Round Two: Steelers/Ravens (Voodoo Edition)

Wasn’t that last tilt a keeper? (writing this at noon EST) They don’t get much better than that! And the ending-I did not see that coming. Onward.

To The Game!

Steelers/Ravens:

Flowers For None: Zay has been ruled out of the game. Ordinarily I’d think that a receiving corps whose best wr is Rashod Bateman would be very suspect but this is one of the very rare scenarios whereby the sum total of the players (and system they use) is much better than the individual parts.

-Streaks: Bally cruised into the postseason on a five game W tear. Oh boy. Pitt’s woes were very well-documented-they’re pretty much the Blues Brothers car that imploded at the end of the chase scene the moment they exit it. Anyway, they limped, waddled, doddered, staggered, and stumbled to the finish line with four losses in a row.

-Can those Steelers get to the 24 point mark because I can see the Ravens easily reaching that figure.

-In this rivalry the home team has won seven straight tilts.

-One fella that did some damage last time round, (162 yards rushing) King Henry, set a record this year! Hold on, it’s for most yards gained without winning the rushing title.

-Pitt needs to turn the ball over and Lamar has been able to be stripped in the past. Watt will most likely be obliging on that front.

-It feels as though these guys play each other every other year in the playoffs but they’re meeting for the first time in a decade.

-Which Pickens?: The mercurial George had 1 catch for 0 yards last week vs the Cards but had a personal high of 8 grabs for 89 the last he played the Ravens. It’s anyone’s guess.

Be you in the comments.

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fleshwound_NPG

*takes a shit on the notebook*

fleshwound_NPG

-L. Jackson

Gatoraids

Steelers letting Mike McDaniels be honorary team drill sergeant this week

Horatio Cornblower

Oh, this is that Amazon Prime game, right? Yeah, I don’t have Prime.

Fuck off to Mars, Bezos. Sooner rather than later.

LemonJello

“Mars is MINE! Pick a different planet.”

-Phony Stark/Space Karen

SonOfSpam

Sissy Spacex

Gatoraids

Game sure is bringing all the prestige and glory of a Prime Thursday Night Football Game

SonOfSpam

Maybe someday Connecticut will get internet.

Horatio Cornblower

Judging by the comments here it wouldn’t be worth the effort.

ArmedandHammered

Just turned on the game and when do the Steelers actually take the field?

JustStopDude

Once every 20 minutes for about 60 seconds.

ArmedandHammered

I swear, I think a team of fucking zombies (and there actually are zombie porn movies) would show more life than this Steelers team.

SonOfSpam

September.

Brick Meathook

Al Michaels is definitely a Brentwood guy.

Brentwood is next!

ballsofsteelandfury

Bundy Dr.

SonOfSpam

-OJ Simpson, after trying to find his ex-wife in Lompoc and El Centro.

fleshwound_NPG

lol pickens fucking damn son

ThePirateSloth

“Crap” and “hell” in my NFL broadcast?!??

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Doktor Zymm

Don’t you hate it when you go to clutch your pearls and it turns out you forgot to wear them?

SonOfSpam

Was hoping to hear “Look at that motherfucker go!” from SpongeBob earlier, but alas.

Horatio Cornblower

So, on that note:

There’s a story about Jerry Lee Lewis touring with Chuck Berry, and not being too happy that Berry was the headliner and having to open for him. So one night Lewis, (a real piece of shit in so many, many ways, but an outstanding showman), opens up with an act that just set the house on fire. There’s no way Chuck can follow this: the audience knows this, Chuck knows this, and most of all, Lewis knows it.

Lewis walks off stage and past Berry, who is absolutely seething. Lewis, who in addition to being a big fan or marrying his underaged cousin is also a racist, says “Take that, n—–.”

Some years later I’m watching a SpongeBob episode with my kids. SpongeBob and Patrick are in some kind of competition, trying to outdo each other. SpongeBob lands some incredible trick, walks by Patrick, (who is a pink starfish) and says “take that, pinky.”

Holy shit did I howl with laughter. There is no way the writers didn’t get that from the same film about Lewis I had seen. No. way.

SonOfSpam

That’s amazing. Love it when jokes are made for like five people.

Doktor Zymm

Al is having none of this other idiot’s shit

Gumbygirl

On behalf of Yinzers everywhere, I apologize for this stunning display of incompetence.

Don T

PIT’s softer than ketchup soufflé

Doktor Zymm

In 2027 we’ll go to war with the UK because they put catsup indtead of ketchup in trump’s eggs

ballsofsteelandfury

They’re softer than my butt pillow.

AND THAT’S SAYING SOMETHING!

SonOfSpam

And smellier.

King Hippo

Sometimes, the narrative gets tossed out on its ear (Clips at 500s).

Sometimes, the narrative says I got you, boo. You can get some sleep. (Stillers at Ratbirds)

Doktor Zymm

Henry maybe gonna get his 7th 200 ys game?

Jimbo

As the dog says ” that would be rocking”

ballsofsteelandfury

The biggest indictment of this team is how soft they are. They can’t tackle for shit.

SonOfSpam

“I agree, need more toughness”

-Mike Webster, biting the head off a Barbie doll and shoving the body under a couch cushion to keep the Martians from implementing their plan to weaponize lice

Doktor Zymm

I want to see an ostrich race a Model T

The Maestro

Ideally they both burst into flames at the end. Dinner and a show!

SonOfSpam

I wanna see Osterreich race Mr. T

Doktor Zymm

The entire country of Austria vs an aging TV star with a great schtick? Ok, yeah!

SonOfSpam

I pity the fool that won’t watch that.

Brick Meathook

I wanna see the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile race in Formula 1

fleshwound_NPG

party like its 1915

forget the forward pass

Fronkenshteen

Fuck I hate when this Herbstreit dipshit marvels that football players are tall and weigh a lot..

Brocky

This pizza joint I’m at doesn’t have the game.

I’m gonna leave a one star yelp review

blaxabbath

Make it clear to all that you thought the food and service was good but given the non- game environment, you must give it a one.

SonOfSpam

Check the basement for pedos.

Jimbo

Why would he look for farts in the basement?

SonOfSpam

Heat rises, basement’s the source.

Brick Meathook

Lamar Jackson is 2-4 in the postseason. He’s no Trent Dilfer.

Brick Meathook

Postseason records:

Lamar Jackson 2-4
Trent Dilfer 5-1
Joe Flacco 10-6 (elite)

Gumbygirl

I forgot there’s someone coming to look at the house tomorrow
. It’s too windy to do the steak on the grill, and the fan over the stove kind of sucks, so I’ll have pizza tonight instead.

Up in this bitch!

Mr. Ayo

Like a fucking lady!

Doktor Zymm

I need to stop blinking so much, I’m missing all the Steelers drives

Mr. Ayo

Is Tomlin a coward? WTH was that punt up in this bitch?

ballsofsteelandfury

You trust this offense to get one yard?!?

Mr. Ayo

Of course not. But if they want to win they have to believe they can up in this bitch!

BugEyedBoo

After last week’s one yard fiasco, that might be the smart play.

Beerguyrob

Twitter occasionally still has its uses.

IMG_6449.jpeg
Don T

🤣🤣🤣

Unsurprised

At least he’s not using rats as …

LemonJello

Another Old Fashioned?

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Wakezilla

Hot take: Tomlin should put in Fields because Wilson looks like the nano bubbles no longer work

fleshwound_NPG

at least do this in the 2nd half, making it all the easier to dump russell’s ass in the offseason to get him ready for the giants

Doktor Zymm

What’s the line on number of Yinzers calling for Tomlin to be fired “because he can’t win playoff games” after this?

BugEyedBoo

All of them, Katie.

Doktor Zymm

That was a lot of words to say that Russ isn’t a very good QB

Beerguyrob

Well, they can’t just show the Superb Owl XLIX interception over and over.

ballsofsteelandfury

I wish they would

Unsurprised

oh, cool. The fans are humming Seven Nation Army.

Bane, please do your thing.

Gumbygirl

Steelers aren’t good enough for trickeration, for fucks sake.

WCS

Plenty good for five consecutive three-and-outs, though!

blaxabbath

So did you get high on that doobie?

Unsurprised

Ravens are known for being the smartest birds.

Doktor Zymm

Also for eating the eyes of the dead on battlefields

ArmedandHammered

And the animal associated with The Morrigan!

JustStopDude

“The only reason people call Jackson an MVP is because black people run fast. He never has to throw an accurate pass”

-everyone’s racist uncle.

fleshwound_NPG

best part is he probably has a tebow jersey somewhere

LemonJello

Lamar does?

fleshwound_NPG

the racist uncle without a shred of knowledge of what irony is

WCS

He lists his alma mater as “school of hard knocks,” collects disability cuz DA GUBNINT won’t pay more.

Doktor Zymm

One day they’ll do a documentary following up on the lives of all the kids he circumcised in the Phillipines and I will totally watch it

BrettFavresColonoscopy

C’mon, we’ve moved past that. Now they say the only reason people call him an MVP is DEI.

fleshwound_NPG

come on amazon, if you are gonna play an alternate version of wild thing, play the PROPER alternate version of wild thing

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxZbOZDineQ

Unsurprised

I’m sorry. This isn’t the Sam Kinison version starring Jessica Hahn.

https://youtu.be/3wAm2HAx7i0

WCS

And that’s the season.

fleshwound_NPG

hold up, zero bullshits have happen thus far. wait.

ballsofsteelandfury

Yeah. Allowing a 95 yard drive that culminates in a touchdown on 3rd and 13 is not exactly optimal.

fleshwound_NPG

it will never not be glorious to see king henry send someone to the shadow realm with a stiff arm

JustStopDude

To be fair, it was pretty stupid if the defender to try and take that stuff arm.

Mr. Ayo

Tractorcito is up in this bitch!

LemonJello

The refs missed a call? I am shocked up in this bitch!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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Doktor Zymm

Ah, so they ARE going to do QB swapsies!
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Justin Fields would have picked that up

/shows self out

JustStopDude
blaxabbath

That is hilarious. I’ve never seen that.

fleshwound_NPG

anthem singer is a dishcomment image

King Hippo

Shoulder porn much appreciate!

Brick Meathook

I can totally see my house! (in the non-burning distance)

https://ibb.co/71hCyq9

WCS

Live shot of the Chargers’ season?

SonOfSpam

That’s an amazing horrible pic.

Gumbygirl

Wow, it’s so horrible. Great picture, though. Welcome home?

Brick Meathook

Not my photo. I changed my return to Saturday.

Gumbygirl

Good plan.

Gumbygirl

I feel queasy. Time for a medicinal doob. MEDICINAL, motherfuckers!

SonOfSpam

Sounds like you’re pregnant maybe.

Gumbygirl

I would be either worshipped as a goddess or burned at the stake!

WCS

Either way, you’ll be remembered!

blaxabbath

Just came online here now.

What the hell happened to lesser harbs?

LemonJello

He shit his khakis.

fleshwound_NPG

houston defense woke up and realized this is not the afc south

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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Unsurprised

He realized he’s coaching the Chargers

Doktor Zymm

Eh, I’ve seen bigger flags

yeah right

We need a better ball game up in this bitch!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Oh, I thoroughly enjoyed not watching the last one.

Beerguyrob

Said it in the last thread, and I’m saying it here:

I guess Harbaugh now has time to help Dean Spanos pack up & evacuate the mansion.

SonOfSpam

I don’t think we’ll see back-to-back Harbaugh losses, but it would be lovely if we did.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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MERRY BOLTMAS, EVERYONE!

Unsurprised

Spanos’ neighborhood is probably surrounded by less wealthy neighborhoods that have been bombed to provide a direct break

LemonJello

HARF HARF HARF. It’s a THE BEN sighting on Amazon’s pre-game circus!

Jimbo

And stabby

ballsofsteelandfury

Well sure, I mean Charissa is on set…

LemonJello

And she knows to avoid any bathroom stalls …

WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9eLz4DrwF8
The only time I’ll post this any season: before any and all playoff games.

SonOfSpam

My brother had the Pieces of Eight album. It rocked, or so Catholic school me thought.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“He wasn’t wrong; it was a fabulous album to make love to.” – Father O’Donoghue

SonOfSpam

The priest’s version was called “Pieces of Eight Year Old Ass”