I’ll report any superpowers or increased thirst for human flesh/or blood.
Redshirt
increased thirst for human flesh/or blood.
Uh, increased?
LemonJello
Good point, he should also let us know if there’s a decrease as well.ot my Flu and COVID vaccines. Per the DFO Bylaws, I’ll report any superpowers or increased thirst for human flesh/or blood.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Ever seen an egg hatch? There’s nothing and then you witness life enterring the world.
This week 8 2024 is the birth of the Cardinals’ next era of bottom-half of the division meddling. I’m telling you, it’s all here.
-Kyler finally LEADING!
-Gannon being TOUGH! Says the word “Violence”!
-Marvey gonna pop
-GOT KICKER FIGURED OUT
-“…and imagine how good they’ll be IN A COUPLE MORE SEASONS!”
They’re going to re-re-committ to XBJ after another flirtatious (if that’s what you call the occasional handy in Year 6) season and a few shots of, “Just make the playoffs and then we got a chance!”.
Michael Bidwills sexuality aside, you all can mark my words.
blaxabbath
Thinking about changing the auto-message that plays when a call begins. Thoughts?
WCS
The Dr. Mrs. just described sports radio as “a bunch of white guys complaining about people” and I do not think should could possibly be more right about it.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Which of you did this?
https://www.reddit.com/r/cocktails/comments/1gexqr3/my_newest_joke_cocktail_the_gin_jizz/?utm_source=embedv2&utm_medium=post_embed&utm_content=post_title&embed_host_url=https://doorfliesopen.com/2024/10/29/subsequent-gtd-reflections-193/
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Wasn’t me
-Shaggy
Game Time Decision
So, New York lost a game on the equinox in:
-MLB
-NFL
-NBA
-MLS
But not in the NHL! (Because they were all off.)
In conclusion, despite it being 10 AM at me in a suit at work for a gig I should probably drink on principle.
Senor Weaselo
Found a funny: Two nuns were riding their bikes through the Old Town. The first nun says, ” I don’t think we’ve come this way before. ” The second nun replies, ” I think it’s the cobblestones.”
Gumbygirl
I’m back in Milwaukee for a few days to help my mom while she has surgery. Just the two hour difference is really screwing with me (I live in SD). I just thankful the surgery should be simple
Bogdanski
Good luck to your mom!
Sharkbait
FREDDIE FUCKING FREEMAN!
Mr. Ayo
Finally, someone other than a Steinbrenner owns the Yankees.
SonOfSpam
BeefReeferLives
This is Mrs. Horatio. Friend of hers winds up in the hospital with a myriad of issues. She’s a caterer by trade, and has her own kitchen located below another business. She’s due for a health inspection in a week or so and is worried that her health won’t let her keep it to the required conditions.
So Mrs. Horatio is now on her second trip down to the kitchen to get it to her own standard, which I promise you will exceed anything the health inspector can come up with. She’ll be there for multiple hours and will be paid in chocolate chip cookies, which she doesn’t eat.
But which I do.
Talk about out-kicking your coverage. Way to go, me.
Horatio Cornblower
Tell me that Mrs Horatio is in a fight club without telling me she’s in a fight club
Game Time Decision
Mrs. Horatio was undefeated in her weight class back in high school. She denies this happened, but early on one of her friends told me that there was an incident where two girls followed her into the bathroom with the intent of beating her up, and Mrs. Horatio was the one who walked out three minutes later.
Horatio Cornblower
Don T
Say what you will about the Yankees: they went pretty far for a very, very, very stupid team.
And I hope those two fucktards from last night are happy about the karmic blowback they brought on. Hope they get hit by a bus while trying to cross the street from whatever bar they drown their sorrows at tonight.
Horatio Cornblower
Fun fact. The Yankees did not record an out on this play.
Mr. Ayo
Mrs Fozz: “Our 10 year old son is having 5 of his friends spend the night tomorrow night, after they go trick or treating.”
Me: “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, WOMAN?”
Mrs. Fozz: “Please stop cursing.”
Me: “DID YOU NOT HEAR ME WHEN I SAID ‘WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK’”?
jjfozz
Word of caution
Redshirt
How the fuck you doin’ boys?
Dunstan
Roughing the snapper. Hehe.
Gumbygirl
Ben Shapiro’s wife knows all about that.
Gumbygirl
Decilitre got 300 pieces of candy. Over a dozen full size Coffee Crisps.
litre_cola
I’d like to thank the Jets for their efforts at making the Yankees look like the second-dumbest team in New York(ish) this week.
It’s not working, but I appreciate the effort.
Horatio Cornblower
When I’m elected Evil Ruler of the World, any player who drops the ball before the goal line negating an easy touchdown, shall have footballs duct taped to both of his hands for the remainder of the game. Repeat offenders will have the footballs melted to their hands.
In the meantime: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!
Redshirt
The Jets did a pretty good job on their ‘football team’ costume, it’s almost convincing!
Doktor Zymm
My wife is having a BALL listening to the horrible shit I’m yelling at Aaron Rodgers.
Fronkenshteen
Redshirt
October 31, 2024 7:05 pm
Left a bowl of candy on the porch while we took the kids trick or treating. When we got back home we discovered someone took the whole bowl.
Not just the candy. They took the physical bowl. Who steals a mixing bowl??
Sharkbait
Sir Mix-a-Lot?
scotchnaut
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go make myself something different to get this olive taste out of my mouth.
– Popeye
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Dropped off my ballot today. Had a brief moment of feeling like part of something important. Don’t think I had that in other elections. Hope it’s not a premonition of something horrible, like this being the last election where chicks are allowed to vote or similar
Doktor Zymm
Me: [dry brining a turkey]
Wifey: “Are you going to cook it today?”
Me: “I can let it go for as long as 72 hours.”
Wifey: “But I’m kinda feeling like turkey.”
Me: “You hate turkey. What are you talking about?”
Her: “Sometimes I feel like turkey, other times it makes me want to throw up. BTW, we don’t have any potatoes or stuffing.”
Me: “YOU HATE STUFFING!”
Her: “There was that one time you made it and it was ok.”
Me: “When was that?”
Her: “I don’t remember.”
Me: [walks to bathroom, takes inventory of razors there]
scotchnaut
Wee man was selected to walk out with the team in the Canadian Premier league final here in Cavalry country next Saturday. Much excite.
litre_cola
Gumbygirl
He will brag about anything and everything he did with Putin.
Redshirt
Gumby has had a rough couple of days. I’m thinking tomorrow will be better, he usually perks up for the NFL games. I hope all of yinz have fun in Seattle tomorrow.
Gumbygirl
Wish you two could join us!
Tell him to root for the Rams and he’ll have an even better day!
Mr. Ayo
I know every other train has priority over Amtrak, but I guess that’s life in the sticks for ya.
Unsurprised
todays special DFO community theatre rendition of Plains, Trains and Automobiles
Gatoraids
Those. Aren’t. PILLOWS!!!
King Hippo
To long sleeve or not long sleeve, that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The stinging cold rain of Seahawks games,
Or to cover thy arms against the cold wet
And by covering warm them. Too dry – too warm,
No more; and by warm to say we end
The RAM IT chants and the thousand year old Stafford
That is the QB, ’tis a celebration
Devoutly to be wish’d. Too dry, too warm;
Too warm, perchance to drink – ay, there’s my beer…
/chugs Rainier
ThePirateSloth
LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOO
Unsurprised
I expected more live transmissions from that LAR-SEA game, from both sections.
See if you can take a photo of each other across the stadium.
Brick Meathook
He’s over there. You can’t miss him.
Beerguyrob
One funny thing that happened while we were in Philadelphia was that the Dr. Mrs. tried to give a homeless guy a tupperware full of cheese and his response was “Miss, I don’t want this,” as he pushed it back into her hands.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
I was on a business trip in SF, and had about $5 left on BART tickets on my last night there. I was walking back to my hotel, and this guy comes up to me with a sob story about being stuck downtown with no way to get across town. “You’re in luck, there’s enough on this ticket to get you anywhere.” Turns out he wasn’t really stuck downtown.
BugEyedBoo
If you have having trouble “loggin in”, once logged in it may say that you are not logged in, at that point, refresh the page. If that does not work, then clear your cache and “loggin in” again.
Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
Gumby died at 1 this afternoon. They just took him to the funeral home. They put a flag over him. I am devastated, but I am a tough old broad, and I’ll be ok.
Sending you all the hugs and love.
Sincere, deepest condolences.
All the hugs, and we’re here.
RIP Gumby
RIP Gumby.
Best wishes to you and your family. May his memory be eternal.
Aw fuck. Just remember that you’re the best and you will get through this. I’m so sorry. He gave you a ton of laughs during your time together-hold on to that if you can.
I’m so sorry. May his memory be a blessing.
Thoughts and prayers. For realses not the fakeses.
Same, I don’t pray as often as I should. But I did just now.
Gumby didn’t just leave. He went early to help set up the greatest DFOCon Eternity has ever seen.
All of the best thoughts and karma to you and everyone else involved. So sorry.
So sorry to hear. Too bad I never met him. He’s on eternal patrol.
Oh hun. All the love from the clubhouse and up here in America’s hat.
Sorry to hear that. Cherish all the great memories
sorry for you and all of his loved ones.
So sorry for your loss, that’s devastating. All the best to your families.
I am so sorry Gumbygirl. Mrs. Horatio and I are sending thoughts your way.
My deepest sympathies. Always and forever: fuck cancer
All Hail and Farewell Gumby. May you find peace.
I am so sorry to hear that.
Cry not, he is no more.
But live in thankfulness that he was.
RIP Gumby
Let us know if we can do anything to help you
This is awful. I am so sorry Gumbygirl.
I’m seeing this late, but know you are in my thoughts too.
Reminder that Florida can eat all the shit.
Florida was going R this election anyway.
yeah, just didn’t want it getting THAT MUCH worse (and having it be such an early coverage turd)
There’s a theory Florida has turned into a Republican heat sink. Sucking all the Republican’s from Georgia and and midwest. Freeing those areas up to Democrat wins.
we’ve become a political Superfundamentalist site, be out of here in a few years leaving one of the few last blue strongholds in broward.
This CFP ranking show needs to hurry the fuck up. A full night of MACtion starts in 12 minutes.
Great news, the finished in time. Also, the matchups are perfect. Call it!
The AP has called Indiana for Trump – no big surprise – but unless he reverses this trend he is in big trouble in the broader picture:
Mrs sharkbait is gonna watch election coverage. I don’t know if I have it in me. I’ll probably play some video games to keep sane, while popping in and out of the living room for updates.
This is some juvenile and puerile humor. So I like it…
A British news show had a panel with Boris Johnson and Stormy Daniels and I think that’s the election coverage we need.
Thank you, Apple, for preventing me from escaping the nightmare asswipe of an election by sneaking off to the Clubhouse on my phone.
DFOception
A couple exit polling tidbits – both good news, if only marginally so:
I’ll take good news
I just came from the gym, which is one of the polling sites in town and right next to Town Hall, which is where they do the same day registrations, and which is also right next to UConn.
The line for same day registration winds all the way down the hallways, out the door, and pretty much out to the parking lot. It’s almost entirely UConn students and it is easily 70-30 female, probably higher.
Who’d have thought being told you had to carry a rapist’s baby to term would be such a motivating factor amongst the females of breeding age?
Top of the hour, time to settle in with Rachel Maddow for the evening.
Hey, get your own fantasy… Oh, you mean the news.
Tell the lovely Ms. Wallace that Hippo will be there at 7.
She just winked at the camera an undraped a shoulder. Dunno what that means.
“Did you get that…thing I sent you?” she said in a sultry voice.
The restraining order?
It has been a very long time since I’ve perused the squawky sports landscape but I did so today. I re-learned that there’s nothing new or engaging-every single show did the obligatory, “should the Bucs have gone for 2?” mumbo jumbo. Jesus fuck…
Sports talk radio actually appealed to me in my 20s. Jesus, how dumb was I?
(answer: pretty fucking dumb, as opposed to now where I’m merely pretty dumb)
This explains why you’re watching Rachel Maddow.
Voted. Getting dinner down the road from the polling place because Mrs Sharkbait and I need a stiff drink
Order the liver in case you need a backup one tomorrow
/scotchy perks up
“Need a liver?”
Catch you all tomorrow, going internet silent for my own fucking sanity. And I am so stoned I can hardly move.
And so it begins…
Fuck Tomb? I thought they shut that place down!
This is a “Water is wet” territory.
The vast majority of these trades are teams adding a wee piece that should improve their on-field performance. There’s also the Cowboys trade for Mingo.
Look, I know we’re dealing with some shit in our own country right now, and I know that North Korean soldiers showing up in Ukraine is objectively bad, but all that aside this is fucking hilarious:
https://twitter.com/gideonrachman/status/1853838042194235420
This is amazing and very very believable.
It basically describes the Microsoft offices for the last twenty years, only with a different nationality.
The U.S. is obscenely, embarrassingly porn-brained compared to most of the world’s population.
The trick is to just let people have free reign until they get tired of it, like I did.
예술적 해석:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_ewiuz2oaw&pp=ygUgcXVhZ21pcmUgZGlzY292ZXJzIGludGVybmV0IHBvcnQ%3D
Ukraine should attack while the N Koreans are furiously whacking off in their foxholes.
With an elite, all nude female squadron. Those poor, sheltered North Koreans would have no clue which unit to mobilize.
Ukraine bringing back the old Libyan Gaddafi guard
“Gatoraids blinded me with with History!”
-T. Dolby, lyrics amended
It makes great propaganda, but even the most bloodthirsty hawks like Lindsey Graham aren’t making the Ukrainians conscript women – yet.
,
They play like they met for the first time in the parking lot 15 minutes before the game and decided “what the hell, let’s play a game in there.”
The gift that keeps on giving schadenfreude
53 Random Tailgaters would beat the Cowboys by at least a touchdown.
So far my kids have sent texts that include “I couldn’t decide, so I just voted for both and handed in my ballot”. “I made the RIGHT choice, if you know what I mean” and, my personal favorite “I got scared and threw up on my ballot”
And now my brother has checked in, having worn a Harris shirt into the polling place.
But it was a Steelers jersey, #32, for Franco Harris, and no one said anything.
That’s good parenting!
Turns out it wasn’t final! 421,836!
Well then, that would be more.
..
Now that’s some good username / post synergy…
I want to say with proud and clear voice that I voted for Kamala Harris for one reason and one reason only, so I could scream:
Hey Donald Trump FUCK RIGHT THE FUCK OFF!!
I never want to see your evil face again and I don’t want to hear your nasty mouth open ever again. Do us all a favor and go FAR away and never,EVER come back you sick, twisted, narcissistic prick!!!!
I reservately voted for Harris but for similar reasons as you.
My very Republican friend chewed out his even more Republican father because the latter was trying to find a third-party candidate instead of Harris.
It blows me away seeing Harris as the Republican candidate in all but name because Trump is just some other fucking thing
The father is “The Mass should still be in Latin” Catholic and very anti-choice, so he didn’t want to vote for Harris, but he’s still not going to vote for Trump.
I have to believe that losing people like that is probably not a good sign for Trump.
Guys, I was hoping for a distraction from the election, and the sick and twisted universe is providing one. Gumby is heading downhill fast this morning- he’s unresponsive eyes rolled up in his head. My SIL is on her way to the hospital to pick up morphine that we can just put under his tongue, and Ativan for the agitation. He would rather die at home, so that’s what we’re going to do. I hope it’s quick for him, my poor baby.
Oh god. I’m so sorry.
I’m so sorry. We’re here to be a sounding board/to vent if you need us.
You guys help me more than you’ll ever know. I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart.
We love you, and we’ll tell the others.
Oh no.
Hang tough, we love you.
Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. If you need anything please let use know.
We’re here for you.
So sorry
I’m so sorry, Gumbygirl! We love you!
Sorry to hear. Hope they are generous with the medicine.
Palliative Care is usually very good. My dad has had issues with nausea. All his doctors told him to take OTC stuff. One phone call to his PC Nurse and he had sublingual tablets they give to cancer patients.
Oh no
I’m so sorry Gumbygirl. Let us know if you need anything.
Jeez. I hope this all goes as well as possible for you, GumbyGirl… Godspeed to you, GumbyGuy.
Goddamn. I’m so sorry.
So sorry, we’re all here for you.
Booooo
I’m so sorry
Let us know if there’s anything we can do for either of you
All of the love coming your direction.
So sorry.
OMG, I’m so sorry.
Here we go again-
Loopy driver (has gone on about Covid mind control, cloud-seeding, Big Pharma, Trump and the Bildersberg Group, etc.) from down south was in the building and asst. manager is signing the guy’s paperwork when a warehouse dude does a drive-by, “Trump’s probably losing today, ya figure?”. Poor manager is stuck there for 15 minutes while the guy tosses a word salad at him. Very funny stuff.
I guess the pope didn’t want Dennis Allen fired yet.
“LOL XXVII-III”
https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/42212277/source-steelers-trade-jets-wr-mike-williams
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sg9AgCdhI8
Move over, Mahomes. It’s time to forge with Russ.
The press was screaming for them to go out and get someone and, well, Mike Williams is someone, I guess…
Guy was my nemesis whenever I had Keenan Allen on my FF team.
Every time I see his name, I keep thinking about the Mike Williams from USC twenty years ago.
But seriously… I think we can all agree…
Her uncle is Fred Upton, former Rep. representative out of Michigan. I think he retired rather than deal with the MAGAssholes, so while he’s probably more right than me he’s OK. Not sure about Kate’s politics but looking at the picture I find them irrelevant.
If she don’t have any liberal in her, I’d be willing to…
No, okay. I’ll sit in the corner and think about what I did.
I thought he was MAGA for a bit. He was definitely Tea Party, so he and his Koch masters can eat shit.
I can’t keep up. If I had to bet I’d say that Kate, being a rich white supermodel married to a stupid-rich white MLB pitcher, has politics somewhat to the right of Attila the Hun, but I don’t know for sure.
Generally speaking, however, betting that rich white people probably suck is a pretty safe bet.
People were bugging her for years about her uncle online. So I would bet that resentment colored her views at some point. But that doesn’t really mean much in the big picture because Biden stumped for her uncle and Kamala has been toting the Cheneys around while running a right wing campaign that Nixon and maybe even Reagan would balk at. So she probably voted Democrat because the party has become so right wing I’m wondering where the Franquistas are lurking.
The boss lady from Workaholics is in The Good Place. I was so geeked.
Meredith Monroe? Yeah, she’s awesome.
Look, I’m not even freaking out. Went to First Watch to eat my pre-election feelings FOAR the last time. Enjoyed the meal, didn’t Carpenter it. Not anxiously searching for somekind of sign.
I read it on The Bulwark a few weeks ago – “the cake is already baked, we just have to wait to see what’s in it.” I suspect we will know tonight – late, and not at the 100% confidence level – what’s in that cake.
Maybe that’s belief that America will rise to the occasion and not repeat its near-fatal mistake. Maybe I’ve just given up and this is my numbed-out response.
Self-awareness has NEVAR been my strong suit. If it were, I would have made MUCH better decisions.
We’ll know later tonight that President Harris will take office on January 20.
I’m as sure of that as I was that RAMMMMIT would beat the Seahawks in overtime after Puka Nacua got thrown out for punching a guy in the helmet.
I love your optimism and needed that.
All right kids! Let’s get out there and make a difference!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJe5AbguXlk&pp=ygUaY2hyaXMgZmFybGV5IHJvY2sgdGhlIHZvdGU%3D
Apropos of nothing, but 60% of states now have some form of paid leave for FMLA or state equivalent either implemented or to be implemented under laws mostly passed in 2020 and 2022 (What a weird coincidence).
On one hand, if it becomes federal like unemployment insurance or workers comp, it will force shithole states to treat all of their workers more like human beings. On the other hand, it will inevitably create a divide between residents and citizens, which is just cruel bullshit against people who are already being taxed on their gross income.
The Pirate Sloth is the one wearing a Seahawks poncho. 😛
Four more hours to go at the polls here in PR. EVERYBODY has turned out to vote, which is what this is all about. We’ve been cordial and cracking jokes, despite each party being all “You’r guy / gal will destroy all of you us!” If shit becomes hostile, I brought a secret weapon: brownies.
Lunch brought for poll workers. Nice!
my wife has been using this tactic of baked goods to the dentist and vet and has got us discounts and extra pain killers.
“How many baked goods did it take?”
— King H., NC
[is already in talks to buy a bakery] – King H.
To the dentist? They’re probably starving for some sugar!
they love it there actually more business for them, only place didnt work at was the optometrist who was on some weird diet
The Opthamologist is the one who can prescribe good drugs, anyway
Was just told that if we’re ever going to save this country we need to stop calling people and let them work.
I am never, ever, going to live in a State that is anything but solid blue. I can’t imagine what you poor bastards in the swing states go through.
The swing states should be the ones pushing for a Constitutional amendment to end the Electoral College.
But seriously thanks for making calls today!
Jesus, fuck, the discipline it takes to mute IMMEDIATELY when the football ad break starts. AND to remember not to look up until it’s safe.
One of the reasons I’m probably not practicing is because the courts, starting with the rot at the time, no longer have any legitimacy in my eyes. I am amazed they ever did.
I think it would really depend on the frame rate for printing out each frame of video individually. Also what grade of paper stock you picked.
https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/42209527/sources-cowboys-trade-4th-rounder-panthers-wr-jonathan-mingo
Fuck the election, the the Ol’ Double J’s got hisself a BRAND NEW GOTTDANGED STAR!
This will change everything in the NFC East!
Well, with Cooper Rush throwing to Jonathan Mingo I just see nothing but Super Bowl titles for the next three years!
Mingo Junction, Ohio – one of the filming locations for The Deer Hunter (1978, d. Cimino)
Mengo Yokoyari – some Japanese manga artist
Mango – a tropical fruit, and an answer in a recent New York Times crossword puzzle
Mongo – punches a horse in Blazing Saddles (1974, d.Brooks)
Mungo Jerry – 1970s English band that had 4 hits in Canada
Manga – art form of Mengo Yokoyari
Mungo City-Spacehog 1998
I have a bakery sales rep that is at the ripe old age of 78-he’s on the phone with my asst. manager in the next office and he’s defending Tony Hinchcliffe.
/You just can’t tell jokes anymore-everyone’s so defensive!
I’ll defend offensive jokes, but Tony just sucks ass.
Oh shit. I forgot to resize that after I added the captions. Sorry.
.
What happens if Harris loses the popular vote, and wins the Electrical College?
That result will be shocking I tell you
I certain Trump will be content that he tried his best and leave the National Stage as gracefully as he entered it.
I voted by mail a week ago and they told me it was received and counted.
I wrote my name in for every office that was available, which in L.A. County there’s like thirty of them. I even wrote my name in on the ballot initiatives, which are yes/no votes.
The payoff on this is watching NBC News or ABC or CNN tonight and they announce the California results, and the surge of pride I get when they say:
“And with one vote is the presidential candidate Brick Meathook. More on this Cinderella story as it develops, from our national political analyst (insert that jabronie’s name here).”
We’ve completed the first list of PA voters to be called. They’re loading a second.
I have had 3 actual conversations.
Plug DFO at the end!
“OK, look, if you vote straight blue I’m pretty sure I can send you a fleshlight, but it’s going to be gently used and…hello? Hello?
“HOW THE FUCK YOU DOING, VOTER? USE MY FAVORITE APPENDADGES, YOUR FEET, AND GET TO THE POLLS!”
Sign of the Apocalypse: Bengals made an in-season trade.
Everyone okay with the deity of your choice?
/Cut to the Lair of Cthulhu
Cthulhu: Mike Brown did WHAT!?!? Oh we’ll just see about that!! You there, Lovecraft, fetch me Joe Burrow’s Achilles tend…No, you know what? Fetch me both of Joe Burrow’s Achilles tendons!!
No way in Hades is Mike Brown shilling over an extra $1.99 for both.
(on cell phone) “Cthulhu? Both Achilles? I understand.”
(hangs up cell phone)
(removes book from bookshelf to reveal a old-fashioned Red Phone; picks up the Red Phone)
“Get me Old Man Henderson.”
Old Man Henderson (Fanfic) – TV Tropes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6QF-sRdU9g
Just returned from casting the undisputed deciding vote in the swingingest state (Commonwealth) in the US and A.
Yinz can thank me for personally saving American democracy.
I’m going to give Gritty most of the credit, but sure, you can have some too I guess.
In 2020, when they finally called PA for Biden, people were on the streets celebrating in West Hollywood, and there was a guy in a Gritty costume.
/dying
So is her vagina
Living in New Hampshire sucked during election season. We had a game at work to see who could get in the background of the most live news broadcasts when walking to get lunch. I think the record was 11.
Final PA “firewall” update (at least I think it’s final): 419,578.
That’s not gonna be enough to win. RFK easily pulls 500K from Penn State Alumns.
We all know whom Paedo State alums lean towards
What exactly is a firewall in this context?
Also, my record today as a phone-banker is 4 hang-ups, one “I already voted” followed by a hang up, and one “I’m on my way” followed by a hang up.
I get the feeling that the good people of Pennsylvania are heartily sick of this election.
Basically a purely partisan analysis of the mail-in vote. It’s the number of ballots returned by registered Democrats minus the number of ballots returned by registered Republicans. The guy who came up with the concept thought if we hit 390k it’s very likely that Harris will win PA.
And “firewall” is PA-MI-WI for the Democratic candidate to win, You get those three plus the usual suspects (CA-IL-NY-MA-NE2, etc) and that’s 270 to win.
And fun fact! The total number of votes that put those three states over the top for Trump in 2016 would fit in Ohio Stadium.
or in a bathroom in FL
/allegedly
That part I know. RTD’s numbers were what I didn’t because
Cool. And from what I was reading (although this might be wishful thinking) was that WI and MI were relatively ‘safer’ states. That PA was a toss-up.
Of course this drags me into a discussion of polling, and the trustworthiness or lack thereof of polls.
MI I think is relatively safe. WI is supposed to be but I don’t trust it, like at all.
Really thrilled that the fate of democracy is in the hands of a few dozen mouth breathers in Jerkwater, WI and Backass, PA.
If you want to get excited, just that North Carolina, Georgia, Arizona, and Iowa are in play opens up so many other potentialities. this could end up a 2008 scenario.
Obama winning North Calalaky, Indiana (!!), and that precinct in Nebraska were unexpected victories that really demonstrated a wave. I don’t know if this year is the same, but the early signs are positive. Much more so than 2004 or 2016.
Iowa was the real surprise there. And that from the Queen of Iowa Polling.
Also it pissed off Nate Silver, which is always nice to see.
Peter Thiel is Nate Silver’s boss now.
I heard that. Running one of the operations where you can bet on the election, right?
Not that such a thing would taint anyone’s credibility as a purely neutral pollster/statistician or anything.
I mean I’m a borderline degenerate gambler, but no way would I bet on an election.
Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood that Thiel drained from Silver in an attempt to reverse the aging process.
Picture of health!
The Popular Vote is tied 3-3! Its anyone’s game!
Also, “95% Est. Reporting”? Is CNN expecting 31.6% of a New Hampshirite to show up and vote?
(Sorry i had this open on last thread but all about MEEEEEEEEEEE)
I’m proud of how hard I stayed away from political news this cycle. Sure, IT IS POSSIBLE, that consuming more advertising and the snippets of rage-inducing half-truths chucked at me by chicks I can’t fuck so why are you on TV to influence me, Prude? may have changed my vote. But, honestly, it’d have just pushed me to stay home. I didn’t register until like the deadline day and I doubt I’d care today even if I hadn’t because I always heard fundraising wins elections but now that 24-hours news has found its calling as 24-hour SNF Pregame LOUD, I guess it’s all just as arbitrary as a Browns-Jags Preseason Week 2 game in Mexico City. Alta Vista says Harry outraised Cheapy 3:1.
Also, I’m doing final patent review wprk tonight and doing 3 hours of research on the Nintendo Switch because, if you want to know my vote for a girl president, it’s Elizabeth Warren and I’m going to break down and get one for the Hana because I think there’s going to be enough free time over the holidays that blaxito can’t be unattended near the ocean and it probably won’t melt my sons brain the way Fake News broadcasts will (in between surf sessions of course).
As a rough Plan B for if a Switch decision is made early (outlawed under a Trump Regime, WCS) my grass is all finally walkonable/complete so I’ve got my guy coming tomorrow to go over the outdoor kitchen/laundry room phase we’re going to do next. I think I’m going to move my wall. The lady next door is like 95 — she can’t stop me (I kid — my love-small-talk neighbors say the work we’ve done is “amazing”, spoken four different ways).
All this to say, Election Night/Week is a great way to put some distance (or close some distance, depending where you are) between you and your competition this week. There’s two factors to separation – speed and time. You can only control your own pace. So when your competition chooses to slow down, it’s imperative that you speed up. When you’re competition stops — in any sport — isn’t that when you make the kill shot? So, unless you’re running for President (outlawed under a Trump Regime), I suggest everyone take on a time-and attention-consuming labor of love today. Barf up a post for a week or two away when the rest of CNBC Comment Section starts returning to their office jobs and learning they’ve been fired (outlawed under a Harris Administration). Unless I’m wrong and a lot of people are not going to let this event short-circuit their attention spans again. But, like I said, my anecdotal political samples are granular this year (Hipster coffee shop weirdos probably have turned out to embrace Trump after all, now that these dudes see the rate at which young women will choose to be single before fishing in the hipster coffee shop pool — no offense to you, personally, Gatoraids).
Consider also, if you did this at Christmas, you’d be a workaholic. You do it in mid-November — amen you’re not supposed to be all fucked up and useless — and you’ve just proven the you-are-the-product-we-sell-our-advertisers-news-industry hasn’t stolen an entire day of your mood and productivity for THIER fucking RATINGS Super Bowl that you get nothing out of. And save your Christmas. And beat your competitors.
Plus, working good through a stressful event (ex: loved one undergoing a long surgery) is a great way to actively Just Don’t Look.
So be a man. Work through the election.
Try living in Ohio. Even the Non-Trump Churches aren’t the sanctuary they are supposed to be. The “Love thy neighbor.” and “Kingdom of Heaven.” and “Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin” sermons only show up on even numbered years for some reason.
Mrs GTD and I will be trying to stay off social media tonight and streaming something, anything* that’s not about the election. However my MIL is already watching election coverage and will prob be up most of the night waiting for results of an election of a country she’s doesnae live in, or can vote in.
*suggestions welcome as we are running out of shows to watch.
/someone here mentioned “Slow Horses” a few weeks ago, and we’ve already binged it and are now waiting for the next season. I will prob try to read the books as well.
Just finished the first season of ‘Slow Horses,’ now going through some other shows before jumping to S2, so as not to burn it out. Good show.
Watching the Netflix documentary ‘Mr. McMahon’ which came out right before all of McMahon’s really icky sex stuff came out and forced him out of the company, a fact that the producers keep reminding you of so you don’t send in letters asking why they didn’t ask him about all the icky sex stuff that came out and forced him out of the company.
But if you like the backroom dealings of pro wrestling it’s pretty interesting stuff, although hardly groundbreaking.
OK, time to get back to being hung up on.
Mrs GTD is NAWT a documentary person, so prob not going to watch that
I’m also liking The Penguin on HBO, or Max, or whatever they’re calling it.
Of course, I also forgot to watch it this week so there’s that.
“You’re not supposed to work at Christmas?” -Musicians everywhere