You know what that means… we’re only a day away from not having to hear about any more bullshit mock drafts and people wanking over their predictions for another year! Or at least until 5 minutes after the next Owl. We’re a day away of not having to hear “Ward or Sanders?” “Will whoever drafts him let Travis Hunter play both ways?” And all sorts of other bullshit!
Now instead we can handicap who’s going to be the next Pope when we all know it’ll be Scotty I. DO I EVEN NEED TO LINK IT? (Yes. Yes I do. This specific Eurotrip reference is in my contract.)
…I should make a cantus firmus for counterpoint practice based on “Scotty Doesn’t Know.” The students won’t get it because the movie is older than a good chunk of them.
In other news:
Vote Feely: Jay Feely will be running in AZ-5 in 2026. (Note: I’m going to take a guess here, do not vote Feely.)
JERRAL and the N-GCP are working on “pretty substantive trades.” We have no idea what and no specifics have been brought up and he doesn’t specifically mean draft picks. Because everyone (except the Titans) is still making or getting draft calls right now—it’s called due diligence.
Okay, the important stuff. What’s on tonight in the world of postseason things?
Not the tumbler, the real Stanley Cup (Playoffs)
No Canada Like French Canada vs. Fuck Ovi and Tom Wilson on principle, and the principle is “fuck ’em” (MTL vs. WSH, Capitals lead 1-0; 7:00, ESPN/CBC)
“Who Shot JFK?” vs. Legally Not the Yetis but Fucking with Utah (DAL vs. COL, series tied 1-1; 9:30, ESPN)
Leonhards vs. First Turn Kills… wait, wrong “FTK” acronym (EDM vs. LAK, Kings lead 1-0; 10:00, TBS/CBC)
Roundball Rock
That song on the Tiktok vs. Inevitable Celtics (ORL vs. BOS, Celtics lead 1-0; 7:00, TNT)
Pat the Rat and… well, not pals vs. “Still Not Detroit!” (MIA vs. CLE, Cavaliers lead 1-0; 7:30… regional networks?)
Steph and Jimmy and Pals vs. “Team Rocket? Team Rocket can suck on my balls, Magikarp use Splash attack!” (GSW vs. HOU, Warriors lead 1-0; 9:30, TNT)
SexiMexi CONCACAF Cup Semis
Tigres UANL vs. Cruz Azul (Leg 1 of 2) (10:00, FS1)
-Baseball is on assorted regionals, but unless it’s a team you care about, you’re probably not watching it.
Shit, after my HOA fiasco, my retreat into isolationism and weed caused me to miss out on a fun thread. Fuck you HOA.
Sleepy time. Come give hugs i know all of you here so not creepy
On our way!
Hugs!
last words of the USCSS Nostromo
BTWl, Sinners is a fantastic movie. Watched it on IMAX today and was blown away. This Other Michael Jordan just might be a star.
yeah looking forward to seeing it soon
Very few people perish on rocks nowadays.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVPc_-F3cMk
Wish I knew more about what my grandpa did in the war. He didn’t want to talk about it which is both common for anyone who survived ww2 and a great argument that we shouldn’t war
My dad was in Korea. He had a scar on his elbow, he said it was his war wound. The real story: He was drunk, and fell out of a jeep.
The Pogues are all dead or decrepit right? And none of this is legit immigration law but nothing is nowadays Loralai would be shipped off after 2 weeks of detention. Fuck. I’m just gonna enjoy the music for a bit everything else be damned
What does The Pogues have to do with Gilmore Girls? Also, Lorelai was born in Connecticut and white/
Sure but Loralai totally had a boyfriend who owned a Chicago Bulls hat so she’s lilke Md 16
“Born in Connecticut and white” is redundant as “fucking whore”
Johnny Cash had a great voice but to his credit he never killed anyone, he sympathized and probably wanted to kill but he was actually kinda a wannabe hippie. Doesn’t matter anyway does it. We can only wish shit still mattered
Obviously you missed him on Colombo.
He shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die
And got jailed in a california prison! Mirable!
I’ll always hate him for somehow convincing most people that one of his covers was better than the original when it was clearly not.
Other than that, he’s fine.
Hurt?
I was clearly referring to Rusty Cage by Soundgarden.
J/K, Hurt is correct.
Rusty Cage is a sex act involving imitating the guy from Face/Off. Not for amateurs.
Sunday Morning Coming Down, Kristofferson’s original is the best. Or his version of it, whatevs. Cash’s is overproduced. Stupid jerk.
Actually, it was Social Distortion performing the cover, though I can see how one might make an honest mistake.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNOT3Qr-CXI
Ok back from the Angels game, they were shut out 3-0 by the Pirates, offense was more impotent than Brett Favre. Only had time for two beers. Thanks Obama.
Beer #3 will be considerably cheaper than the first two.
Was it a rest day for Ohtani and Trout? Oh wait…
I am drunk, but even so trying to make a joke here about how mucj fish the japanese eat. Yeah i know it’s not funny but trout is a fish yeah?
Oh god this is horrible sorry and I owe you an entertainment
Au contraire! This is fantastic. Great work!
GTD, please make sure this included in next week’s roundup,
All of dok’s drunken babble or just this thread?
Just waltzing matilda
All of it. Edit it to look like one thread.
Yes
Trout was 0-4 with 3 strikeouts, so yes.
Ohtani didn’t bother showing up, slacker.
He was probably cooling his heels in the sportsbook and lost track of time.
Black doesn’t really have the symbolism nowadays does it? Who gives a shit if whoever modern day Johnny Cash is wears black? Imma wear chartreuse
The color, not the liquor, that would be so sticky
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2_KkCZbdfo
I’ve just spent like 2 minutes debating whether I’m shitfaced so probably not.
Johnny Cash has a great voice, that’s good enough for some stuff
When you start playing Abba… You will have your answer. And it will be yes.
I bet Jackson isn’t nearly as good as that one country song makes it sound
I prefer my Jacksons to be of the luscious variety.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NhqN0KcWAE
Also.
https://youtu.be/MYxAiK6VnXw?si=MSmJs5r01uDQ1eQd
Been there. Shithole.
In 1994, apparently, my great-grandmother purchased a $50 u.s. savings bond for me, apparently. An EE, as it were. My mom just mailed it to me out of the blue. On cursory Google check, it’s worth about $64 today.
Can I just keep letting it ride?
Sure, but they’re kinda shit compared to the older ones. Cash it and stick it in a high yield savings and you’ll be like 20 year old me but smarter and probably less attractive
I’m thinking about having my jowls surgeried so maybe not less attractive….
We’re probably looking at different audiences so we can call it a draw unless a really opinionated bisexual steps forward to judge
Slippery slope!
No, after a certain amount of time they stop accruing interest.
They do usually have a 30 year term
Wow.
Not the strongest performer in my investments then.
If I lived closer to the border and had the energy I would just drive back and forth over it to piss off ICE and also smuggle something because why not
The problem with ice is that they’re more like a federal rural sherif than a refined government agency.
Plus they have the kind of people who want to live near the boarder. Meaning, their staff is highly comfortable with a warzone-like atmosphere 24/7.
They’re a big employer in Tucson.
Tucson sucks.
Still I’m white enough and middle aged lady enough that I would totally provoke them if I wasn’t so lazy and kinda far
Warzone-like atmosphere seems like a stretch.
Their words, not mine.
LA Kings looking to get revenge against Edmonton in this playoff series for that awful trade they made back in the 80s.
Life would be better if I was a psychopath. Mine at least. Is this the denouement of humanity’s competitive advantage? If you look at birds of paradise for example, they evolve beyond the point of practicality for breeding advantage and become endangered. Humans had cooperation as the advantage and now we have JD Vance and Musk spewing babies and fucking over people. Huh. I’m well on the way to shitfaced because this only kinda makes sense and I’m also back to Deep Thoughts but like Jordan Peterson quality ew
Vance’s kids are half brown. If this plays out the way these Nazi’s clearly want it to, they’ll be heading to camp, and not to learn crafts and archery.
He clearly IS a psychopath and doesn’t give a shit about his wife or kids if he can’t use them for his own aggrandizment.
Just another remake combining Ernesto goes to Camp with Ernesto goes to Jail
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqaRa5ELDdo
Ernest was awesome, and I don’t mean that in a ironic hipster way. The world needs more Jim Varneys
know what ya mean Fern
Maybe Devo was right?
About having a sex dwarf? Oh wait that was Soft Cell
No, it’s Horatio!
“The band’s namesake, the tongue-in-cheek social theory of “de-evolution”, was an integral concept in their early work”
Well, the HOA meeting tonight which I presided over as President, was a shit show of epic proportions. I lost it, I went off. We have people trying to stymie progress on an issue, if they would just let us get it to an actual vote, it would put an end to their concerns because I know it would go their way. An hour of being yelled at, people lying, somebody who has never done shit in the HOA or the neighborhood that I know of, yelling at me due to me not doing my job perfectly. Really. Fuuuuucccckkkkkk, I should have done that stoned as hell.
Issue an executive order disbanding the HOA. Problem solved.
I actually obey the rules, when fully explained to me. We have an HOA lawyer! No one told me! You think that would be important to know.
Sorry an actual lawyer on retainer, nor one of the HOA law experts all other the residents seem to be.
The last HOA meeting I went to devolved into a screaming match. The idiots prevailed, and I’m still paying about a hundred bucks for barely adequate internet, instead of 30 bucks for 1 gig.
Boo that
No one has trashed my Starlink yet.
DISSOLVE THE HOA!!
l’hoa ce moi
Why weren’t more babies named Jolene?
Because of Dolly Parton.
See I thought that would go the other way
Those ‘lene names tend to evoke the trailer park. I love Dolly, but I would never name a girl Jolene, Marlene, Arlene, Darlene, Valvoline, Magazine…
Least more Jolyne’s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyqRZyse6j0
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/kilmar-abrego-garcia-wife-safe-house-b2738214.html
Holy shit fuck people
Climate change can’t extinct us fast enough, how the hell am I a humanist?
It went from an “administrative error” to now he’s a member of MS-13, a terrorist, and human trafficker. This whole thing is bullshit.
It’s been bs the whole time. It’s pretty clearly a test case to see what they can get away with. Extra scary, part of the discovery they refuse to comply with is the details of their contract with El Salvador. This should be public info, or at least have been subject to some sort of approval but I suspect there is no contract. I think we sent money and human beings over there on a handshake agreement to destroy lives
Drinking a clear margarita with a photoshopped cherry.
This is to ensure that none of the other people they do this to complain about it to the press.
They want her to be killed. It’s insane.
They have 3 kids, how can they? I don’t understand. You’re right it’s insane
I have my doubts about the safe house. One of those maga chuds will leak the location, bet on it.
Google photos has ‘set as wallpaper’ and ‘move to locked folder’ right next to each other. It’s like they want people to set their own tits as wallpaper by accident
welcome back, captain
Of all the Carlin things, my favourite is when he goes:
(whiny voice) but my needs aren’t being met!
Oh yeah? Lose some of your needs.
AI getting good at some things.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdDFWz7HqZI
I think AI had a lot to do with this one.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QcRmJeIV-I
That’s brilliant. Though not better than the pre-AI video from Maddie and Tae
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_MOavH-Eivw
I did drop sets of bench press this morning, so while getting shitfaced probably isn’t the best for muscle recovery it actually doesn’t matter because I’m probably not going to be shoving anyone I hate off a cliff and that’s mainly what those muscles are good for. And if I was shoving someone I hate off a cliff I don’t think some soreness would really get in the way
Huh, do dudes have a greater range of motion on bench press since they mostly don’t have boobs? Nah, I think it hits far enough above the nipple it isn’t a huge difference
I think you’re supposed to aim for nipples or a little below. I tend to aim for the nipple; it’s a habit I developed at birth and hasn’t failed me yet.
Retrospectively I realize that lady nipples move about more than man nipples so I may have to rethink this
Retrospectively is a much better way to say In Hindsight
So latin
If you do incline or decline, it doesn’t matter.
We don’t know. We’re not allowed to look at women in the gym anymore.
I’m sure Italian women are better at this, but I’m usually wearing colors and patterns that clash while sweating like a refugee and trying to keep my hair out of my eyes and nose so any non-looking is probably to spare embarrassment
Yeah they tend to put as much thought and effort into thier gym attire as they do for nights out on the town. Fashion is pounded into them at an early age.
“I too support the pounding of things into women at an early age.” – Matt Gaetz
Yeah, you’d push through it.
I suppose you have henchmen or goons to do most of the grunt work, but good to keep in shape in case there’s nosy secret agent or encyclopedia salesman in front of an open window…
I mean, I just shoot those dudes, or chuck em in the magma if I’m just out of the shower and don’t have a sidearm
And then deliver the monologue to the corpse? Where’s the satisfaction in that?
Tiktok
Chuck em in the magma!
I wish the princesses at Disney were as interested in playing dirty as their basketball team evidently is.
Is that the cough sizzurp talking?
Last game Orlando took out Tatum, this game they did this:
Tony Orlando?
I can see Dawn taking a few people out, but not Tony.
I don’t know, based on his songs, he seemed to be a stalker extraordinaire.
They’re not knocking three times on the ceiling because they want you, Tony. They’re saying ” stop that infernal caterwauling before I come up there and pop a cap in your ass”
If I ever start a sports league, I will name and locate the teams in such a way that they represent the musical scale as given in the Sound of Music song.
Potential teams:
Do (or doe): Detroit Orangutangs
Re (or ray): Rochester Echidnas
Mi (or me): Manchester Insects
Fa (or far): Florence Architects
So or (sew): Sacramento Oblongs
La: LA Aqueducts
Ti: Tijuana Illini
Do (again): Dallas Onions on the belt as was the style at the time
LOVE Tijuana Illini 🤣🤣🤣
Heading out to release the Angels or whatever. First time in probably two years.
The Angels are .500 so this is gonna be as good as it gets. Have a nice time here while I’m gone, no Russian bots.
Maybe Ohtani will hit a homer, oh oops..
Mike Trout hit one something like 484′ last night.
So he’s probably injured tonight and won’t play.
lol dick
If we ignore the general state of the nation, my life is like minimum 85% awesome, but that 15% that’s shitty just decided to become prominent and distract me from the rest so I think I might get shitfaced
I know it doesn’t solve anything, but not getting shitfaced doesn’t solve anything either
“to forget is to forgive”
Always a good option.
Man I wish I could get shitfaced. I need another full day of recovering from this bug though.
The cat who stopped eating is kinda sorta back to eating and is back to going outside during the day and so far he’s brought us back a dead mole and a pretty much alive baby rabbit. I took the latter away from him and released it into some brush, and now this ungrateful feline is yowling is head off to get back outside, presumably to finish what he started.
I am beginning to think karma may not reward me for saving his self-starving ass.
Murders are totally a sign of health in a cat so good stuff. And if karma doesn’t reward killing mosquitoes then it’s lost all credibility with me anyway
he’s THANKING you for your concern!!!
He’s been relegated to the basement. Later on I’ll bring him some water to go with his couch, blankets, pillows, and…wait, who’s running this house anyway?
The cat, duh.
RIP Steve McMichael, author of the pivotal moment in the greatest Monday Night Football game ever (also, forever LOLJETS) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rq60xvI-RsI
and forever fuck angel hernandez, BOOOOOOOOOO https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=laPjzqDFSGU
I mean I’m happy to see her score the royalty checks but it’s very unsettling to see Enya’s music in an Applebee’s commercial.
Applebee’s new Queso Flow, sail away to a heart attack, sail away sail away
Enya apparently lives by herself in a castle with a bunch of cats so, assuming that’s true, I assume she doesn’t give a shit.
She’s like me! Except I don’t have a castle or royalties or any cats
Secret Volcano Lair >>> Castle
True, the ease of hot tub installation alone makes the superiority clear
Also you probably have, like, cave spiders in a volcano lair, and I bet they’re way cooler than cats.
You don’t have a pair of panthers any of your lairs in old Saxony?
No, though the friends I just visited did have a pair of tiny panthers
But did they have an ocelot
Fox-eared asshole!
“Oh, you really must up your cat game, Dok. Gives an evil genius a certain panache.”
If I were to have cats, I would want a cat with this aesthetic going on
Awww. Sweet lil babushka kitteh!
And with the proper babushka expression!
always thought it’d be a tampon commercial though for your heavy Orinoco Flow days
Yeah but I’m pretty sure the new administration made menstruating illegal because too many woke women were doing it.
They wanna give us $5k not to for a bunch of months
Huh, I’m not drunk or stoned or a teenager but I’m definitely having some capital D Deep Thoughts today.
Is moral relativism the same thing as utility theory?
.
We might cut them down MORE, and the national park system would be fucked
I’m shocked Jay Feeley is running as a Republican inspired to serve after Trump’s assassination attempt.
https://youtu.be/N4vIBijzg4w?si=5f5EXm2lwKKufZDx
Just cause someone missed to the right doesn’t mean we need to hear from a kicker.
no surprise he joined a group that is in favor of moving the goalposts
I kind of enjoy Ovi now.
Crosby won the rival, the two genuinely seem cool with each other now, and Ovi has the goal scoring record. Sid has two Conn Smythes as a consolation prize.
That all stated: fuck Tom Wilson (ice hawkey), always and forever with a rusty, Ebola-encrusted, used, and dull syringe in his peehole.
There was a thing on the radio today about fetal personhood laws and I started thinking about some potential implications. Presumably, birthright citizenship only kicks in after birth, so fetuses would be stateless by default. Could a fetus be deported?
“Did your mother even say “‘hank you’ to President Trump while she was being sent to Honduras with you already in her womb for five months?”
— J.D. V., District of Columbia
On the flip side, if we start doing conceptionright citizenship we’ll start up a whole new industry
“This sofa should be able to vote millions of times”
–Also Jance Dance Vance