Your Christmas-Y Football Open Thread Part The Deux

By the time this posts I should be off to the SIL’s where thar be the usual turkey and ham and beans and all the other fixin’s. There’s also a gift exchange and a game night. (hope it’s trivia-I do goodly at that) I needn’t remind anyone that if you’re out and about, limit the drinkies to one or zero. Up here in the boonies you can count on roadside checks everywhere all evening. The one that surprised me the most was the 6am one on January 1st that I ran into a few years ago. Them coppers are smart.

To The Game!

Ravens/Texans:

-Does Houston even have a signature win as they head towards the postseason? They beat the Bills by a field goal but that was way back in week 5. Their last few W’s have been vs the dregs that are the Colts, Jags, Cowboys and Fins. Hardly a Killer’s Row there. During that time they’ve also lost to the Jets and Fins.

-If you’ll recall last year, due to a phenomenal draft they closed the talent gap with pretty much every team in the league but Baltimore was not one of them. The latter is a gaudy 12-2 vs the Texans.

-Houston grabbed Diontae Johnson to pick up the slack now that Dell and Metchie aren’t available. They also picked up a ton of shitty attitude in the bargain. From here on in I think he’s just a training camp body unless he starts seeing himself differently. How much has this cost him? Perhaps 40 million? Perhaps. Yikes!

-This is what good teams do: Remember when (weeks 1-9) when you could pass on the Ravens all game long? Their EPA per dropback was 28th in the league during that span. Since then they’ve attacked the problem and have been the very best regarding that same metric. That’s apples-to-apples dramatic improvement.

Have fun digesting!

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Unsurprised

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Doktor Zymm

Aw

yeah right

My spirit guide.

Doktor Zymm

Just landed in Chicago, drank quite a bit of airplane wine as my seat mate was drinking the same as I and between the two of us refills were aplenty!

blaxabbath

It’s only 4:30p here. I’m not sure how I’m going to get through this day.

https://youtu.be/j_6aJKHdTYk?si=FzCkkmUa1Ol4EvQs

Last edited 6 hours ago by blaxabbath
King Hippo

I have operated under the assumption you were ginning up a “Hank Scorpio”-ish operation on the big island. Don’t worry, won’t blow your cover.

Doktor Zymm

He’s welcome to borrow one of my smaller subs

Beerguyrob

Me trying to make room for dessert.

https://giphy.com/gifs/wwe-wrestling-l3mZ6dTY9MpszWdI4

King Hippo

Homemade apple pie, here (kid brought back from family gathering). I powered through.

Gatoraids

was a tru hero and ate the 2nd piece of key lime pie for those that could not.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We had some cake that we bought in Chinatown yesterday. It was a bit of a letdown. But our dinner in Koreatown was nice.

Now all that’s left is to kick back and hang out in Snuggletown with the pets.

Doktor Zymm

There is a seperate stomach for cake and ice cream

Redshirt

Chiefs/Steelers: Stocking Stuffer
Ravens/Titans: Great Present (that you already have one of)
Seahawks/Bears: Fruitcake that has been passed around for 15 years

Gumbygirl

Beaty got me 4 fucking points. At least I kept the Sreelers D on the bench. They were in negative numbers. You are going to kick my ass, Boo, and I can’t even be mad at it. I’m just grateful I don’t have blood coming out of my dick too, the way things have been going!

ArmedandHammered

Holy shit, you had me cackling. Thanks.

BugEyedBoo

Still plenty of time for my guys to shit the bed.

ArmedandHammered

Mitch Trubisky’s favorite Christmas song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywkwpoJYx3Q

Beerguyrob

BeerBrother just sent me a link to the Snoqualmie Pass cam. It looks like he’s stuck at his in-laws for a few days.

https://wsdot.com/travel/real-time/mountainpasses/snoqualmie

WCS

“I have to transfer you to state police; stay on the line, do NOT hang up.”

King Hippo

My crazy draft idea is that Balmer should use their 2nd on Jalen Milroe. He’d be the perfect Lamar! understudy/backup. Can run the same offense to a t.

Brick Meathook

Here’s Professor Brainard’s Flying Murder Car, with bonus footage at the end.

Press the link above the title, make sure audio is not muted, and don’t fuck it up

https://www.facebook.com/cris.shapan/videos/10214824403099171
https://ibb.co/5nNT2Jp
(Cris Shapan)

Unsurprised

You’re gonna need bigger guns for that boat. Or torpedoes.

Beerguyrob

Lamar’s off to poop.

King Hippo

You could tell by the joyful skip. A man’s gotta have his simple pleasures.

King Hippo

Lamar!’s poopin’ again!

Jimbo

He probably had some Texas BBQ

King Hippo

earned it, too!

Doktor Zymm

I mean, hard to run effectively when you’ve got a food baby in there

Senor Weaselo

The worst part? 31-2 isn’t even a scorigami.

King Hippo

38-2? Or would we need the backup to get us all the way to 45-2?

Senor Weaselo

38-2 and 44-2, but not 45-2.

King Hippo

I am glad I don’t have an MVP vote this year, and I’m as opinionated an asshole as there is.

Doktor Zymm

I would go Saquon or Henry because runningback revival, or Josh Allen over Lamar! just because they both deserve one and he hasn’t gotten one yet

King Hippo

All 4 are very, very deserving. Could even make a case for Baby Buster.

WCS

1. Elway
2. Elway
3. Elway
4. Battleship Manning
5. Jim Valvano

You submit the same ballot every year.

King Hippo

I have had drunken fights that bordered on fisticuffs, for each of “Elway v. Marino” and “Elway v. Montana.”

Beerguyrob

Lord Palmerston!

Unsurprised

PITT. THE. ELDER.

BeefReeferLives

LORD PALMERSTON!!!

Unsurprised

PITT. THE. ELDER.

BeefReeferLives

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Horatio Cornblower

Excellent work, the both of you. Hit the showers and grab some beers.

Jimbo

NFL is going to give it to Mahomes because “Merica

Doktor Zymm

This in-flight banana pudding has ‘interestified soybean oil’ in it, which can only assume is MUCH more interesting than regular soybean oil

Unsurprised

Is that just below extreme soybean oil?

WCS

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Last edited 9 hours ago by WCS
Gumbygirl

Nuclear soybean oil. Now with 10% more Zoomies!

Beerguyrob

You may get a hankering for vegan flesh, so try to scope out the least-patchouli’d hippie on the plane.

Save the salt.

King Hippo

Meanest challenge ever?

Doktor Zymm

This almost has to end in a scoragami right?

Beerguyrob

Need 38-2.

King Hippo

500s getting that safety seems to have pissed Lamar! off.

/also to the wayback machine – I was one of many honkies who doubted he would translate at the NFL level. Oopsie. The fuck. Doodle.

WCS

So this is your fault?

King Hippo

quite possibly!

litre_cola

The 500s have 3 yards this quarter. Houston took more dick than that measurement in her feature film.

Unsurprised

I guess I’m not going to bother watching, since I just saw the score.

I’ll watch standup instead and eat my Thai.

I napped but I feel bad I didn’t drive around even though it’s raining and shitty.

litre_cola

The 500s are nawt very good.

King Hippo

the foreshaowing in the pregame about the offensing unit fighting one another? Seems apt

Unsurprised

Eh. So-so

ballsofsteelandfury

To be fair, the Ravens ARE very good.

King Hippo

easily the best they’ve been offensively. Kinda scary.

ballsofsteelandfury

All y’all that recommended Christopher Moore, THANK YOU!

I just finished The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove and it was so good I’m going to get the rest of his books.

Last edited 9 hours ago by ballsofsteelandfury
Doktor Zymm

I’m amazed we had a contingent that was unaware of his books and delighted that we could spread the word!

King Hippo

I swear to Sweet Baby WASP Jesus, I’d never heard of him at all. Dunno how, but I ain’t.

ThePirateSloth

The first time I read A Dirty Job, there was a scene where I had to put the book down to laugh hysterically.

Just wait until you read Lamb.

yeah right

I did read that one.

Very entertaining.

Senor Weaselo

(We’re talking about trips out on the Island)
Madre: And I had that flight of whites.
Hermana: (taking the piss) What, are you anti-woke? White flights? What are you, some kinda racist?
Madre: The reds don’t sit well with me. [She gets sick from red wines.]
Hermana: Yeah, like a racist!
Me: Yeah, look at Andrew Jackson over here!

Aaaand I broke Hermana Weaselo.

King Hippo

anytime you get an opening for an Andy Jackson reference, you simply MUST take it. You can always find another sister!

WCS

This halftime is longer than the game.

Brick Meathook

It ain’t over til the fat lady sings

King Hippo

methinks the kids say thicccccc nowadays

SonOfSpam

Merry Christmas to my favorite people (as a group) (includes relatives).

Hope y’all get everything you want.

litre_cola

I got a mug that says;

“Bitch, I’m from Winnipeg. ”

It’s just perfect.

King Hippo

I got an :I AM the Danger” mug from the kid visiting from ABQ

yeah right

One of my customers made a batch of homemade fudge for me.

That’s fudge alright.

Good thing I’ve got a top shelf California pinot noir to cut the sweetness.

Gods that is sweet.

The granddaughters can have the rest on Saturday. Lovely thought though.

BeefReeferLives

A pinot might be ok, but you know what really cuts the sweetness of sweet confections (such as the chocolate covered caramels gifted to me)?

Whiskey.

litre_cola

Yep, the sweetness from the fudge will absolutely mute a light Pinot Noir.

yeah right

This one punches a little above pinot noir class.

Lovely.

BugEyedBoo

I made velveeta fudge one year. It was… different. Actually it showed the sour cream would be good in fudge.

yeah right

I’m speechless.

But intrigued.

BugEyedBoo

You get a cream cheese-ish flavor, but then that fake velveeta flavor kicks in.

Doktor Zymm

There are more things in this world than we can possibly imagine, how can anyone get bored in a universe where such a thing exists?

SonOfSpam

Did you watch it get packed?

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Brick Meathook

At halftime the Houston coach should tell his team to score more points, ideally more points than the Ravens. If they can do this, they stand a very good chance of winning this football game. Back to you, Jim.

ThePirateSloth

What if you’re a huge Beyonce fan, have never seen her live, but play on the Ravens/Texans? Halftime is gonna suck for you.

Beerguyrob

So,… Happy Gilmore 2 is going to suck, right?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

All that talk about safety below could apply equally well to your assumption here.

SonOfSpam

Harder than Lindsey Graham at an Eagle Scouts banquet.

Brick Meathook

Don’t click on the picture, click on the link above the picture:

https://www.facebook.com/reel/510406208687165
https://ibb.co/n63wx4b

Brick Meathook

Also check that that audio is not muted.

Senor Weaselo

DEJA VU, I’VE JUST BEEN IN THIS PLACE BEFORE

Doktor Zymm

Those are some cool cats

Unsurprised

Russian Toonces doesn’t fuck around

WCS

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Even Lowratio’s family made it for Christmas this year.

Mr. Ayo

SAFETY DANCE!!!

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BugEyedBoo

Carry out Chinese, because the missus is prepping for her colonoscopy tomorrow.

yeah right

Be there with a fresh roll of toilet paper and a book as needed.

Brick Meathook

No, baby wipes and a stack of magazines. Move a TV into the bathroom if you can.

Good for her for getting a colonoscopy.

BugEyedBoo

She’s moved to the bedroom with the master bathroom and a book.

Brick Meathook

How’s your urethra doing?

BugEyedBoo

TPTB found an opening for me, and I get that TURP on Friday. Might be outpatient, might necessitate a night’s stay.

ThePirateSloth

He’s gonna be sent right back to the practice squad

The Maestro

I would like to posit that the hot turkey sandwich on the day after is superior than the turkey dinner eaten beforehand.

Doktor Zymm

Which is also a sandwich of course

litre_cola

I think that we need to talk about the parametres of open faced sandwiches.

The Maestro

Yes.

BugEyedBoo

No lie told.

yeah right

When I was at Knotts on Monday they made a dish I’m totally gonna steal.

It was leftover turkey and dressing rolled into a large ball, dredged then dipped in panko and fried.

Served on top of mashed potatoes with a big spoon of Gravy on top.

It was fucking delicious.

Perfect use of leftovers.

Beerguyrob

It appears Baltimore has started the Not Fucking Around crew today.

litre_cola

Hangover gone, it is mimosa time!!

Beerguyrob

Is it a hangover if you’re just picking up where you left off?

Brick Meathook

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Happy Chanukah to a smaller percentage of you than believed by Americans surveyed!

Doktor Zymm

Hey, just because I’m not Jewish doesn’t mean I want to have a crappy Chanukah!

BugEyedBoo

I saw that.

SonOfSpam

Wait…we think there are a lot of you?

But there aren’t THAT many banks.

Beerguyrob

“Exactly!”

– Nathan Meyer Rothschild

Brick Meathook

I’m half-Jewish on my father’s side (so I don’t officially count) but I love hangin’ with The Tribe.

Senor Weaselo

Only when I’m on the clock.

Doktor Zymm

I’m out and about, but in various vehicles controlled by other people, so I can drinky away!

ArmedandHammered

TWBS is glued to the TV in heaven.

ThePirateSloth

My cousin does not know about Te’o. The rabbit hole he’s currently heading down is gonna blow his mind.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Apparently there’s a Netflix documentary about the whole thing.

Doktor Zymm

Poor kid has his sitcom plot social awkwardness aired for the whole country

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What we’re watching right now instead of sportsball:

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WCS

“Insider Trading Christmas”

Doktor Zymm

That’s what Kevin’s dad did in Home Alone

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Insider? Trading? Rex Ryan barely knows her, but sure, he’s always up for a good ol’ swap!

King Hippo

2 credit-worthy Netflix items:

1) Picture quality and reliability has been impeccable.
2) Easily the best analysis panel I’ve seen all season (and for several seasons) – smart to let Adams and Kimes drive the train.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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ArmedandHammered

And a Wookie in a pine tree!

Game Time Decision

That could be almost any of the DFO crew

Unsurprised

It’s actually what all of us in the Pacific Northwest look like.

litre_cola

I love that Pickens interrupted the end of game interview.

Redshirt

Oh, good grief, what are these goobers wearing?

Beerguyrob

That was truly the ending that game deserved.

King Hippo

yeah, Stillers at 500s will 100% be the “4:30p on Saturday” game of the WC round

Beerguyrob

Not if the Seahawks get their fir-

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I almost made it through that sentence.

King Hippo

yeah, having to rely on Xbox, Jr. and the Qards – on the road – ain’t very hope-inspiring.