Good morning everyone! We have a big day ahead of us, I was told!
Your local Hippo took a day off and assigned me to this spot. Which was great, because I was going to recap the F1 season that just concluded last week. Unfortunately, I’ve fallen quite ill over this entire past week (the Brick Experience!), so I’m passing on that and doing a much quicker post previewing this morning’s EPL matches. Let’s get to it! (Times are best cost time, sorry for any confusion)
Lesser Footy!
Fixture 1
Arsenal
Everton
EvertonEmirates Stadium, London
I think we know what’s going to happen here. #DoucheStrong
Fixture 2
Liverpool
Fulham
FulhamAnfield, Liverpool
Pool Boys by two, right?
Fixture 3
Newcastle 
Leicester
LeicesterSt. James’ Park, Newcastle
Leicester is still around riding on the coattails of their magical 2015 chip? Good management, that.
Fixture 4
Wolves
Ipswich
IpswichMolineux Stadium, Wolverhampton
I’m still annoyed that IP Switch is the only thing I can think of when I see this stupid team’s stupid name.
Fixture 5
Nott’m Forest
Aston Villa
Aston VillaThis is a spotlight light game? Come, the fuck on. Hope everyone slept well in.
JV FOOTY!
Navy 
09:00 
Army
Army is -6, so support your troops and bet the house on them.
No fight at midfield? They have been taught military tactics and has access to military grade weapons and equipment!
Trump was right; the military has gone woke and weak.
None of these Army Navy cadets and midshipmen have ever done shit for their country. They are schoolboys still in boot camp and are lowest lifeforms in the military.
Agreed. They should play one quarter with active duty officers, one quarter with POWs and one quarter with WW2 veterans.
Yeah. the guys who got good grades in high school are the real enemies.
Forget Health Insurance Executives. Honor Roll Honorees and National Honors Society member are the real Enemies of Society.
OTOH, the cadets and midshipmen got much better grades in high school than you. It’s just that they’re still school boys and have never been in the field or the fleet. It’s not a difficult concept. I’m really high.
Army lost this game when they highlighted each individual letter on the ARMY! nameplate.
https://www.cbssports.com/college-football/news/marshall-opts-out-of-independence-bowl-vs-army-amid-portal-exodus-louisiana-tech-tabbed-as-replacement/
Bullshit! Did Cumberland quit when Georgia Tech demanded they play? Get Marshall on that field!
I think Georgia Tech covered the spread.
Probably the over as well.
I haven’t seen Marshall’s football team get that ravaged so quickly since, well, you know.
BLEERGH doesn’t give a crap about your service to your country!
Beergh cares not for borders!
FLAGS FOR THE FLAG GOD!
Disney Cruise Line commercial during the UA/UCLA game.
Maybe that’s what I should do next summer.
Work as a Goofy character a Disney cruise ship and get fired and abandoned at the nearest port for being too “touchy” with the children? Sure man, whatever floats your boat.
Trump: “Running plays are boring. I want pass plays.”
Aide: “Sir, this is Army and Navy. They are only good at running plays. Also, you’re not President, yet, so…”
Trump: “ME WANT PASSES!!! ME WANT PASSES!!!”
Aide: (sigh) “I’ll let the coaches know.”
I hate how accurate this is
My nephew wants to go to Babson and study something to do with oceans. So he made a video and sent it to them, (as kids do), and put it on YouTube.
Where my son, his cousin, found it.
So Horatio, Jr. makes a video where he’s pretending to be his cousin talking about he’s going to turn Babson to “Babes, son” because ever sine he went on a boat ride with some “bitches in bikini” he knew he wanted to “study that shit for life,” all while waving a couple of liquor bottles in each hand. Then he sent it to his cousin’s entire family.
My sister sent it to me while I was at the gym. I was sitting on one of the machines howling like a lunatic.
My family, too, criticizes learning. But, you know what, didn’t turn out homo. So fuck yeah.
Aw, the kid at my school who was voted “Most Likely to Commit a School Shooting” went to Babson.
/he was a righteous pain in the ass but I once overheard his own dad talking shit to his hitting partner about him on an adjacent tennis court and it changed my perspective immensely. I hope he’s doing all right these days.
Um, why was that a voting category and not a psychiatric referral?
Apologies, I figured the fact that I went to school during an idyllic time where you were more likely to get HIV at school than get shot would make it clear that I was joking. I think the most “edgy” superlative we had was “class crash dummies” for the most dangerous drivers.
The Dr. Mrs.’ auditory filters really are something to behold. She’ll notice that the washing machine has is finished (from all the way across the house, and there’s no signal or anything, it just quietly stops running), but the poor dog spends twenty minutes stuck outside the gate barking and she hears nothing.
A neighbor’s friendly dog came to explore my open garage. My cat waited for him to venture all the way into the kitchen, and then took up residence in the open doorway, using her body language to indicate…
Your cat wants a dog. Hop on it, slave!
We have a dog!
Cat wants a better one
No such thing.
From the March 1974 issue of Blackjack, Sap & Truncheon
When I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter had more uses
Saw the home decor discussions downstream, and thought of the perfect table lamp idea.
Papa Smurf, with a YUUUUUGGGGE erection!
That must exist
I think I committed Little Drummer Boy suicide last night.
We were pretty baked and talking about the Challenge that we’re doing right here and I was saying what a stupid fucking song it is.
Then I made up some goofy lyrics and started singing it.
Fuck.
I’m out aren’t I?
My wife asked if she sings it, would I be out of the game.
I presume the answer is yes, in addition to being out of my house.
I’ve been out and about a lot more than usual; I’m surprised I’m still alive.
Me too!
Three (3) Christmas parties tonight and one (1) tomorrow. I’m boned.
If you sang the regular lyrics I would say you’re out. If you parodied it I say you’re good.
It’s important to note that I have no authority whatsoever over these things.
I’ll take it!
/clearing out an apartment-it’s surprisingly difficult to give things away for free
Text: “How dirty is the mattress.”
Wifey: “Well, it says ‘well-used’ right there in the description.”
Me: “Tell them people have had sex on it multiple times.”
Wifey: “Ugh, no!”
/three hours later
Wifey: “These goddamn people! Someone asked me exactly how old the old armchair is.”
Me: “Tell them some really old people had sex on it multiple times.”
Wifey: “I’m this close!”
In L.A. if you want to get rid of an old mattress or old furniture of any condition, just put it out in the alley at sunset. It’ll all be gone by sunrise.
Scotchy’s alleys are strewn with hobo parts.
Use the ultraviolet light…
Shit, I used to leave stuff out and it was gone within two hours.
craigslist was SUPER AWESOME for that (back when I last moved). Too bad the shittification of the internet (and anti-sex worker sentiment) ruined that.
Craigslist is still fine for unloading stuff for free, though people can be irritatingly flaky. I had *multiple* people respond when I offered up some lightly used toilet seats for free.
Napoli won.
methinks that is a good harbinger for Army later!
Cuphead is freaking difficult. Or I just suck at video games
seems easy enough
https://youtu.be/7AzL9jQq_tQ?t=132
See? Global Warming and Climate Change isn’t all bad.
https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2024/12/14/us/san-francisco-tornado-warning
SEE! We told yew God hated ’em!! – Westboro Baptist C., Wichita, KS
Anytime I see the word “yew” it makes me think of Nancy Grace.
speaking of, is that bitch ded yet??
Weird.
I usually think of her when I hear the word “screechingfuckfaceharridan”
Do you want flying sidewalk poop? Because this is how you get flying sidewalk poop.
None never reported.
This just tells me the deep state is finally being transparent about all the tornados that have been secretly touching down in SOMA for decades!!!!
CMC’s PCL was the first seal to break
Joel Embiid’s face bone was the second.
Note that he’s broken face bones multiple times already; it’s just that the others didn’t count because CMC’s PCL was A-OK.
To be fair, it’s San Francisco, so
For the last 11 years of having Jezebel and being out in public, I will never – AT ALL – understand parents who encourage their young children/toddlers/babies to interact with a strangers dog, especially when they DO NOT EVEN ASK THE DOGS OWNER if the dog is friendly, or child friendly, or simply if it is ok for them to interact with the dog. I just don’t get it.
It again happened today, with a ‘just getting the hang of this walking thing’ stage baby. The parents and grandparents walked up to the grass area Jezebel was sniffing and rolling in stuff at (her most favorite spot too), and without talking to me, all pulled out their phones and started encouraging their barely walking baby to go over to my dog. Like wtf people. Jezebel is twice the size of your stupid, stumbling ass baby.
I silently motioned her to move towards the other end of the lawn away from them, and they fucking followed and kept telling their baby to go over to the pretty dog. Ugh. I should’ve let Jezebel get excited and take a running start at their stupid baby and knock it to the ground. Take a photo of your precious dumb ass baby crying on the ground.
I would guess that these same people are also horrible dog owners
Probably slap a “baby on board” sticker on the back of their X5 and drive like it works the same way as a Mario star.
And because of the joy that thinking of the Mario star evokes…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngnIUsrL1JM
Might be easier to list the couple of things they are actually good for….
Man if someone shot up a UHC office, i bet you’d be able to really dampen their stock.
I need this lamp. It’s on sale in Manhattan Beach (CA); unfortunately I’m on the east coast.
I’m sure one of our LA folks could pick it up for you
He matches your radiator. Get a new shade, a small Chinese paper lantern maybe.
A lampshade that looks like a fez would be great
Speaking of old stuff…
Really wish I could just pick up my Chicago place and a few blocks around it and plonk it down in California.
Evergreen comment from all people in all places.
As do we. As long as your Bearenscheisse decontamination procedures are up to standard.
Your name is displayed on the screen, might want to fix that.
Zymm’s real name is Cuphead?
Just finished watching “Cunk On Earth” on Netflix again. I also just found out there’s a “Cunk On Britain” which preceded it, and that it’s on YouTube. Goddamn Diane Morgan is funny as Philomena Cunk.
Interim solution! I already had the wax scent diffuser thing on there and tried to pick an attractive bowl.
I’ve always loved the decorative detail on the radiators. They made things so much more attractively back in the day. This was built as middle-class rental units and only converted to condos in the 70s. They would never put something attractive like that in a rental building nowadays
Drape a dam towel over the radiator.
“damp” towel
I’ll do that with the one in the bedroom and compare results. I have humidity gauges in both rooms
I was trying to figure out why I didn’t have this problem when I used to live here full time and I realized this is probably the downside to replacing the windows.
Yeah the better seal probably has that one minor drawback.
Good field expedient right there.
Those are nice looking radiators.
9 extra minutes for Liverpool?
Someone die on the pitch, or is it just “A Big 6 team needs extra time to win”?
they are 100% bending over backwards for the arselicking Redshite, and it’s beyond gross
Wait. We’ve had this discussion before.
Dammit, Fulham, you had one job for five minutes and you couldn’t do it.
Yes, yes, I am aware that Arsenal had one job and hasn’t done it for 90+ minutes now, but DON’T CHANGE THE SUBJECT!!!
I think we should make a WWII-style epic about The Heroic Weiner of BugEyedBoo.
/also, Dear Jeebus let this poor man have surgery (I once spent 7 full days trying to pass a kidney stone, before getting the knife – I woke up from the knockout IV and the pain was completely gone)
This is a great idea, I’m thinking graphic novel would be a good format.
(incidentally, Maus is apparently on some book ban lists because people suck)
Might be more helpful as a Warhammer novella, when in end he is blessed by Khorne to have the blood flow out it after battling Papa Nurgle and Slaneesh
I used to subscribe to bokksu box, which was awesome. Gonna try another Japanese box this year, from Sakuraco. This one also has small household items in addition to the snacks which should be nice
[pokes Arsenal with a stick]
Find something you love to do as much as Arsenal loves bottling a chance to pick up points on the league leader and you’ll never work a day in your life.
combined with Everton’s fondness for boring everyone to death!
Everyone: Hey, Fulham’s going above and beyond! Now’s your chance to pick up big points!
Arsenal: Thank you, but we will do everything in our power to not.
(also, hold Fulham’s beer!)
godfuckingdamnit
Falcons are only four point favorites against the hosting Raiders on Monday. I want to bet this game.
While I love horseback riding, it’s kind of nice when it’s rained out and I can have a cozy day not leaving the house. I think I’ll go for the terry cloth bathrobe today and go play some video games
I assume you read that long NYT article on the YouTube horse whisperer guy (there was a gift link via Bulwark), thought of you when I read it! Very cool story.
Although, FUCK the New York Times.
If I had a butler it would be part of his job to lay out a selection of bathrobes in the morning in anticipation of my needs for the day
As a scientist, do you think Kirk Cousins is simply experiencing what some may call, “the wheels coming off” where his ability to keep up is just gone. Father Time does make a fool of us all…
He’s not that old, I think he just sucks
Sucks…..for good?
Jerry Lee Lewis WAS teh Devil…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRVMUOYTc3Y
That, New World Order, and Just One Fix make that album.
I played the shit out of that CD in my car, as a young’un.
Been on a STEADY diet of Gibby since the election.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFJIgIFIK-o
speed metal is well-suited to The Darkest Timeline, inshallah
Saw them with Redd Kross Neurotica at the Ritz in NYC in about 1987 or 1988. I would remember more of the show, but my buddy dropped two tabs of acid and kept wanting to wander onstage to become one with the giant insects that were part of check out the video background (basically a low-budget projection of a nature show onto a giant white sheet behind the band) and the security guys kept threatening us with an unpleasant exit . . . good times!!
Hey, I remember Redd Kross! Only just barely, though, and only for this song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqRLmsFnKG8
I got like two more work days then I’m done for year. We have like a Christmas “party” (it’s afternoon time — i think it’s an open house because, at all other times, this is a closed house and I don’t want visits) next Saturday. Then we fly out Monday. I am gonna miss the dogs for so long but, otherwise, traffic is FUCKED this winter and I’ll go away until the frost ends (or whatever gets these people back to their health insurance jobs back home). Someone told me work from home is over but I think it’s just a combination of every package in town will be individually delivered and every house being Airbnbed or otherwise filled with people who do not drive consistently when they do get on the roads. I’m like, between the summer heat and winter traffic, we might not even stay here another decade. The wife don’t want to hear it but she knows I’m right. Make I’ll go to Kansas City next. It seems pretty famous.
Also – “I got like two more work days then I’m done for the year,” was what my Vegas employees conferred to one-another on like January 22nd every year.
/ goes to Kansas City
// ships in backyard full of desert sand and cactus
/// installs pool
//// still pisses off neighbors
Oh man no. I’m all about regional style.
So I guess I’ll live the same as everyone else. Which is, I assume, in a meat locker or the like?
The humidifier is broken because I never bothered to decalcify it and now it’s only 20% humidity in here. How do steam radiators create such dry heat?
Luckily it’s also 82F in here and rainin outside so gonna open a window before I dessicate completely
It’s not that they make dry heat, it’s that cold air holds less moisture.
When I was growing up we had those steam radiators that would burn you if you touched it. Old school!
Those are the radiators I have! The building is over 100 years old and I think they’re original. No thermostat, and a couple of them are stuck on, hence it getting into the 80s in here.
I understand why it’s dry, just kinda ironic since steam is literally humidity, lol
Over here they have ceramic vases that hang between the vertical vanes. They hold about a quart of water that vaborizes over a few days from the heat. Puts moisture in the air.
We still have one in the old house. Scheduled for demolition next month. We’re getting in floor heating as part of the renovation.
It’s pretty! I wonder if I can find some vintage ones on ebay or similar
Try it. I’ll hang on to this one for you. In the mean time I have seen a glass or ceramic bowl on the top used if yours would support that.
Thank you! I did try a cereal bowl on one of the radiators but I don’t think it was enough water to make much of a difference, and I ended up with mineral residue in the bowl (hard water). Will have to try again with a larger bowl and filtered water
Hang a wet towel over the radiator.
I just raided BIL’s place also scheduled for demo. He had 3 of them, two matching. We were just going to toss them. You are welcome to them if you would like.
That would be fantastic! Those are lovely, thank you!
As an admin I think you have access to my email. Send me your address and I’ll mail them to you USPS. (APO).
Then we’ll keep it secret so you can simply tell your friends they are imported from Italy.
They are so pretty!
Many thanks, Under the Weather Bastard Man!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUF_Ei-BovQ
Deci was made a Liverpool supporter 3 years ago by the lads at the pub.
Must hold rage in this morning.
Trade him in for a nice calm girl.
Nah he comes to the pub with me regularly and fucking behaves.
Could be worse, could be Chelski and Dallas
From last night, what I got my daughter for Christmas.
That would make for an excellent album title and cover.
Is that a Tarot card?
@Gumbygirl asking about the catheter. I went yesterday morning and got the ginormocatheter removed. No pee forthcoming. Nurse said to drink a lot, and if you don’t start peeing in a few hours, come back as we’ll have to reinsert one. Unfortunately, it was still blocked. So back in I went to get a smaller one. I meet with the urologist Thursday, and I figure they’ll want to do the surgery. Hopefully, according to the nurse it’s usually outpatient, although sometimes an overnight stay is involved.
The more entertaining story of last weekend, good for laughs. I”m watching that Oregon game, and I’m starting to get uncomfortable. I have to pee every five minutes, but nothing is happening. So I finally tell the missus that we need to go to the ER.
We get there, They put a catheter in, which helps a lot but it gets plugged up, Shit gets painful again, fast. Who could I tell? Nobody, because Nurse Whoever has wandered off. So finally she shows up and says, “We’ll have to replace it with a CBI to flush it.
So nurses Frick and Frack show up to put in the bigger catheter. But it gets blocked by a clot. The clot is stuck in my urethra _and_ in the catheter. So they have _ideas_, and they’re yanking around on the catheter and fucking around with pushing more fluid to force this clot out. I am hurting bad at this point, and wondering if I’m going to survive with my dick intact. Finally, they give up and yell for a doctor. Dr. Patel the ‘urologist’ is called and told what’s going on here. He says on the phone, where I can hear him, “Huh. Well. I got nothing.” Fuck. Me.
They get the attending, and he tries a couple of things, then says, “Admit him for clot removal surgery.” I get to hang around in agony for about five hours. I was welcoming that general anesthesia by this point.
You will have winning stories after this experience, hands down.
Worst. Dick. Joke. Ever.
By Morrigan, bet you never thought you would be letting this many people handle you junk.
Hang in there. Thanks for adding to my health issues to be terrified of.
Here’s a lighter one for you. The nurse put me in bed for the night Sunday night, and he straps me into one of those things that squeezes your legs to prevent dvt clots. No big deal, although I have been moving around anyway. But I drop my call button/tv remote, and I’m literally strapped into the bed. I guess I could start screaming “Help!” but I would like to preserve a scrap of dignity. So I call the front desk on my cell phone and have her transfer me to the nurses’ station.
That’s being a man.
“Or paying so much for it. You are doing this all wrong.” – Robert Kraft
Eat a cheeseburger of a $3000/night hooker’s chest? Nah, I’d rather have blood washed of my dick by a PSA that looks like Cameron Heyward.
Your health insurance probably wouldn’t cover the cheeseburger anyway
Probably the best Cam Heyward joke I’ve heard this year.
I’m no doctor but if it was me I’d ask for the surgery and have them fix it properly for good, rather than waiting to see if it will “fix itself.” That’s just me, consult real doctors about this before making any decisions.
I figure that’s the plan, and at this point I’m all for it. That cute urology nurse that was handling catheters and Li’l Boo yesterday was selling it pretty well.
Do you get assigned as a urology nurse or did she choose, that speciality? Hmm, a job where I can handle lots of dicks and deal with a lot of urine, hmmmm, sign me up!
I figure she took the job willingly. I had met her before; she’s the nurse for the whole urology group.
Maybe she just likes handling dick, if so she at least found the a profession that is legal to do that.
Hey, it’s legal in Nevada!
I bet that pulling a foot of bloody garden hose out of the World’s Most Frightened Dick is the exact opposite of sexy time. At least it was for me. I know from my pov that the nurse could look like Kate Upton, and I would not care.
Oh my darling dear, I am so sorry! Here’s a funny story to cheer you up. Yesterday I came home from Riverside and the gate to my complex was stuck shut. The UPS guy had to boost my fat ass over the fence so I could call the HOA president to open it. I really hope no one was recording it, but I am probably trending as we speak. It was…not graceful!
Don’t forget that Wrexham play Cambridge United at 7 Best Coast Time on CBS Sports Network!
And Preston North End score on Leeds. God damn it. Even when I just say “fuck it” and take favorites! No good. I really should go out to Nevada and try to get hired on at one of the big casinos as a Cooler. I stink.
Go Army… I guess…
/ Pictured – never one of 2Packs platoon leaders
Still here, still weird.
Put that on my epitaph.
Stay weird Buddy. That’s important when you are doing critical work.