Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
The world is so unpredictable. Things happen suddenly, unexpectedly. We want to feel we’re in control of our own existence. In some ways we are, in some ways we’re not. We are ruled by the forces of chance and coincidence [in bed].
Paul Auster
I get the feeling that Paul finishes in bed in about 30 seconds, “suddenly and unexpected”, hahaha.
Also, get out an vote today for those of you in North America’s basement. Will be glad when it’s all over in a few days and we can go back to just hating on all politicians and not who’s the best of the worst.
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
This is Peak Bearsenscheisse.
Instead of watching the play, dumbass was taunting fans with his back turned.
WCS
Redshirt
My favorite one yet
Doktor Zymm
Just got my Flu and COVID vaccines. Per the DFO Bylaws, I’ll report any superpowers or increased thirst for human flesh/or blood.
Redshirt
increased thirst for human flesh/or blood.
Uh, increased?
LemonJello
Good point, he should also let us know if there’s a decrease as well.ot my Flu and COVID vaccines. Per the DFO Bylaws, I’ll report any superpowers or increased thirst for human flesh/or blood.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Ever seen an egg hatch? There’s nothing and then you witness life enterring the world.
This week 8 2024 is the birth of the Cardinals’ next era of bottom-half of the division meddling. I’m telling you, it’s all here.
-Kyler finally LEADING!
-Gannon being TOUGH! Says the word “Violence”!
-Marvey gonna pop
-GOT KICKER FIGURED OUT
-“…and imagine how good they’ll be IN A COUPLE MORE SEASONS!”
They’re going to re-re-committ to XBJ after another flirtatious (if that’s what you call the occasional handy in Year 6) season and a few shots of, “Just make the playoffs and then we got a chance!”.
Michael Bidwills sexuality aside, you all can mark my words.
blaxabbath
Thinking about changing the auto-message that plays when a call begins. Thoughts?
WCS
The Dr. Mrs. just described sports radio as “a bunch of white guys complaining about people” and I do not think should could possibly be more right about it.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Which of you did this?
https://www.reddit.com/r/cocktails/comments/1gexqr3/my_newest_joke_cocktail_the_gin_jizz/?utm_source=embedv2&utm_medium=post_embed&utm_content=post_title&embed_host_url=https://doorfliesopen.com/2024/10/29/subsequent-gtd-reflections-193/
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Wasn’t me
-Shaggy
Game Time Decision
So, New York lost a game on the equinox in:
-MLB
-NFL
-NBA
-MLS
But not in the NHL! (Because they were all off.)
In conclusion, despite it being 10 AM at me in a suit at work for a gig I should probably drink on principle.
Senor Weaselo
Found a funny: Two nuns were riding their bikes through the Old Town. The first nun says, ” I don’t think we’ve come this way before. ” The second nun replies, ” I think it’s the cobblestones.”
Gumbygirl
I’m back in Milwaukee for a few days to help my mom while she has surgery. Just the two hour difference is really screwing with me (I live in SD). I just thankful the surgery should be simple
Bogdanski
Good luck to your mom!
Sharkbait
FREDDIE FUCKING FREEMAN!
Mr. Ayo
Finally, someone other than a Steinbrenner owns the Yankees.
SonOfSpam
BeefReeferLives
This is Mrs. Horatio. Friend of hers winds up in the hospital with a myriad of issues. She’s a caterer by trade, and has her own kitchen located below another business. She’s due for a health inspection in a week or so and is worried that her health won’t let her keep it to the required conditions.
So Mrs. Horatio is now on her second trip down to the kitchen to get it to her own standard, which I promise you will exceed anything the health inspector can come up with. She’ll be there for multiple hours and will be paid in chocolate chip cookies, which she doesn’t eat.
But which I do.
Talk about out-kicking your coverage. Way to go, me.
Horatio Cornblower
Tell me that Mrs Horatio is in a fight club without telling me she’s in a fight club
Game Time Decision
Mrs. Horatio was undefeated in her weight class back in high school. She denies this happened, but early on one of her friends told me that there was an incident where two girls followed her into the bathroom with the intent of beating her up, and Mrs. Horatio was the one who walked out three minutes later.
Horatio Cornblower
Don T
Say what you will about the Yankees: they went pretty far for a very, very, very stupid team.
And I hope those two fucktards from last night are happy about the karmic blowback they brought on. Hope they get hit by a bus while trying to cross the street from whatever bar they drown their sorrows at tonight.
Horatio Cornblower
Fun fact. The Yankees did not record an out on this play.
Mr. Ayo
Mrs Fozz: “Our 10 year old son is having 5 of his friends spend the night tomorrow night, after they go trick or treating.”
Me: “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, WOMAN?”
Mrs. Fozz: “Please stop cursing.”
Me: “DID YOU NOT HEAR ME WHEN I SAID ‘WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK’”?
jjfozz
Word of caution
Redshirt
How the fuck you doin’ boys?
Dunstan
Roughing the snapper. Hehe.
Gumbygirl
Ben Shapiro’s wife knows all about that.
Gumbygirl
Decilitre got 300 pieces of candy. Over a dozen full size Coffee Crisps.
litre_cola
I’d like to thank the Jets for their efforts at making the Yankees look like the second-dumbest team in New York(ish) this week.
It’s not working, but I appreciate the effort.
Horatio Cornblower
When I’m elected Evil Ruler of the World, any player who drops the ball before the goal line negating an easy touchdown, shall have footballs duct taped to both of his hands for the remainder of the game. Repeat offenders will have the footballs melted to their hands.
In the meantime: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!
Redshirt
The Jets did a pretty good job on their ‘football team’ costume, it’s almost convincing!
Doktor Zymm
My wife is having a BALL listening to the horrible shit I’m yelling at Aaron Rodgers.
Fronkenshteen
Redshirt
October 31, 2024 7:05 pm
Left a bowl of candy on the porch while we took the kids trick or treating. When we got back home we discovered someone took the whole bowl.
Not just the candy. They took the physical bowl. Who steals a mixing bowl??
Sharkbait
Sir Mix-a-Lot?
scotchnaut
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go make myself something different to get this olive taste out of my mouth.
– Popeye
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Dropped off my ballot today. Had a brief moment of feeling like part of something important. Don’t think I had that in other elections. Hope it’s not a premonition of something horrible, like this being the last election where chicks are allowed to vote or similar
Doktor Zymm
Me: [dry brining a turkey]
Wifey: “Are you going to cook it today?”
Me: “I can let it go for as long as 72 hours.”
Wifey: “But I’m kinda feeling like turkey.”
Me: “You hate turkey. What are you talking about?”
Her: “Sometimes I feel like turkey, other times it makes me want to throw up. BTW, we don’t have any potatoes or stuffing.”
Me: “YOU HATE STUFFING!”
Her: “There was that one time you made it and it was ok.”
Me: “When was that?”
Her: “I don’t remember.”
Me: [walks to bathroom, takes inventory of razors there]
scotchnaut
Wee man was selected to walk out with the team in the Canadian Premier league final here in Cavalry country next Saturday. Much excite.
litre_cola
Gumbygirl
He will brag about anything and everything he did with Putin.
Redshirt
Gumby has had a rough couple of days. I’m thinking tomorrow will be better, he usually perks up for the NFL games. I hope all of yinz have fun in Seattle tomorrow.
Gumbygirl
Wish you two could join us!
Tell him to root for the Rams and he’ll have an even better day!
Mr. Ayo
I know every other train has priority over Amtrak, but I guess that’s life in the sticks for ya.
Unsurprised
todays special DFO community theatre rendition of Plains, Trains and Automobiles
Gatoraids
Those. Aren’t. PILLOWS!!!
King Hippo
To long sleeve or not long sleeve, that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The stinging cold rain of Seahawks games,
Or to cover thy arms against the cold wet
And by covering warm them. Too dry – too warm,
No more; and by warm to say we end
The RAM IT chants and the thousand year old Stafford
That is the QB, ’tis a celebration
Devoutly to be wish’d. Too dry, too warm;
Too warm, perchance to drink – ay, there’s my beer…
/chugs Rainier
ThePirateSloth
LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOO
Unsurprised
I expected more live transmissions from that LAR-SEA game, from both sections.
See if you can take a photo of each other across the stadium.
Brick Meathook
He’s over there. You can’t miss him.
Beerguyrob
One funny thing that happened while we were in Philadelphia was that the Dr. Mrs. tried to give a homeless guy a tupperware full of cheese and his response was “Miss, I don’t want this,” as he pushed it back into her hands.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
I was on a business trip in SF, and had about $5 left on BART tickets on my last night there. I was walking back to my hotel, and this guy comes up to me with a sob story about being stuck downtown with no way to get across town. “You’re in luck, there’s enough on this ticket to get you anywhere.” Turns out he wasn’t really stuck downtown.
BugEyedBoo
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
/dying
Living in New Hampshire sucked during election season. We had a game at work to see who could get in the background of the most live news broadcasts when walking to get lunch. I think the record was 11.
Final PA “firewall” update (at least I think it’s final): 419,578.
That’s not gonna be enough to win. RFK easily pulls 500K from Penn State Alumns.
What exactly is a firewall in this context?
Also, my record today as a phone-banker is 4 hang-ups, one “I already voted” followed by a hang up, and one “I’m on my way” followed by a hang up.
I get the feeling that the good people of Pennsylvania are heartily sick of this election.
Basically a purely partisan analysis of the mail-in vote. It’s the number of ballots returned by registered Democrats minus the number of ballots returned by registered Republicans. The guy who came up with the concept thought if we hit 390k it’s very likely that Harris will win PA.
And “firewall” is PA-MI-WI for the Democratic candidate to win, You get those three plus the usual suspects (CA-IL-NY-MA-NE2, etc) and that’s 270 to win.
And fun fact! The total number of votes that put those three states over the top for Trump in 2016 would fit in Ohio Stadium.
That part I know. RTD’s numbers were what I didn’t because
The Popular Vote is tied 3-3! Its anyone’s game!
Also, “95% Est. Reporting”? Is CNN expecting 31.6% of a New Hampshirite to show up and vote?
(Sorry i had this open on last thread but all about MEEEEEEEEEEE)
I’m proud of how hard I stayed away from political news this cycle. Sure, IT IS POSSIBLE, that consuming more advertising and the snippets of rage-inducing half-truths chucked at me by chicks I can’t fuck so why are you on TV to influence me, Prude? may have changed my vote. But, honestly, it’d have just pushed me to stay home. I didn’t register until like the deadline day and I doubt I’d care today even if I hadn’t because I always heard fundraising wins elections but now that 24-hours news has found its calling as 24-hour SNF Pregame LOUD, I guess it’s all just as arbitrary as a Browns-Jags Preseason Week 2 game in Mexico City. Alta Vista says Harry outraised Cheapy 3:1.
Also, I’m doing final patent review wprk tonight and doing 3 hours of research on the Nintendo Switch because, if you want to know my vote for a girl president, it’s Elizabeth Warren and I’m going to break down and get one for the Hana because I think there’s going to be enough free time over the holidays that blaxito can’t be unattended near the ocean and it probably won’t melt my sons brain the way Fake News broadcasts will (in between surf sessions of course).
As a rough Plan B for if a Switch decision is made early (outlawed under a Trump Regime, WCS) my grass is all finally walkonable/complete so I’ve got my guy coming tomorrow to go over the outdoor kitchen/laundry room phase we’re going to do next. I think I’m going to move my wall. The lady next door is like 95 — she can’t stop me (I kid — my love-small-talk neighbors say the work we’ve done is “amazing”, spoken four different ways).
All this to say, Election Night/Week is a great way to put some distance (or close some distance, depending where you are) between you and your competition this week. There’s two factors to separation – speed and time. You can only control your own pace. So when your competition chooses to slow down, it’s imperative that you speed up. When you’re competition stops — in any sport — isn’t that when you make the kill shot? So, unless you’re running for President (outlawed under a Trump Regime), I suggest everyone take on a time-and attention-consuming labor of love today. Barf up a post for a week or two away when the rest of CNBC Comment Section starts returning to their office jobs and learning they’ve been fired (outlawed under a Harris Administration). Unless I’m wrong and a lot of people are not going to let this event short-circuit their attention spans again. But, like I said, my anecdotal political samples are granular this year (Hipster coffee shop weirdos probably have turned out to embrace Trump after all, now that these dudes see the rate at which young women will choose to be single before fishing in the hipster coffee shop pool — no offense to you, personally, Gatoraids).
Consider also, if you did this at Christmas, you’d be a workaholic. You do it in mid-November — amen you’re not supposed to be all fucked up and useless — and you’ve just proven the you-are-the-product-we-sell-our-advertisers-news-industry hasn’t stolen an entire day of your mood and productivity for THIER fucking RATINGS Super Bowl that you get nothing out of. And save your Christmas. And beat your competitors.
Plus, working good through a stressful event (ex: loved one undergoing a long surgery) is a great way to actively Just Don’t Look.
So be a man. Work through the election.
Try living in Ohio. Even the Non-Trump Churches aren’t the sanctuary they are supposed to be. The “Love thy neighbor.” and “Kingdom of Heaven.” and “Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin” sermons only show up on even numbered years for some reason.
Mrs GTD and I will be trying to stay off social media tonight and streaming something, anything* that’s not about the election. However my MIL is already watching election coverage and will prob be up most of the night waiting for results of an election of a country she’s doesnae live in, or can vote in.
*suggestions welcome as we are running out of shows to watch.
/someone here mentioned “Slow Horses” a few weeks ago, and we’ve already binged it and are now waiting for the next season. I will prob try to read the books as well.
Just finished the first season of ‘Slow Horses,’ now going through some other shows before jumping to S2, so as not to burn it out. Good show.
Watching the Netflix documentary ‘Mr. McMahon’ which came out right before all of McMahon’s really icky sex stuff came out and forced him out of the company, a fact that the producers keep reminding you of so you don’t send in letters asking why they didn’t ask him about all the icky sex stuff that came out and forced him out of the company.
But if you like the backroom dealings of pro wrestling it’s pretty interesting stuff, although hardly groundbreaking.
OK, time to get back to being hung up on.
Mrs GTD is NAWT a documentary person, so prob not going to watch that
I’m also liking The Penguin on HBO, or Max, or whatever they’re calling it.
Of course, I also forgot to watch it this week so there’s that.